Disasterology 101 (33 page)

Or so Cedric hoped.

He settled on the tug-twist pattern that he’d learned drove Kevin out of his mind, and soon his bloke’s need was too strong to be denied. Cedric listened to him moan and grunt. His breathing became so labored he was merely gasping by the end.

Cedric clenched his teeth and tried to be prepared for what he knew was coming next.

“Yes…yes...” Kevin chanted, his climax ripping through him and coating Cedric’s fingers.

Cedric held his breath.

Kevin panted and sagged on the sofa.

He needed to move and escape the room. Get to the shower before Kevin regained consciousness.

“That was fantastic.”

Too late
.

He wiped his fingers on Kevin’s stomach.

“I think what you just did is kinda inconsiderate,” Kevin slurred. “But as everything else related to you, I find it incredibly erotic.”

Cedric jumped off the sofa.

Kevin cracked his eyelids open. “What are you doing?”

“I’m sorry, love.” Cedric pressed a hand over his cock and forced an apologetic smile. “I’m afraid I couldn’t wait.” He tugged his lip ring, and shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “I made a mess.”

“Oh…”

“I need some time to clean up and be by myself.” Without making eye contact, he turned around and headed for the door. “Don’t wait up.”

“Honey?”

Kevin’s voice brought him to a dead stop. “Yes?”

“Please come to me.” Kevin said in a soft, almost pleading tone. “As soon as you feel like you can handle it, come to bed with me, if only for a little while, okay?”

Cedric nodded stiffly. “I’ll try.”

After a split second’s hesitation—in which he considered burying his face in the curve of Kevin’s neck, and talking to him about what had just happened—he walked out of the media room quietly. Better not say anything. Not when he knew he wouldn’t be able to deal with his emotions if his lover happened to have a negative reaction.

He kept his hand firmly pressed over his groin as he made his way to his bedroom on the opposite side of the flat. Kevin had looked like he needed a few minutes to recover from his orgasm, but Cedric wanted to be properly concealed in case Kevin decided to walk behind him.

“One…two…three…”

His head was pounding by the time he entered his bedroom and closed the door.

“…six…seven…”

He tried to keep his mind void of thoughts, but the hideous, heavy coldness trapped between his thigh and his sweatpants was a loathsome reminder of how little control he had over his body.

“…nine…ten…eleven…”

He shook his head. His vision was getting blurry.

“…thirteen…”

He’d been praying for a moment like this since he and Kevin started seeing each other.

“…fourteen…fifteen…”

He’d waited forever to touch his lover’s body with his bare hands without feeling like vomiting.

“…eighteen…nineteen…”

Kevin had looked beautiful when he came, and Cedric didn’t mind that his hand felt warm and sticky from the remnant of Kevin’s release.

“…twenty-one…twenty-two…twenty-three…”

Yet Cedric’s own reaction to the most significant moment of his sexual life was revolting.

“…twenty-six…twenty-seven…”

He locked the bathroom door and took his clothes off.

“…thirty.”

His dry, completely clean sweatpants landed in the laundry basket at the same time as Cedric wiped his wet face with his forearm.

He didn’t look down as he stepped in the shower and turned on the hot water tap, and he didn’t wince when the almost boiling water scalded all over his hair and skin. He just stood under the rainfall showerhead, hoping the hot water would relieve the tension in his neck and shoulders.

It wasn’t working.

He opened his mouth and swallowed a few gulps of the burning liquid. He wanted to detoxify his body from the vitriol running through his blood stream, and maybe even cleanse his negative thoughts and emotions.

After a few minutes he lifted a hand and searched for the soap blindly. His vision kept getting blurrier by the second.

Careful not to make any brusque movement he concentrated on building up a good lather over his arms, chest, and stomach. He didn’t want the useless appendage hanging between his legs to touch any part of his body. The way he felt right now, he was likely to rip it off and flush it down the toilet.

He took deep breaths while he analyzed what had happened in the media room.

He’s been ready to come all over Kevin. His bollocks had been drawn tight, and his cock throbbing painfully. Then, all of a sudden, nothing. A pull and a twitch, and he’d deflated.

Pathetic.

He’d wanted Kevin. His mind
always
did. Cedric was a bit mental over his lover’s body, and spent a good deal of time fantasizing about what he’d like to do to him. Cedric’s medication might have some serious side effects, but his sexual drive had yet to be affected. Attraction and desire weren’t the issue. It was the erectile dysfunction that could eventually poison his relationship with Kevin.

Because no matter how much he wanted Kevin, Cedric had difficulty getting an erection.

Because when he did get an erection, he was almost incapable of maintaining it.

Because when he managed to maintain it, it was only on rare occasions when he ejaculated.

Cedric returned the soap to the dish, pushed his wet hair off his forehead, and stared at his cock through cloudy eyes. It was long and thick, even when it was limp. It looked normal. Perfectly functional. Adept to engage in any kind of sexual activity. Totally misleading.

He fisted his cock with his left hand carefully, rubbed his thumb over the slit, and pulled the foreskin back until the head was exposed. He cupped his bollocks with his other hand, and moved his skin back and forth in the way that used to give him so much pleasure back when he had no problems getting it up. He re-lived that glorious moment when Kevin grunted as he sprayed Cedric’s fingers with his semen. He rubbed his frenulum and bottom of the glans. He imagined Kevin’s tongue sliding up and down his hard shaft… his lips closing firmly around Cedric’s cock, trapping it in the warmth of his mouth. No rubbers. Not even one.

His body didn’t react.

“
Bloody hell….
”

He slammed his fist against the marble tile of the shower and wanked faster. His fingers wrapped around his shaft tautly. So much that his knuckles blanched, and the veins of his hands looked like they were about to burst.

He widened his stance and pictured the third time he’d possessed Kevin. It was his favorite so far. Kevin on his back, spread wide open with his legs over Cedric’s shoulders was a sight to behold. Cedric had never come as much as he had that night.

Not enough….

He twisted his wrist and pumped harder. He thought about Kevin’s hairy chest and heavy bollocks. He conjured his scent, and the way his blue eyes came alive with need whenever Cedric kissed him

Not working….

He held himself tighter as he remembered the exquisite headiness he felt every time Kevin’s arse muscles clenched around his cock.

Come on….

He ignored the burning sensation on his shaft, and the fact that his skin was on fire, and felt extremely tight. He just thrust his hips and moved his hand faster.

Up and down, thumb over his slit, foreskin stretched over the glans, then all the way back to the base of his shaft.

Harder.

Couldn’t go faster.

The grip wasn’t good enough.

Cedric threw his head back and roared loud and long. His muscles contracted, and his tears mixed with the hot water. Sobs raked through his body, and a silent scream clawed at his throat as he looked at his flaccid cock for only God knew how long.

When the surge of grief and fear started to dwindle, he collapsed on the floor of the shower floor. Inhaling deeply, he wrapped his arms around himself in an attempt to shield his mind and body from the overwhelming shame he felt.

He needed to get a hold of himself. Stop hiding from what was happening, and figure out how to deal with the side effects of his antidepressant. Granted he was scared to change any aspect of his current treatment, as it was the most effective to date from a psychological perspective, but he needed to take care of his body as well. Having a fulfilling sexual life was part of it. He wanted to be able to get an erection, and he wanted to come. He wanted to be able to satisfy Kevin.

It was time he found a solution. Being half a man would never do.

§ § §

“
Tell me what I am then
.”

“
My haven… Hope you don’t mind
.”

Kevin stopped the clip, rewound it, and played it again.

“
My haven… Hope you don’t mind
.”

He put his phone down, turned on his side, and fixed his gaze on the bedroom door. It was ajar. He wanted Cedric to know he was waiting in the event he happened to show up. But over two hours had passed, so Kevin wasn’t holding his breath.

After taking a shower, having a snack, and talking to his kids on the phone, he felt dangerously close to his limit of tolerance. He was worried about Cedric, but he was also pissed off to once again be kept waiting. So much, that he wanted to grab the guy by his long, silky hair, and drag him out of his room. Shake him up a bit and force him to talk, if that’s what it took.

Cedric’s absence wasn’t about needing down time. It was about feeling rattled, and wanting to sort things out by himself. Kevin was sure of it. He’d been around the guy often enough to recognize the difference.

But he said he needed time, and Kevin couldn’t disrespect his boundaries. Not even if he knew for a fact Cedric was hiding.

He played the clip one more time, then sent it to Cedric as a text message. He held his breath as he waited.

“Come on, babe,” he muttered. “Come on….”

It took almost five minutes, but his phone chirped with a text message.

Thank you
.

That was it. Not much to go with, but at least now he knew Cedric was awake.

Kevin didn’t waste time.

Am I really your haven?
He typed.
Did you mean that?
He sent the message before he could change his mind.

I meant it with all my heart.

Then come to bed with me.

I can’t.

If you meant it, you will.
Kevin sent the message, and then another without waiting for Cedric’s reply.
I don’t care if you have to bundle up from head to toe, and we don’t need to talk if you don’t want to, but you’ve got to give me this. You’ve got to lie next to me and let me hold you.

Kevin didn’t get a reply, but ten minutes later Cedric walked through the door dressed in his standard sweats and hoodie uniform.

Thank God
.

Cedric didn’t say a word as he got in bed, but he plastered his back to Kevin’s chest.

“What happened?” Kevin asked quietly.

“You said we didn’t have to talk,” Cedric whispered.

“That was before I knew you’d been crying.” Kevin put his arm around Cedric’s waist, and buried his nose in the purple scarf he was wearing. “Your eyes and nose are red,” he said. “What’s wrong, babe?”