Determination (7 page)

38

Jamie Mayfield

“I want that too,” I admitted. For the first time since my goddamned parents had dragged me kicking and screaming from his arms, I thought maybe there was hope for us. Even though the thought of Steven finding us scared me, even though I didn’t have a job or any money, and even though Brian was still doing porn, I thought maybe, just maybe, we could find a way to make it work.

“Really?” Brian asked, his voice so full of hope it hurt my heart.

“Brian, I know that I don’t have anything to offer you right now. I have to get clean, find a job, and get back on my feet, but I can’t deny either of us what we could have together. I love you so much, Brian.

Can we try to make it work?”

“Oh God,” Brian cried, jumped to his knees, and wrapped his arms around me.

“Uh, guys? I would really appreciate it if you’d stop molesting me if you’re not going to get me off,” Em said and shifted slightly under me. Brian laughed and pulled his hands back, because while they were hugging me, they were also rubbing against Em’s crotch.

“Sorry, babe,” Brian said as he leaned forward and kissed Em lightly on the lips.

“Damn, I was really hoping you’d pick option number two,” he told Brian, but his eyes were sparkling with laughter.

“Maybe when I’m feeling better,” I told Em as they both gaped at me.

I just winked.

Determination

39

Four

“I’M GOING to pull the van around and back it up to the rear entrance.

We can keep the doors partially closed so that no one sees him coming out the door or getting in the van. I’ll make sure no one is following us.

Mike and Alex, Julio and Tony, and Andy and Pete will be flanking us on the way to the apartment, so they can help keep an eye out,” Leo said as he grabbed his keys from the desk.

“Are you sure all of that’s really necessary?” Brian asked and looked at Mike, who shrugged.

“I don’t want to take any chances with you guys. This guy is dangerous, and we don’t want him to know where Jamie is, for all of our sakes,” Leo said, forestalling any response Mike would have made.

“Okay, Brian, do you have everything you need? Medical supplies? Oxy? Food?” Leo asked.

Brian nodded. “Mike and Alex have the rest of my clothes and stuff in their trunk. Alex and I stocked the food yesterday while Mike was at work.” Mike glared at Alex, but he shrugged.

“Brian’s practically a black belt, babe, and we were surrounded by people. I know you’re worried about me, but I can’t live the rest of my life in hiding. Brian’s going to teach me and Jamie some self-defense stuff once Jamie’s feeling better. But… I love that you want to protect and take care of me,” Alex said, punctuating it with a short, chaste kiss on Mike’s lips. Mike pressed his forehead against Alex’s and whispered something I didn’t hear, but it made Alex smile and kiss him again.

40

Jamie Mayfield

“So, we’re ready,” Brian confirmed to Leo and folded his arms in front of his chest as he stood next to where I sat on the common room couch. The members of our little mission stood in pairs around the room, which felt much less confining than Alex’s small bedroom upstairs.

“Okay then, let’s do it.”

I held Alex’s ridiculous pink kitty pillow over my stomach to protect it as I walked carefully down the stairs toward the back entrance. Every step was agony, but I refused to let it stop me. I had promised Brian I would become the man he needed me to be. I would be strong for him, even if I couldn’t do the same for myself. I stumbled about halfway down and caught the railing for balance. The motion pulled the top of my body in a different direction than the bottom and stretched my abdomen painfully. I sat down hard on the stairs in an effort to catch my breath.

I could hear someone racing down the stairs behind me while Brian stood next to me. It seemed he couldn’t quite decide what to do to help me. His hand hovered over my shoulder as if he were afraid to touch me. Helplessness radiated from his soft brown eyes, making me want nothing more than to reassure him, but I couldn’t right then.

“Jamie, are you okay?” Alex asked, and I felt him sit on the stairs right behind me. His touch wasn’t as hesitant, and he put a small hand on my cheek, like he was checking me for fever.

“Yeah, I just lost my step, was all,” I replied and pulled myself up using the railing. Alex put his hands under my arms to steady me, and we made it down the last dozen stairs without further incident. Despite the oxy I’d taken just half an hour before, my stomach and back ached.

Though the pain had lessened slightly since Brian took care of me last weekend, it was still intense if I moved too fast or lost my balance.

At the bottom of the stairs, Leo, Mike, and Brian stood to the side while Alex helped me into the van. The sunlight, mostly blocked by the obtrusive vehicle in the doorway, filtered in through the grimy windshield, allowing me to navigate the large cargo area. When Alex climbed out of the van, Brian took his place next to me, and I leaned against him. He wrapped an arm carefully around my shoulders and told Leo we were ready.

Determination

41

The doors closed with a loud bang that reverberated through the empty space. We heard muffled noises outside, and I assumed Leo was giving the other guys instructions. They had planned moving me from one safe house to another with such formality that it scared me. The seriousness with which they were taking my safety reminded me of just how much danger all of us were in. I’d relaxed a little being with Brian the last week, but it wouldn’t take long for Steven to find the boardinghouse since a few of Nick’s models lived there. He’d only need to follow any of them home one night, and they would be exposed.

It was crazy. I knew I should go back to him so he didn’t hurt anyone else, but I just couldn’t stand the thought of leaving Brian again. It was so selfish, even for me.

“Are you still in a lot of pain?” Brian asked, his voice soft and sad. I shook my head and then rested it on his shoulder. He pressed his cheek to my forehead in response, and we waited quietly while Leo climbed into the driver’s seat and started the van with a rumble. The metal beneath us vibrated, and I put my hand on Brian’s knee. We lurched a bit when Leo hit the gas and started us toward our new home.

The drive turned out to be longer than I expected.

“Where is the apartment?” I asked as I pulled my knees up almost to my chest and felt a twinge in my stomach when the skin stretched.

We’d driven for almost forty-five minutes, and it felt like we were still on the highway. The rate of speed held constant with no stops and starts like you would normally find in city traffic. My ass was going to have permanent marks from the grooves on the metal floor.

“Oh, the apartment that Leo found for us is kind of far from the boardinghouse, but it’s also far from the studio and from O’Dell’s apartment. The neighborhood isn’t great, but it’s clean and far away from downtown.”

At first, I felt anger at myself for forcing him to move from the nice neighborhood that contained the boardinghouse, but I stopped the thought. It had been his decision to move, his decision to take me in the first place. If we were going to make a relationship work between us, we had to not only accept each other’s decisions, but also start making our decisions together. Based on our conversation from a few days 42

Jamie Mayfield

before, we were a couple again. One thing I’d learned since I’d found Brian in that porn studio just a few months ago was that I didn’t need to protect him. Back in Alabama, I’d always tried to keep him under my wing, both in school and outside of it. He’d always seemed so vulnerable to me, and I never wanted to let anything hurt him. But it seemed in the last few years, our roles had reversed. I was the vulnerable one, and he continued to keep me under
his
wing.

God, I loved him for it.

“We’re getting close,” Brian said as he craned his neck to see out the windshield. I hadn’t bothered to look because I doubted I’d know where I was anyway. The only places I ever saw in San Diego once Steven had taken me in were his apartment, the studio, the grocery store, the library, and the occasional restaurant. I’d been in the city for two years, but I’d never really seen any of it. “It’s just off the highway.”

The van slowed, and we turned off onto another street. My excitement grew with every foot that brought us closer to the apartment. Just the idea of living with Brian, being able to see him every day and share my life with him, put the fear of Steven to the back of my mind for a while. I still felt pain, but the anticipation seemed to lessen the impact.

When we stopped and Leo turned off the ignition, I looked at Brian with the biggest smile I’d felt on my face in a long time. He smiled back and kissed me, taking his usual care to be gentle, but I didn’t want to be gentle. Tossing the kitty pillow to the side, I straddled his lap and deepened the kiss, threading my fingers in his long curls. I loved the way he moaned against my mouth, the way his hands caressed my lower back as he kissed me.

The harsh light from the opening van door broke us apart, so I crawled off Brian’s lap and out of the van before Leo could comment.

Only when I stood on the street did I feel exposed and vulnerable.

Looking around, I tried to spot Steven’s truck, but the only vehicle I recognized was the black Jeep that Mike and Alex climbed out of. I saw Julio and the other guy, Tony, coming up the sidewalk, but I didn’t see Andy and Pete.

Determination

43

“Come on, babe. I can’t wait to show you,” Brian said, then took my hand and pulled me away from the van. The building we walked toward resembled an old roadside motel. Huge wooden railings wrapped around the two-story structure, which had doors spaced at regular intervals. To the right sat a dumpster partially surrounded by a high wooden fence covered in graffiti. A guy in oversized jeans and a dingy, once-white ribbed tank top watched us as he threw a couple of bags into the dumpster.

Brian led me past the dumpster and through an iron gate, which wasn’t locked. After passing the stairs that led up to the second floor, he went to the third door, marked 107, and fished his keys from his pocket.

“Your copy is inside. I got two sets from the landlord,” Brian said as the lock disengaged and the door swung open. He stood back and let me walk into the dark apartment first, moving to the side as we walked in to flip on the light switch next to the door. The first thing I noticed was the large sleigh bed on the far side of the room. A gaudy comforter peeked out from the foot of it, covered in large red, black, white, and gray concentric geometric shapes. As I moved into the small studio apartment, I looked to my left and saw Alex’s couch and television stand, complete with his flat screen. So, while he had stored a lot of his stuff at the boardinghouse, he’d also lent some of it to us so we would have something to sit on. I promised myself, then and there, that when I got back on my feet, I’d do something very special for Alex.

Brian wrapped his arms around me from behind, careful not to touch my stomach, and whispered, “Welcome home, baby.” I turned in his arms, anxious to share this amazing moment with him. It didn’t matter that there were five other guys scattered through the small apartment. Brian and I were living together, which was what we’d wanted for so long. Something in my life had finally gone right.

“Uh, we’re going to just… yeah,” Alex said with a laugh as he tried to herd Mike, Julio, Leo, and Tony from our living room. I opened my eyes to see the other guys setting down an array of boxes that contained Brian’s clothes from the boardinghouse. When I just closed my eyes again and kissed Brian with everything I had, the guys gave a few wolf whistles and headed toward the door.

44

Jamie Mayfield

“You guys can stay for a while,” Brian said halfheartedly as he broke our kiss, but he didn’t let go of my waist. I nuzzled against his neck, waiting for them to leave. Of course I appreciated what they had done for us, but God, I wanted to be alone with Brian. Even if we did nothing more than just lay in bed kissing until we fell asleep in each other’s arms, that would be a perfect night for me.

“Dude, if I wanted to see that, I’d buy the DVD,” Tony said with good-humored sarcasm, and Brian snorted. The other four guys filed out after exacting promises from Brian that he would text them later.

The only one to stay was Leo, who closed the door behind the others.

“I wish you would have stayed at the boardinghouse, where we could protect you,” he told Brian, and I could hear the emotion in his voice. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans and stood near the door. In the short time I’d known him, I don’t think I’d ever seen Leo so shaken.

“Leo, I couldn’t stay there with him. It put the other guys in danger. We’ll be fine here, and we’ll be careful, I promise.”

“You better be, kid. You and Mike mean a hell of a lot to me. I couldn’t stand it if anything happened to either of you.” Leo pulled Brian into a one-armed hug, and I moved back out of the way so they could have their moment. I liked that Brian had so many people looking out for him. It didn’t surprise me, though. I’d known all my life that Brian was special, and if people would look past his shyness and his status as a foster kid, they’d see what a beautiful soul he had. It thrilled me that he’d finally found that kind of acceptance here.