Diva Diaries (42 page)

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Authors: Janine A. Morris

BOOK: Diva Diaries
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98
Man Up
A
ll of Jason's stuff was packed up and in Jordan's trunk, and she was in the car waiting for him to buckle up before she pulled out of the driveway.
“Mommy, why do your eyes look like that? Were you crying, Mommy?” he asked her.
“No, I'm just tired, baby,” she replied.
“Are you going to be OK by yourself until I get back home from Daddy's?”
“Yes, I will be just fine. You will be back home in a couple of days, actually. You will still be coming home quite often, OK?”
“OK.”
“Are you happy to be spending more time at Daddy's house?” she asked.
“Yeah, I missed Daddy.”
A tear fell from her eye. She was driving down the Southern State Expressway, on her way to drop her child off at his father's. She was a disgrace to mothers everywhere. Here she had the opportunity to keep her family together and not put her child through this torment, and she chose not to. Jason deserved both of his parents under one roof. Here she was, taking away his chances at having an American picket-fence upbringing. Was it about time she started seeing this for what it was and stopped blaming Omar? But he was the one who walked away. He was the one who exposed Jason to dysfunction by disappearing for those months; he was the one who always put himself first. He taught her. Still, at the end of the day, it was her decision that led to this. To Jason being manipulated into believing he was going to stay with his father because Mommy had several business trips and didn't want him going back and forth.
She had been over this a million times in her head, and it never seemed to be clear. She was torn over this more than she should have been. The outcome always led to her sticking with her initial decision. She just felt like she was being broken down every time she had to face the situation head-on. She was on her way, and it was probably the hardest thing she ever had to do. As hard it was, she had to agree with Omar that there were some things that a woman just couldn't teach a man. To get through it, she remembered that this was best for Jason, and there was no guarantee it was permanent. Maybe she would forgive Omar and fall back in love with him, and then they would all learn a valuable lesson and live happily ever after. If not, then she would adjust as they went along.
She looked in her rearview mirror, and glanced at Jason. He was sitting in the backseat, looking like an angel, staring out of the window, just watching the streets go by. He was happy. Happy to be alive, happy to be young and free, happy to have two parents who loved him so. For that she was happy, too. Omar could have not wanted Jason—it could have been just the opposite. There was a bright side to it all—she and Omar may have been failing at their marriage but they hadn't failed yet at parenthood. She just hoped she wasn't by agreeing to let him have Jason.
99
Long Overdue
C
hrasey stepped into her car, and dropped all of her bags in the passenger seat. She was so beat from work. Things had been really tough these days—she was definitely earning her money. She sat in the seat for an extra minute or so just to catch her breath and relax. Keith was picking up the kids today, so at least she was able to go straight home. She reached in her purse to see if Keith had called, hoping he didn't because she didn't want to hear about any problems.
When she looked in her phone, she had three missed calls, one from Dakota and two from Trevor. She and Trevor hadn't spoken since the last time he called—she wondered what he wanted. She also noticed she had two messages, so she went ahead and checked those. The first two messages were old; then she heard a message from Dakota telling her to call so that she can tell me about Tony and David. Then the next message was from Trevor.
“Hey Chrase ... it's me. I was thinking about you ever since I saw you in the store that day. I know what you're doing, and although I commend it, I just think we shouldn't
't
throw away what we had, either. There are times that I wish that we'd met ten years earlier so I could have been the one. I swear I would have valued the honor ... either way, I hope you can consider picking things up where we left off. I would try my best to make every day better than the last. Think about it, and give me a call.”
Chrasey missed those sweet sayings, and promises for the future. She also hadn't had any in quite some time, and just the slight memory of what Trevor was like in bed was enough to get her going. She dialed his number back without knowing what she was going to say. He answered, they chatted for a while. Before she knew it, she had plans to meet him at the hotel on Parsons and Kew Gardens Road.
It was all happening so fast, but before long she was pulling up in the driveway of the KewG Hotel. She had parked the car, and was waiting for Trevor to arrive. In less than ten minutes, Trevor pulled into the parking lot as well. She heard his music from her car, and had to think to herself, what was she doing? Trevor was very mature for his age, but every now and then she would be reminded that he was still practically a kid. Having his 50 Cent CD blasting from the car was just one example. Because of his age, she would question dealing with him—until they were in bed.
When she saw him, she got out of her car. They walked up to each other and hugged, figuring they would save the kisses for later. They went inside the lobby, Trevor paid for the room, and they got their room number and key. In the elevator, Trevor noticed Chrasey's discomfort and asked her if she was sure she wanted to be there. Chrasey assured him that she was, and asked him not to ask her again or she might change her mind.
They got into the hotel room, and Chrasey put her purse down on the chair by the desk. She sat on the bed and looked around. Before she could look back to see what Trevor was doing, he had knelt down between her legs. She looked startled and started to smile. He smiled back and started kissing her lips and caressing her breasts. After they had gotten well acquainted again with each other's tongue, Trevor started lifting Chrasey's skirt. Once he'd exposed enough of her lower area, he placed his face between her legs and started to kiss and lick around her inner thighs. Just the tender touch of his lips between her legs was driving her crazy and he hadn't even licked her spot yet. When he did, she dropped her body backward on the bed. It was clear that Chrasey hadn't had some good stuff in a while, and once Trevor noticed that, he was more than happy to give her a taste.
He drove her wild with circular motions with his tongue for ten minutes straight—he wasn't stopping until he heard her orgasm. Her body lay limp on the bed, grasping the sheets for mercy. Through faint breaths, she begged him not to stop. She was eager to feel him inside of her, but she couldn't get enough of his foreplay. She squirmed and moaned as Trevor changed the motions he was making with his tongue and added a slight sucking to it; before he could pick up a rhythm with it, he heard Chrasey moan loudly as her body spasmed four consecutive times. He didn't stop immediately, just slowed down as her body relaxed itself.
Trevor wasn't done with her. He slowly climbed on top of her and immediately inserted himself. The first stroke, he pushed as far back as he could, and back out. He continued in this motion until he watched Chrasey's face reflect her pleasure. He wasn't trying to come yet—he wanted at least one more orgasm out of her before he had his. He pumped and stroked until he watched her face changing expressions, felt her nails scratching his back and her body pushing hard up against his. She wanted him, all of him. She didn't put herself back in this situation not to enjoy every inch of him. He leaned his body slightly to one side, putting all of his weight on his left side, and started to enter her at an angle. Chrasey's back arched as she answered each stroke with a pump of her own. After about five more minutes of Trevor's switching up, Chrasey had another orgasm. Now Trevor was happy, and he was ready for part three.
He told her to turn around, as he moved up on his knees. He wanted to enter her from behind and get some back shots—it was well deserved and Chrasey obliged.
After his performance they lay there for a few minutes, sweaty and tired.
“I miss that,” Chrasey said.
“Mmmm ... he misses that, too.”
They both laughed. Chrasey wanted to suggest that they pick up where they'd left off. That she was going to stay with her husband, but she needed Trevor in her life. She just wasn't ready yet, she wasn't ready to decide what she wanted to do with her marriage. She did know that this wouldn't be the last she saw of Trevor, or he of her.
100
Change of Plans
“
J
ordan, I'm at the hospital with Dakota—she had a miscarriage.”
Jordan was sitting at her desk when she received the call. She took no time running out of her office, getting in her car, and driving to Bellevue Hospital. The only information she took the time to get was which hospital, where they were, and if Dakota was all right. As she drove east on the LIE, tears began to stream down her face. She knew the pain Dakota felt—she had become so attached to that child growing inside of her.
 
 
They had all just gone to Pottery Barn Kids this past weekend to sign up for their registry for her baby shower that was coming up next month. Jordan tried to imagine what she would say to Dakota, how she could remain strong for her friend. Jordan was the emotional wreck of the bunch. She was the one who couldn't hold a tear to save her life; they still didn't know how she managed to be a top attorney. The reason was, Jordan loved a good debate, a good argument—she loved analyzing facts and breaking down what made sense and what didn't. So when it came to her career, she was, no joke, made of stone; but when it came to life-and-death issues, Jordan was a bowl of mush.
Once inside Bellevue, Jordan asked the receptionist for her visitor's pass. She waited at the elevator and resolved to be strong. “I'm not going to cry,” she told herself over and over. Once she got off at the seventh floor, she looked for room 714. She walked slowly, trying to hold on to each extra moment she had before she had to face Dakota and the gloom that was in her room.
She stepped into 714, and there was Tony, Chrasey, and Dakota's brother, Daniel. Faces of forced normalcy was all she saw. She walked by everyone, giving silent hellos, and went straight to Dakotas's bedside. Dakota had her back to the door, lying on her side in a crunched position, and she hadn't seen Jordan walk in. She walked around the bed and stood in front of Dakota. As soon as their gaze met their eyes filled with tears. It was one of those emotional moments when all it took was the slightest human contact to trigger tears. Jordan bent over and hugged Dakota, and within moments she could feel her shake with hurt.
It was evident that everyone was trying to remain natural in an uncomfortable situation. As they saw the emotional meeting between Jordan and Dakota, a few others sniffled, Chrasey mainly. She went into the bathroom to regain her composure. It was hard to tell what Tony was feeling, but it was obvious that he was saddened by it. Maybe his mind had scanned over the positive aspects of this, but it looked like he was just as distraught as Dakota.
The doctor said that they weren't sure why it happened. It could have been stress, her previous abortions, or her low iron. She had been going to all of her prenatal doctor appointments, and other than the slight iron problem, there was nothing that indicated this would happen. Eventually, Jordan went to the bathroom as well, got herself together, and came back out with some tissue for Dakota. Then everyone was just sitting back around again.
Dakota had to stay in the hospital overnight because the baby was so far along, there were a lot of medical issues they had to tend to. She was just lying there, seeming numb to everything. She wasn't speaking or making much eye contact with anyone in the room. A few times Tony went over to her bedside and rubbed her forehead or leg, showing some type of affection. She noticed, she appreciated it, but it just wasn't enough. She needed a lot more than affection at this point, and not one person in that room could give her what she wanted—only God could give it back.
101
Lean on Me
J
ordan was spending most of her time with Dakota, and she hadn't gone to work in days. She was feeling weird at home without her son, and to make matters worse she and Jayon were starting to plateau. Their honeymoon phase was over—they had made their way back to the “friend zone.” They were still involved, but the cutesy couple they had become started to settle for that comfortable complacency that comes with time. Since they had been friends for so long, they had gotten to it a lot quicker than most.
They had just had a dispute, and although it was a minor disagreement, Jordan was wondering if it was an example of what was happening to them. She was at his place because she couldn't bear being alone at her house since Dakota's miscarriage. Prior to her arrival, he had made plans with some of his boys, so when she got there he was getting dressed. He was getting ready to head out, and she was working on some case briefings in the bedroom. As he got ready to leave, he asked her not to answer his phone. She thought she was dreaming—she couldn't believe he had the nerve to tell her that. She wasn't sure if she should lash out, remain calm and just get her shit and bounce right after he left, or try not to get upset at all. The latter wasn't an option—she was too damn offended.
“What do you mean,
don't answer your phone
?”
He noticed from her tone alone that she wasn't pleased with his request, let alone dropping her pen and what she was working on to give him a direct stare.
“No, J, I'm just saying let the voice mail get it so I don't miss any calls.”
“Don't give me that, Jayon. I am a grown woman and I know how to take messages—that's not why you said that. If you feel uncomfortable with me being here while you're gone, I'll go.”
“Jordan, you can stay here.”
“If you have to ask me not to answer your phone, then I'm misunderstanding some things and I'd rather just go,” she said as she started to gather her things.
“Jordan, let's not make a big deal out of this. You are welcome to stay here—I will be back in a few hours and we can make love all night,” he said, trying to repair the damage with humor.
It was too late, though. Her mind was made up. She knew why he said that—she'd had a slight feeling that Jayon still had some lingering “friends” that he hadn't gotten rid of yet. One time she'd been out with his sister, and while she was drunk she mentioned some other females that Jayon still had as acquaintances. So Jordan already had some suspicions, but she didn't want to become a jealous girlfriend. She had been a married woman for fourteen years; hell, she still was, and to go back several steps to jealous girlfriend status was not where she wanted to be. Still, she wasn't going to be the stupid, getting-played girlfriend, either.
Jayon tried to stop her, but to no avail. She was leaving, she needed to. Being in Jayon's apartment wasn't the answer, either. Maybe that was her problem—maybe she needed to be alone and just feared it more than anything else. If she could have just dealt with spending a year alone, without Omar, maybe when he came around they could have saved their marriage. Maybe she wouldn't have been so torn about making a decision.
She was out the door before Jayon could leave. He tried to get her to change her mind, but she was too emotional to have to sit there and have the one person she thought was on her side treat her like an outsider.
“J, please don't go, sweetie. I didn't mean it like that.”
“It's fine, Jayon—go out. Maybe I'll come back over when you're home.”
She walked out of his door, down to her X5, and sat in her Jeep and regrouped. Surprisingly, she didn't cry. After she took a deep breath, she just started her car and pulled off.
As she drove down the street, she realized she wasn't prepared for this. She wasn't prepared for the bad times between her and Jayon. She was used to him being her comforter and friend—she had no idea what it felt like to have him as the person causing her pain. There it was again—she had to wonder if she had made a mistake. She had thought things with Jayon were going to be so much better than life with her husband. She had a few reasons to question it before but had ignored them. For example, Jayon could be very irresponsible. He would go out at times with his friends and drink way more than he should have, and then drive home. He would usually wait a while or until he felt that he was up for it, but it still made her very upset that he was so careless. She remembered when they were friends she used to say that she couldn't date him because he risked his life too much with his drinking fun. It didn't make much of a difference, though, because even as his friend it worried her sick. The thought of something happening to him was hard for her even to contemplate. But now that they were together, it was that much scarier. What if she got remarried one day to Jay, and they had kids, and lost him to something so reckless she would be sad and mad at him at the same time?
Jordan was just beginning to realize that things she thought she could overlook became harder to deal with. Jayon still went out a lot, even though he should have outgrown that phase. He wasn't very communicative about deep issues. He was always so cool and calm that it was hard to really have adult conversation. He was the quiet guy at the dinner table all the time. There were times when they didn't have much to talk about, and she had to do most of the talking.
At first she thought she liked the fact that Jayon was calm and kept his cool. When she used to compare him to Omar, she thought she loved the serenity between her and Jay. Now that time had gone by, she sometimes missed Omar's spunk. It made their relationship more exciting. He was quicker to argue or voice his opinion, and let someone know what was on his mind. Jayon was always passive and calm, even with her. She had become concerned that his demeanor might become boring to her.
With Omar, when things were good, he talked. He asked questions. They cared about the same things, same favorite sports teams, same favorite boxers, and same favorite television shows. It was funny, now that they weren't together, she finally became aware of his qualities. That's how it always goes, though—that's why they say you don't miss a good thing until it's gone. Not that she missed Omar—that wasn't it. She'd just learned that you have to love the one you're with. No one is perfect.
As these thoughts passed through her mind, she began to realize that it also applied to Jayon as well. She had to love him and everything about him, good or bad. The thing was that she did—she loved Jayon even deeper than a normal love because of their friendship. She knew him in every dimension, so their foundation was perfect. She just needed to know that Jayon was serious about their future together, and from time to time he didn't show it.
Her worst nightmare would be things not working out between her and her best friend. Nights like tonight, it seemed that much more a possibility.

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