Destined to Play, Feel, Fly Trilogy (37 page)

‘You look like Eros.’

‘Eros in desperate need of Psyche.’

‘Okay then, take me however you want me.’ What can a girl do?

He needs no more encouragement and the potent force of Jeremy and the impact of the little blue pill dominate my entire being, and most surfaces of the cave, for the next hour or so.

‘Hydration, required urgently.’ I can barely breathe the words out I’m so shattered by his dedicated attention to every part of my body. I feel like I’ve been pulped. Jeremy jumps up and returns with a bottle of water and a carafe of wine, happily spilling both over our bodies as we settle together naked and sodden on the lounge. He fills his mouth with wine and empties it into mine via a strategic kiss before settling, with some difficulty I might add, my head and shoulders on his lap. I can feel his erection against the side of my head but, thankfully, not like it was before. I open my mouth for more and he tries to aim the stream of water from the bottle into my mouth, but is supposedly lacking his usual precision. Whatever, it’s not like I have clothes on. Some water makes it between my lips eventually. I can’t move, I don’t try. I’m utterly spent after such a heroic session. I’ll certainly be aching and sore tomorrow, but I’ll be far from complaining. His hand is gently caressing my hair and face and I snuggle into the softness of his touch, it feels serene.

‘So you really are going to settle down and move back to Oz?’

I wasn’t expecting this conversation to reoccur.

‘Hmmm, well, yes. I think so. It had to happen at some stage. Life can’t be one big party all the time.’ I look up into his eyes; they look far away.

‘I won’t get to see you nearly as often.’

‘I know, which won’t be great.’

‘Things will be quite different between us, not like this.’

‘Yeah, more than likely. I’ll miss this.’

‘Hmmm, me too.’

I must have dozed off to sleep because when I wake up, I’m in bed and alone. I find a note on the table.

‘Can’t sleep, gone for a drink. Back later. J xo’

For some reason I’m worried about him. He seemed really forlorn during our last conversation before I dozed off. I whip a brush through my hair, dab on some lip gloss, throw a light summer dress on and head to the bar to see if he is okay. I’m as tender as all hell as I gingerly take each step knowing his penetration has done this to me, and I mentally note that when it comes to Jeremy, there is absolutely no need for Viagra. I could well be battered and bruised tomorrow even though he didn’t hurt me. I liked the feeling and bizarrely enough, the idea that his passion could physically mark me actually turns me on more than I imagined. As I round the corner to the open entrance of the bar, I see him in the company of two overtly friendly females who look very pleased to be sharing themselves with Jeremy and his chemically-enhanced erection. I hesitate for one last look at my non-committal, playboy best friend and decide, at that moment, that I am making the right decision in being with Robert and will at last have some relationship security in my life. After all, I can’t be hanging around playing games with Jeremy forever.

‘Dr Blake, excuse me, Dr Blake?’

‘Oh, sorry, yes?’ I am instantly returned to the here and now.

‘Do you have any other queries before we proceed?’

‘Ah, no, oh, actually yes. I do. I don’t want my eyes covered. I need to be able to see. At all times.’

For some reason I feel like she gives me a knowing smile before responding. ‘When you are in our clinical facility there will be nothing that inhibits your vision unless you request it. There will only be one point where you will be required to be in darkness, and that is in transit to our facility. We shall let you know when it will occur so you can be prepared.’

‘Right, okay.’

‘Anything else?’

‘And the purple pill? You will want me to take it?’

‘Naturally, but the choice will be yours when the time comes. Rest assured, it is perfectly safe. And of course, your professional opinion on its effectiveness will be greatly appreciated also.’

It’s not like I haven’t heard that before! I feel light-headed and slightly ill thinking about what I’m signing up to. I can’t help but ask one more thing.

‘Madame Jurilique, may I ask, have you tried it?’

‘Oh, indeed I have, Dr Blake. For drugs such as this, I believe it is imperative for our executives to be able to experience what we are developing first-hand, from a marketing perspective at the very least. Therefore, I can unequivocally state that I believe women the world over will be more than satisfied with the results — at least they have been to date.’ Her face looks as if she is lost in a very pleasant memory as her eyes glaze over. I can’t help but stare at her in shock as she slides her fingers languidly down her neck and chest towards her breast. Good grief, this just gets more bizarre by the second. She returns from her reverie and states in a crisp voice, ‘Hopefully that is everything, Dr Blake? Please sign the amended documents.’ She indicates the contract before me.

Louis and Frederic enter the room and stand either side of me. I sigh before initialling the changes and signing my life away, knowing that the validity of such a contract under these circumstances is questionable at best. At least Xsade have given me the courtesy of a discussion and the commitment that by the end of the week, I will be out of here. But heaven knows what is ahead of me in the next three days.

‘Well done, Dr Blake, I hope you have no regrets. We shall look after you.’ I’ve heard that before, too. She shakes my hand as if we are concluding a momentous deal, which I suppose we are in a way; my hand feels weak in her firm grasp. ‘Louis will show you back to your room, and the good doctor shall be with you shortly to make arrangements for your travel.’ I stand and follow Louis to the door. ‘And one more thing, Dr Blake’ — I turn to face her — ‘I’m sure you will enjoy yourself rather more than you are expecting, if you just give yourself permission to do so.’ She smiles broadly and turns away. Jeez, just how much do they know about me? At that, Louis closes the door to the office and I’m returned to my room.

My bag is packed and the room is made up as if I have never been here. My gut twists in my stomach as I stare aimlessly out the window again, worrying at my bracelet, my one contact with Jeremy who I’m still not sure is my friend or my foe in relation to all this experimentation. I’d give anything to talk to him now and sort all of this mess out once and for all. I just don’t know what’s ahead of me or whether I’m doing the right thing. I continue to look out the window silently calling out, Jeremy, what have you done to me? Where are you?

Drug companies, who needs them? I suppose we all do in this day and age, but at what cost? I can’t help but think that it’s all Jeremy’s fault that I’m even here, but also can’t deny that deep in my heart, I still want to love him and know that he loves me. Even when I’m dealing with this. If only he could make the heartache go away. The back and forth of my thoughts makes me feel confused and numb. Once again, I’m placed in the irrevocable position where I have no choice but to go with the flow.

‘Ready when you are, Dr Blake.’

Jeez, will I ever be ready for this? There is no need for me to pick up any bags given the service provided by everyone around me, so I obediently follow Louis and Fred down the spiralled staircase. I absently wonder whether I will ever return to this chateau but I doubt that I will. I enter into a small room off to the side of the enormous arched entrance doorway, where the good doctor (or perhaps the bad doctor, who knows?)…is patiently awaiting my arrival. My palms instantly moisten as he greets me and I see an injection and some additional vials waiting on a white linen cloth on the desk.

‘Dr Blake, how are you today?’

‘I’ve been better.’

‘Are you nervous?’ Dr Josef’s voice is gentle.

‘What do you think?’ I glance over my shoulder as the door is closed and we are now alone in the room.

‘I will not let anything bad happen to you, I can assure you. Please have a seat.’

‘How do I know that? I have no idea who you are or what you will do.’ Oh god, I don’t think I can do this; I feel like I could faint, this is all too much. I slump into the chair he offers.

‘I think I’m going to be sick.’ I anxiously look around the room for a bin. He calmly passes me a sick bag from the desk drawer and I hold it close to my mouth. The wave of nausea passes. ‘What exactly is going to happen now?

‘I am going to give you an injection and then we shall make our way to the hospital. I’m assuming Madame Jurilique has informed you of these details?’ He raises his eyebrows and stares intensely into my eyes. He is very distracting. It still feels strange that my captors answer my questions rather than keeping me in the dark. It makes for a pleasant change, I think.

‘And what will it do, this injection?’

‘It will relax your muscles until you are quite still. The entire process should take less than half an hour. When we arrive at the hospital I will give you another injection and you will then be taken to our clinic. They should be quite painless.’ He pauses. ‘Are you ready?’

Oh shit. Fuck, fuck and shit. I feel like I could internally combust I’m so nervous. Everything sounds so professional and consensual, yet I’m drowning in fear and he is calmly waiting for me.

‘I can assure you that although the sensation is slightly unusual at first, it will be far more comfortable than your arrival at the chateau.’ I can’t help but stand up and walk over to the door. I turn the handle and open it until I can see Fred and Louis standing guard. I quickly close it and return to the seat. It’s hard to sit still and I continue to fidget. I suddenly find some bravado within me.

‘Alright, I don’t know who you are but it’s obvious to me that I have no choice but to trust you and hope that you mean it when you say nothing bad will happen to me. And remember, as you’re aware, I have signed a contract with Xsade outlining my terms and conditions.’

‘It would be sensible for you to remember that as well, Dr Blake.’ Well, touché! ‘You appear to be a little restless. Would you prefer to lie down, perhaps?’ His voice actually sounds kind and concerned, if you can believe that.

‘Yes, I think so.’ My jittering body stands up. Oh god, I can’t help but think it might be easier if they were nasty and brutal. This eternal politeness is just freaking me out. He indicates the firm bench behind us. I nod and quickly move over to it to lessen the frenetic energy of my nerves. He calmly picks up my left hand and gives it a thorough wipe with an alcoholic swab and carefully inspects my veins. He places a tourniquet just below my elbow and within seconds my veins disclose their whereabouts. My breathing is erratic given the proximity of the injection on standby to pierce into my skin, and the unknown of the next few days. He calmly ignores my rising panic and continues to silently go about his business, fiddling with the vials from the desk before positioning my hand firmly in his.

I can’t help one last plea. ‘You know I don’t want to do this, any of this.’

‘I’m aware of that, Dr Blake, but money always has an interesting way of procuring the appropriate outcomes.’ The cannula seamlessly slides into my vein and he holds my hand in a tight grip while injecting the contents slowly into my system.

‘Money?’ I screech. ‘You think this about money?’ At least he seems to be good at his job, but jeez I hate injections, and I’m not brave enough to try and snatch back my hand. I have to look away from the proceedings but thankfully it doesn’t hurt.

‘At the end of the day, most things are, I’m afraid.’ Oh god, how bad does this look? Here I am thinking I could give the money to charity, that I was doing the right thing taking it from a company flush with funds. Now it looks like I’ve agreed to go through this because of the money I am being paid.

‘Well, I’m not, I’d never do this for the money. It makes me feel sick to the core that you think that. I’m doing it for my safety, to be released from here unharmed. Then I can return to my children, so they don’t end up without a mother.’ He ignores my emotional outburst as he calmly picks up another vial from the tray and injects it again through the cannula. Why am I justifying myself to this man? Once he has finished, he realises the tourniquet.

‘Very noble, Dr Blake. It’s important you lie still while this moves through your system to avoid any unwanted side effects.’ As I lie as still as possible, I can’t believe that that is exactly what people will think. By signing that bloody contract it almost endorses the fact that my decision was about the money. And I thought I was being smug about the contract not being able to stand up legally. Now that they have offered me money and I have accepted it, it has all the components of a legally binding contract. Offer, acceptance and consideration. But duress, that has to account for something doesn’t it! Holy shit, what have I done!

I can feel whatever was injected taking over my body. My muscles feel relaxed and there is a comfortable warmth spreading through my limbs. The doctor steadily sits on a chair beside me checking my pulse.

‘Can you wiggle your fingers for me?’

I attempt to wiggle them but nothing happens.

‘Good, this is working well. Please remain calm.’

Shit, how can my body be anything but calm if I can’t move anything?

I can’t help but try to wiggle my toes. A weird spasm escapes them and then nothing. My legs are dead weights. I can still feel the doctor’s fingers on my inner wrist but I can’t move my arm away from him. I’m conscious but completely paralysed. Oh dear, this is not good at all.

‘I know this is a strange sensation, Dr Blake, but you will be more comfortable if you relax into it rather than fight it.’ I try to remember the last time I wasn’t fighting internally over one thing or another, it seems to be an embedded habit recently.

I try to say yes, but my mouth can’t form the words. This absolutely freaks me out and although I’m now utterly stressed and panicking internally, I’m lying perfectly still and content externally.

‘Use your eyes to communicate. You are doing very well, just remember to stay calm and you will be fine. Just let the drugs do what they need to do.’ I desperately try to say no with my eyes but the doctor is now letting two men in white clothes, carrying a stretcher, into the room. I can’t move an inch, completely immobile. I can only see what comes into my line of sight or my peripheral vision. This is a really weird, dissociated feeling.