Diva Diaries (46 page)
Authors: Janine A. Morris
110
Second Chance
D
akota didn't want to be so pessimistic.
akota didn't want to be so pessimistic.
She wasn't sure if the reason David was looking so good to her was because she was just trying to find someone to fill the void. She didn't want to be the woman who always needed someone in her bed to feel whole. She just found herself more intrigued by him than she had been for the three years she had known him.
He was on his way over to make dinner, and she was reluctant to have him over because she wasn't sure if she was ready for anything intimate. He had assured her that he just wanted to come over and make her a meal and to make her feel better. It didn't really matter, because she wasn't ready. Her vagina hadn't been tended to in over a month, but as much as she wanted some attention, her emotions wouldn't allow her to get involved. She was still a little disturbed from the miscarriage, and was still trying to deal with the decision to leave Tony's sorry ass the hell alone.
It hadn't been an easy couple of months. Luckily, she had her girls to make it all better; they had been by almost every day, making sure she didn't slip into depression. They cooked dinner for her, brought her favorite desserts, shared movie nights. It was these past couple of months that reminded Dakota why they were truly the sisters she never had. Even Jordan, with her crazy, busy life, found time to come by regularly to do whatever she could. She loved those girls. Chrasey and Jordan were the best, and she didn't know what she would have done without them. Tony surely wasn't any helpâthe little he did wasn't enough. He tried to come over, do some sweet things, bring food and stuff like that. The thing was, he couldn't be with her all the time; he couldn't be there the way she needed him. The fact was, whether he would deny it or not, he had Jonelle at home and there weren't but so many unspoken-for hours in his day. He tried to make Dakota feel like a priority, but at this point, reality was harsher than ever. She knew the truth and it hurt, so just hearing the lies wasn't enough anymore. He didn't realize that, but it was becoming real obvious to her.
David never left her side through it all. She knew, even when things were good with Tony, that David would always be there. He dealt with other girls, too, but she always knew that he would be there when she needed him. He had been trying to become more than what he was to her for quite some time, but she was too silly to value that. At one point it used to annoy her, his sweet-talking and his persistency, trying to get her to settle down with him. Now she realized what she had been missing the whole time. David cared about her for her, and she didn't know how to appreciate that. She was too busy chasing Tony to realize what she had right within her reach. A good, handsome, responsible man with a good job and he wanted to settle down. David must have known it was only a matter of time before she would appreciate him, because he stuck around long enough to give her the chance to.
It was 8:37 when she heard the knock at her door. She muted her television, scooted off the bed, glanced in the mirror, and walked toward the door. For some reason, she had butterflies in her stomach. She didn't know if it was fear or curiosity, she just knew that for some reason she was not comfortable with this visit quite yet. Once she opened the door, David was standing there with a picnic basket and a flower. That was his thingâhe always seemed to bring her a single rose whenever he was coming over. It became his signature, and for the first time she really noticed it. He handed her the rose as he said, “Hello, Dakota.”
“Hey, David,” she said as she cleared the doorway for him to walk inside. As he passed by her, he gave her a kiss on the cheek and continued toward the kitchen. She closed the door behind him, and followed him.
“So how are you feeling?” he asked while he walked by.
“I'm pretty good. Thanks for asking.”
As they reached the kitchen, he placed the basket down, turned to her and scooped her in his arms.
“You don't have to thank me for asking. I truly want to know.”
“I know, David. I just appreciate that you really want to know,” she said as she started to feel uncomfortable.
David was too real, too genuine, and too good. She didn't know how to deal with his type of manâshe was used to the phony liars who didn't take the time to cater to their women. David was truly the oppositeâhe made her feel like he would take care of her every emotional need.
“Well, what's for dinner?” she asked, trying to break the awkward silence.
“I brought some filet mignon, baked potatoes, yellow rice, and broccoli,” he said as he backed away from her and started unpacking the basket.
“Damn, that sounds good,” she said.
“Yeah, and for dessert I brought some of your favorite banana pudding from Sarah Brown Catering.”
“Oh my gosh, you didn't go all the way over there, did you? Just for dessert?”
“It wasn't that far out of the way.”
“You're too much, Dave. Thanks, sweetieâwhere is it at?”
“Nope, you can't have any until later.”
She put on her baby pout face and backed away from the basket. He reached out to hold her again.
“Go lie down, get comfortable. Let me prepare dinner and you meet me on the couch. We will watch a movie and eat dinner and then we will enjoy dessert. How does that sound?”
“That sounds nice,” she said. She felt the mushy feeling again, but this time she wasn't uncomfortable. She actually realized this was something she could get used to.
111
Playtime
I
t wasn't like beforeâChrasey didn't just want to drop off her kids with her parents and go see Trevor at his house, or go catch a movie. It was a different ball game nowâthey had to be more discreet about things. He was coming around her way to get his daughter, so Chrasey told him to meet her at the neighborhood McDonald's Playland.
t wasn't like beforeâChrasey didn't just want to drop off her kids with her parents and go see Trevor at his house, or go catch a movie. It was a different ball game nowâthey had to be more discreet about things. He was coming around her way to get his daughter, so Chrasey told him to meet her at the neighborhood McDonald's Playland.
The kids were playing together nicely, with fifteen or so others. She and Trevor were sitting on the side, eating their meals, talking about their lives as usual. He was sharing the latest about his daughter's mother, and, of course, she was sharing the latest with Keith. Trevor still couldn't believe that Keith had gotten some woman pregnant, and he told her he was proud of her for sticking it out. He said she was a real woman, like Hillary Clinton, standing by her man. She didn't know about all of that, but she appreciated the acknowledgment. Keith damn sure didn't appreciate it.
She and Trevor had an understanding about what things would be like between the two of them. She explained that she did want to go on dealing with him. She also explained that her family was her first priority. He respected that, and he was willing to be respectful of her situation. He also explained that the only reason he was still around was because he really cared about her. He said from the day he met her, he knew she was a beautiful person; he also knew from day one that her husband didn't appreciate her. He made it very clear that he wasn't going to stop his life, either; he was going to date and see other people, but until the day came that he met that special someone he wanted to marry, he would be there for her whenever she needed him.
They'd been sitting there for about forty-five minutes so far. She had told Keith where she was going, because it made no sense lyingâthe kids could tell him, anyway. She tried to make plans that she didn't have to lie about, but could just leave information out of. For example, she was really at McDonald'sâshe just didn't have to mention she was meeting someone there. She told Keith she would be home in a bit, and to go ahead and fix himself something to eat. So as she was sitting there with Trevor, she wasn't thinking about Keith. She was relaxed, just taking a break from her demanding life. Keith was the last person she was expecting, but as she looked over her shoulder for a split second, she caught a glimpse of his face. She looked back and it was Keith, walking toward them. Trevor could see in her face that something had happened, but he was playing it smart and safeâhe didn't look over his shoulder. He just remained naturalâhe could see she was keeping her eyes on someone. They weren't sitting that close to one another, and there were other parents sitting around them as well. It wasn't as if they were in some private area of McDonald's, so she knew how she had to handle this.
Within seconds, Keith walked up to her and said hello. Although there was absolutely nothing visibly strange about her sitting next to this guy, she could tell Keith was a little suspicious of her male company. Still, she showed no trace of guiltâshe was about to handle it like a professional.
“Hey, baby,” she said, just as normal.
He said hello back, and glanced at Trevor. Then she looked at Trevor and said to him, “This is my husband.”
She looked back at Keith and said, “We were just talking about how hard it is to pull your kids out of these places. His daughter has been in there for an hour already.”
They all gave a phony laugh. She couldn't tell if Keith bought it, but it was her story. Trevor caught on to what she was doing. He was just some man who was in McDonald's with his kid, not the man that she got butt naked with and had about an hour of sex with about every two weeks or so.
“What are you doing here?” she asked Keith.
“I was hungry, figured I would come hang out with you guys.”
“Oh, that's nice. We were about to go in a few, though.”
Trevor took that as a cue, she guessed.
“Speaking of going, let me do the mission impossible and finally get this girl out of here,” Trevor said as he got up and walked toward his daughter inside the big air castle. When he stepped away, he said a phony good-bye still pretending like he was just the friendly guy waiting in McDonald's. She gave a friendly and thankful good-bye, back.
Of all days for Keith to want to come play familyâjust her luck. From the look in Keith's eyes, he didn't know what to think. He seemed to be behaving normally, but she couldn't tell if, in the back of his mind, he wondered if he had just caught her in McDonald's with her mystery man, or was she just being paranoid? Under normal circumstances, what he saw didn't have to be that peculiar. However, neither of them trusted the other, and deep down he figured that she had to be getting something from somewhere else. He just wouldn't have thought at McDonald's.
Trevor got his daughter out, she said good-bye to Kelsey and Quinton, and then they walked out. She and Keith sat there a little longer before they headed out. Chrasey felt awkward as Trevor leftâshe knew he was watching her and Keith together through the glass as he walked out. He'd never seen them together, and she wondered if he was curious now. Maybe he wondered if Keith actually was a caring husband, and he was just being a homewrecker. She was sure seeing Keith just come to hang with us made it look like she'd been lying about him not paying her and the kids any attention. Still, even a blind man could see the distance between her and Keith. They couldn't hide that, and she was sure Trevor saw it. She just hoped that he wouldn't change his mind about being her Prince Charming.
112
Confessions
J
ayon had spent the night at Jordan's house. They watched a movie, and just spent the day chilling. When they were out in the backyard having a drink and playing cards, she noticed that Jay's phone was lighting up but wasn't ringing or vibrating. She reached toward his pocket clip and picked up the phone. She saw “Michelle” in the Caller ID.
ayon had spent the night at Jordan's house. They watched a movie, and just spent the day chilling. When they were out in the backyard having a drink and playing cards, she noticed that Jay's phone was lighting up but wasn't ringing or vibrating. She reached toward his pocket clip and picked up the phone. She saw “Michelle” in the Caller ID.
“Who is Michelle?” she asked.
“A friend of mineâwhy you checking my Caller ID,” he asked as he took his phone back.
“A friend from where? And why is your phone on SILENT?”
“Why are you grilling me like this?”
“Because I want to know.”
“She is a friend ... actually you met herâI brought her by the office once,” Jayon replied with obvious aggravation.
“Why is your phone silenced, and why is she calling you?”
“Just was, no reason, and I don't know why she is calling. Maybe to say hello ... Why don't you call her and ask her since you have so many questions?”
She didn't have time for these games. After all of these years of being friends, a year into a relationship she was finally seeing the ugly side of Jayon. It's unbelievable, when you know somebody so well, and they still never cease to amaze you.
“You know what, I'm not up for games tonight. You want to keep secrets, fine.”
“What secrets?”
“Don't tell me that she is just your friendâI know she is not. That day in the office I knew that. You keep wanting to lie to me about stuff, fine.”
“She is my friendâwe slept together before, but she is my friend,” he decided to admit.
“So, you weren't going to tell me about that?”
“For what? We weren't together when she and I first slept together.”
“Well, she is still calling youâyou don't think you could have shared that with me?”
“I'm not going through this. If you have a problem with it, I don't know what to tell you.”
“You don't know what to tell me? After all these years, when I'm getting a divorce because of youâyou don't know what to tell me? You know what, Jayon? Fuck you!!”
She said that in a much louder tone than her previous comment, and she stood up and went inside. She said it, and although she meant it from her heart, it wasn't that simple. She was pissed off. She really wanted to curse him out. Tell him, how dare he embarrass her like that. How dare he wait until she was this involved with him to start telling her shit like,
if you have a problem with it, I don't know what to tell you
.
if you have a problem with it, I don't know what to tell you
.
“That asshole,” she mumbled to herself. The timing had to be crazy, but not too long after she and Omar signed their divorce papers, she was starting to feel that all she had done just wasn't worth it. If she was meant to be with Jayon, the day would comeâit just didn't seem that now was the time.
Jayon followed her inside the house and slowly pinned her up against the living room wall and said, “I met Michelle a few years after I met youâI'm sure I mentioned her to you but it was nothing. We were cool for a whileâwe slept together one night, and I really thought I mentioned it to you. It was years ago ...” Jayon said.
His tone was fairly low and it sounded like he was trying to make her feel better about the situationâhe wanted to make sure she knew everything. He continued, “We kept in touch on and off, and it was the biggest mistake of my life, but I slept with her twice this past year, and now she won't stop calling me.”
She couldn't have been hearing him right. This past year he was with her. “This past year?” she asked.
He held her tight in his arms, and she knew that was his
yes
. She jerked him off of her and walked away.
yes
. She jerked him off of her and walked away.
“Please get out of my house, Jay.”
“Jordan, at least hear what I have to say.”
“Jayon, get the fuck out of my houseânow!”
He stood there, not moving an inch. He was thinking of what he could say to get her to calm down. It was too late for thatâthere was nothing he could say. She couldn't even put her mind on her heart, but subconsciously she felt the sharp pain right through it. It was no time to dwell on it. First she had to get him out of her house, and then she would tend to her wound.
“It didn't mean anything to me, I swear. I want to be with youâshe means nothing to me,” he said.
She started to walk toward her front doorâit didn't seem he understood how serious she was. He followed behind her.
“J, I didn't know if you were ever going to get your divorce, so I didn't know if we really had a future. I didn't want to stress you about it, either. I know it's not rightâI was wrongâthat's why I'm admitting it. I want to start fresh.”
She looked at him, and handed him the key to his apartment.
“Jayon, please get out.”
After standing there for a few seconds, he started to walk toward the door. He tried to give her a kiss on the forehead, but she moved back, and as soon as he stepped through the door she closed it behind him.
Call her naive or blind. Say by now women should know we can't put anything past a man, but she still believed there were just some things you didn't expect from certain people ... and this she did not expect from Jayon. Deep down inside, she felt so disappointed. She felt hoodwinked. How could someone you feel you know so well, actually be so different?
In all reality, as much she hated to say it, he was just like all men, and here she really thought she would be happier with Jayon. During that honeymoon phase that things felt so good. That was her fear, that things weren't what they seemed. She just didn't think her life could be that jinxed, that this could turn out this bad.
She'd been with Omar all those years, and to think she gave it up, thinking it would be so much better with Jayon. He would be a friend and a lover all in one. That's what she'd wanted. Who could've known that once he became her lover, he would no longer be her friend?
She knew in her heart that this was it. She could never even begin to forgive him for what he'd done. She never thought Jayon, her best friend, would lie to her. Never. So she knew this wasn't going to blow over. Just the thought of him sleeping with some other woman was enough; then to think how he had to be deceitful the nights he was with her, and how he probably was kissing or having sex with her the same or next day. Just to think of it brought her to tears. She never went through this in her marriage, but she was dealing with it now. Talk about punishment for your actions.
She'd seen signs before tonightâit wasn't like this was their only issue. She just knew that with him she had to put great effort into it, because she had altered so much of her life to be with him. She hadn't prepared herself for it not working out. There were things with Jayon that she dealt with because she wanted them to work out, but she noticed that he wasn't as caring toward her as she thought he'd be.
Jayon's lack of emotion toward everything sometimes made it seem like he didn't care. All these years she thought it was his cool swagger, and early on she found it attractive. However, Jordan found it hard to be in an adult relationship when he didn't communicate. He could talk for hours on the phone with his boys, but if Jordan wanted to talk about an issue, he was damn near speechless. It drove her up a wall.
Then to make matters worse Jayon stopped wanting to have sex. Early on they were like two rabbits, having sex like every other night at least. These days it was once a week if she was lucky. He could go days without it. It was like she hooked up with an old man. That was another reason why hearing he had slept with somebody else made her absolutely furious.
She just had to deal with it the hard way: they were no
Brown Sugar
, they were no
When Harry Met Sally
, and they were no
Shark Tale
. They were just two people in lust who settled for what was easy. She just couldn't believe that a year into this relationship, she was finding this out. She felt so hoodwinked and bamboozled. It was like Omar's perfect revenge. She broke his heart, and less than two months after their divorce was official, Jayon had broken hers.
Brown Sugar
, they were no
When Harry Met Sally
, and they were no
Shark Tale
. They were just two people in lust who settled for what was easy. She just couldn't believe that a year into this relationship, she was finding this out. She felt so hoodwinked and bamboozled. It was like Omar's perfect revenge. She broke his heart, and less than two months after their divorce was official, Jayon had broken hers.
The last person she wanted to know about this was Omarâshe knew he would gloat in all his glory. Karma was something else for real. Although, she didn't feel what she did was wrong, she could see why her guilt was killing her. She must've really done Omar wrong, because what else could she have done to deserve this? This was like some cruel trick.
She knew she had to face the world tomorrow. She was determined not to cry or mope too muchâtoo embarrassed to do that. She'd bragged too much, had confessed her undying love. How could she go back and tell everybody she'd been a fool? She'd left her husband for a man who she didn't even really know, at the end of the day.
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