Diva Diaries (33 page)
Authors: Janine A. Morris
72
Just Checking
J
ordan didn't know what it was this morning, but she woke up feeling overwhelmingly guilty. Omar was her husband, and regardless of what he did to deserve it, she had broken her wedding vows and committed adultery. She had managed to justify it in her mind; all that had happened was that she'd let spite overcome her.
ordan didn't know what it was this morning, but she woke up feeling overwhelmingly guilty. Omar was her husband, and regardless of what he did to deserve it, she had broken her wedding vows and committed adultery. She had managed to justify it in her mind; all that had happened was that she'd let spite overcome her.
She was so deep in the middle of this mess, she didn't know which way to go anymore. She had definitely started to feel some strong feelings for Jayon and she really imagined spending her life with him. On the other hand, she had a marriage that she started some years ago, and just because things were at their worst, she vowed to stick through for better or for worse. She had to put her pride and ego aside and do what was right in God's eyes, and what was best for Jason. She had spent the whole day thinking about this, so as soon as she finished putting Jason to bed she called Omar. She wanted to talk to him and try again to see if and what she could do to get him to come back home.
“Hey, Omarâit's me, Jordan.”
“Hey.”
“You busy?”
“Not reallyâwhassup?”
“Nothing much, just chilling at home. Jason is at Chrasey's having a play date with her kids.”
“That's cool. My mother is having something next weekendâshe wants him to come so I'm gonna pick him up next weekend.”
“OK, that's cool.”
There were a few moments of silence before she built up her courage.
“Omar, listenâI have been thinking about some things and I thought we should talk.”
About what?
“About me and you, our situation.”
“What about it? What is there to talk about?”
“Well, our separation. Where are we going with this? I just thought we should meet somewhere and talk things out.”
“There is nothing to talk about, Jordan. I told you how I felt and you told me how you felt.”
“So, that's it? We are just going to walk away from our marriage just that easy.”
“This isn't all of a suddenâlike you said yourself, we have had issues for some time and I'm tired of trying to deal with it. I told you I'm done tryingâthere are no hard feelings, but I don't want this anymore.”
She felt her heart cringing at his words. “I want you home. We are married and we need to fix this one way or the other.”
“Oh, did you ask your boyfriend if I can come over?”
“Omar! What is wrong with you? We have to grow up and put our egos aside. We have a marriage to mendâlet's call everything even and start over.”
“Even? Even Jordan? How are we even?”
“Forget that ... Omar do you want our marriage to work?”
“Listen, Jordan, you are doing what you are doing, and I'm doing what I'm doing. Things are fine just the way they are.”
She couldn't tell if Omar was just trying to get her to grovel or if he really meant what he was saying. “Omar, are you sure? This is it? You want us to just walk away?”
“Basically.”
She was speechless. Omar has lost his mind.
“Listen, Jordan. I love you, but your career and your choice of friends is a problem for me, and I'm a lot happier not having to deal with all of that and I'm sure you're a lot happier not having to worry about me.”
“So, you don't think it's even worth talking about, Omar?”
“Jordan, do you? There's nothing to talk about.”
“Fine, Omar.”
“We will be there for Jason and we will still be cool, but there is nothing to talk about.”
“Fine, Omar. I was just checking.”
Omar didn't catch on, but her
just checking
meant this was his last chance. This was itâshe was giving him one last opportunity to step up and be with his wife. He didn't see that, or he didn't care. Either way, she had done all that she could. She was doneâhe wasn't getting any more out of her. No more guilt, no more confusion. From now on, Omar was her ex-husband.
just checking
meant this was his last chance. This was itâshe was giving him one last opportunity to step up and be with his wife. He didn't see that, or he didn't care. Either way, she had done all that she could. She was doneâhe wasn't getting any more out of her. No more guilt, no more confusion. From now on, Omar was her ex-husband.
73
Oops
I
t was Valentine's Day, and all over the building Chrasey was seeing people receive flowers and teddy bears from their spouses. She remembered a time when Keith used to do romantic things all the time, and Valentine's Dayâforget it. He would send stuff; write poems, cards, flowers, and the works. Those days were long gone. She doubted he was doing romantic stuff for Lourdes or anything like thatâshe thought that Keith changed that part of who he was.
t was Valentine's Day, and all over the building Chrasey was seeing people receive flowers and teddy bears from their spouses. She remembered a time when Keith used to do romantic things all the time, and Valentine's Dayâforget it. He would send stuff; write poems, cards, flowers, and the works. Those days were long gone. She doubted he was doing romantic stuff for Lourdes or anything like thatâshe thought that Keith changed that part of who he was.
She was just getting back from lunch, and she saw the bouquet of flowers on her assistant's desk. She thought to herself,
I hate this holidayâit's just a reminder of how unloved a person is
. When she walked by her desk, she asked who sent her the flowers, and she said they were for Chrasey.
For me
? Chrasey thought to herself. She didn't expect Keith to do this. She hoped he was smart enough to use Valentine's as an opportunity to get them back on good terms, but it had gotten so late, she thought he probably didn't think of it. She picked the flowers up off of the desk and brought them into her office. There were a dozen multicolored roses, with a little bear sitting on top. She took the card off and read it.
I just want things to be the way they were ...
I hate this holidayâit's just a reminder of how unloved a person is
. When she walked by her desk, she asked who sent her the flowers, and she said they were for Chrasey.
For me
? Chrasey thought to herself. She didn't expect Keith to do this. She hoped he was smart enough to use Valentine's as an opportunity to get them back on good terms, but it had gotten so late, she thought he probably didn't think of it. She picked the flowers up off of the desk and brought them into her office. There were a dozen multicolored roses, with a little bear sitting on top. She took the card off and read it.
I just want things to be the way they were ...
That was so sweet, and just the right sentiments that expressed how she felt. Chrasey reminisced all the time about the days that she and Keith were happy, and they did things together, and played games at home and went out on dates. They were one of the cutest and happiest couples at one point. She was happy that he remembered those times, and also wanted to work toward getting things back where they were.
She sat down at her desk and called Keith. When he came to the phone, he sounded like he was busy.
“Hey, ChraseyâHappy Valentine's Day, baby,” he said.
“Happy Valentine's day, babyâthanks for the flowers.”
Keith paused. “Flowers?”
“Yeah ... didn't you send me flowers?” As the words left her lips, she asked herself,
Who said they were from Keith
? The card wasn't signed by Keith.
Who said they were from Keith
? The card wasn't signed by Keith.
“No, I didn't. I had plans for us later tonight. The question is, who did send you flowers?”
She knew she had messed up, but she tried to cover it anyway.
“I don't knowâthat's why I assumed you sent them.”
“What did the card say?”
She was hesitant to answer that question; she was just going to come up with a lie, until he said, “And don't lie and say there isn't a card or there wasn't a message on it.”
“It just said,
Wish things were the way they were
,” Chrasey admitted.
Wish things were the way they were
,” Chrasey admitted.
“No, well, that wasn't me. It was probably from your boyfriendâcall
him
and thank him.”
him
and thank him.”
“Keith ...” Chrasey said, trying to fix the mess but not knowing exactly how.
“I have to get back to my meeting, but Happy Valentine's Day and I wish things were the way they were, too,” Keith said, obviously trying to maximize her guilt. As soon as he finished his sarcastic comment he hung up, not giving Chrasey a chance to respond.
She sat there, mad at herself for making that call. What was she thinking? She didn't even stop to ask herself why the card wasn't signed. Was she that hopeful that Keith would send her something, that she imagined it all? If she had only stopped to think about it, she could have figured that it was from Trevor. Now it felt awkward to call and thank him after that. Still, she had to, because he was probably expecting her to call when she received it. She picked her phone back up and dialed the number. When he answered, she thanked him and told him that if it wasn't for him, she would have felt like nobody cared about her. Then she told him what happened with Keith. At first he laughed, then he caught himself and apologized. He said he didn't mean to cause any problems, and that he just wanted to express his feelings on Valentine's Day because it felt like it was an appropriate time. He said he could see why she thought they were from her husband; Keith could and should feel the same way. He said he didn't sign the card, because he didn't want to make her co-workers ask a bunch of questions, but he thought she would know who they were from. He did point out the humor with her calling Keith to say thank you, bringing attention to the fact that Keith hadn't actually sent flowers. Chrasey did have to admit it was kind of funny, and she realized he couldn't get mad, because his ass should have sent some damn flowers.
74
XOXOXO
I
t was Valentine's night and it was pouring rain. Jordan had just come home from work and was rushing to get ready to be on time for the dinner reservations that Jayon made. She hopped out of the shower, and started lotioning up with cocoa butter as she listened to the India Arie album. She put her special scents in her special areas and then put on her favorite bra and thong set, black lace with pink ribbon from Victoria's Secret. She went into her walk-in closet and located the outfit she had set out the night before. She slipped on her black sweater dress from BCBG, and checked in the mirror to make sure it looked OK.
t was Valentine's night and it was pouring rain. Jordan had just come home from work and was rushing to get ready to be on time for the dinner reservations that Jayon made. She hopped out of the shower, and started lotioning up with cocoa butter as she listened to the India Arie album. She put her special scents in her special areas and then put on her favorite bra and thong set, black lace with pink ribbon from Victoria's Secret. She went into her walk-in closet and located the outfit she had set out the night before. She slipped on her black sweater dress from BCBG, and checked in the mirror to make sure it looked OK.
Damn, I am hot ... brains and beauty ... I am no joke
, Jordan told herself as she did the front and back mirror check.
, Jordan told herself as she did the front and back mirror check.
Jayon called and said he was just getting off the bridge, so he would be there in less than fifteen minutes. She quickly darkened her eyebrows with her off-black eyeliner, put on her Mac Ooh-Baby lip gloss, and finished up with her black eye liner and dark brown lip liner by Bobbi Brown. She combed down her wrap and spritzed her Razac oil mist to make it shine. She pulled her black, open-toe Dolce and Gabbana pumps from the shoe rack and slipped her feet into them. Her toes, just like her nails, were freshly done with a French manicure. She was set from head to toe, and now she was ready to go.
Less than five minutes later, Jayon rang her doorbell. She grabbed the bag with his gift in it and went to the door; he was there with an umbrella waiting to escort her to his car. He was looking damn fine himself, with a black-and-gray Prada sweater, black slacks, and his black-and-gray Prada loafers. He had a fresh haircut, facial hair perfectly trimmed, and he was wearing her favorite cologne, Jean-Paul Gaultierâshe could smell it from the door. He gave her a kiss hello, took her by her arm, and walked her to the car. He opened the passenger door and waited for her to get inside, then closed the door behind her. When she sat down, she reached over and opened his door for him, and when he stepped inside, she took the umbrella from him and placed it in the backseat.
Seeping from his speakers was Jodeci's “Love You for Life.” Once he got settled inside the car, he reached in the backseat and handed her a card and a cream-colored jewelry box. She handed him the big bag with his gift in it. They both agreed they would open their gifts then, before dinner. They were both excited about exchanging gifts. They had given each other trinkets and cards in the past for Valentine's Day, but this time it was different. It was the first real holiday that they were some sort of item. He opened his gift; she had gotten him a rust-colored leather jacket with some rust-colored shoes. He loved them. Jayon was a clothes man, so she knew that he would. Jordan opened her box, and inside were some beautiful platinum earrings. They were heart-shaped with two letter J's intertwined in the center. She looked at him, and he smiled.
“The double J's are one for each of us, but together.” She leaned over and gave him a kiss. “This is one of the nicest gifts I have ever seen. Thank you, baby.”
The earrings were so nice and unique she thought she would cry. They read their cards and then got ready to go. Her card to him thanked him for being everything she needed for the past fourteen years and even more than she needed the past several months. It told him how much she loved him and that she hoped this was the beginning of something special. His card was a little simpler but it said that he loved her, their relationship felt like a fairy tale, he didn't deserve her, and that he wanted this to be their first Valentine's Day together with many more to come.
They hadn't even gotten to the restaurant and she was already feeling all mushy inside. She just felt at one with Jay, like this was how things were supposed to be. She remembered in the movie
Brown Sugar
, where Sanaa Lathan said,
I don't know why your heart won't do what your mind tells it
âshe now understood that so much better. She realized that we really can't control who we love. At times she may have thought that it was wrong of her to deal with Jayon, but her heart said that it was all right. Besides, Omar didn't even call her todayâhe wasn't even thinking about her. So why was she wrong to want to be happy on Valentine's Day, and every other day for that matter, she asked herself.
Brown Sugar
, where Sanaa Lathan said,
I don't know why your heart won't do what your mind tells it
âshe now understood that so much better. She realized that we really can't control who we love. At times she may have thought that it was wrong of her to deal with Jayon, but her heart said that it was all right. Besides, Omar didn't even call her todayâhe wasn't even thinking about her. So why was she wrong to want to be happy on Valentine's Day, and every other day for that matter, she asked herself.
When they got to the restaurant, it was beautiful. He hadn't told her where they were going; he said it was a surprise. They had passed this restaurant a few times coming from work and she had always made mention of how pretty it looked from a distance. He remembered and decided to surprise her. It was called the Water Club; it was in Manhattan, right off the water. The valet staff parked the car, and Jay escorted her in with the umbrella. They got inside and sat down; they had a beautiful view of the ocean at a candlelit table.
She felt like a teenager all over again. It was like everything Jayon did felt like the sweetest thing. She had been with Omar so long, she'd forgotten what chivalry was, and Jayon was full of it all night. The dinner was great, the ambience so romantic, and they had great conversation. It was definitely one of the best nights of her life. By the end of the night she knew that she had made the right decision. If she couldn't be with her husband, there was no better option than to be with Jayon. It may have seemed like the wrong thing because he was a small issue in her and Omar's marriage, but she couldn't help it that things turned out this way with her and Jay. She had to wonder if she and Jayon were actually meant to be, and all of this was inevitable. All she knew was that he managed to make this night feel like it was straight from a fairy tale, and she was in la-la land. She could tell Jayon was equally happy. She didn't think it was what he was trying to do all along; she just figured he was also happy with the way things were turning out. She couldn't wait to get back home with him to give him the rest of his gift.
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