Divided Souls (Captured Miracle #3) (7 page)

My fear morphed into something else as my mind played catch-up over the previous days events and I felt that something swell within my belly until it rose like acid in my throat.

Anger.

I was angry.

Actually, I was fucking fuming.

“Get away from me.” I snapped, trying to shrug his warm hands from where they were resting around my waist. “Get your hands off me!”

“Nova,” I heard his confusion, but I was too far-gone to bring myself down from my angry high so soon. I had shit to say to this man and I wasn’t backing down without having my thoughts in the open.

“Shut up!” I wiggled in his arms, pushing against his chest.

Calix was obviously having none of it, because one moment, I was on my side and the next I was laying flat on my back and Calix was hovering above me. His weight was heavy and commanding and his breaths were rapid and unmeasured. I could barely see him through the darkness, and obviously, he was irritated that he couldn’t see me either, because his hands pulled mine above my head where he gripped both wrists easily in one large hand. Then I felt his body stretch before soft golden light flooded the large dark room.

His dark blue eyes were pinned on my tear-streaked face, and his expression was torn between anger, confusion, and pain. “Love, talk to me.”

I shook my head. I was terrified that if I spoke, I would sound like a blubbering mess. I could still feel the painful beating of my heart in my chest, kicking painfully against its cage. All throughout my time away from Calix, I’d had nightmares of the night I was taken. But tonight, all the anger I’d held bottled up inside of me toward this man had come out baring its vicious claws in the form of a terrifying nightmare.

I’d dreamed that the men my father had brought into Calix’s house, who’d had him on his knees, beating his beautiful body, had killed him. I’d dreamed that I was there, in a glass box, just watching without being able to do a thing. I’d screamed and cried and pleaded as my heart tore into two as I watched the only man I could ever love be beaten to his death.

“Nova,” he closed his eyes and I watched the ticking in his cheek slow as his anger dimmed. “Please, love, talk to me.”

“You didn’t fight.” I whispered through the pain threatening to close my airways. “Why didn’t you fight, Calix?”

“What?” A frown pulled at his brow.

I continued. “I watched you give up in front of me. You let those men, my fathers men hurt you.” I sobbed and his breath caught as he realized what I was talking about. “You would have died if Gabriella hadn’t saved you.”

I closed my eyes against my onslaught of tears and Calix bowed his forehead to mine. “Love,”

“I’m so mad at you, Calix.” I gritted the words. “I’m so,” I pulled in a desperate breath. “Mad!”

“Nova, I’m sorry.”

“I was away from you for months, wondering if you were dead or alive. I replayed that night over - and over - in my mind.” I was trembling beneath his large body despite the warmth radiating from him. “And you were here in - freaking Alaska!” I sobbed again, shaking my head beneath him. “I’m so mad at you.”

“I’m fine, love.” He whispered against my temple, before pressing his warm lips to my tender flesh. “I’m safe and you’re safe now. I promise you, love, I will never let you go again. I promise you, I will fight until the end to ensure your safety.”

“With you!” I spoke frantically. “You’ll fight until the end to ensure my safety with you! Nothing matters without you, Calix. I don’t want to have to live - without you.” Another fat tear slid from between my lids. “Please, I love you and I can’t - I can’t raise our baby without you. Don’t ever make me face the possibility of that fate again.”

His blue eyes were sad as he lifted his head to gaze into my eyes. “I’ll never give you up again, love.”

Those were the words I needed, because before I knew it, I was kissing him with all the anger, hurt, and passion inside of me. My lips felt raw, almost bruised, as he kissed me with equal intensity. His hand still held mine above my head, as his other moved in exploration over the bared flesh of my body.

Like usual, Calix opposed to me sleeping in clothing, and because I was so accustomed to fulfilling his demands, I hadn’t thought to argue. Now, as his hand moved over the pebbled skin of my beaded nipple, I was thankful for the easy access my absence of clothing provided.

Calix’s roughly calloused hand squeezed my tender flesh just enough to encourage me silently to open my mouth in a gasp. He took advantage, slipping his tongue between my lips, as his fingers twirled around my nipple, gently working the flesh to a decadent kind of painful bliss.

Calix moved his naked body up between my open legs and I moaned at the feel of his long, hard, hot length against the pulsing of my core. I was so wet - aching so deeply for him - it was torturous.

“Calix, please.”

“Not yet, Nova.” He replied gravelly against my lips. “I took you quick earlier. Now, I’m savoring you, love.”

“Oh God,” I moaned as he shifted his hips to run his length through my swollen lips, over my clit and down lower to glide past my entrance - before he shifted back to begin his delicious torture once again. “Jesus, I need you.” I panted breathlessly as his lips curled against mine.

Calix refused to take me quick. Instead, he released my hands from where he’d held them captive above my head, to lift himself up onto his forearms. Then, he climbed slowly down my body, kissing every inch of my flesh on his way to my breasts. Sucking my throbbing breasts into his mouth, I couldn’t help the electricity flowing through my veins, as my back arched and I pushed myself deeper into his mouth. My fingers curled in the sheets beneath me when he moved to lavish my neglected breast with equal affection. When I felt his teeth graze the sensitive flesh of my nipple, I cried out.

“Please, I can’t wait.” I begged. “I don’t want to - Calix.”

He lifted his head to look up into my face, and I’m not sure what he saw there exactly, but it must have been a hunger so intense it demanded immediate satisfaction, because that was what he did. Only, not the way I had pleaded for. Instead, he pushed himself lower until his shoulders were tented by the sheet and his face was between my legs.

The soft warmth of his tongue sliding against my moist core was enough to send me over the edge, but Calix refused to allow that to happen so quick. He sucked, nipped and swirled his tongue around my clit, but each time he felt the telling tremble of my release, he pulled back, just long enough to stifle my pleasure, before working me up all over again.

I was filled with a need so deeply potent, I was certain I was going to combust. Then, without any warning at all, he lifted his head once more, and crawled up my body. When he lowered himself against my body, his mouth against mine, I tasted myself on his lips. It did things to me - the taste of me on this man - wonderful things.

I felt him shift above me, his hand guiding his cock to my opening. And then I felt him stretch me, filling me. A moan of utter ecstasy escaped from my lips as he buried himself slow and deep.

When he filled me completely, he stilled. His eyes swept lovingly over my face as he took me in, memorizing my every feature in the same way I was memorizing his.

“I love you, Nova McKnight. You’re everything pure and true - you’re everything I never thought I could possess, but you’re mine.” He slowly pulled out before pushing back in slowly, claiming me, possessing me, owning me - loving me. “You’re everything I know I don’t deserve, love.” He thrust again. “But I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to be the man who gives you everything you could ever want or need. Because that is what you are for me, love. You’re everything I could ever want or need. You’re everything to me.”

“I love you, Calix McKnight.” I tried to keep the tears from falling down my temples as I opened my legs wider to wrap them around his waist. As I pulled his mouth to mine, I whispered. “Consume me.”

And he did.

Chapter 8

Calix was still inside me, long after we had both come down from our sizzling high. His weight over my body was consuming, but I didn’t complain. As a matter of fact, even though it was a struggle to breathe evenly, it was a good kind of struggle. My legs were still wrapped around his waist and his arms were circled tightly around me. One beneath the small of my back, and the other rested beneath the nape of my neck. His face was pressed tight into the nook of my neck and his breathing had evened long minutes ago. I knew he was on the verge of sleep, inside of me, on top of me - and although I wasn’t particularly comfortable, I couldn’t imagine asking him to move.

Beneath this man, I felt so entirely safe.

Beneath Calix, I felt as though I were tented from the evils in the world - which was ironic, really, because before Calix, I hadn’t really been aware that the evils were even there, lurking within the shadows. Now, they were everywhere. It seemed, that everywhere I looked, I saw a threat. They prowled like scavengers behind every corner, concealed within every damning shadow, waiting to devour. Evil was everywhere. Hell, the evil of the world followed me into my dreams nightly. I’d severely been deprived of my sleep as a result of the evil I feared haunting me so relentlessly, and without compassion.

But right now, with Calix covering me so completely, I felt safe from all those evils. Right now, beneath Calix, I felt as though I were, for the first time, protected by the shadows. Because, in reality, it was within the shadows we were hiding.

Shifting slightly, slowly, I tried to work a kink from my back without rousing Calix - and I failed. Not a second after I moved, Calix had lifted his head from the nook of my neck to gaze into my eyes. His were filled with a new bout of worry I instantly wanted to quell.

Forcing a smile to my lips, I spoke. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

He shook his head. “Shit, love,” he rose onto his arms relieving me of his massive weight. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I must have been crushing you.”

“Not at all.” I lied.

Calix raised a brow and I knew, he knew, I was lying.
Calix always knew when I was lying.

Instantly wanting to clarify before he accused me of something as ridiculous as being untrue, I added. “Okay, maybe you were crushing me a little bit, but I honestly didn’t mind. I actually liked it.”

“You liked it?” His voice was a gravelly sound that commanded the vast space within the room.

I nodded. “Yeah.”

“How could you like me crushing you, love?”

“Well,” I struggled to voice admission to my thoughts. “I suppose - it makes me feel,”

“Go on.” He encouraged at my timely pause.

I pulled in a deep breath for courage as I released the one word I would have rather keep locked inside. “Safe.”

His eyes darkened. “My crushing you made you feel safe?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Well,” I gave a little shrug, wiggling beneath him. “You’re the only person I really feel safe with anymore - so knowing you’re on top of me, feeling your weight and your warmth - I suppose it makes me feel safe, is all.”

“Hmmm.”

“What are you thinking?” I asked in reply to his ominous
hmmm
.

“I’m thinking that I don’t like you being afraid.”

The sudden need to console him, was so terribly strong, I couldn’t deny it. “Calix, I’m not afraid
with
you.”

“You are, Nova.” He argued bluntly. “That is why you woke up screaming. You’re fucking terrified.”

“No.”

“It’s my fault.” He closed his eyes for a brief moment, and I knew it was to hide the pain he was feeling inside from the windows of his soul. But it didn’t matter - with or without his eyes, I could see into his soul better than I could see into my own.

“Calix, please, it’s not your fault.”

“This is all my fault.” He growled. “Everything. You are here, right now, because of my decision.”

“No, I’m here because of my father’s decision.” I stated.

His eyes flared. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m not.” I announced adamantly. “Fate brought us together, Calix, whether you believe it or not. I know that there has been a lot of wrong along the path that brought us to this place, but there’s also been a lot of right.” I caught his face in my hands. “I love you - with every beat of my heart, Calix, I fall deeper in love with you. We were meant to be - we are the consequence of past actions. We are the reason, Calix, our love is the reason -
for everything
.”

A single tear squeezed determinedly from the corner of his eye, and I watched as its crystalized globe ran a path of shimmering emotion down the contours of his face. And then, with trembling lips, I kissed the moist line beneath his eye just in time to feel the drip of his tear fall from his chin to my chest.

“Are you tired, love?” He asked gruffly.

“I am, but I can’t sleep.” I replied honestly.

He shifted himself, pulling out of me as he moved to stand from the bed. “Wait here.”

I nodded. “Kay.”

I watched as Calix moved from the bedroom to the attached bathroom. He closed the door behind him and I listened for a moment as he rummaged within the bathroom cabinets. Then, I remembered the feeling of his tear on my chest and I glanced down, catching sight of the glistening drop of salty water pebbled on my breast, right above my heart. And that’s when it hit me - Calix’s regret, fear, and desire all rested against the beating heart within my chest.

This realization was so much more than figurative. It was primitive and real. I knew without a doubt, that it was my beating heart that encouraged Calix to desire, just as it was my beating heart that made him conscious enough of his actions to comprehend the complexities of regret. It was also my beating heart that posed as the one thing he could lose, that could ensure he bowed down as a slave to fear.

The bathroom door opened then, interrupting my thoughts as the sight of Calix’s large body, toned and delicious, appeared. Behind him, flickering golden light glowed and the sound of running water provided a soothing kind of constant background.

I smiled. “What are you doing?”