Desolate (Riverband #2) (3 page)

HAVOCK

I stumbled to the keg and filled my cup up for the twelfth time. I was hammered. I knew I'd probably spend the rest of the night puking, but if I cared, I wouldn't have downed my twelfth drink and filled up for my thirteenth.

Two weeks ago I decided to let her go. And to let her go, I had spent every night out-of-my-mind high or drunk.

Janzy came over and bumped my side with her hip. "Quit hogging, Loner." She smiled.

Music was blaring. I barely heard her talking. I laughed.

"Let's get out of here," I said with my lips pressed against her ear.

She raised a brow. "I'm with Jackson."

"And?  Where is he then?" I bit my lip. Reese played through my mind, but I pushed her out of it. "Come on," I put my arm around her waist and we walked out in the woods away from everyone.

"You're drunk!" She said as she giggled. I backed her against a tree and kissed her neck, running my hands up her shirt.

"So are you," I said as I lifted her shirt over her head.

"Reese?" she asked quietly as she tugged at my shirt.

I stopped feeling her up.  “Reese who?”  I looked away from Janzy.

She grabbed my face and made me look at her.  “Sorry.  I just-”

I was done talking.  I just wanted to have sex and forget everything for a little bit.  I’d deal with the guilt after.  I brought my lips to hers.

Janzy paused, pulling away slightly. Her fingertips traced my tattoo on my shoulder as she bit her bottom lip. She looked in my eyes. "You're sure?"

“Would you shut up?”

She nodded.

~~~

I woke up next to the bonfire that was a pile of ash and smoke.

I was in just my holey jeans that were unbuttoned.
Greeeat.
I shivered while I put on my hoodie. It was too cold to have slept half naked outside, but I was too drunk the night before to have thought anything through.

I looked around and saw Jude not too far from me, out cold.  Selena was sleeping right next to him, covered with his jacket.  I started to walk over to them, but stopped when I started feeling sick.

I dropped to my knees and started throwing up.

"Havock," I heard my name whispered in Reese's voice.

I shook my head. Now I was hearing her?!
No. Absolutely not.
I wouldn't allow myself to go insane. I wiped my mouth on my sleeve and stood. I walked over to Jude. I kicked his side.

He sat up quickly. His eyes wide, he looked at me. "Shit, Dude!"

Selena opened her eyes and groaned. "We fell asleep out here?!"

"Let's go eat at J's. I'll pay." I took my keys from my pocket. Hangovers sucked, but for some reason, eating always helped, even though it was the last thing I wanted to do.

They both stood and followed me to my truck. I grabbed a clean, well, cleaner hoodie from the floorboard and changed into it. After they were both in, I drove towards town.

Selena laughed as she rubbed her eyes, making her mascara run. "Shit, guys. We haven't partied like that in a while. It was fun."

Images of having sex with Janzy invaded my brain. They were mixed with Reese, and I suddenly felt sick again.  I pulled over on the shoulder and parked.

I hurried out and dry heaved. There was nothing left to throw up. I got back in the truck when I was done. I rested my head against the steering wheel and cursed myself over and over.

Jude and Selena remained silent.

After everything stopped spinning, I pulled back onto the road.

J's was our favorite place to hang out after nights like last night. And I swear they put medicine in their pancakes.  They could heal a hangover almost instantly.

We walked in, and all the old timers looked at us. It was tradition for men over 50 to come there for their morning coffee.

We sat in a booth and Selena laid her head on the table. "Wake me up when my pancakes get here."

Jude laughed. "What do you want to drink?"

"Water," she mumbled.

I ran my fingers to flatten my hair.  I had gotten it cut two days ago.  One less thing to remind me of my Princess running her fingers through it.

A waitress started to come over to our table, but Janet, a close friend of Garret’s, grabbed the order book and came over herself.

"Hey, Jackass, what can I get for you this morning?" she asked with a smile.

I moved my head to look at her. "Oh great, look who's back in town. No wonder I haven't seen much of my brother lately.” I rolled my eyes. “Pancakes. Just a big pile of them and some extra plates. I think it's funny that you're acting like you didn't already know that'd be what we would order. We only have come here every morning after Friday night parties at the River for like ever."

"Just thought maybe you three had finally grown up some and turned over a new leaf. My mistake."

Jude laughed. "Yeah right. Two waters, please.”

"And if you don't know what I want to drink then we can't be friends anymore. Oh wait, we aren't friends."

She rolled her eyes and walked off.

It didn't take too long, and Janet came with our order. She placed the pancakes in the middle then handed us our drinks and plates. She looked at me then my plate then walked off. I looked down and saw an edge of some paper poking out from under the plate. I looked back towards where Janet had walked to, but she was nowhere in sight.

Jude handed Selena a plate, and while he did, I took the paper. I glanced down and saw my name on it in handwriting I recognized. Reese's.

I'm not sure exactly what I did to cause my coke to spill into my lap, but it did. I stood up and started wiping my jeans with every napkin on the table.

Jude and Selena were cracking up.

I saw I dropped the letter and picked it up quickly. I told them I'd be back and went into the restroom.

I locked the door and stared down at the letter.

How was this possible?

I opened it with shaky hands.

As I read, I started to hate myself more than I already did.

This whole fucking time I’ve been trying to forget her because the only logical and wise thing she could do was forget me too.  I mean, who was I kidding?  She wouldn’t come after me when she finally got to leave her mystery home.  She had probably long ago figured out she was better off without me.  She should’ve dated Garrett.  Not me. 

But this letter shattered every assumption I had about my princess. She’s been trying to get to me, and I've been pushing myself as far from her as possible. I looked for a date on the note but didn't see one. Maybe the letter was old? Maybe she had given up?

I crumpled it up and threw it in the trash. She needed to move on if she hadn't already. Everyone was right. We were stupid for falling in love. We were too young and two completely different people. I let my emotions get the best of me. I got caught up in a fairytale even though I knew happy endings didn't exist. I was a fool and so was she.

I splashed water on my face and turned on the hand dryer to dry my pants.

When I went back out and sat down, a new cup of coke was waiting on me.

I took a drink and started fixing my plate.

Don't think about her. Dammit, don't do it. You'll lose it. 
I shook my head and focused on the pancakes. I just kept piling them onto my plate.

"Havock," Jude said calmly.

I picked up the syrup and poured it until it was completely empty and spilling onto the table.

"Havock!" Jude said louder.

I set down the bottle and stared at my mess.

"She's never coming back. Tell me she's never coming back," I said numbly.

"She's never coming back," Jude said with uncertainty.

I nodded but couldn't stop. My head kept moving as I tried to believe him. I looked like a bobble head who had lost its ever lovin’ mind. Tears filled my eyes, and I grew angrier by the second.

I reared back my hand and swung it across the table, sending everything in its path into the floor. The guilt was too much to handle. I couldn't contain my emotions. I stood and took off out to my truck.

Garrett was driving by and when he saw me, he threw his truck in reverse then pulled into the parking lot.

“Havock!”

"Go away, Garrett," I snapped.

I heard Janet yelling my name.

Garrett parked next to my truck and got out. "I've been looking for you! Mom is freaking out!"

I sighed heavily and felt for my phone with a shaky hand. It wasn't there. “I left my phone at the River."

"You better get home before she sends the cops looking for you.  People are talking.  They think you’re going crazy."

He put his hand on my shoulder. I closed my eyes. Touching me wasn't smart. Not at that moment. I clenched my fist and made myself refrain from punching him.

"Havock, I love you little bro. But you've got to stop this."

Janet hurried over to us. “What the hell?!” she yelled at me.

I shrugged his hand away. "Stop what?!  Hurting?!  Tell me exactly how the hell I'm supposed to do that!  And people have always talked about me!  What’s new, Garrett?!" I ignored Janet.

"The drugs.  The alcohol.  You're headed down a dangerous road. You're headed down the same road that put you in rehab before."

"I enjoy drugs and alcohol. I should've never quit. I should have never of let Reese Johnson into my life. She was a mistake!"

“You don't mean that!”

I looked away. "Tell mom and dad I'll be home when I want to be home."

The traffic in town started picking up.

Janet looked at me in shock. I could tell she was angry. “What the hell is going on?”

Garrett looked at her. "Go inside! I will handle him!"

Janet raised an eyebrow at him.  I could tell she was biting back words. She turned and headed inside.

Garrett turned back to me. "You're giving up, Havock. You out of all people are giving up on her and in the process you are hurting yourself!"