Destined to Play, Feel, Fly Trilogy (69 page)

As I turn toward Leo, I recognise him fully as my soul’s protector, the man who has been there for me in many lives, looking after me and my bloodline when it was most at risk. I now understand why my discoveries on this journey regarding my past were so important to him, to us.

The drumbeat suddenly stops as does the chanting and dancing. The four of us are seated in the middle of a ring of people, by the fire. Nobody speaks; it is as if even the jungle surrounding our clearing has suddenly stilled and awaits what will happen next.

A moulded clay cup half filled with a steaming brew is presented to the shaman by the same woman who tended to my body and spirit before I awoke here. I can’t remember the last time I had solid food but also feel no need for it whatsoever. The shaman inhales its aroma deeply and chants something as he raises his
eyes to the heavens above. He is wearing a pouch over his own embroidered skirt and he digs into it, retrieving a handful of powder. He sprinkles it into the cup and it hisses and smokes when it hits the liquid.

He takes the first sip and bows his head for a moment. He then passes it to Leo, who passes it directly on to me. Both Leo’s and Jeremy’s eyes are firmly fixed on me as I pause to inhale the scent of the concoction. It smells quite bitter, like the others, and in this light it’s difficult to determine its colour.

Aware that this is what I am here for, the climactic point of my jungle journey, I take a decent sip of the concoction, swallowing its heat quickly in case I’m put off by its odour. I too, bow my head, though not in respect; it just makes it easier to encourage my system to retain the brew and accept its taste, as its potency and power are having an immediate impact on my mind. I steady myself before handing the cup to Jeremy who, continuing our clockwise motion, hands it directly back to the shaman. He ingests another mouthful, then as it makes its way back to me, this time around Leo accepts a mouthful.

I remember Leo mentioning at some stage that the primary purpose of our meeting was for the shaman and I to fly together and that he would determine via my spirit if anyone else needed to accompany us. If this were necessary, any additional people would play a secondary role in the experience, so I can only assume this is why Leo is partaking on the second round. As does Jeremy when I pass the cup to him. There is an
almost bittersweet aftertaste this time as I adjust to its flavour. Its heat warms my bones from the inside out.

This circular process of sipping continues until the last mouthful is swallowed by the shaman. When the cup is returned to the woman in the headdress, he indicates for me to hold both of his hands and we again reconnect by looking deeply into one another’s eyes.

The drums and chanting recommence in the firelight around us and with a nod of the shaman’s head Jeremy and Leo place each of their hands above and below ours. I feel the energy from their palms begin pulsing through my body, as though the beating drum is trying to synchronise with our beating hearts.

After a few moments of being lost in the shaman’s gaze, the ground shifts violently, as though I’m looking through the lens of a camera being swung rapidly from side to side, yet I can still feel my body remaining firmly anchored to the ground. The sensation is quite different to the experiences I had on the journey to this sacred place.

Suddenly the shaking changes and there is some great pull, yanking my heart and mind away from my physical being. The force is strong, gripping and relentless, until finally I detach and start spinning. We all start spinning round and round, faster and faster, until our bodies are a liquid blur surrounded by a circle of light created by the flames of the fires. We become one entity as this dizzying feeling continues. I feel like I need to grasp their hands more firmly lest I fall out of this speeding ring and go smashing into a rock.

Faster and faster we go, I can no longer see their faces or eyes, just the outline of the ring of gold encircling our diminishing forms. When the spinning reaches the point of speed where I think I will be physically ill, it suddenly stops and I’m immediately plunged into a darkness so black, I can’t see the hand in front of my face.

The sound of my thumping heart almost consumes me. The silence and darkness are absolute, though rather than sitting as I was when I accepted the shaman’s brew, I am standing still as if I am on the cusp of some great unknown. Even though I feel my heartbeat continuing to pound within my body a sense of calm and resolve infiltrates my nervous system. I feel sure that all will be well and I will embrace my next steps rather than fear them.

I temper my breathing with this new confidence as my eyes and body adjust to the mysterious darkness. For all I know I could be in the core of the earth or the outer realms of the universe. A small flicker of light appears amidst the black. I can’t be sure whether it is tiny and in front of me or large and faraway. I have absolutely no spatial awareness or any sense of depth or breadth. After a few moments it increases in size and looks as if it is indeed moving toward me. What began as a firefly now looks like flame, but just as I begin to feel its heat on my body it splits into two, one remaining directly in front of me and one behind me.

The light reveals a shadowy outline of two female bodies holding glowing lanterns on top of bamboo
shafts. One of the women has nipples painted in the same way as mine, the other has two golden rings through hers, making them pert and erect. Seeing them sends a rush of blood to my own. Their breasts are barely covered by the beads hanging around their necks. They too wear short embroidered skirts, similar to mine, but less elaborate. Our headdresses are all different so I assume they must depict some meaning I have no knowledge of.

No words are spoken. The women wrap a cord around my waist in the same way it is wrapped around theirs and connect us in a line. The woman in front of me starts walking and I follow. Even though there is enough light to show us the immediate path of my steps, I have no sense of what the blackness surrounding us holds. No sense of the sky above, or the depths below, or whether we are inside or outside. Nothing is too warm or too cold, other than the flames guiding our steps. We move solemnly and silently forward, one step at a time.

In the distance I hear the deep beat of a large-barrelled drum; it sounds like the heartbeat of the earth itself and my footsteps readily adapt to its pounding rhythm, deepening my trance. We make our way further along the meandering path until we turn a sharp corner and stop. Each of the women takes one of my hands to ensure I don’t take a further step without their lead.

The drum stops. I’m suddenly blinded by a vision of gold before me, and everything halts in this moment.

My heart, my fears, my hopes, my world, my being.

Transfixed.

No breath.

No senses.

Just enveloped in gold.

The beat of the drum kick-starts my heart and my body becomes submissive to its slow, deep call. My vision clears and I see that we are in a giant cave, larger than I have been in before. We are positioned at the mouth of the cave, high above the women who prepared me for this event, who are seated on the ground in a large, though not fully-formed circle. In a semicircle behind them are massive drums being pounded by the men of the tribe, their sound penetrating the cave and ricocheting through our bodies, connecting our minds and our spirits.

We continue our threaded journey along the outskirts of the cave until we join everyone in the depths below.

I am disconnected from my companions and delivered to the centre of the circle. We are now standing and I am surrounded by twelve women who, like me, are in a deep state of trance, not necessarily of this world. I am the thirteenth woman, standing alone in the middle, but knowing I am surrounded by compassion and unconditional love. I allow every pore of my being to soak up these feelings as the throbbing beats of the massive drums take control of our bodies and we move to their rhythm, while some of the women join in chanting with their melodic voices providing
depth and harmony to this spiritual awakening. Our bodies cease to exist as separate entities and we are joined as one. I completely lose myself in the majesty of this moment, my unconscious taking over my mental state.

Once again, I can see everything from two perspectives: from my own eyes, and the entire scene from above. I am being lifted high into the air by the women, as if I am being offered to the gods. They take me to an alcove, on a higher level of the cave, that looks like an ancient altar and lay my limp body within the circular frame that awaits there. I have no fear as my wrists and ankles are stretched and bound to this circle — I only feel acceptance and love. Once secure, it is pulled into an upright position and my body is held up, bound and spread-eagled, as the women form a circle around me. It’s as if I always knew this would happen, that it was meant to happen, and that all will be well. I know, without a doubt, that this event is the culmination of my ancestral lives and my earthly experiences since reconnecting with Jeremy. Right here, right now.

I look up toward the only natural light in the cave to see an opening, revealing the heavens above. Before my eyes is Venus, the brightest planet in the sky. I am in awe of its celestial beauty and I feel like my body has been opened so far and wide as an offering in order to receive her universal gifts. Her light awakens my sensuality and desire and rather than feel restricted by my restraints, I feel bold and empowered by them, knowing they anchor me to the earth, ensuring I’m
grounded by gravity, lest I should fly away to be with her forever. I can feel my vital essence simultaneously homing in on my past and future, seeking reconciliation in the here and now, so old wounds can be healed to enable the richness of my future.

I move my hips to the continued beat of the multitude of tribal drums and summon the men who have played such significant roles in my many lives. As my eyes look skywards, searching through the cave’s opening, my peripheral vision catches the licking flames of the fire beneath as Leo emerges from the depths of the darkness.

He positions himself behind my body, sliding his smooth hands along the curves of my body and joining in my seductive dance. I cannot see his face; as he is my past, our eyes will never meet in this moment. I allow my body to feel the sensations my protector is creating, knowing there is nothing to fear, no sin to repent, that he is in his rightful place in my life. His fingers explore me as if he is preparing to say goodbye to my body, but never my soul.

Jeremy appears from the circle of women, as though they have blessed his sacred passage to be before me at this precious moment. Our eyes lock and we become lost in our combined emerald gaze. I understand that this is the man the universe has been waiting for me to connect with fully, deeply, for centuries, since our original union when the blood magic began.

The sensations cascading over me are otherworldly as these two men surround my body, one before me,
one behind me. I remain as open to them as I do to Venus above, willing them to adore my body, wishing for our ultimate union more than anything else in the world. Knowing there is no jealousy or remorse in their feelings, knowing they understand the importance of the roles they both play.

Leo to unlock me from my past and Jeremy to provide the key to my future.

As the tribal drums increase in beat and tempo, my bound body becomes increasingly fevered by their explorations, and impatient for our connection to be complete. As a dark crescent creeps across Venus, Leo’s phallus teases my back passage and smooths against the split in my cheeks. His hands wrap around my breasts, kneading their bountiful flesh as Jeremy steadies my swaying hips and longingly and lovingly kisses me, deep into my mouth, seducing me in preparation for what is to come below.

Their concentrated focus on my body is sending my mind spinning out to the stars above. I revel in their worship of my body, desperately wishing I could touch them in return and embrace their masculine forms, but I also understand that is the future, not the present. So I remain open and restrained between them, for them to explore and access at their whim, kissing and stroking and suckling. Their movements become languid and slow against my skin, tantalising my plumped erogenous zones with considered strokes from fingers and tongues, carrying me right to the edge of the precipice and leaving me there. Oh, such tortuous bliss.

My vulva pulses in response to the sensations they are creating, my wetness calling to them to become more intimate with my openings, to become one with me. These men in my life continue creating heavenly ecstasy as my need for them to fill me completely builds unbearably. I throw my head back and cry out with pleasure, relinquishing all control to lust and desire and surrendering completely to the pleasures of my physical body. I can’t speak but for my helpless moans, I am too far gone.

My beads and skirt are removed; touch is entirely intimate, skin on skin. Every nerve ending in my body feels like it has been teased to life, awakened to the pleasure of what is and what is to come. I only ever feel the sweaty warmth of Leo’s body behind me, never meeting his eyes. His hardened phallus slides with ease over my curves and within my cracks, his arms and hands roam freely around my waist and breasts and legs. I find it difficult to hold the weight of my body as I fall under the orgasmic spell of Jeremy’s playful fingers dancing within the folds of my engorged labia.

Leo stretches my cheeks wide and finds his place, slowly and sensitively embedding himself in my back passage as I release gasps of heady pleasure. Once positioned, his hands wrap around my breasts, kneading and massaging as Jeremy spreads my moist thighs and fills me where he knows he belongs.

I have never been so wholly taken. My body quivers in desire as I wantonly accept them inside me, rejoicing in the fullness.

I have wanted this since I dreamt of it many years ago, always wondering what it might be like, never knowing if I was strong enough or brave enough to endure it physically. And finally I am gifted with this exquisite pleasure, impaled to the very core of my sexual existence. A pressure so intense, so intricately balanced that if it were the slightest bit greater it would descend into pain. A pleasure so absolute, it defies all my expectations. I had no concept of how complete this would make me feel, physically, psychologically and spiritually.