Diary of a Mummy Misfit #1 (55 page)

Still feel a bit shaky every time I think about it.  In fact, I’ve been feeling a bit odd for a while now and not just since we came into money.

And throughout the whole of our celebratory weekend, I only had about three glasses of wine.  It just doesn’t seem to taste the same.

OH    MY    GOD … I’ve just remembered the last time I went off wine and that was six years ago.

I’d go and have a fag if I didn’t think it would make me feel even more off colour.

Think a trip to the chemist might be in order.

PM

Once again, numb in renewed disbelief.  Just as our previous bad luck came in a run, our amazing good fortune is compensating …. after all these years of trying, and just when I’d accepted the fact that I’m probably too old, I go and get pregnant!

Don’t know who’s in more shock, me or Ned.  He’s just had a stiff brandy (hope this isn’t becoming a habit) and I’m on the milky tea - the only tipple my body seems to crave at the moment.

I’m actually going to have another baby!  Max will have a brother or a sister, although we don’t intend to tell him yet.  And I’ll never again have to hear the question, “Oh did you only want
one?
”  And what’s more,
we can afford it
.

Oh shit, what will I tell Fenella?  She’ll probably never want to speak to me again.  She’ll think she’s lost her drinking buddy and that I’ll go all ga-ga talking about cracked nipples and loose vaginal muscles.

I’m sure she’ll come around to the idea though but, hey, what do I care?   I’M PREGNANT!

Managed a quick visit to the hospital to share the happy news with Mrs S, but she was still hopeful enough to take it to the Twilight Zone.  Don’t think Pritesh can have had his little chat yet as the first question she asked was, “Could it be being my Pritesh’s baby, Libbybeta?”

Confusion or mischief?

Tuesday 30
^th
June  AM

CCL meeting with H&B

Arrived for our nine o’clock appointment with H&B and caught a quick glimpse of Fenella hopping in to her car.   Thought she spotted us too but she didn’t acknowledge us - maybe she didn’t have her contacts in?

Felt very swish sitting in H&B’s office with my new ‘Maisie Bag’ and pouring out our story.  They were clearly delighted for us and even more so when we told them of our offer to contribute to CCL.

“Oh, Mr & Mrs Marchant.  That is so generous of you and we will, of course, accept your very kind offer,” Hinge twittered.

Bracket then smiled coyly, “Of course this does alter matters slightly regarding your position within CCL.  Now that there would be no conflict of interest, would it be presumptuous of us to ask if you would consider becoming CCL’s new head?  We really can’t think of anyone more suitable.”

Felt so flattered I told them straight away I’d be honoured.  Although Ned did later question as to whether or not it would be something I would want to do once the baby comes.  But I’ll worry about that then.

I’m pregnant!  I’m rich! (Well, by
my
standards)  And I’m respected enough at Manor House to be asked to lead CCL.

Things don’t get much better.

PM

Fenella definitely saw me as she left the school gates this afternoon but she just made a big show of being in a hurry and overly distracted with book bags and PE kit.

Very strange!   Must call her in the morning or pop round after drop off.

Wednesday 1
^st
July

Managed to grab Fenella at the school gates and was surprised to see that she was looking particularly rough.

Practically had to beg her to come back for coffee but when I told her I needed to talk, she agreed.

She seemed very nervy and quiet as we settled in the kitchen - not her normal bubbly self at all.  When we both started to talk at the same time she quickly stuttered, “No, no after you.”  All very formal and uncomfortable.

When I insisted she spoke first, nothing could have prepared me for what I was about to hear.

“Oh, Sweedie.  I’m so sorry. I know I’ve been avoiding you but I was just dreading telling you … you see the thing is …I’m pregnant.  Please don’t hate me.  Never been able to do it without help in the past and I know how much you’ve wanted another one and I’ve always poo-pooed the idea.  It’s the bloody Seedlings Curse I tell you!”

Remember sitting there in total shocked silence for a couple of seconds and then bursting into laughter.

“The Seedlings Curse?  Well it certainly hit the spot this year didn’t it?”

“Oh, Libby please tell me that you’ll still be my friend.  I promise not to talk about nipples or vaginas or anything.  But I couldn’t bear it if you hated me.”

Told her that I thought it would be just perfect for us to talk about our boobs and fannies and how much we were missing alcohol and soft cheese - couldn’t think of anyone I’d rather share the experience with.

When she looked at me questioningly and asked, “How much
we’re
missing them?” I simply nodded my head and then we hugged for a very long time.

Wait till the Seedling Mummies hear about
this
double whammy!

Thursday 2
^nd
July

Break up for summer

Attended end of term assembly feeling every inch the Manor House mummy in a new dress (charity shop, but old habits die hard and I
liked
it!) and carrying my ‘Maisie Bag’.  Actually a couple of mothers who have never spoken to me before commented on it.  Always thought the easiest way to make friends was to walk a dog but I’ve obviously missed the variation here at Manor House.

Gestapo was looking much more relaxed, sitting next to the Gnome and chatting animatedly.  H&B must have already given her the good news and I’m genuinely happy for her.

Sat in the assembly hall with the sun streaming through onto the wooden floors and began looking forward to our holiday in Tuscany.  Also found myself looking forward to
bragging
about our holiday in Tuscany and imagined myself at the school gates amongst a crowd of Meemies, “Oh yes, we’re off to our villa this summer, don’t you know!  Not sure how long we’ll stay as we may decide to take a jaunt to France or Spain.”

Immediately pulled myself back to reality. 
What the hell was that all about?
  I don’t
brag
and I
certainly
don’t say, “Don’t you know!” or “Take a jaunt”.  God, at this rate I was in serious danger of becoming one of them.

Begged my floating angel there and then to stop me in my tracks and beat me about the head with my ‘Maisie Bag’ (or Chloe, should I upgrade) if I was ever in danger of becoming as shallow as the majority of the Meemies.  Can’t be that difficult to stay as ‘Good Old Libby’ with the same sense of morals and values, just a much healthier bank balance?

When I was called on to the stage to be welcomed as the new head of CCL and “generous benefactor”, I’m sure I saw just a hint of a smile of thanks from Gestapo - could have been pregnancy hormones making me a bit soft though.

It felt good to be basking in the admiration of all the mothers.  After all, I’d craved their acceptance for so long.  But, in that same moment, I saw Max’s proud little face beaming up at me and realised that I didn’t
need
their admiration
or
their acceptance, because I have so much more.

I have a fantastic and loving family, great friends, a new baby to look forward to and money to start enjoying my life.

A new life, a new beginning but
definitely
not a new me.

Surely?