Disasterology 101 (15 page)

He’d always wanted a family and a few times he wondered if he’d unconsciously used Jenny as a live-in surrogate. Then he remembered how he’d been crazy about Jenny in every aspect but sexual and had to discard those thoughts as ludicrous.

And was it his imagination or was Jenny’s tone slightly inferring when she said “someone”?

“We’ll see,” he mumbled, not daring to look at her closely.

“Things happen in their own time.” Jenny’s tone was still implying, but she also sounded sympathetic. And her eyes… they were kind… understanding… “I know you’ll find the right person for you.”

Kevin put an entire cookie in his mouth and shook his head. “I really don’t want to talk about this, Jen.”

“Why not?”

Kevin’s skin crawled a little. Why the hell wasn’t she letting the subject go?

“Because.”

“You can’t avoid this conversation forever, Kev.”

“I want to avoid it today.”

“You know I want to see you happy, right?”

“Of course I know that. I want to see you happy too.”

“Then why are you so reluctant to talk about the possibility of meetin—”

“It’s not that simple in my case.”

“What makes it so complicated?”

He could’ve evaded the question. He could’ve avoided talking about this until he was ready.

He didn’t.

“The fact that I don’t want to be with a woman.” Kevin wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and locked eyes with his ex-wife. “Ever.”

It only took Jenny a few seconds to understand the implication behind his words.

Jesus.

Hadn’t he just been thinking he wasn’t ready to talk about the whole thing? But for some reason Jenny was pushing the issue. She was giving him too good an opportunity to let her know that whoever he ended up with would be male. He couldn’t pass it up.

Thankfully the kids were waiting in the next room, because he thought Jenny would need some privacy to deal with her emotions after learning his truth.

But she was handling it better than he thought she would.
Way better
.

Other than her eyes watering a bit, she remained composed. No hysterics, no denials, no demands for explanations, no ‘how could you’s?’.

Kevin shook his head slowly when he realized why there was none of that.

“How could you know?” he whispered. “I thought I was…”

“Careful?” Jenny suggested when he couldn’t think of the right word. “You were, Kev. You hid it well.”

“Then how?”

“Oh, honey.” She wiped away her tears and smiled at Kevin. His knees almost buckled under him. “We’ve known each other since the eighth grade, and in all these years you’ve never been able to fool me.” A wicked smile spread across her face, making her eyes shine with mischief. “Plus, there’s the fact you had the hardest time taking your eyes off TK’s karate instructor.”

“
What
?”

He could feel his face turn red. Kevin thought he’d been discreet whenever he checked the little Asian guy out, which was all the time. Good Lord, but had he made Kevin hard. He couldn’t remember in how many of his fantasies the short guy with the compact body had starred. Kevin had been relieved out of his mind the day TK got his blue belt and moved up to another class.

“Close your mouth,” Jenny ordered him. She was laughing and wiping away tears at the same time. Kevin really didn’t know if she was amused or having a nervous meltdown. “The guy was hot.”

“I…”

Kevin didn’t know what to say to her. He wasn’t expecting this. He’d imagined a hundred different ways in which this scene could’ve gone, but having Jenny tell him she already knew was never one of them.

And she wasn’t mad at him… she didn’t look disgusted....

He was so damn relieved he could’ve cried. Had it not been because he was afraid he’d never be able to get hold of himself if he started, he would’ve sobbed his heart out.

“I didn’t lie to you,” he finally said. “I wasn’t pretending to be something I wasn’t when we started dating in high school.” He hadn’t purposefully misled her by pretending he was heterosexual. Although he’d been attracted to guys, it wasn’t until after his daughter Brianna was born that Kevin seriously questioned his sexuality. He might not have talked to his wife about it, but prior to that point he’d been convinced he was bisexual. “I thought I was bisexual,” he said it out loud. It was important that Jenny knew this. She was an amazing woman and Kevin had the utmost respect for her. He would have never used her.

“So did I, but going by what you just said I realize I was mistaken.”

“Is that why you decided to get a divorce? Because you figured out I wasn’t completely straight?”

She shook her head briefly and took a deep breath before answering. “You were a perfect husband, Kev. I mean, the sex was never to die for, but you always took care of me. You were considerate, responsible, caring, and very dependable. You never disrespected or abused me. You had all the qualities I wanted in a husband, but we never argued. You wouldn’t disagree with me about anything.” Jenny smiled at him and caressed his cheek tenderly. “At some point I started thinking you were trying to compensate. You know, making up for something you were doing wrong. I followed you to find out what was going on.”

“You did not!”

“Okay, not exactly, but I checked up on you a few times. I got the kids in the car and went to see if you were where you said you’d be. I’m not proud of it, but I did. I wanted to find out who the hell you were shacking up with, and what was it they gave you that you couldn’t get from me.”

“I’m so sorry for making you feel that way.” It was difficult to voice his regret when shame was sitting so heavily on his chest. “I was committed to you and our family. I would’ve never two-timed you, Jen.”

“I know you never did.” Her smile was grateful this time around. “There’s no doubt in my mind about that. We had a good life together. We were happier than most of the couples we knew, and that includes the ones that professed being crazy in love with each other. Yet, you weren’t in love with me. There was no passion between us, and that’s why I decided it was time to part ways.”

“Because I wasn’t all over you?”

“Because you’d never be.”

“I was destroyed when you told me you wanted to end our marriage.”

She came around the kitchen island and hugged him. “So was I, but we both deserved a chance.” She patted his cheek lightly and squeezed his tense shoulders with her delicate hands. “I’ve found mine…and you’ll get yours.”

“Will you help me?” he pleaded, unable to hold back his tears for another second. “I need to get the kids to understand what it means to be gay. They need to understand I’m still the same.”

“You’re the greatest dad in the entire world, so you can bet your little virgin hole I’ll help you in any way I can.” She grinned from ear to ear and smacked him on the ass. “I mean, is it still virgin or did some lucky guy pop your cherry already?”

Kevin gasped. “Jenny!”

He didn’t know whether to be embarrassed or delighted by her response. In the end he just laughed his ass off. They both did, and it felt good. But not as good as the tight, reassuring hug she gave him.

“Nothing in this world will ever make our kids stop loving you, Kev. Not a damn thing.”

“Thank you, Jen,” he whispered, overcome with the love he still had for this woman and fond memories of what they had been to each other. He was nervous over the uncertainty of where he was heading, but confident Jen would help him pave the road with their kids.

“What are you thanking me for?” Her voice trembled a little and her eyes welled up with tears. Whether they were caused by relief after their conversation or apprehension she wasn’t voicing, he had no idea.

“For sticking it out with me for so many years. For wanting to create children with me….” He smiled at her and tucked one of her blonde curls behind her small ear. She was beautiful, both TK and Ava looked exactly like her. Brianna, on the other hand, was a miniature, much prettier carbon copy of Kevin. “For being the best mother our kids could’ve wished for.”

“Oh Kevin.” She hugged him again. “Are you sure you’re not upset? You know… about Will?”

“Positive,” he said after taking a few seconds to think it over. He wanted to see her happy, and if getting a job and dating this Will guy was what she wanted, he’d support her. “But I’d like to meet him. You know I always want to know who our kids hang out with and I’m afraid your boyfriend doesn’t get any special passes.”

A sweet smile spread across Jenny’s tear-streaked face. “I can ask Will to be here Sunday night when you drop off the kids. We’ll have coffee and cannolis and you guys can talk. Would that be okay?”

“I’ll be here at seven.” Kevin handed his ex-wife a napkin from the holder on the counter and smiled back at her.

“Thanks.” She blew her nose and took a few steps back. “Now, about those horses….”

“Hold off on it for a few more days,” Kevin said. “Knowing Ava she’ll be over Cinderella and into Little Mermaid by the end of the week, and instead of horses—”

“She’ll want a pool, a boat and a turquoise tail.” Jenny finished saying, a happy chuckle escaping her lips. “You’re absolutely right.”

“I better get going now.” He walked out of the kitchen, closely followed by Jenny. “Come on, TK!” he called for his son from the landing of the stairs. “We’re leaving!”

“If you give Ava ice cream after ten neither one of you will get any sleep tonight. You know that,” Jenny reminded him.

“Do we get to talk ’bout my birfday now?” Ava asked the second she came out of the living room.

Kevin watched his son run down the stairs and hugged him before grabbing his daughters’ overnight bags. “Let me help you with that, princess.” He took the pile of books Brianna never left home without. “Any chance I can interest you in getting an e-reader?”

“Would you get it for me?” Brianna lit up like a Christmas tree. “Oh, Daddy. That’d be awesome!”

“Such a nerd,” TK said. Fortunately his middle child had learned to ignore her brother’s jabs by the time she’d hit six.

“We’ll look into it tomorrow, okay?” Kevin pinched Brianna’s cheek and kissed her on her head.

“What about my birfday?”

“We can discuss those horses you want on our way home, okay?” he said to Ava when she tugged on his shirt. “Zip up your sweater. It’s kinda chilly outside.”

“Bye, Mom!” TK tried to sneak out of the house. At fourteen he was full of I’m-too-old-to-be-kissing-my-mom attitude. Jenny wasn’t having any of it. She grabbed him by the collar of his hoodie and planted a wet one on his cheek.

“Be good to your sisters, you hear me?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Bye, Mommy!” Ava adjusted her sweater, kissed Jenny and followed her brother outside.

“Have a good weekend, sweetie.” Jenny kissed Brianna, then ran back to the kitchen and came back with a shopping bag full of plastic containers with leftovers that she added to Kevin’s load. “I didn’t forget.”

“Thanks, Jen.” Kevin smiled at Brianna when she took the food bag from him and waved at his ex-wife on his way out. “See you Sunday, okay?”

He only realized how apprehensive he must have sounded when Jenny squeezed his arm and hugged him one more time.

“It’ll be fine,” she whispered right before closing the front door.

CHAPTER TWELVE

Cedric must have been assigned twenty new students and no one bothered to notify him. Either that or the classroom had gotten smaller. The seats were awfully close, and even the ceiling seemed to be lower.

Then there were the book bags and purses, hanging from the back of the seats or resting between the students’ legs. As if Cedric hadn’t specifically told them the blasted things were to remain on the floor at all times. As if he hadn’t asked them—again—to keep them on the left side of their seats the moment they returned from their first break. As if they thought he was being funny and his rules were a joke.