Desires (27 page)

She looked again at Dan, glaring at him. He picked up a
glass of water to take a sip, not looking at her.

Mike came back on the bed, crawling up her body. He
undid her jeans and pulled them off her. It was all happening in such a rush. She
felt cheap and tawdry. At least with Graham, they had been married. He tugged
at her T-shirt, lifting it up and over her head. She didn’t resist, she
couldn’t be bothered to argue with him. She lay on the bed, wearing her bra and
thong. Stacie wished she wasn't wearing sexy underwear, it gave an appearance
that belied her feelings. It seemed wrong to be looking sexy while feeling
nothing.

He moved over to her right side, so Dan could see everything.
He kissed her on her lips. She didn’t kiss him back. Mike quickly moved down to
her breasts, pulling down the cup on her bra and inhaled deeply on her right
nipple as his other hand twitched her left nipple, pulling and tugging at it.
He licked and sucked intensively on her right bud till it was erect, then moved
across to the other one.

“Wow, your boobs are amazing,” she heard him say.

He moved suddenly, coming up on his knees, positioning
his cock next to her face. Erect, it swayed before her. Mike took hold of his
cock and placed it next to her lips. Stacie closed her eyes, and opened her
mouth. She could easily bite the damn thing but knew that wasn’t going to solve
anything.

Mike placed his dick into her mouth. She sucked on it
mechanically while he played with her breasts. He reached down, pulling her
thong to the side. His fingers dipping in her pussy caused her to squeal and
wriggle. She was still sensitive from her earlier arousal with Dan, when he sat
with his cock on show. Mike took her noises as encouragement and dug his
fingers in farther. Had Dan just been putting on an act to get her in the mood
for Mike?

His finger flicked over her clitoris while Stacie sucked
his dick. He swung his leg over her head, putting them into a sixty-nine
position. She stared briefly at his dangling balls and arsehole in her face before
shutting her eyes tightly. She just lay with her mouth open, not even bothering
to suck anymore, letting him fuck her mouth while he licked and teased her
clitoris and inserted his finger into her hole. She couldn’t help making
involuntary noises when his finger entered. He made circular movements with his
fingers deep inside her. Her body jerked slightly, and he thrust his cock
deeper into her mouth, making a loud groan.

He pulled out and moved off her. Stacie turned to look
at Dan. He wasn't even watching, but staring at the bedside cabinet. Could he
not bear to watch Mike shagging her? Or was he just not bothered?

Mike lay down on his back and quickly rolled on a condom.
“Come and sit on me, babe,” he invited her, his latex-clad cock rearing up.

Stacie turned around so her back faced Mike. At least
she didn’t have to look at him. She gathered up an amount of saliva and
lubricated herself like she used to have to do with Graham. Slowly, she lowered
her pussy onto his dick, feeling him deep within her, then began to thrust
herself up and down on his cock. She closed her eyes, wanting to allow herself
to attempt to enjoy the sex session. Maybe she could get beyond the emotional
and just concentrate on the physical. She rode his dick hard, feeling him fill
her.

“Oh God, yeah, baby. You’re so good, you’re so into it.
Fuck me harder, baby. Make your tits jiggle.”

She leaned back and felt Mike’s hands grabbing at her
breasts as he thrust up to meet her.

“You feel so good, baby, so hot and wet. Turn around, I
want to see you.”

Stacie pulled herself off him and turned herself around.
She reinserted his cock and leaned over him, so her boobs jiggled in his face.
He grabbed at them, sucking desperately on her nipples like a giant baby.

“Lie down, sweetheart. I’m gonna fuck you so good you’ll
come like you never did before.”

Stifling a sigh, she moved off him, lying flat on the
bed. He moved over the top of her, and shoved his dick in, thrusting deeply.
Stacie looked at his face. He was clearly enjoying himself. Probably the best
way to get this over with was to pretend to be enjoying it too. Mike began to
thrust harder and faster, hurting her a little. Stacie grabbed the bed sheet,
doing her best to make noises like she was enjoying herself when really the
opposite.

He came with a groan and she matched his noises, jerking
her body as if she was coming. She looked over at the chair to see Dan gone.

Mike climbed off her and pulled the condom off, tying it
up and wrapping it in a tissue. Dan appeared bringing her a robe from the
bathroom. She took it and pulled it over her body.

“Thank you, Mike,” Dan said.

“No hassles, she’s a beauty. Was that good for you,
babe?”

“Great,” she replied, not even bothering to fake a
smile. He obviously wasn’t that brilliant at his job if he didn’t notice she
didn’t get excited. She blinked back tears. She felt cheap, dirty and
disgusting.

Mike pulled on his clothes and Dan saw him to the door.
Stacie sat up on the bed, tying the robe tightly around herself. She hated Dan,
hated him!

Had he seriously expected her to enjoy that? Stacie lay
on her side and curled up into a ball as Dan stood outside the room talking to
Mike. He was exactly the same as the rest of them, no respect whatsoever. How
could she have thought he might love her? My God, she’d even been considering
him as husband and father material. He’d done her a favour by getting this Mike
involved. It was probably time for her Desires experiment to come to an end.

Stacie climbed off the bed and went into the bathroom to
clean up. Only an hour ago she had been so happy. Now she just felt empty.
Tears of self-pity came and she sat on the toilet seat and sniffled for a few
minutes. How stupid was she? For the first time, Stacie considered the
possibility that maybe the contract was there for her own protection. Certainly
getting emotionally involved with Dan was bringing her nothing but misery.

Stacie headed back into the room. Dan was sitting on the
bed. She didn’t say a word to him or even favour him with a look, but instead headed
to the wardrobe, getting out her overnight bag.

“What are you doing?” he asked, standing up and moving
toward her.

“Leaving.”

“Why?”

Stacie didn’t reply, pulling her things out of the
wardrobe and stuffing them in her bag.

“But you have paid until seven. I thought we could go
downstairs and get something to eat and then come back here and—”

“What…and shag? I don’t think so.” She pulled up the bag
by its handles.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, sounding puzzled.

“Don’t give me that. Look, I have things to be doing
back at home, I need to get ready for work, sort a few things out. I have
wasted enough time this weekend.”

“What do you mean? I thought…” he said, standing up,
coming close to her. Did she imagine the pain in his face?

She pushed past him, dragging her bag through into the
bathroom and started gathering up her toiletries. He followed her and stood at
the door. “You thought what? That I’m a slag and need a good fucking? Was I
wearing you out? Did you need to bring in someone else to help you?” Stacie
laced her voice with generous amounts of venom.

“No, not at all. I can’t believe you’re thinking that. I
brought Mike in to allow you to experience another man, not to make you feel
you’re a slag. I obviously made the wrong decision,” he said, his voice
becoming a little high-pitched with panic.

“Damn right, you did that all right,” she said, pivoting
to scowl at him. Adrenaline pumped and she began to shake. She wrapped her arms
around herself and glared.

“I’m so sorry, Stacie, I never meant to make you feel
that way. I honestly thought I was doing the right thing. You should have said
something before if you weren’t enjoying it.”

“Oh, right, so it’s my fault is it?”

“No, I didn’t mean that! I thought that bringing in
another man might just boost your confidence, I never even thought it would
make you suffer the way you are. I swear Stacie, I’m so, so sorry, I cannot
apologise enough to you. Please, stay a little longer.”

Stacie stared at his beseeching face and exhaled,
resenting his pathetic apologies. “I do need to go,” she said in a calmer tone.
“I need some time to myself. I need to think about things.”

“I just thought it might help. I never wanted to cause
you pain.”

“Just forget it. I have obviously taken it the wrong
way. You’re only doing your job,” she said. She picked up her last few bits and
put them in the bag, zipping it up, then dragged the bag back into the bedroom.
She picked up her clothes from where Mike had dropped them.

“Will you come back?” Dan asked her.

“I’m not sure.”

“Okay, wait here, I will just go and get you a leaflet.”
Stacie quickly got dressed while he was out of the room and wandered over to
look out of the window. Grey rain lashed the dismal gardens. Stacie looked
around the room, wondering if she had truly just over-reacted to the whole
situation.

He burst back into the room, out of breath, a tri-fold
leaflet in his hand. She walked back over to him and he thrust it at her. She
took it, not looking.

“It’s some suggestions of things you could do at home,
you could buy a few vibrators, clitoral stimulants, oils, that kind of thing.”

Stacie stuffed the sheet in her handbag. “Thanks. Well,
I should be off.” She didn’t look at him, didn’t want to see the look on his
face.

Dan carried her bag down to the bottom of the staircase.
The receptionists looked at her as they came downstairs, then exchanged a
significant glance.

This was it, then. She turned and took her bag off Dan.
She raised her eyes to his briefly. He was smiling, but it wasn't convincing.
She tried not to read too much into it, that was what had got her into trouble
to begin with.

“Goodbye,” he said, leaning to give her a kiss on the
cheek.

“Goodbye, take care,” she replied, accepting his kiss,
but not returning it.

Stacie turned and walked to the main entrance. She
wondered if Dan was watching her go, or had he just disappeared. She looked
back. He was still there, at the bottom of the staircase, watching her walk
away. She opened the inner porch door, holding it open as she looked back one
more time. He gave her a little wave, but he wasn’t even pretending to smile
any more. She could stay. She had paid till seven after all. But it was time
she accepted it, Dan wasn't her future. It was time to move on with her life.

She let the inner door swing shut, and opened the outer
door, the rain on her cheeks mixing with her tears as she left Desires.

Chapter Ten

Stacie’s flat was freezing when she arrived home. She
dropped her bag on the floor and headed straight into the kitchen to switch the
heating on. She turned on the lights and drew the curtains, then plumped
herself on the sofa and stared round at her cold empty flat. It would take ages
for the heating to warm the place up. She turned on the gas fire in the living
room and stared at the flickering flames, feeling their heat warm her face.

Wine might be a good idea. Wine and some music. She went
into the kitchen and opened a bottle of Cava, pouring herself a glass then put
on her favourite CD. Stacie sat cross-legged on the fake sheepskin rug in front
of the fire and sipped her wine. She drained the glass and poured another,
gulping it down, feeling the strength ebb from her limbs. Dan’s face floated in
her mind’s eye. How did he feel about her? Really? He had seemed genuinely
devastated that she was going. He hadn’t been able to watch Mike and her having
sex, yet he had engineered it. If he had no feelings for her at all, he
wouldn’t care that she was leaving, he was still getting paid after all. He
wouldn’t care that she and Mike were having sex, in fact he would probably
enjoy watching. All the evidence suggested that he did genuinely care for her.

She jumped to her feet and dragged her bag into the
kitchen. She pulled out the clothes and began to sort her washing, trying to
keep her mind occupied. She put a load in the machine, then did the washing up
that had been there since before the weekend, scrubbing at the crusty plates
with a scouring pad till they sparkled. She dried them and put them away, then
looked for something else to do.

She decided to make something to eat and opened the
fridge door. She stared at the shelf full of meals-for-one that constituted the
entirety of the contents of her fridge and closed the door.

She wandered back into the living room, which felt a bit
warmer now, and sat down on her sofa. She stared around the empty space, for
the first time feeling alone. She had never felt this way before. Usually, she
loved her own company, especially since leaving Graham. She enjoyed not having
anyone to clean up after, being able to do everything her own way. But now, she
felt incomplete.

She scrabbled in her bag and found Chrissie’s mobile
number. She could call her. Chrissie was the only person who knew about Dan. But
what could she say to her?
I fucked up. I
allowed him to slide through my bloody hands. I walked out on him before our
time was up.
She stared at the clock, annoyed at the fact she still could
have been at the club with him, gazing into his brown eyes, holding him tight
to her body, caressing his divine body, feeling his cock…