Diary of a Wanted Woman
Diary of a Wanted Woman
First Draft Publishing
First Draft Publishing, LLC
Indianapolis, Indiana
Copyright © 2013
January 2013
For information regarding this book contact:
First Draft Publishing, LLC
This book is fiction. Names and characters are produced from the imagination of the writer. Any resemblances to actual people or events are a coincidence.
First Draft Publishing
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Anne Frank said parents can only give good advice or put their children on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands.
I believe this is true even if the advice the parents gave or the path they led their children on was a hard and dangerous one.
My mother was known to tell me on multiple occasions that I was worthless. She made it her business to make me feel like I was nothing and was wanted by no one. She didn’t want me and neither did my father.
My stepfather on the other hand wanted me more than he wanted my mother. I was his pedophiliac fantasy and that made my mother hate me even more. She never saved me from his advances though she blamed me when she awoke and he wasn’t in bed with her.
As I grew older I realized that my mother was wrong. I was wanted. Men gravitated to me and would do anything to get me. It has always been this way. Men always noticed me and I noticed them.
I loved that feeling.
I loved it when a man saw me and he couldn’t think of anything else to do but to fuck me on the spot.
He sees me and he imagines my legs spread and his face between them. It just happens that way with me. I am never without a lover or someone to fuck my brains out.
My need to feel wanted led to my fascination for sex. I loved to have sex and I rarely turned a man down. Most would say I was a slut, but I saw it as exploring my sexuality and engaging in intimacy without commitment. I craved intimacy just as much as I craved sex.
With that being said, I don’t just wake up in the morning and wonder, “Gee, who am I am going to fuck today?”
It is never my idea to meet a man and fuck him in the men’s bathroom. I don’t just wake up in the morning and decide to do this. Yet, when the situation presents itself…I can’t ever seem to turn it down.
Despite what my mother said, I’m not worthless. If I were than there wouldn’t be so many men that wanted me.
They wouldn’t find me so fucking irresistible.
The stadium was going wild. For a preseason pro football game, you would think we were in the middle of the championship.
Maybe it’s because their home town hero was running for his life on the field.
“Go David!” Stacy yelled.
She jumped up and down in the stands as her brother ran 23 yards before he was tackled. The entire stadium erupted in cheers and it was hard to hear myself think.
I cringed on the other hand.
I hated to see all those big guys tackle him, knock him down and pile on top of him. I always worried that he may not make it out of the pile.
Her father was shaking his head which he often does around his wife and daughter.
“Will you sit down?” he said laughing. “It’s just the preseason.”
“Let her cheer for her brother!” her mother said slapping Mr. Castor on the arm.
She jumped up joining in the commotion screaming.
“That’s my baby!”
I had to laugh at the two of them. They did this at every game. I would always be a little embarrassed until I saw the man completely painted in the team’s colors and knew that his family had to be more embarrassed than I was.
This was a common thing for them. They never missed one of their son’s games. His parents would spend their money and travel to whatever away game he had and cheered him on as loudly and as proudly as they could.
Their son was David Castor, 24 year old tight end for the city’s professional football team. This was his third year after being drafted and since then he has been in one championship game and two all-star games.
Stacey and her husband at least made it to every home game he had. I came with them on occasion, but being around so many people always made me feel uneasy.
David knew I was squeamish around crowds of people, so he didn’t mind that I only came to a couple of games a year. When I did make it, it was exciting to see the teenager I watched blossom into a man grow up to be so successful. I was proud of him.
Ten years ago I met his older sister Stacey Castor in college. We were roommates but it still took a while for us to hit it off. She was blonde and bubbly, tall and full of life. I was jaded by life, dark and brooding. She was always surrounded by people and I preferred to be by myself.
It was a match that should never have been made but here we were still friends and loving every minute of it.
I didn’t think it was possible for me to ever have a friend in life. From a young age, I had always been weary of others. I never knew what their intentions were and I didn’t feel like I could trust them.
When I met David, I soon discovered he was just like his sister…with a little twist. He was full life, charming and very personable but he understood me more than anyone I ever met.
When my moodiness turned into bitchiness he knew what to do to get me out of my chronic negative funk that I am often in on any given day.
Stacey introduced me to her little brother on Thanksgiving. It was the first holiday I spent without my parents and I was impressed with what I encountered. I never went home for holidays for any reason after that. I spent my holidays with the Castors.
That was how I was introduced to 14 year old David. I had no siblings and so I kind of adopted him as my brother too. He was a shy scrawny kid when I met him, but that changed quickly. He started to grow and get bigger playing football and making a name for himself.
Soon he, Stacey and I were like the three musketeers. We were best friends. We spent all of our free time together. Then Stacey met and married John and had a kid. Mrs. Stacey Castor-Watson had no more time left for us.
It was fine with me. I got to spend a lot more time with David. He was a cool kid and knew how to make me laugh. I always wondered why such a macho guy would hang out with his sister and her best friend so much. After a while I didn’t wonder anymore. He became someone I could talk to and go to for anything.
I heard a roar from the crowd and looked up to realize there was a big play happening on the field. I was so lost in my thoughts I was missing it.
I stood trying to see over the people standing up in front of me. The crowd was yelling.
“CASTOR!”
I see David running very fast with two large guys behind him.
Mr. Castor, who always seemed to be composed during these games, was on his feet yelling.
“Go David!”
I smiled to myself. I guess he couldn’t control his emotions after all.
David ran and eventually was tackled to the ground right by the end zone. He was covered in other men and it made me worried that he could be hurt.
“The ball broke the goal line! That was a touchdown!” I heard people screaming.
We looked over at the referee and his arms go up signaling a touchdown. The crowd erupted into cheers.
“That’s my boy!”
Mrs. Castor pats her husband on the back with a huge smile on her face.
I look at them and I smile to myself. They were two proud parents and there was so much love in their eyes it choked me up a little. I used to pray to have that when I was kid but my prayers were always in vain.
My parents were complete opposites of this. Their idea of love did not resemble what I saw with Stacey and her family in anyway shape or form.
I think that is why I was always withdrawn around them. I didn’t know how to trust people that seemed so happy and perfect.
In my family, love and sex always came with emotional and physical pain. That was all that I knew until I met Stacey and saw that not every family is like this. I knew that when I escaped to college I would never look back.
David was always very curious about my home life though I never told him very much. He could not understand why I never went home for the holidays or why I never talked about my family. Although we were close, it was just something I could not talk to him about.
Stacey knew why and I never talked about it with anyone else. It was very difficult to speak about. She did what most people did when they found out about my past. She didn’t know how to act around me for a while.
So I decided not to tell David. I would always tell him I just enjoyed his family so much. He never believed me but he never inquired further.
I always wondered if Stacey ever told her parents about mine. If she did they never said anything. They just always welcomed me with open arms whenever I came over. No questions asked. It was hard to trust people like that.
My mind was brought back to the game in front of me. The quarterback threw a long pass and it was caught by their star wide receiver. This man was one other reason why I enjoyed the game when I came. I was obsessed with this wide receiver. I had seen him on television giving interviews and I thought he was a beautiful man.
Watching him play always made me all hot and bothered. I was grateful there wasn’t much time left on the clock. Not too many plays after that, the game was over with a win in David’s team’s favor. Stacy immediately started grabbing her things.
“Come on. We have to meet David in the tunnel.”
Stacy did this after every home game. She met her brother in the tunnel and greeted him with a hug and a kiss. It almost became like a ritual. His game was not complete unless he saw his sister.
It was sweet. I tried not to hate too much. Yet I never let them off the hook. I tried to tease them about this every chance I got.
Stacey’s parents left after the game. They never wanted to fight through the people to visit David in the tunnel. They grabbed their things gave us hugs and kisses and told us they would see us later.
Stacey, John and I slid through the crowd of journalists and cameramen and made our way to the tunnel.
We waited there for the team to file in after the game. We never had a problem. Security knew us by now.
It normally took a while before David came back toward the locker rooms. He always had to stop and give an interview.
Eventually they all began to file in crowding us with their large frames. We spotted David entering looking all hot and sweaty. His blonde hair was matted to his head yet he had a huge smile on his face.
It was no surprise why he had so many women wanting him. Even hot and sweaty he looked good. He was tall and muscular with striking blue eyes and long blonde hair. He was charming, sweet and generous.
David and John shared a high five.
“Good job kid!”
David smiled.
“Thanks.”
He approached Stacy next. He wrapped his arms around her kissing her on the cheek.
“Here is my lovely big sister. How did I do?”
“You were amazing! I love watching you score touchdowns. This is going to be your best season yet!” she exclaimed.
He laughed.
“Whoa now. It’s just preseason.”
She placed her hand on her hips.
“I know but it’s still so exciting!”
He wrapped his arms around her tightly making sure to rub some sweat on her in the process.
She shoved him off and wiped his sweat from her face.
“Yuck. You’re sweating all over me.”
He laughed.
“It’s just sweat.”
He turned to me and opened his arms for a big embrace. I walked into them and noticed he did smell a little ripe. It was also hard to hug him with his pads still on his body. He squeezed me tightly and kissed me on the top of my head.
“You don’t mind a little sweat do you babe?” he said flashing his perfect smile at me.
“You know I don’t,” I said winking and smiling back at him.
“Good, maybe I get to see how much you can sweat later,” he said low enough that only Stacey and I heard.
I laughed.
Stacy rolled her eyes and shoved David. She didn’t like it when either of us flirted with each other.
“Get in there and take off those smelly clothes so we can get something to eat!”
He laughed as he walked away down the tunnel and into the locker room.
As we waited, more players walked by us in the tunnel. I couldn’t help noticing there were so many attractive men on this team.
I froze when I saw the object of my obsession walk past. It was known by anyone in my circle that I have had a crush on the four-time all-star wide receiver for the team for a while now.
His name was Keith Morgan and I thought he was so sexy. He was 6’4” 220 lbs. of muscle and man. He was dark skinned with long dreads.
He was so gorgeous but I have never spoken to him. I didn’t have the nerve to ask David to introduce me. He has a rule that I can’t get with anyone on his team. He viewed it as a conflict of interest or something.
So I have lusted after this man from afar. This is the first time he had ever been this close to me.
He eyed me as he walked past. I could see him looking me up and down. I smiled at him and he smiled back winking at me. He made it into the locker room and I let go of the breath I didn’t know I was holding.