Divine: A Novel (9 page)

“That’s trespassing.” I know. I do it too.
“Besides, I should’ve been at work at that time. What made you think I’d be
home?”

“I was hoping; that’s all. It was worth a
shot and then I saw that your back door was open.”

“So, you walked in?”

“You shouldn’t leave your door open when
you’re in the shower. It’s dangerous. Think what could’ve happened if some
random guy walked in. You could’ve been raped or kidnapped, or worse.”

“Like Hayden’s books? What the fuck sort
of reasoning is that, Dan? Who raised you to just walk into people’s homes?” I
turn and start to walk away but he grabs my arm and pulls me back.

“I just wanted to see you, that’s all.”

His face is inches from mine and I can
smell his breath again, spearmint, some sort of mouthwash, and not cinnamon
like the other night. He’s dressed... I hate to say it, but he’s dressed like a
Catholic schoolboy. A crisp white button down shirt tucked into black pants
with shiny black oxford shoes. His shirt is opened one button where a tiny
cross hangs on a thin gold chain around his neck.

“I’m sorry. Don’t leave.” His voice is
soft and his eyes sincere.

“Why did you come in?” I whisper.

His feet move closer to mine. The tips of
his shoes touch my big toes and I wiggle them, wondering if he can feel my
playful touch through the leather.

“Pathetically, I was jealous.”

That’s a bewildering answer. Someone’s
jealous of me? Jealous of what?

“I overheard you talking to someone in
the shower so I picked up my books and left. I didn’t know you had another
boyfriend. I mean, that’s okay.” He steps away and sighs. Definitely hurt and I
can sense he’s unsure as to how to proceed. “A lot of people are in open
relationships and I know we just started this thing. It just took me by
surprise, that’s all. My gut churned and I picked up the books in anger and
left.”

His voice is low, faint, and by his body
language I can tell he’s uneasy. He’s exposed his feelings and it’s the first
time he’s acted vulnerable in front of me.

He’s not an ass like I thought. See what
you did, Violet?

I’m
not the one who talks out loud, you are. I’m in your head, moron. This is your
fault. Now fix this so you can get in his pants tonight.

“It’s not what you think,” I say.

“You don’t have to explain. Really, it’s
your life. I just want to be clear that I’m a one-to-one relationship type of
guy, so it will take a little getting used to, and I don’t want to lie, it
might not work for me this way. But, I can give it my best...”

“Dan, stop.”

“Is he older or younger than me? Better
looking?”

“Dan.”

“Has he touched you? Uh, that was a dumb
question. Of course he has, the two of you were in the shower together.”

It’s at this moment that I realize why
I’ve let Dan take over my life this week, why I can’t get him out of my head,
why this relationship is going to develop and thrive. He’s just like me.

I take his hands in mine and pull him
closer, closer, until our bodies touch as we stand under his front cherry tree.
The branches bloom with pink buds and birds chirp a happy little song. That’s
how I’ll remember this moment. Our first kiss. Out of the blue, I just realized
it’s about to happen.

We close our eyes and his hands touch the
small of my back, moving upward until they wrap around the sides of my neck. I
detect his head tilting down, moving nearer to mine, and then our lips touch.
Oh God, I’ve never had a perfect kiss. Never, ever. His mouth opens, but no
tongue. It’s wonderful. Sexy. Picture perfect.

Maybe he really doesn’t have a tongue?

Nope, there it is. Soft, gentle, not too
overpowering, and it doesn’t stay for long. A welcome guest for only a few
moments. Oh man, he can kiss.

Complete. It’s over. I want more.

I see Dan’s warm smile as I open my eyes
and we hug, a simple old-fashioned hug. Whatever happened to those things? You
never see people hugging anymore.

“I have to tell you something, Div.” He
whispers in my ear as we embrace. I hope he doesn’t say the L word. It’s too
soon. It would ruin everything. I’m not ready to say it. Nope. I’m obsessed and
he’s penetrating my heart, but just wait, Dan. Just a little longer.

“I can be sweet sometimes, but you should
enjoy my tender touch while you can, because once you’re spread-eagle in my bed
and my dick takes charge, no one’s going to come and save you.”

Mmm. I’m doomed.

“You have a beautiful body, by the way.”
He steps back and takes my hand as we walk to his car. “Too bad my father got
to experience its arrival at my front door. I would have liked to have opened
the package on my own.”

“I can’t believe I did that. I’m so
sorry.”

“It was a surprise. Not an unwelcome one,
but definitely shocking. I’ve seen a lot of things, but never a woman flashing
herself at my front door... a shaved woman at that. It’s a first.”

“The flash job or the shave job?”

“Both,” he grins. “Never in real life.”

Ahh, he watches porn, where else do you
see shaved women? Not at the movies or on T.V., right? Not unless you see nasty
films and subscribe to the Playboy Channel. And people think tons of women
shave or wax, but that’s not the case. A lot of women go for ‘au naturel,’
especially the ones living in colder climates. At least that’s what I think. I
don’t deal in facts per se.

“I’m so ashamed, Dan. Can you tell your
father I’m sorry?”

“Don’t worry about it too much.”

“What if we’re still together months from
now, during the holidays and I have dinner with your family? I won’t be able to
face him, plus he’ll always think I’m a slut.”

“Think of it this way, family gatherings
will never be dull and boring because we’ll always have your vagina to fall
back on.”

“Dan?”

“Huh?” he responds, pulling out of our
development.

“I don’t have another boyfriend.”

He glances over and I can tell he’s
fighting back a smile.

“Sure. So you were having what sounded
like an involved and argumentative conversation with yourself?”

“Yes.”

He shakes his head and laughs. “Come on,
Div. I’m not an idiot. I can tell when someone’s upset at another person.”

“Why is that so hard to believe?”

Shut
up, Div. You’ll scare him off.

“People sing in the shower and I talk to
myself. It’s not unusual.”

Yes,
it is.

“Haven’t you ever done that before?”

“Of course I do, everyone does, but in my
head, not out loud,” he says.

“It’s not impossible.”

“Are you serious? I heard arguing. So you
were yelling at yourself?”

“I’m a one-to-one person too, and I swear
to you, on my scout’s honor, or the code of the virgin rainbows, or whatever, I
was alone. I’m angry about something and I needed to talk it out, that’s all.”

Thanks
a lot, bitch. You weren’t alone.

Dan’s quiet for a few minutes, but then I
get the impression that he believes me and has accepted my explanation. His
whistling fills the Cherokee as he adjusts his pants and drives. I know he’s
happy when he whistles.

“Dan?”

“Hmm?”

“Where are we going?”

“I’m offering you to the gods. Too bad
you mentioned this afternoon that you’re not a virgin, they’d be more accepting
if you were.”

“Seriously,” I laugh. “Tell me.”

“I’m being serious.”

“Come on.”

“I’m taking you somewhere for punishment
for exposing your body before I was ready to see it. You need to be a good Catholic
girl tonight and repent. Then you’ll be rewarded.”

“Is this another game or are you
serious?” His response is still only a smile. Mr. Dickey Dick. I like that name
for him and I’m going to start calling him that out loud unless he tells me.

We turn into Black Forest Ridge, a
wealthy community north of campus that the students refer to as snob city. The
houses are mini-estates, each with a carriage house and a tennis court or an
in-ground pool. They were built in the early ‘20s, before the Great Depression
and are massive stone beasts.

“Dan?”

The driveway’s swarming with luxury cars
and men and women who’re dressed to attend a high-class social event.

“Dan?”

My underwear’s soaked in sweat. I’ve been
comfortable around him until now. I look at my cupcake sweater as we pass a
tall blonde in high heels and a silver strapless dress.

He parks in the rear, alongside one of
three catering vans and opens my door to help me out.

“What are we doing?” I whisper. “I can’t
go in here like this.”

“You look gorgeous, Div.”

“This isn’t like that weird Tom Cruise
movie,
Eyes Wide Shut
, is it? Are we
going to a sex party?”

“I wish,” he laughs and holds out his
hand. “Unfortunately, it won’t be that exciting and I’m not about to share you
with anyone. Especially since I haven’t had you to myself yet. Come on, follow
me inside and I’ll explain everything.”

“So this is my punishment?”

He puts his arm over my shoulder as we
walk through a back door that leads to the kitchen. “Not really. For now, we’re
just helping out an old married couple.”

“James Daniel, over here sweetie.” A
voice that sounds like my... my mom’s, calls out to him. Calm, feminine,
loving. My heart breaks sometimes when I hear people with a similar pitch using
her tender words.

She’s in a stunning Jade dress and I
wonder if this is her party or if this is his parents’ home. Is she Dan’s
mother? My word, they’re loaded. Holy balls.

“Mom, I’d like you to meet Divine
Hallowell, she’ll be with me tonight and joining the family later.”

“It’s a pleasure, Divine. My husband and
I appreciate your help.” She shakes my hand. “Greg, we need to go!” She calls
out. “Reservations at six!”

Fuck, it’s his parents... his father...
my vagina. Gulp. I step behind Dan hoping his dad will walk right past and
never notice that I’m here. Maybe he won’t recognize me with clothes on. Did he
even see my face? No, he definitely wasn’t looking up when I was at Dan’s door.

You’re
acting like a baby. Stand proud, stick out your chest, and flash a warm smile.
He’s married. He knows what vaginas look like.

Violet’s right. Stepping forward, I know
I can’t hide out forever. Let’s get this over with.

His father walks in with a tray of empty
wine glasses that he places on a counter, before removing an apron from around
his waist. His wife straightens his tie and gives him a kiss on the cheek, then
slides her arm around his. They start to leave, arm in arm, and it looks like
I’m in the clear for now.

He holds the door for his wife then yells
back. “It’s nice to see you again, cupcake.”

I blush while Dan laughs. Okay, good, he
made a joke.

“He’s not upset?”

“If you were a fifty-year-old man, would
you get upset by the sight of...”

“Alright, I get it. You don’t have to
remind me of the details. I’ll apologize the next time I see him.”

Servers walk in and out of the kitchen
and I’m still confused as to why we’re here until Dan gives me a hint.

“Did you see the side of the vans when I
parked?”

I shake my head.

“Go look,” he nods toward the door while
putting on an apron.

Now, why the fuck didn’t I notice that
when we pulled in? The sides of the catering vans have the Keller name on them.
His parents have a catering business. Duh.

Dan’s hand slips under my hair and his
fingers caress the back of my neck in a slow circle, while sending goose bumps
along my arms.

“You disappointed?” he whispers, his lips
an inch away from my ear. Now I have chills. Goosebumps
and
chills.

“Disappointed in what?”

A strong exhale rushes over my ear and
down my neck. Damn him, I’m so fucking turned on right now.

“That was a beautiful answer,” he says.
“Thank you.”

CHAPTER
NINE

I
don’t get it, Div. Just like you said
the other day, nothing’s happening. I’m gonna take a nap until we get kidnapped
or something fun like that. What the fuck? Why couldn’t he be rich, or abusive,
or a serial killer? This guy gets more and more bland with each passing minute.
I say dump him and fuck one of your students. That will liven things up.

This isn’t one of my books, Violet. It’s
real life and I’m not one tiny bit upset that Dan’s family’s ‘normal.’

Snore.
Fuck real life. We just spent two hours in a kitchen slicing cheese and setting
up snack trays for the rich. I’m not doing this shit again.

If that’s all it takes to get rid of my
inner voice, then I’ll ask the Kellers to give me a job.

You
better get laid for those two hours.

I happily volunteered my time and I don’t
need to get paid.

Laid,
Divine. LAID!

Dan’s parents are Greg and Kristen
Keller, and no, they’re not rich. They don’t live in a big mansion out in snob
city, and I’m thankful for that. I don’t need a guy who’s loaded or who comes
from a wealthy family. I’ve read hundreds of books with that plot-line in the
billionaire genre and things get too complicated. Bland’s fine.

According to Dan, his parents make an
average income. He worked for them from the time he was sixteen until he
graduated from college, and continues to step in when needed. Like tonight,
which happens to be his parents twenty-ninth wedding anniversary. As a gift,
Dan agreed to oversee the business so they could have a night out.

We were at the house until eight when the
guests left to attend the opening of a newly renovated theater in the downtown
district. This was a pre-party event and one that Greg and Kristen couldn’t
cancel. I can imagine clients like these make up the majority of their
business, and you don’t want to piss them off, even if it’s your wedding
anniversary.

“You survived,” Dan says while helping me
back into the Cherokee.

“It’s the least I could do, considering I
still feel awful about my alter-ego flashing her
thang
. That wasn’t me, just so you know.”

“Uh-huh, that’s what they all say. The
devil made me do it,” he laughs as we drive out of the neighborhood. “Make sure
you don’t put her away until she’s finished displaying her body. I’d like
another show soon.”

“Do you think your dad will forget what
he saw, or can we figure something out so that he does? Serving the cheese was
a step in the right direction, he’ll remember me in my cupcake sweater standing
in the kitchen, right?”

“I’m sure he’ll be thinking about that
cupcake and not your shaved vag whenever he sees you. Just wait ‘til you really
meet my parents. You’ll feel like you’re trapped in a dark comedy,” he laughs.
“Let’s see, cupcake or shaved pussy, cupcake, pussy.”

Ug, that word makes me cringe. “It’s a
vagina. Whenever I hear the word pussy I think of a cat, and all that comes to
mind is, ‘here pussy, pussy.’ It’s not sexy at all.”

“Really?” he says. “So you must despise
Hayden’s trilogy. That word’s used on every page. I thought I picked a winner,
that is, until I opened your bag, and then
surprise
.
What the fuck? I got one-upped. You beat me at the bookstore game. I thought
for sure you’d go mainstream.”

“I like mainstream, the bizarre, and
really anything in book form, which is why I need the trilogy back when you
drop me off tonight. I haven’t finished reading it. Where are we going anyway?”

“Dessert with my parents, your
punishment. If you can make it through a caramel sundae with the Kellers then
you’ve earned that fuck we keep discussing.” He reaches over and holds my hand
while he drives. Did he say caramel? “And remember, Div. You’re a Catholic
schoolgirl tonight.”

How romantic, ice cream with his parents.
Now, I’m ecstatic that I wore this outfit. It’s time to stop trying to figure
Dan out and thinking all his words are code for something else. Catholic
schoolgirl meant reserved and wholesome. Nothing more. Again, who’s the
dumbass?

“You ever been here?” he asks, pulling
into a retro style ice cream parlor. “My parents enjoy five-star restaurants
for special occasions, but always end up at places like this afterward. You
ready?”

No. Is anyone ever ready to
meet the parents
?

“Just remember to breathe every once in a
while... and laugh... you won’t make it if you don’t laugh.”

“Make what?”

His parents wave us over to their booth
with big smiles and rosy cheeks as if they’ve had too much wine or other liquor
with dinner.

“Oh fuck,” Dan says under his breath.
“They’re drunk.”

“Divine, please, take a seat across from
me. Let’s have a chat,” Kristen says.

“Good luck,” Dan whispers and releases my
hand.

How do I start? “Happy Anniversary Mr.
and Mrs. Keller. Wow, I love that dress. What a beautiful color.” Small talk to
break the ice. Good job, Div. You can handle this.

I turn to Dan’s father, Greg, to
apologize, but can’t find the words. It’s also the wrong moment, not in front
of his wife. I’d be mortified if she found out. His father catches me staring
and tosses a wink. Oh fuck, blushing, blushing.

Kristen notices the interaction and...
okay, here we go.

“Divine, you have to tell me sweetie,
where do you get waxed? Greg said you’re immaculate, and I could use a
touch-up.”

Whoa... I...oh... holy shit. Is this
normal or are they really sloshed? The words
I’m sorry
fall from my mouth repeatedly until I realize the entire
family’s laughing, even Dan, who at the same time seems embarrassed by his
mother. So this is how it’s gonna be?

Greg nudges his wife and shakes his head.

“Alright, I’m sorry,” she says. “I didn’t
mean to make you uncomfortable, but I need you to understand right off the bat
that this family doesn’t harbor secrets. That’s why we’re a happy, close-knit
bunch of fun loving souls who’re still together after twenty-eight years.”

“Twenty-nine,” his father says.

“Yes, twenty-nine and counting. Not many
people can say that,” she smiles and orders a scoop of mint chocolate chip ice
cream with chocolate syrup and a cherry on top. Dan leans in and whispers a
reminder to breathe and the rest of us order our desserts.

“I’m happy that your secret’s out so we
can clear the air, or maybe I should say, move past the pie in the sky?” Damn,
his mother’s good. Quick as a whip. “James Daniel doesn’t bring women around
very often.”

Gee, I wonder why.

“You must be very special to our son,”
she says.

“J.D.?” his father cuts in. “Is this the
third date?”

Dan rolls his eyes and sighs. “Are you
really going to do this again?”

His parents look at one another and nod
then turn right back to me. I can feel the sweat dripping down my ass crack.

“Is date three significant?” I ask.

“Don’t,” Dan shakes his head.

“Didn’t he tell you?” Kristen’s eyes
widen. “James Daniel, shame on you. I just told her we don’t keep secrets from
one another.”

“Alright, you guys need to stop. Not
tonight and not to Div. She’s different,” he says. “Plus, I can tell you’re
wasted.”

“All girlfriends get the same treatment,”
his parents say in unison. Oh my God, what the fuck is happening?

“Should I go first?” Greg asks.

“Yes, start with an easy one,” his wife
replies.

“Not a problem.” And with that, he
begins. “Are you Catholic?”

That
is
an easy question. “Yes.”

“You are?” Dan turns abruptly, in
disbelief. “Really?”

He’s not the only one who looks shocked.
His parents practically gasp at my answer. What? Why is that so hard to
believe?

“That would be a first,” his mother says,
rolling a cross between her fingers, one that looks the same as Dan’s. “Hmm.
Try another question, Greg.”

“Do you have a full-time job?”

“Yes, I’m a college professor. Your daughter’s
in one of my classes.”

Now they look horrified, or befuddled, or
maybe I’ve traumatized them in some way? Are they in shock? There’s silence,
neither one speaking, not a blink of an eye or a twitch of the nose. I’m unsure
if they’re even breathing... and I was the one who was supposed to remember to
breathe.

“You mean, here, in town? At
this
university?” Kristen asks.

I nod.

“We’re alumni,” she says proudly. “Ask
her something, Greg. This is very interesting.”

Greg clears his throat and continues.
“Did you kiss J.D. on the first date?”

“No,” I smile.

“Second?”

“No.”

“Huh,” they gasp.

“Is that bad?” I question as the ice
cream is placed in front of us. Good, maybe they’ll be too busy with their
dessert to continue. I take a scoop of my chocolate brownie sundae and smile at
Dan before bringing it up to my lips.

“Divine, what do your parents do for a
living?” Kristen asks.

I pause, which is what I always do when
someone asks about Mom and Dad. Now’s the time to breathe. “They’re not
living,” I say, watching the ice cream slip off my spoon and land on the red
and white speckled table. Dan wipes the spot clean with his napkin while I
focus on his mother’s eyes. Concentration and distraction is key so the image
of my father’s face doesn’t enter my mind.

I study them, keeping my mind off my
parents. Kristen’s very pretty and Bridgette looks similar to her mom; light
brown hair and hazel eyes, freckles, tiny nose and ears, delicate and
determined, like a wildflower that can withstand a strong wind. Dan has that
rounded nose too, but he has his father’s eyes, mouth, and dark thick hair.
Okay, I can go on. Their Irish features were a good distraction, now, his
mother’s apologizing and I need to respond.

Brush it off so the subject disappears.
That’s what you’ve gotta do. “It’s alright. You didn’t know. They both passed
away when I was a teenager,” I say.

“Stick with your normal questions,” Dan
requests.

“Her answers threw us off.” Greg shakes
his head. “She’s Irish, Catholic, and a college professor? And you haven’t
asked her to marry you yet?” He looks me in the eye and takes my hand. “Divine?
Will you marry my son?”

“Hurry, and get this over with,” Dan says
while finishing his ice cream. “Yes, it’s the third date, now do your thing.”

“Okay, next question,” Greg nods. “Have
you ever slept with a priest behind the pulpit?”

“No,” I laugh.

“Would you eat ox scrotum for a thousand
dollars?”

“No!” I crinkle my nose.

“Ten thousand dollars?”

“Hmm, maybe.”

“How about for a hundred grand?” he asks.

“Yes. I could stomach it for that
amount,” I smile.

He seems satisfied and turns to Kristen.
It must be her turn.

“Divine, what would you do with the money
after you ate the scrotum?”

I laugh but she keeps a straight face.
Dear Lord. “Umm, I would probably put it in the bank. I don’t really need
anything.” That’s true, except I’d like a job where I’m not bullied everyday,
but no amount of money will pay to fix that.

“If you did buy something, anything, what
would it be?”

She’s not satisfied with my answer. I
take another bite of dessert as I think. Yeah, I know what I’d spend some of
the money on. “I’d buy books. A shitload of books.” Damn it. I wonder if I can
swear in front of them.

“Really?” his father questions and looks
at his wife. “She’d buy books, Kristen.”

“What kind of books?” she asks.

“I collect pop-up books, vintage, the
classics, romance novels, mysteries, biographies, and westerns.” I smile at Dan
and he laughs. “Also, I enjoy book series, dark books too, and anything
erotic.” God, I can’t believe I said that to his parents. Most people think
‘porn’ when they hear the word erotic.

“No shit?” his father studies my face as
if I’m lying.

“Huh,” Kristen grunts. “I’ve read some of
those erotic books. What’s your favorite?”

Do I dare say it? Should I pimp myself to
these people? Fuck yeah, I’m gonna do it. “
The
Ephemeral Love
Trilogy
.”

His mother takes a pen from her purse and
writes it on her napkin then changes her questioning once more.

“Name a movie directed by the Coen brothers,”
she asks.

“
Miller’s
Crossing, Blood Simple, True Grit, No Country for Old Men, Fargo, and The Big
Lebowski
. I can name more.”

“Interesting answer,” she tightens her
lips. “The complete opposite of all the rest. Greg, honey?” she turns to her
husband. “Did we forget anything?” They whisper a list quietly back and forth
while I smile and listen, enjoying Dan’s hand on my leg.