Diva Diaries (28 page)
Authors: Janine A. Morris
58
Prisoner at Home
I
t wasn't as if Chrasey was feeling secure about her and Keith's situation prior to finding out about his cheating and his daughter, but now it just seemed as if every little thing made her overly suspicious. Every hang-up at home, every girl that drove by her house, everything just made her feel like it was some secretive code for Keith.
t wasn't as if Chrasey was feeling secure about her and Keith's situation prior to finding out about his cheating and his daughter, but now it just seemed as if every little thing made her overly suspicious. Every hang-up at home, every girl that drove by her house, everything just made her feel like it was some secretive code for Keith.
She had been back from her weekend with the girls, and this was only the third night since Keith had come home. They hadn't had sex yetâit would probably be a while before they felt comfortable enough for that. He was home at a decent time, and he was eating dinner at the table. He was coming up to bed early and watching television with Chrasey until he fell asleep. They weren't speaking muchâmost of their conversations were very generic. It had only been a few days, and Chrasey was questioning her decision to try to forgive Keith and move on. The only thing that made her confident was how happy her kids were that he was home. They really did love their dad, and it was obvious that they preferred having him around.
Most of the problems were obviously her own paranoia, probably stemming from her fear that Keith wasn't completely done dealing with Lourdes. It's not like Chrasey didn't know that trying to recover from something like this would be hard, or that it would cause severe trust issues. It's just that she didn't realize how her mind would play tricks on her. She wasn't sure if Keith felt similar to the way she did, but she knew they had a whole lot of mending to do.
Chrasey had come up with a million questions since he had been home. Like she found it kind of strange that all that time he stayed with his friend, he was supposedly upset with her. Then as soon as she found out about his dirt, he was quick to move home. Was it that he knew that it just affirmed that he caused all their marital issues, although previously he tried to pretend that he didn't know what she was talking about? Was it that he was never that upset to begin with, because he had no right to be? Was he actually happy when he found out about Trevor because he felt like at least it would lessen his own screwup? She wasn't sure what it was that her finding out did for him, but she definitely noticed that he dropped the Trevor issue almost instantly. He wouldn't dare bring it up now, because all that would do is give her room to bring up the child he shared with his previous mistress.
She knew deep in her heart that although he claimed to be done with Lourdes, he had to have some dealings with her because he had to have some role in their child's life. She wasn't sure if she could deal with that and still pretend that everything was back to normal. She started to wonder if she should handle her suspicions and keep her sanity the way she did before, by indulging in some dirt of her own. She knew it had helped nothing, but it did lessen her fear and make her feel guarded from getting hurt.
The uneasy vibe in their house was getting worse and worse every day. She was beginning to feel like she couldn't even be comfortable in her own home. She would get home about 5:45 every night and begin preparing dinner. Keith would arrive at about 6:45 and start watching television and helping the kids with their homework. To the kids it looked like everything was back to normal, but Keith and she could feel it. He tried to sleep in the bed with her every nightâshe guessed it was an attempt to make things better, but it was clearly uncomfortable. They barely touched in the bed, and when they did by mistake, they would quickly readjust themselves. They wouldn't talk to each other, really; Chrasey would read a book and Keith would watch television until they were both ready for sleep.
There was a sense of precaution; it was as if everything was being monitored. Through the evening if he went upstairs too long while she was cooking, she would make an excuse to go up there. If she was on the phone, he would “accidentally” pick it up to use it. They didn't trust each other, and it showed. They hadn't discussed it or even triedâthey basically pretended like it wasn't an issue. The positive part was that both of them had a trust issueâneither of them was suffering alone.
The way they were watching each other's every move and were doing things tit for tat had become a game of chess. It wasn't supposed to be a game, though, it was supposed to be a marriageâand Chrasey really desired the life that she had always envisioned for herself. That life included the term “happily married.” She didn't know if that was possible anymore. She wasn't sure if there was a way for them to overcome the damage and one day be happy again, or if she should never have told him he could come home.
59
Risky Business
T
he clerks were looking at Jordan, and the shoppers were whispering to each other. She was standing in Bloomingdale's with a bunch of clothes in one hand, and her cell phone in the other, arguing with Omar. She knew she was embarrassing herself and probably should have left the store to handle this. However, she wasn't willing to put back the two-piece power suit on sale, and she finally got Omar on the phone and couldn't let that go, either.
he clerks were looking at Jordan, and the shoppers were whispering to each other. She was standing in Bloomingdale's with a bunch of clothes in one hand, and her cell phone in the other, arguing with Omar. She knew she was embarrassing herself and probably should have left the store to handle this. However, she wasn't willing to put back the two-piece power suit on sale, and she finally got Omar on the phone and couldn't let that go, either.
So she sat there, yelling like a madwoman, in the middle of this bougee store.
“Our son asked me when Daddy was coming back home, Omar. Do you not see what you are doing to us?”
“He was just with me all weekend,” Omar answered calmly.
“So what? He was with me every night,” she replied.
“So, it's about time,” he said.
“Omar, please. You are so petty. You have been gone all this time and you still won't even have a sit-down talk with me to try to resolve things.”
“Jordan, I have told you all that I had to say.”
“So are you coming back home, Omar?”
“Most likely.”
“Most likely? What does that mean?”
“Most likely. I will be home soon.”
“So let me get this straight. You walk out one day, after a week you come back home for a few hours, leave again. Now it has been months, and you still haven't sat down and told me why you left, why you won't take my calls. You don't call me, and you're just supposed to
most likely
come back home one day.”
most likely
come back home one day.”
“I have called there and I return your calls.”
“You have called a few times to speak to Jason, and you only return some of the calls when I tell you Jason wants to talk to you or to tell me you're picking him up from school to have him stay with you. Any time I try to talk to you, you say you have to go.”
“Well, I've been in touch someâif you needed me, you could have gotten me.”
“So, let me askâwhen you come home, are things supposed to be or get better?”
“I don't know what's supposed to happen. I can't say I care right now.”
“Well, you better hope the locks aren't changed by then,” she said.
Click
.
.
She hung up. His whole nonchalant attitude was pissing her off. The lady beside her looking in the racks was listening to her whole conversationâJordan felt like cursing her the hell out. Instead, she just gave her a dirty look and rolled her eyes. Jordan walked away from the corner and shook her head in disbelief. She couldn't believe Omar. He had really lost it. This was the craziest thing she had ever heard of. It just made her even more pissed that he was acting so cocky. It was like he didn't get the idea of better or worse, through thick and thin ... the hell with marriage. You can't just walk out on your wife, not communicate with her, and not see how damaging that is. Maybe he did know how damaging it was but he just didn't care. Either way, she was just too through.
She made her way to the checkout line with her suit; she was no longer in the mood to continue shopping. She opened up her cell phone again to call Jayon. She had to vent, and although Chrasey and Dakota were only a phone call away, too, Jayon was more up to date with the play-by-play. It was actually amazing how, for the past two months, Jayon had stepped up while Omar acted retarded. She had discussed it with Chrasey and Dakotaâthey both had different views of the situation. Dakota had always liked Jayon for her, and thought that maybe she should just stick with him. After that phone call, she was really considering it.
Jayon answered the phone, but said he was in the middle of something with a client and would get right back to her.
Dakota swore up and down that if Jordan had an ounce of curiosity about what he would be like, something good would happen. Though there may have been truth to that, Chrasey knew from her own experience that a new man wasn't an answer. Deep down, she knew there was truth in both of their opinions. Although she had always known that she wouldn't deal with Jayon as a married woman, a piece of her ... deep down inside ... her wild side that never had an opportunity to show itself, wanted to do it. Jayon was fine, successful, had one of the best hearts, and had always made her a priority all the years they'd been friends. Jordan couldn't lie and say that if it wasn't for the fact that she was married and had morals, she might have given him some a long time ago.
In these past two months, they had spent a few nights together. Some nights it just got late, another night he was too drunk to drive so she stayed at his place. She asked him if she was messing up his love life, but he assured her it was fine. Jayon had always put her before his girlfriends and chicks he dealt with. The ones that he got serious with, he would let them know about her and their relationship, and he would let them know not to even question or try to alter it. Regardless of what his love life was looking like, he would be there for Jordan when she was in need. He had his way of making her feel special.
She was starting to get the feeling she was his priority for a different reason this time. Their time together had become less platonic and more like they were lovers. She knew that Jayon would never disrespect her, so it didn't matter to her. She knew nothing would happen unless they were both good and ready. Besides, all this time Jayon hadn't made a move on her. She knew he didn't want her to think he was taking advantage of her vulnerability.
The other night when he had been drinking, he was saying stuff that she was surprised to hear. Stuff like, if Omar didn't come to his senses soon, he was going to step in. She'd just brushed it off and laughed. A night or two after, they were watching a movie and he started to rub her thigh. She looked at him, and he just kept rubbing. After his hand had come very close to her no-no place, he stopped and moved it to her side. There was a part of her, her horny Scorpio side, that wanted to kill him, and then there was a part that wasn't sure if she could have gone through with anything that night, either. Even through the confusion, the idea was still appealing.
The next day when they talked about it, she let him know she wanted to be done with Omar, or at least get revenge for what he had done. Jay expressed that his concern was that she would get back with Omar, and have regrets. He knew her well enough to know that she just wanted to release her anger. Even though that was true, neither of them could deny that they were starting to feel differently toward each other. With conversations like the one she just had with Omar, where he was so willing to take risks, she was closer and closer to taking risks of her own.
Her phone rangâit was Jayon. He had gotten rid of the client as quickly as he could so he could find out what happened. She was just leaving the store and sitting in her car, so she told him the story as she tried to keep from crying.
60
When All Else Fails
I
t had been days since Dakota saw or spoke to Tony. She couldn't make sense of it herselfâwhy she was so willing to take Tony's nonsense. Ever since they met, she knew she was settling for second-best.
t had been days since Dakota saw or spoke to Tony. She couldn't make sense of it herselfâwhy she was so willing to take Tony's nonsense. Ever since they met, she knew she was settling for second-best.
She tried to figure out why she had a man like David in her corner, but she insisted on giving Tony her heart. Then any time she met a man, her only mission was to use him as a filler for those times when Tony wasn't around. She needed to try to have one man that could be there at all times, and be everything in one. Instead she was trying to compile a list of men that, combined, made one hell of a man.
She was supposed to meet up with the guy she met at the supermarket by Jordan's house that day, but something came up and he couldn't make it. His name was Jamille and he was a financial analyst. He worked at a big finance company and he lived alone. He had been divorced and had two kids from his marriage. Dakota was thinking to herself how much of a headache dealing with him would probably end up being. She was also realisticâat her age, most men were either married, divorced, or still trying to be a major player and most likely definitely had a kid somewhere. They rescheduled for the next week, and she was hoping they would get together then. She needed some new players on her roster because Tony was driving her crazy.
She had just called David a few hours ago and told him to come over and hang with her. As usual, he gave her no problem and said he would be over in a few hours. That was the beauty of plans with David, unlike Tony; she knew he would show or at least would call if something came up. So, as she chilled out and waited for him, she spent some me-time with herself.
She was lying on her couch watching
Sex in the City
â
How does Samantha do it
? she asked herself.
How does she never fall
? She had gotten the casual sex down pat, but she was forgetting the rule never to fall in love. All it does is leave you hurt and depressed, just having more meaningless sex but with someone else.
Sex in the City
â
How does Samantha do it
? she asked herself.
How does she never fall
? She had gotten the casual sex down pat, but she was forgetting the rule never to fall in love. All it does is leave you hurt and depressed, just having more meaningless sex but with someone else.
Deep down, she wanted that life that Jordan and Chrasey had, but she'd seen all the stuff they go through, too, and it's not worth the stress, either. These men think we owe them so muchâthe hell with them, what about us? She didn't have a desire for kids; she wanted to be able to go at the drop of a dime. Not to mention she didn't want any man thinking just because she had his kid, she won't go anywhere. She just knew if and when that day came for her, settling down and all of that, the man is going to have to want it just as much or more than she did. He was going to have to acknowledge her worth. As Dakota figured, sisters didn't come like her anymore. No kids, her own place, great job, nice car, good-looking and in shape. They should be lined up with rings.
Other than Tony, David was about the only good one she had left in her black book. The rest of them had something or other wrong. Either they weren't all that good-looking, or were broke, cheap, no car, lived at home with their parents, totally not smooth, or didn't know what good sex was to save their life. David was the only one that could really get her mind off Tony. He was a good catch like herself; she didn't have to feel like she was rebounding with David.
She was wearing brown-and-orange fitted sweats, with an orange halter tube top and her brown flip-flops. She was dressed casualânothing that said “come and get me.” She had her hair in a bun, no makeup on except some lip gloss, and diamond studs in her ears. David was coming over for dinner and a movie, so she was dressed for their casual night at home. It had been some time since she'd had some sexual attention, so David was going to have to tend to that as well. So underneath her casual attire she was freshened up, trimmed, and wore nothing but her orange metallic thong with no bra. She was prepared for the before and after party.
It was about 10:00 PM when the doorbell rang. She turned the television down and walked toward the door. After checking the peephole, she opened the door and there David stood. He was dressed in blue jeans, a light blue polo shirt, and sneakers. He looked like he had a fresh haircut, and she could smell his cologne the second he walked through the door.
“Hey there, beautiful,” he said as he leaned over and gave her a hug.
“Hi, Dave,” she replied in her “you're making me blush” voice.
He walked straight into the living room and put down the bag he was carrying. He had brought some snacks to watch the movie withâTwizzlers, popcorn, and Milky Ways. After they made small talk, they cuddled up on the couch for the movie. A feeling of security came over her once she was nestled under David's arm. It was like he made her feel like he would always be there. He knew what he was to her; he knew that there was some other man that she had in her heart. Still, no matter when she called, ninety percent of the time he was there. She knew most men would hop at the opportunity to have sex, but he came for more than that. He came for companionship and quality time. He never just came, hit her off, and had to go. He never rushed to business; he always took his time with her. From time to time that's just what she needed, even when she didn't want to admit it. She was happy that God had given her somebody like David. She was thankful our higher power even looked out for his most disobedient children.
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