Dial L for Loser (16 page)

“Okay, then,” Hal said to his stopwatch. “Have great show, everyone.”

Alicia grabbed Massie’s wrist with her clammy hand.

“Ew!” Massie wiped her arm on Alicia’s jeans.

“Get away!” Alicia jumped back.

Massie giggled, but it sounded like it was coming from someone else. The back of her neck started to sweat, and she felt strangely detached from her body—like she was watching herself on iSight.

“Ready?” Hal handed them each a
Daily Grind
microphone. They were heavier than they looked, and Massie’s mic kept sliding through her sweaty palms. She tightened her grip and shifted her weight to her right foot. Then her left. Then her—

“Here we go!” Hal shouted like they were preparing to jump out of an airplane. “We’re live in three… two…” He shook his pointer finger as if it were covered in sticky boogers.

The red light on top of Jimmy’s camera popped on.

Alicia burst out laughing.

Massie begged her mouth to speak. But it refused. Merri-Lee had lied. The black lens of the camera looked nothing
like
her friends. It was more like an angry, soul-sucking cyclops that glared at her expectantly and said, “I’m bored. Entertain me. Come on. Do it. I dare you. Do it. Entertain me. Do it. Do it.
Now!
”

“Say something,” urged Hal. “We’re live.”

Alicia laughed harder.

“Talk about the movie,” he pleaded. “Please!”

Alicia doubled over in hysterics, and two tears streamed down her face.

“The movie!”

Massie could hear him; she just couldn’t respond. It was like her entire body had been Botoxed.

Hal waved at someone backstage, silently begging the person to come over.

Massie wanted to turn her head to see who it was, but the scared-stiff thing was still happening.

“Hey, guys.” Claire squeezed between Massie and Alicia.

“Say something.” Hal immediately tossed her a microphone. Claire caught it and smiled confidently. She smelled like fruity hair spray and peppermint ChapStick.

“Hey, I’m Claire Lyons and I’m standing on the set of
Dial L for Loser
. My friends Massie and Alicia were just demonstrating what a real loser would act like: Hope you didn’t think they were serious.” She winked at the camera.

Hal gave her an enthusiastic thumbs-up.

And just like that, Massie reentered her body. She wasn’t about to stand there and watch Claire hijack her chance at fame a second time.

“Ehmagawd!” Massie rubbed her lips together to make sure they were still glossed before continuing. “Give the audience some credit, Kuh-laire. They’re not stupid. They knew we were joking.” She elbowed Alicia in the ribs. “Right?”

“Given.” Alicia wiped her mascara-stained cheeks.

From that moment on, Massie imagined she was speaking to Dylan and Kristen. And just as Merri-Lee had suggested, the words came. “We’re standing in the ‘halls’ of ‘Lakeview Middle School,’ where—”

Alicia cut her off. “Well, they’re not really
halls
. This whole thing is a set. It’s fake.”

“
Claire Lyons to wardrobe. Claire Lyons to wardrobe,
” a voice boomed over the loudspeaker.

“That’s me.” Claire beamed. “Hey.” She looked straight into the camera. “Wanna check out the wardrobe room?”

Jim moved the camera up and down like it was nodding. Claire giggled. “Follow me.”

Massie stepped in front of her. “Right this way.” She guided the audience through a maze of lights and wires. “We are now ‘behind the scenes.’” Her use of air quotes made the producer smile. She was back! “And if you’re lucky, we’ll see Conner Foley or Abby Boyd walking around. I hung out with them the other day and they promised me an interview later in the week, so make sure you stay tuned for that.”

Finally, Massie got a thumbs-up of her own. How could she have been so nervous? This hosting thing was easy. Dial V for VJ!

“Well, I’m here with one of the stars right now.” Alicia grabbed Claire’s arm. “She will be playing Molly, the loser. You should see her. She’s a real natural. Isn’t that right?”

“Uh, I wouldn’t say
that
.” Claire smiled. “Our first day of shooting is today, so we’ll see.”

Massie quickened her pace, hoping Alicia and Claire would fall out of the frame. But Claire kept talking and the camera stayed on her.

“Here we are outside the wardrobe room.” She pointed to the denim
W
and the denim
R
that Ahnna had tacked to the center of the door. “It’s time for me to change into my Lakeview Middle School uniform.” Claire reached for the handle and noticed a shiny silver box at her feet. “What’s this?” It had a red ribbon tied around it and a card with her name on it. She looked around, obviously wondering if this was some sort of prank. “Should I open it now?” Claire asked the camera.

“Let’s not forget, this is
The Daily Grind
, not
The Claire Lyons Show.
” Massie did her best to sound playful.

The producer checked his stopwatch. “Open it,” he whispered.

Claire shrugged, then tore the wrapping. “Oops, I should probably read the card first.” She giggled.

Random crew members gathered, smiling expectantly.

“‘To Claire,’” she read. “‘Welcome to Hollywood! Love, the cast and crew of
Dial L for Loser
.’” Her hand was on her heart, as though she was so touched, she could cry at any moment.

Puh-lease!

“Ehmagawd!” Claire shouted once the last bits of wrapping paper were on the ground.

Massie gasped. “Ehmagawd” was
her
expression.

“How ah-dorable!” Claire held up the gift. It was a special-edition
Dial L for Loser
Motorola. The whole thing was covered in red rhinestones, except for the back, which said
CLAIRE
in tiny pearls. Inside, the number-five key, the one with the letter
L
on it, was made of gold. “This is ah-mazing! Thank you!”

“She
can
act,” Massie whispered to Alicia. “Like
us
!”

“Seriously!”

The crew applauded and the camera whipped around to capture the sentimental moment.

“Dial P for Phony,” Massie whispered to Alicia.

Hal started circling his finger, and Massie remembered that gesture from the first grade; it meant “whoop-dee-doo!” He ahb-viously thought Claire was showing off too.

“Okay, so, getting back to the tour,” Massie addressed the camera, which finally panned back onto her. “I’m going to take you inside the wardrobe room for an exclusive look at the costumes. There are at least a thousand pairs of shoes in there.”

The producer kept doing that thing with his finger.

Massie ignored him while opening the door to the wardrobe room and practically knocking Ahnna to the ground.

“Oh, hi, Ahnna.” Alicia nudged Massie out of the way.

“You can’t come in here.” Stella held her clipboard in front of her face. “This is a cast-only room.”

Massie turned to the producer and gave him a “fix this!” glare.

The producer was “whoop-dee-do”ing even faster.

“What?” Massie snapped.

“Wrap. It. Up!” he whisper-yelled.

“Oh, right.” Massie blushed. “Tune in tomorrow, because we’ll have a lot more behind-the-scenes action from the new movie—”

“
Dial L for Loser.
I’m Alicia Rivera and that was Massie Block and we heart you! See you tomorrow. Back to you, Merri-Lee.”

The red light above the camera went dim.

“Wonderful!” the producer shouted. He raced over to Claire and hugged her. “You saved us. Thank you.”

“No problem,” Claire murmured into his hairy chest. When he finally let go, she ran over to Massie and Alicia.

“You guys were great.” She smiled genuinely.

Massie opened her mouth but nothing came out. She didn’t know who to yell at first: Claire for stealing the show, Alicia for stepping all over her lines, or the producer for distracting them with his silly hand gestures. The only thing she knew for sure was that she’d call an emergency meeting with her crew to make sure none of the above ever happened again. That was, if Merri-Lee didn’t fire them first.

“Okay, you.” Stella rested her hand on Claire’s shoulder.

“We have to get you dressed, run you over to makeup, and rehearse your scene. Oh, and the reporter from
Access Hollywood
wants five minutes with you before we start shooting at two p.m.”

Claire rolled her eyes at Massie and Alicia, pretending to be unenthused about her day. But Massie knew she was just doing that so they wouldn’t think she was starting to get a big head.

Too late!

“Oh, and which one of you is Massie?” Stella was still scanning her clipboard.

“I am.” Massie raised her hand. She knew if she hung around the set they’d offer her a role.

“Please report to the makeup trailer.” Stella crossed something off her list. “Gina wants you to pick up your dog ay-sap. He just peed all over her brushes.”

Alicia and Claire giggled.

“
She
.” Massie stomped her foot. “And her name is Bean.”

“That’s not what Gina called her.” Stella yanked Claire into the wardrobe room, then slammed the door in Massie’s face.

G
ELDING
S
TUDIOS

T
HE
D
IAL
L
FOR
L
OSER
S
OUNDSTAGE

B
ACKSTAGE

Wednesday, March 18th

7:20 P.M.

“Hey, Cam, it’s me.” Claire mouthed goodbye to three extras in Lakeview Middle School uniforms as they passed her.

“See ya tomorrow, Claire,” one of them gushed. “It was
so
nice meeting you.”

“You were really good today,” added another.

Claire smiled and pointed to her new special-edition
Dial L for Loser
phone, letting them know she would have thanked them if she hadn’t been mid-message.

“Uh, anyway, where was I?” Claire rubbed her head. Her hair was sticky and coarse from too much hair spray. “Oh yeah, happy St. Patrick’s Day. I guess you’re going to the dance so, uh, have fun. I wish I was there. Believe me. School was so much easier. I’ve had the longest day ever.” She giggled. “Anyway, I miss y—, uh, Westchester. Call me later. Oh, have fun tonight. Wait. Did I already say that?” She giggled again. “Sorry, I’m so tired. ’Kay, I’m going now. Bye.”

Claire wanted to tell him she loved him and missed him and couldn’t wait to lip-kiss him when she got home. But for all she knew, he was slow-dancing with another girl right now. So all she said was, “Call me, you know, when you get this message. Or when you have a minute. Or whenever. ’Kay? ’Kay. Bye. Again.” She hung up and sat on an empty camera case.

Her entire body throbbed. It had been a long day of script-reads, scene-blocking, and endless introductions to people whose names she’d already forgotten. And now that she finally had a moment to relax, all Claire could think about was Cam and the rich, beautiful, popular girl who was probably pressing the tip of her nose against his Drakkar Noir–scented neck at this very moment.

She flipped open her phone and dialed a new number, loving the way the red rhinestones felt against her palm.

“Hello?”

“Layne?”

“Lyons?”

“Yeah!” Claire forgot about her aching feet.

“How’s it going? Have you met Conner? How is Abby? Is she being nice to you? I miss you! I wish you were going to be at the dance tonight. But wait, no, I don’t. I’m glad you’re there. You know, for you. But I wish you were going to the dance.”

“I know. Me too.” Claire’s feet went back to aching. “Who are you going with?”

“Meena and Heather.” Layne giggled. “We’re going to dominate!”

“Who’s Cam taking?”

“Dunno.” Layne suddenly sounded rushed. “Wait! My brother Chris is backing out of the driveway as we speak. Oh my Gawd,
Chris! If you leave without me, I’ll
—Claire, I gotta go. I’ll call you from the dance with a full Cam report.
Chris, get back—
”

The line went dead. Claire sat and listened to the silence on the other end for a full minute before hanging up.

Cl-eh, Cl-eh.

Cl-eh, Cl-eh.

She snapped out of her daze and flipped open her phone, which bleated Rupert’s voice every time it rang. It was something he insisted on, and Claire certainly wasn’t going to object. It wasn’t every day an Oscar-winning director volunteered to record her ringtone.

Cl-eh, Cl-eh.

Cl-eh, Cl-eh.

“Hey!” She tried to sound upbeat in case it was Cam.

“Where are you?” shouted the girl on the other end. Ciara’s “1, 2 Step” was blasting in the background.

“Layne?” Claire jumped to her feet. “Are you at the dance already?”

“Who?” The music on the other end got louder. So loud, in fact, that it sounded like it was coming from the other end of the hall.

“It’s me, freak-a-dee!”

“Me”
? Claire wondered, wishing she had taken the time to program everyone’s numbers into her new phone. Maybe then she’d know who she was speaking to.

“Where you at, kitty cat?”

“Abby?” Claire felt funny saying the actress’s name. After all, they had only known each other for one full day. And most of it had been spent reading nasty lines to each other during rehearsals.

“Yes, it’s Abby!” she shouted. “Wherefore art thou?”

“Backstage. You?”

“Wardrobe room.”

Ahnna woo-hooed and Abby cracked up. “Get your butt in here. We have an eight p.m. rez at Boi, which means we have ten minutes to get fabulicious before the limo gets here.”

“Are you serious?” Claire had no idea where Abby got her energy. “Aren’t you tired?”

“Tired of not being on the scene, jelly bean.” Abby added a “woo-hoo” for effect. “Let’s go!”

“I’m on my way.” Claire hung up and weaved her way past the dozens of crew members who were coiling cables and draping blankets over cameras so they could finally head for home.

Claire thought about the big, soft bed in her suite and the mini cheeseburgers from room service and instantly regretted answering her phone. But Massie and Alicia were probably there trying on outfits for tomorrow’s
Daily Grind
segment, and Cam… Well, she had no idea what he was doing. So maybe a night on the town with Abby Boyd was just what she needed.