Devoted (9 page)

CHAPTER 19
Bella

Six Months Later

A true friend is someone who sees the pain in your eyes while everyone else believes the smile on your face. I never quite understood the meaning behind those words until now. Meeting Blake changed my life, but opening up to him altered my world.

How can something as simple as talking about your past be so liberating? That first night, I felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders and in fact, it was. It was the first big step to facing my demons, but I didn’t stop there.

Some people say you can never move forward after being sexually assaulted. For many, that’s probably true. You never forget, but you do move on. I am living proof, as is Jade. Neither of us allowed our pasts to define us. That is the difference between weakness and strength, what separates the victims from the survivors.

And I am a survivor.

A smile forms on my lips as I repeat those same words in my head over and over. I did survive, but I couldn’t have done it alone.

Pressing my cheek into Blake’s back, I close my eyes and let out an audible sigh. Nothing compares to the feeling of being on the back of his ride, my arms wrapped snuggly around his middle.

I can still recall the fear I felt the first time I climbed on back of his Gray Ghost, but there was never any hesitation. I trust Blake completely and nothing will ever change that.

Only when the rumble of the engine dies and I feel him lower the kickstand do I open my eyes. Reluctantly, I release my hold on him. Letting out a heartfelt groan, I climb off the back, sulking the entire time.

“What’s your problem?” he smirks at the exaggerated pout on my lips.

“It’s still early,” I mutter, looking up at him with puppy dog eyes.

“I take it you had a good time?” he asks as he swings his leg effortlessly over the bike, his eyes locked with mine the entire time.

“The best.” At first I had been skeptical about visiting the ruins of Great Falls Mill. I’m not much on history, but seeing the ruins firsthand and visiting the old dam and waterfall was, without a shadow of a doubt, one of the best experiences of my life. “I just hate that it has to end.”

“Who says it has to end?” he says, his eyes shimmering with as much happiness as I’m feeling.

Without warning, he pulls me to him, his left hand grasping my waist while the other gently caresses the back of my neck. Tipping my head up, he lowers his lips to mine.

There is no hesitation as I close my eyes. Bringing my arms around his neck, I lean into him, my hands gliding up the sides of his neck and into his almost raven colored hair. He starts off slow and gentle, his lips grazing tenderly over mine.

Opening ever so slightly, I breathe a contented sigh against his parted lips as his velvet tongue suddenly meets my own. He tastes me ever so gently, testing me as he plunges further into my mouth until our tongues entwine, each of us exploring the other. Every part of me begins to burn with a desire I’ve never experienced and I never want it to end.

When he pulls away, I am left breathless and wanting more.

“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that,” he whispers, his desire filled eyes meeting my own.

I want to tell him I feel the same way but am rendered speechless and unable to move as I permanently etch this moment to memory – my first last kiss. There never was and never will be another Blake Andrews to walk into my life, and there’s no doubt in my mind that I love him.

“You OK?” he asks, furrowing his brow at me.

“I’m more than OK,” I breathe, staring up at him. “I’m…”

“Perfect,” he says, cutting me off. “I used to think there was no such thing as perfection, until I met you.”

I lower my head, blushing at his words and the effect they have on me. I am in awe of what he is capable of doing to me. When I am with him, my past is but a distant memory. There is no fear, no pain… only happiness and love…

Lifting my chin with his finger, he forces my gaze to meet his. “What are you thinking?” he whispers.

“I’m thinking that for the first time in my life, I don’t have to try to be happy. It just happens when I’m with you,” I breathe.

His lips curl into a smile as he looks past me, his eyes shining with happiness.

“Bella?”

Time stands still and my heart stops beating. I am unable to move or even speak. I am literally frozen in place. Drawing in a deep breath I hold it as I turn, my eyes landing on her as she crosses the yard, Jade trailing behind her.

“You’re here,” I whisper, my voice trembling, staring straight ahead in disbelief, waiting for the image of her to suddenly disappear.

“I never thought I’d see you again,” my mother sobs before rushing towards me, and only when I feel her arms surrounding me do I realize this isn’t a dream.  Inhaling sharply, I can feel warmth sliding down my cheeks, one tear following another, until they are nothing more than steady streams trailing down my face.

“My sweet Bella,” my mother murmurs against my hair, and in an instant I am brought back to a time before all innocence was lost.

Pulling back, I peer over my shoulder at Blake, the smile on his face saying more than words ever could. He did this. He brought her to me knowing what this would mean to me. And it makes me love him all the more.

CHAPTER 20

Blake

Stepping out into the darkness, I release a long-held breath. I’m suddenly second guessing everything, including myself.

Reuniting Bella with her mother was supposed to be a milestone, the final step in Bella’s recovery, but that’s not what I’m seeing. I can’t put my finger on it, but there’s something about Jess I don’t trust. I have only myself to blame since I was the one who brought her here.

Leaning against the brick wall, I close my eyes, my shoulders sagging in defeat. Deep down I know this has nothing to do with Jess and everything to do with me. I never meant to fall for Bella, but loving her is too easy. Now I’m faced with the possibility of losing her and the thought alone scares the hell out of me.

“I thought I’d find you out here.”

My eyes jerk open at the sound of Jess’s voice. Pushing myself off the brick wall, I turn to face her.

“I haven’t had a chance to thank you for everything you’ve done for my daughter,” Jess says with nothing but sincerity in her eyes.

“There’s no reason to thank me,” I mutter. I would do anything for Bella, even if it means losing her in the process.

“I think there is. I know you weren’t the one to get her out of there, but you were the one to save her and for that I thank you,” she whispers, her eyes filling with tears. “I thought I’d lost her forever.”

There is pain radiating in her tortured eyes, but there’s more – something I can’t quite make out. “You blame yourself.”

“How am I not supposed to do? She’s my daughter and I gave up on her. What kind of mother does that?” she asks, her voice quivering.

I say nothing, staring back at her trying to get a read on her. Everything she’s saying is right, but it’s what she’s not saying that has the hair on the back of my neck standing at attention.

“I thought the day Bella disappeared was the worst day of my life, but I was wrong. The worst was the day I accepted that I would never see her again. A part of me died that day and I never thought I’d get that back,” she says, a profound sadness in her tone.

“Because you love her?” It’s meant as a question, but she doesn’t seem to catch on.

“I do, more than anything in this world. She’s all I’ve got. She’s all I’ve ever had…” Her voice trails off as she stares straight ahead, looking at nothing on particular. “When I got your call telling me Bella was here, it was like a dream come true. After all this time, after giving up all hope, I was finally getting my daughter back. And then I saw her with you.” Her eyes zone in on mine. “She loves you,” she whispers.

“I know.” My words are a mere whisper in the wind. I love Bella, more than life itself but I’m doubting that her mother feels the same way.

Sadness suddenly fills her eyes again. “I thought I was coming here to bring my daughter home. Instead, I find out she’s moved on with her life and doesn’t need me anymore.”

“That’s not true,” I say, taking a step towards her. “She always needed you.”

“I wish I could believe that, but I think I need her more than she needs me,” she whispers, lowering her head. “I asked her to come home with me,” she says, lifting her gaze to mine. My eyes are drawn to the single tear escaping her eye. “But she wants to stay here… with you. You could have any girl you want Blake, but I’ll only have one daughter. Please don’t take her away from me.”

Panic rises in my chest as I look into her pleading eyes. My chest tightens even as I nod my head. She knows exactly what she’s asking of me and does it without hesitation. “I can’t let her go,” I manage to choke out, feeling like my world is coming to an end. But what choice do I have? I won’t make Bella choose between me and her mother.

“Is this the life you want for Bella? After everything she’s been through, don’t you want her to find true happiness? You can’t give that to her and deep down you know it,” Jess says, wiping her tear stained face.

Closing my eyes, I nod my head again, silently letting her know she’s right. I do want Bella to have happiness and I don’t know if I’m capable of giving her that. “I’ll talk to her,” I mutter, my voice barely audible. Letting Bella go will kill me, but I want her to be happy, even if it means she does it without me.

“Thank you,” she whispers, rising up on her tiptoes to plant a kiss to my cheek.

I open my eyes just as she turns and walks away. The moment she disappears from sight, it hurts to breathe. My legs suddenly give out and I drop to my knees.

Tonight I lose my heart and shatter my entire existence. Knowingly. Willingly. Without hesitation. Because true love is always wanting the best for someone, even if that doesn’t include you.

CHAPTER 21
 

Bella

“I’ve been looking all over for you,” I call out as I cross the expanse of Jade and Viper’s backyard, spotting Blake heading towards his ride. 

He turns, his disparaging eyes meeting my own. “Oh yeah?”

“I wanted to talk to you,” I explain, rushing towards him until I come to stand at his side. “You left without saying anything. Did I do something wrong?” I ask, Blake’s eyes everywhere but on me.

“No Bella, you could never do anything wrong,” he says, his voice a mere whisper.

“Then what is it?” I probe. Blake’s not himself and I’m starting to get worried.

He turns to face me, his eyes flaring when they meet mine. “I just need to be left alone!” he snaps.

“What’s wrong with you?” I ask, creasing my brow. “Did something happen?”

“Don’t worry about it,” he mumbles, quickly looking away. “What do you want?”

“I just wanted to talk to you about my plans. Mom and I’ve been talking. She wants me to go home with her to Georgia…”

He freezes the instant the words escape my lips. “So you came to tell me goodbye?”

“Is that what you want? For me to leave?” I breathe, my heart shattering as the words escape my lips.

“No, but I want you to be happy.” His eyes meet mine and within them I see a desperation I’ve never witnessed from him.

“
You
make me happy Blake,” I say, smiling up at him. “
You
make me whole. And I love
you
with all of my heart. That’s what I wanted to tell you and why I can’t leave.” I hold my breath for what seems like an eternity waiting for him to speak.

“I never meant for this to happen,” he whispers and my heart stops beating. Lifting his head, he breathes in deeply as he closes his eyes. “You weren’t supposed to fall in love with me, Bella.”

“But I did,” I murmur, a single tear escaping my eye. My chest tightens as I take a step away from him. Swallowing hard, I look up at him as sincerely as possible. “I never said you had to love me back.”

“You say that like not loving you was ever a possibility,” he sighs, lifting his eyes to meet mine.

My breath catches at his admission. “Then say it,” I plead, closing the distance between us. “I need to hear it.”

His eyes soften as he looks down at me. “I love you, Bella. From the first time I laid eyes on you, I knew you were the one,” Blake murmurs. “But you deserve so much better than me.”

“I don’t want better, Blake. I just want you,” I whisper.

His eyes flare the moment the words escape my lips. Without warning, he pulls me towards him and his mouth lowers to mine. His lips are soft and gentle, in sharp contrast to his calloused hands that slip effortlessly beneath the hem of my shirt, roughly gripping at my sides. 

My heart pounds loudly in my chest and my entire body tenses in anticipation as I part my lips, granting his tongue access to mine. A guttural moan escapes my throat as his tongue darts into my mouth, gliding against my own, softly and sweetly, over and over again.

Blake pulls back after only a moment, his hands still holding me tightly, and his eyes search mine. “I can’t promise you the moon and the stars,” he whispers.

“I don’t need the moon and the stars. Just promise me you’ll stay under them with me forever,” I murmur, not wanting to let this moment end. Instinctively, my hand moves to his head and gently caresses his hair as I pull him towards me, this time my lips seeking his out. A low chuckle escapes his throat as my lips crash with his.

I can feel his heartbeat mimicking my own as my tongue dances with his, exploring me, tasting me, as if his life depends on it. Without uttering a single word, he speaks to my heart and soul.

With a heated shudder, he suddenly grips my arms and pushes me away. “We can’t do this,” he whispers. Releasing his hold on me, he lets out a ragged breath as he runs his fingers through his hair.

“Why?” I ask, my voice raspy.

“As much as I want you Bella, I want our first time to be special.”

“If it’s with you, it will be,” I say, taking a step closer to him. As much as the thought frightens me, my body wants this. “I want you, Blake.”

His eyes flare at my words and once again, his lips crash onto mine. My heart pounds inside my chest as he lifts me in his arms and carries me towards the back door and inside the quiet house. Only when I feel my feet touching the plush carpet do I dare open my eyes.

My breathing becomes erratic, my pulse racing, as I take in the sight of his bed. I want this, more than anything, but a part of me is afraid of what he will think of me after it’s said and done. I quickly push my fear aside knowing no one will ever make me feel this way again.

Blake walks up behind me, his arms snaking around my waist, pulling me to him. “You’re gorgeous,” he whispers, his lips grazing the tender flesh at the nape of my neck. A hiss escapes my lips when I feel his tongue snake out, the warmth of his breath causing me to shudder. “Blake please,” I breathe, closing my eyes as I relish in the feel of his body pressing against mine.

“Tell me to stop and I will,” he murmurs into my ear.

Shivering with need, I turn in his arms, my lips seeking out his in desperation. Moaning loudly, my tongue collides with his, his taste causing me to tremble with need.

As if he can read my mind, he pulls back, his heated eyes meeting my own. Slowly, he reaches out, his fingertips grazing against the tender flesh of my neck his tongue just abandoned. “I want you, Bella. More than I’ve ever wanted anything.”

“I want you too,” I whimper.

Gently, he tugs at the hem of my tank top, his calloused hands gliding up my body as he pulls the fabric over my head. I gasp loudly when he lowers the cup of my bra, exposing my breast. Without wasting any time, he leans down, taking my distended nipple into the warmth of his mouth.

A loud groan escapes my throat as I throw my head back in ecstasy. Instinctively, my hands reach for the back of Blake’s head, pulling him even closer.

His hand travels down my body, stopping at the waistband of my jeans, as if he’s asking my permission. Releasing my hold on him, I step back, staring at him with heated desire. Without thought, I lower my jeans, my eyes never parting from his. Reaching behind, I unclasp my bra, letting it fall effortlessly to the floor.

“You are so fuckin’ beautiful,” he growls as he rushes towards me, pinning me against the wall. His fingers trail down my nearly exposed body, coming to a halt when they reach the edge of my pale pink panties. “I need you to tell me what you want.”

“I don’t know,” I whisper. “I just know I want you.”

Blake searches my eyes for one brief moment before allowing his fingers to ease beneath the elastic band of my panties, sliding past my slick folds until he reaches my clit. His lips seek out mine as he feverishly begins working my nub until I am screaming out in ecstasy.

My legs now weak, he lifts me in his arms once again, carrying me towards the large bed and lowering me onto the mattress. He hovers over me, staring down at me like I am the most beautiful creature in the world, silently pleading with me to tell him what I need.

“I want you to show me what it’s like to be loved,” I murmur, staring up into his steely gray eyes.

Gripping the sides of my panties, he pulls them off, tossing them onto the floor behind him. I can say nothing as I watch him rip the shirt over his head and then lower his jeans, releasing his throbbing cock. I inhale sharply as I take in his girth.

Grasping his swollen member in his hand, he presses the head against my wetness, gliding it up and down before lining it up with my drenched entrance. Slowly, gently, he pushes himself into my tight heat, as if he is afraid of hurting me. 

“God, you feel so damn good,” he moans when he is seated fully inside me.

I slowly release my breath, unsure what to do next. Having Blake inside me like this is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. There is no pain. No internal torture. There is nothing but pleasure, and I never want the feeling to end. “Make love to me, Blake.”

“Fuck me,” he groans, slowly pulling out until only the head remains inside, only to slowly thrust into me again. As he starts to pick up speed, I can no longer contain my desire.

“Oh God!” I cry out, overwhelmed by the sensations that consume me.

“Are you okay?” Blake asks, slowing down his thrusts.

“Don’t stop,” I growl, my fingers digging into his hips. “I’m not gonna break.”

“Babe, I don’t want to hurt…”

“You’re not!” I snap, cutting him off. “You won’t. I need this Blake. I need you.”

Without warning, Blake drives into me, slamming into me over and over, nearly knocking the breath from my lungs. My entire body begins to tense as he continues to drive into me and I feel myself begin to lose control.

“Blake!” I cry out just as my body begins to tremble. I am writhing in pure ecstasy, being taken to heights I had never before imagined.

Suddenly, I feel Blake’s rhythm begin to slow. I am about to beg him to continue when I feel his fingers on my swollen clit causing me to cry out again, my head thrashing against the mattress in mindless pleasure.

“Please…” I moan helplessly, arching into his tender touch.

Blake continues to slam into me, working my hardened nub between his fingers until I can hold back no longer. I scream out as my orgasm takes hold and find myself consumed with a mixture of lust, desire and love.

When I finally come down from my high, only then do I realize he is pulling out, his cock still rock hard. “Did I do something wrong?” I ask, staring at his rigidness.

“What?” he chuckles. He stares down at me, his eyes reflecting the love I have no doubt he feels for me.

“You didn’t…” my voice trails off, and I find myself unable to say the words.

“Tonight was about you Bella, not me.”

My face warms as a blush creeps upon my cheeks. “But…”

“But nothing. This may’ve been our first time, but it won’t be our last. Besides, now you owe me,” he winks, his words causing me to chuckle.

“I love you Blake,” I whisper, staring up into the eyes of my forever.

“I love you too, Bella,” Blake murmurs, drawing my face so close to his that our lips are almost touching. “Don’t ever forget that,” he whispers against lips, capturing them in a gentle kiss.

His words melt my heart and I am unable to hold back the flood of emotions that overtake me. Tears stream relentlessly down my cheeks and I begin trembling in his arms. His words, his kiss tell me everything I ever needed to know.

“Babe? Are you okay?” he asks, his eyes filled with concern.

“I’m more than okay,” I say, reaching up to wipe the tears from my face. “I’m perfect.”

A smile tears at his lips. “I could’ve told you that.” He suddenly rolls over, pulling me along with him. As I rest my head on his chest, I breathe in deeply, feeling whole for the first time in my life. “One day, I’ll give you the world Bella. Until then, I’ll just give you my heart.”

Closing my eyes, I breathe in deeply. It seems like only yesterday that Blake Andrews walked into my life. Now I can’t imagine my world without him.