Dirty South Drug Wars (14 page)

When the details of the lie were hashed out, the boys walked inside. Josie and Lucy stood on the rickety porch burning holes in my head with their stern stares.

“What?” I huffed, frowning at them.

“This is too much, Rue,” Josie said in a firm voice. “We can’t keep secrets from Brodie and Peyton forever. Avoid Tanner. Okay? And I’ll avoid Bryce.”

“Fine,” I said.

Lucy and Josie entered the house, leaving me alone, anxious, and worried. As I grabbed the door behind them, my cell phone vibrated in my pocket. No one was around, so I shut the door and removed the phone from my pocket. The message that flashed across the screen warmed my traitorous heart.

I want to see you.

When?

Tonight. Alone.

Alone? How can I trust you?

The only way to learn trust is to offer it.

The consequence of broken trust between our families is death.

Barely a second passed before he responded.

You’re worth the risk.

I felt dizzy. When I was a small child, I’d stare up at the blue sky and spin in circles over and over. I’d fall in the deep, green grass with my head happily swimming, feeling giddy, alive, and free. Although I hadn’t felt that much freedom since I was a small girl, I felt it at that moment. It was exactly how Tanner’s text made me feel. But my heartfelt devotion to him was fool’s logic. Protecting myself, which in essence meant protecting my
sister
, stood out in the forefront of my mind. With a laden heart, I texted him one last time.

Save your gifts and poetic notions for someone else. Stay away from Mayhaw.

After several heart-churning seconds, the bright screen faded to black, and I slipped the phone inside my pocket. Only later, when I’d stepped back inside Nana’s house, did he text me one last time.

Can’t stay away. I never really left.

“What does he mean, I never really left?” Lucy asked. Drumming her fingernails on her bare leg, she laid her head on the headrest of my Jeep as I drove us home. Auburn wisps of hair danced around her face and clung to one corner of her mouth, but she made no move to push them aside.

“I don’t know,” I responded. “I texted him back and asked him, but he hasn’t replied.”

I half expected Tanner’s restored Mustang to be idling in the driveway as I pulled in, but the busted concrete drive was bare of any vehicles. Mutual relief and disappointment cut through my system, leaving my mind in a jumbled mess of conflict.

“You shoulda been more firm,” Lucy said, “and not stared at him the way you did.”

“Stared at him like what?”

Lucy grabbed the door handle, pausing before popping it open. “Like you’d lost all your pride.”

The slam of the door behind her shook me from the dumbfounded state her words had caused. What she said was the truth. Whenever Tanner was around I found myself in a graceless state, the strength I’d always been proud to carry around nonexistent. And I hated it. I hated the weakness in my knees, the yearning inside my chest, the desire to forget all the deaths and betrayal and heartache his family brought onto mine.

And I craved it.

I craved the unrepentant attention in the burning torch he claimed to carry for me, the swell of my sputtering heart, the dampness of my palms, the twist of my stomach whenever he smiled.

“You’re a fool, Rue,” I muttered to myself. “Don’t you see it’s all an act? He’ll be the one laughing, and you, you’ll be left dead on the stage.”

Thumping my forehead against the steering wheel, I groaned and wondered,
Would I be the next Monroe to die, or maybe Josie? Lucy …

Troubled by my thoughts, I climbed out of the Jeep and wrapped my arms around my torso. The temperature had dropped, bringing an odd coolness to the air. Storm clouds snuffed out the half-moon perched overhead. I rushed forward, a strange current of foreboding creeping into my system.

Staring down at my cell, I read Tanner’s words over and over until my eyes were a blurry, painful mess. Before ducking into the shower, I found myself standing on the balcony peering up the dark, winding drive, finding nothing out of the ordinary.

Hot water cascaded from the showerhead, working the tension from my muscles. Wishing it also washed the anxiety from my mind, I turned off the water. Coolness filled the bathroom as the air unit kicked on. I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around me, still attempting to shake the nerves from my bones.
Only one thing will relax me
, I thought, forcing what little of a smile I could muster and grabbing my one-hitter.

With trembling fingers, I lit the pipe, inhaling the potent weed I’d begged off Peyton a couple weeks ago.

“Got this off a guy from Oxford,” he’d said. “Thirty-seven percent THC.”

“There’s no such thing as that much THC in a strain. Maybe twenty-four or twenty-five. Thirty-seven is unheard of.”

“Whatever you wanna believe, cuz,” Peyton had said. “This guy knows how to grow weed. Works on the weed farm on the Ole Miss campus. He’s a weed expert.”

“Yeah, I don’t think you’re supposed to tell me that.” I had laughed, smirking at his free-flowing smile.

“Meh, I trust you, Ruby Red.” Peyton had picked at a small, red bump on his face. His cheeks were hollowing out, sallow. “We’re family. And if you ever wanna try something stronger … I’ve got some stuff that will take you to another galaxy, but it’s not weed. Weed is kids’ stuff, a thing of the past.”

“Rue.” Lucy banged on the door, rattling it on its hinges.

Leaning against the wall, I sank to the floor, my towel untucking itself from between my breasts. “Go away, I’m tired.” Fingering the clumps of hair drying on my head, I took a deep breath, feeling as though the room were distorted, warped, collapsing, and sucking into my lungs. Peyton’s weed was much stronger than I’d allowed myself to believe. I blew out a breath and curled in a ball on the floor, the air pricking my naked skin. The bare floor felt nice against my face. I stared at the slit of light shining from the hallway under the door. Lucy’s feet were two dark shadows, shifting with each bang against the heavy wood.

“Are you smoking without me? God, I hate you. Unbelievable. Olivia’s picking me up. I’m out.” Grumbling, she padded away, slamming a door behind her.

I stared at the untroubled light until my lids were heavy and the spinning floor beneath me melted away. The one-hitter slipped from my fingers. I was a whirling mess of frizzy hair, damp skin, and thoughts of
him
. I fell asleep on the bedroom floor, too numb to crawl to my bed.

Something startled me awake later in the night. Invisible hands of alarm grasped my shoulders, shaking me alive. Sitting up, I noticed I was alone and still naked, my face and body sore from passing out on the floor. Through weed-laced eyes, I found the ribbon Tanner had given me years ago hanging from the open drawer of my desk, dancing in the air blowing from the ceiling vent. Standing on wobbly legs, I shook my head, gathering my bearings. The thin tank top and boxers I sometimes wore to bed sat atop my desk in a wad of wrinkled cotton. I threw them on and tied up my hair with the ribbon. My fingers jerked at the silk when patterns of light danced across my bedroom wall.

The growling of an engine ripped its way up my drive. The lights cut out, leaving nothing but the familiar whine of a car trembling outside. Seconds later, the night air was still, dead, aside from the croak of frogs and the chorus of crickets. I pressed myself against the wall, fumbling feet traveling the floor and sweaty palms flat against the glass balcony doors.

“Please God,” I begged, uncertain of what I was begging for—an absence of death, a brand new life. Both seemed probable.

The door fogged up with each breath and I wiped it away, desperate not to lose sight of his car. Tinted windows hid him from the outside world, but I could feel him, the same way I’d felt his presence the night at the train station.

Completely dishonorable intentions.

You keep pushing and I’ll keep pulling.

A soft glow of light and the shrill ring of my cell caused me to lose my footing and stumble across the room, half-blind from my earlier activities. Dragging in a deep breath, I silently answered the phone. Returning to the glass doors, I stared into the darkness.

“Rue? I know you’re there. I hear you breathing.” A dark chuckle and the creak of a door sounded. His interior light didn’t turn on as he swung the door open and stood, his lanky body outlined by the moonlight overhead. “Come outside.”

“No way. Why are you here? How did you find my house?” My incisors sank into my bottom lip with each step he took toward the house until the porch light cast a warm glow over his body. I found the handle to the door and pulled it to the side, cringing at the sound of metal dragging against metal.

“You know why I’m here.” His voice was low, quiet, heartbreaking in its plea. “Come downstairs and talk to me.”

I dragged my free hand across the metal railing, collecting the late night dew on my fingertips. Truth was, Tanner frightened me, but for a Monroe to admit fear of a Montgomery was the worst kind of failure.

“You’re bold, Tanner Montgomery, showing up here in the middle of the night. Either you’re really brave or really stupid. How do you know I haven’t already called the cops?”

Tanner snorted. “Because if you’d called the cops they’d be here by now.” He raised his eyebrows in sureness, a wicked smirk on his lips. “Besides, what are they gonna do, arrest me?”

“Maybe.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time.” Tanner shrugged, the confident smile on his face untouched.

“Sounds like you don’t mind being locked up in a cell with other men.” I tried to fight the smile threatening to erupt on my face, but I couldn’t hold back. “Perhaps I misunderstood Drew’s dishonorable intentions comment.”

Tanner’s eyebrows puckered together in confusion. “Dishonorable intentions?”

“Mmm. He said your intentions with me are completely dishonorable, but have nothing to do with hurting me.”

Tanner’s sinful grin returned, flipping my stomach and doing silly things inside my chest. “Guess I haven’t kept my affections hidden very well, have I?”

“He could be lying, of course.” I tilted my head, studying the curve of his face, the coarseness of the shadow running along his jaw.

“You still think I wanna hurt you?” Tanner stepped closer to the porch, the toe of his boots hitting the bottom step.

“Maybe,” I whispered. “And why wouldn’t you? Your family has been hurting mine for years.”

“And vice versa.” A deep sigh resounded through the phone. I leaned over the rail as he sat on the porch steps, his shoulders slumped. “I didn’t come here to argue over the past. I came to talk about the future. All I’m asking for is a chance to prove myself to you.”

I propped my elbows on the railing. He made me feverish, that boy. My skin was hot and uncomfortable. The dewy wetness of the metal railing didn’t cool it a bit. “What you’re asking for is impossible.”

Tanner leaned back as well, resting his head against a column on the porch. “Nothing feels impossible when I’m around you. Nothing.”

We stared at each other for an insurmountable amount of time. Him sitting on the steps of the porch was both a blessing and a curse. His hair was slick, slightly wet, and a shining mess under the light. He wore a T-shirt with the sleeves ripped off, exposing well-defined arms. The Montgomery tattoo on his right, inner forearm stood out boldly in the whitewash of the moonlight and the glow of the porch, reminding me of what a wrongdoer I was by even speaking to this boy.

But his words were sweet, always sweet, and they were steady and true. I believed them to be true. I took a step back, the rough surface of the balcony floor sullying my bare soles.

“If you hurt me, my family will kill you.”

“And rightfully so.” He took the phone away from his ear, ending the call.

Huffing, I clutched my cell in my hand, irked by his audacity to refuse me any further argument. He relaxed even further against the column, sprawling one leg out in front of him, the other bent on the steps and one arm resting atop his knee. Closing his eyes, he tilted his head back, cutting off his gaze from me, cutting my heart from my chest. The pain of losing that simple connection, that uncomplicated stare, triggered the realization of how deep I was sinking.

Still, I grabbed his gun from under my mattress and crept downstairs. I opened the door and leaned on the frame, hiding the gun behind my back.

Tanner’s pink lips curved into a smooth smile as he stood. He crossed the deck, each step causing my heart to sputter. The closer he grew, the more violent my heart protested. Out of instinct, I pushed myself from the door frame and pressed the gun to his chest. Eyes widening, he stilled, his boots rooted to the wooden porch.

“Bang, bang. You’re dead.”

“Might help if you had the safety off.”

I smiled, sliding my finger on the safety and dragging the gun down to his navel. “It’s not loaded anyway … or is it?”

Tanner reached up and took the gun from my hand without any protest on my part. With nothing to hold, my fingers felt jerky, searching for security, even in the form of an unloaded gun. He tucked the weapon in the back waistband of his jeans and grabbed my hand.

I let him take it.

I followed him to the porch step and sat down beside him, so close to his side I became dizzy. His skin smelled of what I could only describe as man. I tensed as he wrapped one arm around my waist, relaxing when he pulled me against him where I so naturally fit.

“You’re scared.” His voice was soft, his lips brushing against my temple. His nose found its way into my hair, and he inhaled heavily then smiled against my cheek. “I see it in your eyes.”

“Yes.”

“Tell me what scares you, Rue.”

Tanner’s warm breath washed over my face, smelling of minty toothpaste. He cupped my chin and turned my face to his, studying my expression.

“I’m scared of everything. I’m scared of Amos and what he’ll do when he finds out about us. I’m scared of your intensity. I’m scared of the way I feel when I’m around you. But most of all I’m too scared to tell you no. Because one day you’ll get tired of the rejection and you’ll stop fighting for me.”

“Don’t be afraid,” he whispered. “I won’t let anyone hurt you. I won’t leave you. And I’m glad you stopped pushing me away. Although, I’ve got to say, I’ve certainly enjoyed the chase.”

He chuckled, and I smiled a bit.

“I think Amos may already know you were looking for me.” My smile wavered at the memory of Amos’ dog lying dead in my grandmother’s backyard.

Tanner’s arm was still wrapped around my waist and his fingers crept underneath the hem of my shirt near my rib cage. I took in a sharp, surprised breath. He massaged my skin with his long fingers but said nothing as he watched my face and listened to me speak. I told him what Amos had said and about Buck visiting him.

“He shot his dog right in front of me.” I cringed at the sight that was burned into my mind. “He said that’s what happens to traitors. I know he’ll kill us, Tanner. If he finds us together he’ll kill us.”