Diary of an Expat in Singapore (30 page)

Grocery shopping

Followed by a stop at the local food court for delicious kimchi fried rice and/or Korean barbecue. Yes, I do realize most of my activities involve eating… blame the children and the ridiculously wide array of choices in Singapore. My kids really do love grocery shopping. And if they’re allowed to pick their own snacks and as many olives as they want, they’re in heaven. Small tip: Eat first unless you want to go home with half the store. Luckily for us, right next to the grocery store there is an amazing food court with excellent Korean food and papaya juice (remember to clearly pronounce the word
juice
or the grumpy auntie might just hand you a plate of papaya).

Take them to their dad’s office for a surprise visit

What place could be more exotic for your kids to see than their dad’s office? And if it’s in Suntec City, it probably has one of the best views of the city. Since most of his colleagues will be away on the holiday, he won’t mind if you bring the kids and might even suggest it himself. (Unlikely, but stranger things have happened.) If you bring the kids to his office after lunch, you can check out the nearby designer furniture stores. Don’t be misled by the sale signs, they have been up since we first arrived. And finally, remember to
accidentally
forget at least one of the kids at his office. Both might be pushing it.

There’s kayaking for P.E.

What school doesn’t have kayaking for P.E.? Growing up in Italy, I attended a public school where gym consisted of running back and forth in a concrete corridor while the coach barked at us to breathe in and out. The boys were not so lucky, they did push-ups in another room while the coach hit them on the back with a whistle. Ah, those childhood memories…

The kids’ sneakers cost more than your handbag.

And your handbag was an anniversary present. Shoes are not just shoes at an international school. Some trainers (sneakers, runners, whatever) can even be personalized for just an extra (hundred) dollars or two.

Lunchtime looks like a UN convention.

If Alexander and his friends at school sit down together to eat, it’s like having Italy, Iran, Great Britain and the Philippines all represented at the same table. If only the world’s problems could be resolved over a cheese sandwich and a juice box. School is possibly the only place where they don’t mind hearing the question most dreaded by expat kids everywhere: “Where are you from?” Dreaded because most expat kids have no idea where the heck they’re from. “Let’s see, I was born in Kenya, raised in England, and now I live in Singapore.”

Your kid can’t pronounce his best friend’s name.

When your best friend comes from Kazakhstan, it’s going to take you longer to learn his name (spelling might take forever) than to ask him over for a play date. Luckily the term
dude
is totally acceptable and should tide you over the first few weeks. Now about addressing those birthday invitation envelopes…

Students walk around with water bottles.

Obviously in preparation for the imminent drought nobody thought to warn you about. You really need to start watching the news more often.

Kids only see their grandparents on Skype.

In Italy, kids usually see their grandparents on Sundays around the lunch table. If you go to an international school, it will still be on Sundays but on a computer screen via Skype. Avoid calling them during nap time or they will be grumpy.

Field trips include skiing in the Alps and sailing in New Zealand.

When you were a kid, your school trip was probably to the zoo. Not so at an international school. They take it very seriously. And don’t call them school trips, these are
learning expeditions
(as such they are mandatory and require expensive gear). As you wander the hallways, ogling the posters advertising skiing in the Alps and trekking in the Himalayas, you wonder: “Where am I? A school or a luxury travel agency?”

On the day back from school holidays, most kids walk around in a jet-lagged stupor.

Most kids at international schools go
home
for the holidays and home involves travelling through various time zones. Furthermore, parents craftily time the date of the return to coincide with the day before school starts. “It will help them get over jet lag quicker,” they reason, as their child catches a 6:55 am school bus at what feels like the middle of the night. Final result: the school looks like the film set of ‘The Return of the Living Dead’.