Disasterology 101 (49 page)

“I wanted to see—shit.”

“See what?” He glanced at Kevin. “Me behaving like an arse in front of your children? Losing my bearings as a result of having them in the one place where I feel completely safe without warning me first? Because you knew that was bound to happen if you didn’t give me time to prepare. You fucking
knew
.”

“Yeah, I knew,” Kevin whispered. “You’re right about that.”

Cedric came to a dead stop in front of Kevin, and stared into his eyes. “Then allow me to congratulate you, mate, because you certainly accomplished what you set out to do,” he muttered, not giving a shit that he probably looked vulnerable, and terrified. It was exactly how he felt. There was no hiding the fact that he thought Kevin wanted to end things between them, and he was scared out of his bloody mind.

He had spent years thinking about what he’d need to feel whole and be happy, both in terms of living conditions and personal affiliations, and after months of working toward that goal, he’d thought he’d found it all with Kevin.

He was everything Cedric ever dreamed in a partner, and then some. He was a good listener, patient, loyal, romantic, passionate, and deliciously possessive. They got along great, complemented each other, and even the sex was fantastic whenever they managed to have it. And better yet, Kevin talked and behaved like he really wanted to be with Cedric. He’d been extremely upset when he found out Cedric might be going back to England, so Cedric had had more than one reason to believe they’d stay together.

But now it looked like he might have been wrong.

Please, Lord
, he prayed silently,
don’t let me be wrong
.

He was in love with Kevin, and needed time to make him feel the same way… to prove that he could, and would, get used to being around his kids, and to become the kind of man Kevin would want to tie himself to for the rest of his life.

“I didn’t accomplish a damn thing.” Kevin’s voice was low when he finally spoke, and slightly pained. “But yes, I was hoping that seeing you react negatively to my kids’ presence would give me the reality check I so desperately needed.”

Cedric gulped back a surge of bile, and repeated carefully, “Reality check?”

“There are so many reasons why we shouldn’t be together... Have you ever thought about that?”

“I can’t say I have.” Cedric let his fear subside, crushed by the uncertainty he could hear in Kevin’s voice. It was obvious he was
trying
to convince himself they didn’t have a future, and Cedric was entirely too emotionally invested to not make Kevin realize how wrong he was. “Probably because I’ve been too busy being deliriously happy for the first time in my life.”

Kevin rubbed his face, and rested his elbows on his knees. He looked like he was about to cry. “You’re ten years younger than me, a thousand times richer….”

“So?”

Kevin opened and closed his mouth several times, but nothing else came out.

It frustrated the shit out of Cedric, and made him want to howl.

“So you decided it’d be a good idea to sabotage our relationship over stupid details that never made a difference before?” His voice cracked like a whip in the silent bedroom. Kevin startled and almost fell out of his chair. Cedric saw him wince, and clutch his neck the way he always did when he was feeling distressed, but he didn’t care if his questions added to it. It was about time they discussed their relationship, and worked out a few details, and Kevin had no option but to stay put and listen to him. “By proving me unfit to be around your kids?”

“It didn’t work.” There were equal parts of relief and disappointment in Kevin’s half smile.

Cedric rubbed his forehead. “But you wanted to break us apart.” Cedric spoke slowly and clearly. He needed Kevin to understand the magnitude of what he
could
have accomplished had Cedric not managed to hold onto a speck of his self-control. “Care to tell me why?”

Kevin cleared his throat. “I can’t go to that Greenbriar annual dinner party with you.”

Cedric scowled at the seemingly random answer. “Oh?” Kevin was an extremely direct man. He always said what he meant, and meant what he said, and Cedric was curious to find out what he was getting at.

Kevin’s hands were clenched together when he looked up at Cedric. “I know I said I would, but I can’t.”

With some trepidation, and a lot of residual antagonism for what Kevin had tried to do, Cedric sat slowly on the bed, and fixed his gaze on the other man. “I fail to see what that has to do with your attempt at ending things between us tonight,” he said with a frown.

“It has everything to do with it.” A low, bitter laugh rumbled in Kevin’s throat. “I lost my job today,” he whispered, lowering his gaze. As if he felt embarrassed by what he’d just said.

He probably did.

Cedric flicked his lip ring with the tip of his tongue. “Shit,” he said, jumping ahead mentally to all the complications Kevin’s unexpected news meant.

If there was one thing Kevin took pride in was his work ethics, his job, and the fact that he could provide for his kids. Not to mention, he needed every quid he made in order to do so. Finding himself out of a source of income would drive him mental, and it’d certainly explain his uncharacteristic behavior.

“What happened?” Cedric asked softly.

“Most of our clients aren’t willing to let a fag inside their homes,” Kevin answered in a flat tone.

“Bloody hell.”

“And right before I left my parents’ house today I was told by Aunt Joanie I am to vacate her basement apartment by the end of the month. I have to use what little money I have left to find a new place in the next few days,” Kevin rasped. “She’s furious I repaid her hospitality by kissing my male lover in front of her house.” Kevin glanced at him, his expression tired and strained. He thrust up his stubbly chin, and continued to relate the events through gritted teeth. “
Hospitality
. Granted she lowered the rent by fifty bucks a month, but she didn’t give me anything for free. Yet she made it sound like I wasn’t a paying tenant. I paid timely every month, and I took care of her house repairs!”

Cedric could almost feel the heat of rage pulsing off Kevin; the anger and disappointment rippling through him. His heart squeezed in sympathy at what Kevin had been through that day. Coming out wasn’t easy for the majority of gay men, and Cedric hated that his lover had just proved the statistics correct.

He was out of the bed, and on Kevin’s lap in the blink of an eye, embracing him with all his might.

Kevin held himself rigid, but after a moment he clutched at Cedric, and took a deep, shuddering breath.

“Everything’s so fucked up,” Kevin said against his chest. “I knew coming out would change my life, but it never occurred to me I’d also face financial consequences.” He tightened his hold on Cedric’s waist. “I’m so fucking worried… I doubt I’ll get any jobs in my town, and I know for a fact I can’t get more hours at my job with Greenbriar. Not in this economy. There just aren’t that many construction sites in the city right now, and I’m not willing to travel.” Kevin took a deep breath, held it for a few seconds, then let it out in a rush. “I don’t know how I’m going to manage for the next couple months.”

“I understand you’re worried and frustrated, but the situation isn’t as bad as you think.” Cedric kissed the top of Kevin’s head, and slid a hand up and down his spine. “Time flies, pet. January will be here before you even know it.” He kissed Kevin’s ear, and pulled the lobe with his teeth. “And you don’t have to find another place to live. You can stay here with me.” The offer was out of his mouth before he could analyze how he felt about sharing his flat with his lover, but the lack of sweating and heart palpitations were all the proof he needed it’d be all right.

“Stay here?” Kevin snorted a laugh. “Didn’t you hear what I said? I’m broke. I don’t even have money to rent a tux. And even if I hadn’t lost my job, I could never afford to live in this place. Not even with you and another hundred roommates splitting the rent. It’s way above my income, babe.”

“I don’t need or expect you to pay rent,” Cedric clarified. “That’s money you’d be able to save.”

Kevin went absolutely still in Cedric’s grasp. “No,” he barked, dropping his arms, and leaning away. “Who the hell do you think I am? A fucking freeloader willing to mooch off his much younger lover?”

Something inside Cedric snapped at Kevin’s outraged reaction to his words. Suddenly it became quite clear what his bloke’s attempt to sabotage their relationship had been all about. There was no missing the fact he felt extremely insulted by the offer, and a veil was lifted from Cedric’s eyes.

Money.

Cedric had it in abundance, and Kevin didn’t.

Although their status was never verbalized, the truth was Kevin behaved like a boyfriend. He may be considerate of Cedric’s needs, and let him top sexually, but there was no doubt Kevin was the big, strapping, dominant half in their relationship, taking charge in every aspect.

He believed in being the breadwinner, and providing for his partner. He pulled chairs, and opened doors for Cedric. He held his hand when they went on their walks around the neighborhood, and marked his territory by placing his hand on the small of Cedric’s back.

Archaic as the concept may be, he much preferred taking a more submissive role. He wasn’t a fart who couldn’t take care of himself, but Kevin’s breathtaking masculinity made Cedric feel safe and protected. He was perfectly fine with the caveman act, but he’d be damned if he would let it break them apart.

He grabbed Kevin’s short hair, and pulled his head back until he was forced to look directly into Cedric’s eyes.

“You’re the man I love, and you’re in a rough spot right now.” He slid his tongue across Kevin’s lower lip, and nipped it not-so-tenderly with his teeth before pulling back. “There’s nothing wrong with letting me help you out.” His voice came out rough and raw. This was one of the most important moments of his life, and he was bloody nervous of the outcome.

Kevin’s eyes glazed over, and he gripped Cedric’s forearms with his hands. “You love me?” he asked quietly, looking terrified and hopeful at the same time.

Cedric leaned forward, and pressed his forehead against Kevin’s. “With all my heart,” he said hoarsely. “And I thought it was time I let you know.”

Kevin’s smile was so wide and beautiful, it made Cedric’s chest burn.

“I—I… Jesus, oddball...” Kevin cradled his face, and stroked his jaw and cheekbone. “I love you too,” he whispered, burying his hands in Cedric’s cornrows, and covering his cheeks, jaw, and lips with soft, tender kisses. “So fucking much.”

The tension that had been coiling in Cedric’s body since the moment he opened the door for Kevin earlier that night finally subsided. It was promptly replaced by the heat flaring through his veins. By relief. By sheer happiness. By the knowledge that his feelings were returned.

He tightened his arms around Kevin’s shoulders, and thrust his tongue into the minty freshness of his lover’s mouth. He moaned. Kevin’s thoughtfulness and consideration for his needs were a huge turn on.

Kevin pulled him closer. Cedric lifted one leg, and straddled Kevin’s hips. Their gazes met and caught, bright with hunger and love.

Kevin’s strong hands roved over his upper body, expertly removing layer after layer of fabric. Cedric pulled Kevin’s t-shirt over his head, and took off his gloves.

Kevin buried his face against Cedric’s neck, biting him hard enough to make him gasp. His cock swelled inside his sweats to painful proportions, something that hadn’t happened in weeks, and he pressed himself against Kevin’s hard stomach.

“Shit,” Cedric quivered. “So good….”

“Yeah?” Kevin whispered between licks, bites, and kisses, sliding his hands under Cedric’s boxers. “You wanna come?”

“Please,” he begged. “It’ll happen this time.” Of that he had no doubts.

“Hold on tight, babe.”

Kevin circled Cedric’s waist with one arm, and put the other under his arse, stood up, and carried him to the bed. Kevin was shaking and panting. His muscles strained, and his hands were shaking as he finished getting them undressed.

“No condoms,” Kevin grunted, dark blue eyes fixed on Cedric’s jutting cock.