Don't Turn Back (Coming Home Book 1) (14 page)

“Mmm, you feel nice.” He whispers in my ear. I feel goose bumps immediately spread over my body. The light feel of his lips near my ear ignites my desire even more. I am beyond any kind of self-control. 

He lightly kisses the area behind my ear, down my neck, and I am losing myself with this man. It’s as though he knows just the right area to touch me. I push myself back into him even more, and he moves his hand from my hip up to my arm. Slowly, he places his hand on top of my left breast and awaits my response before gently massaging my breast through my tank top. Not sure what to do with myself, I just lay here enjoying this moment. I feel his fingers make contact with my nipple, and he rolls his fingers gently, tugging it through my tank top. He kisses me gently on the back of my neck once more, and I start to wonder exactly where I want this to go.

When I can take no more of this torture, I roll over to face him. I’m not really feeling the effects of the alcohol anymore; at least I don’t think so. Everything is now real; my focus is completely on him.

My face draws closer to his, and together, we share a light, tender kiss. Not sure where to put my hand, I place it on his back, allowing me to pull him close to me. Our kiss becomes a little deeper, more passionate, and we are wrapped tightly around each other in no time at all. 

I hear a slight moan from him, and it turns me on even more when I hear it. I know for a fact that my panties are now damp. Wanting to feel every bit of his hardness, I run my hands down his back and stop just outside of his underwear. I rub my hand up and down his erection, teasing him slightly. I am exploring new territory, and hope I’m doing everything correctly, in a way that is pleasing to him. I don’t want to reveal my innocence to him. He takes my hand and guides it inside his underwear. His manhood completely fills my hand, and I feel the slightest hint of moisture at his tip. I am so turned on by him; I can’t believe this is actually happening.

As we rub and grind into each other, Brian slips his fingers inside my panties. “Damn, baby, you are soaking wet.” His words are simply magic to my ears, causing my body to produce even more juices. He continues to touch me down below, and the moisture makes it easy for him to slide his fingers in and out. I feel my body temperature rise to new heights. The in and out motion is sending an incredible sensation throughout my entire body.

I kick the covers back slightly, and he asks, “You getting a little warm?”

“
Umm hmm
.” I mumble between kisses.

I feel myself sliding up and down against his fingers, needing to feel more. At this moment, I am still not sure where I want this to go. He’s not pushing me; we are simply reacting to the feelings and emotions that are overtaking both of us.

“Yeah, it’s getting a little warm in here.” I let the words drip from my lips down to his ear. “Maybe we need to remove some of these clothes so we will feel more comfortable.”
Am I, Jennifer, really saying these things?

We both remove our hands from each other’s undergarments long enough for me to wiggle out of my panties and for him to slide his boxers down and toss them somewhere across the room. Even though my room is mostly dark, I can see the outline of his face as I pull his body up close to mine once again, and together, we fall back into the bed. Immediately picking up where we left off, we both get lost in the moment. 

Brian climbs on top of me, and I place my hands on his upper back. I feel the muscles tighten in his shoulders just beneath my fingertips. His back becomes moist with sweat and it allows me to slide my hands easily up and down. There is an electrical current traveling between us at this moment. I close my eyes and get lost in this feeling I’ve never experienced before. The sensation I feel radiating from his body is amazing.

“I’m…...I’m not sure if we are ready for this.” He whispers. “But I’m damn sure enjoying this moment.”

I sort of choke up and have to take a moment to form my words. “I’ve never felt this before. Ever.” I share with him. 

Suddenly, I use my hand to guide him towards my exposed entrance. I hold my breath, wondering if what everyone says is true about the first time.
Is it going to hurt?
Will he know I’ve never been with anyone before? As these questions run through my head, I take the initiative and push my hips up towards him. He responds to my movements and slowly pushes into me. Thank goodness I am completely wet with my desire for him. He slowly enters me, and teases me with short, careful thrusts. It’s as though he suddenly realizes it’s my first time. Each motion allows him inside me a little deeper. I am completely soaked by now, so he is able to move inside me with some ease. Suddenly, he pulls almost completely out, then pushes back inside, deeper this time. I won’t lie, there is a slight pain, but it’s nothing like I feared. I tell myself to stay calm and enjoy this moment. 

Together, we move to the same rhythm. I can tell his breathing has increased, and, as I move my hands from his shoulders down to his hips and back up again, I notice his entire body is covered in sweat. 

“You feel incredible.” I let slip from my tongue. “I am so turned on.”

“Shhh. Just enjoy the moment.” He places a finger to my lips, and I am inclined to place a soft, delicate kiss to the tip of it. “Just let it take you away.”

I am in heaven
. 

Suddenly, I feel a different sensation overtake my body, and I am immediately unable to breathe. This moment is incredible, intense. He knows at this moment I am about to peak, so he thrusts deeper and deeper, until I hear a moan escape from my mouth. Together we rock back and forth, the feeling beyond just pleasure. And, almost as fast as the moment began, it comes to an end, and we both lay there, silently, with me in his arms. Everything in the world is peaceful and has never been better than this very moment. 

I’m not sure what to say or do so I remain still. He rolls over on his back, and we both lay together in the silence of my bedroom. He reaches over and takes my hand in his, letting his fingers entwine with mine. The apartment is quiet; it’s just him and me.

What the hell?
I am suddenly wide awake, and I sit straight up in bed. For a brief moment, I am not sure of where I am. Then, it hits me. I am lying in bed next to this woman I barely even know. I am in a bed, a real bed. Other than the few hours I spent at the hotel, it’s been over two weeks since I have actually slept in a bed and not the front seat of my car.
How did this happen?

Looking over at Jennifer, she is sleeping face down, on her stomach, covers pulled up to her neck, and there’s a slight smile on her lips that I can barely make out from the predawn light coming in through the window. She looks happy, peaceful. 

Hours ago I took something from this woman that she will never be able to have again. Innocence. How was I supposed to know this woman, full of spirit and life, was still pure in that sense? And the worst part is, neither of us said one thing about using protection. I know nothing about her personal protection. Is she on birth control? Is she able to get pregnant? 

For a brief moment, I am in shock. Yes, I have had my fair share of experience, just like any other twenty-one year old man. In fact, before we went our separate ways, Macy and I were extremely sexually active, but she made it clear to me up front about her being on birth control. There were times when she and I would both be so drunk, wearing a condom was the last thing on my mind when the heat between us became so intense.

I slowly move towards the side of the bed, being ever so careful not to wake Jennifer. Would this, too, be the first thing she thinks about once she is fully awake and realizes what has happened? There is a slight chill in the air that attacks my naked body. As she continues sleeping, I glance around the bedroom, hoping to spot my clothes. I see her panties thrown over near the wall.
Damn, how did we not even question our behavior?

Not wanting to risk waking her, I go into the bathroom, feeling my way around. I find a bath cloth from underneath the sink. Anxious to hurry up, I don’t wait for the water to heat in the sink. I wipe myself off quickly, the cold water sending chills through my body. I throw on my clothes, head to the kitchen and retrieve my duffel bag that’s now full of my clean laundry. I slip on my shoes, not bothering to tie them, then head to the front door. I suddenly stop and ask myself is this really what I want to do?
Do I want to walk out of this girl’s life, this girl I had such a great day with yesterday, laughing and having a blast?
 

Without giving it a second thought, I shut the front door behind me and walk down the breezeway to my car. I toss my bag in the back seat and quickly back out of the parking lot. I don’t glance in my rearview mirror until I am driving down the freeway, my destination unknown, once again.

I drive around, taking in the beautiful sunrise. The morning shows the making of another gorgeous day, a day I probably would have enjoyed spending with Jennifer, before I freaked out. I run my fingers through my hair several times, not knowing if walking out on her was the best option, but too darn stubborn to turn back around.

Thoughts of the previous night continue to fill my head. I pull into the McDonald’s and order breakfast in the drive thru.  Not sure where I am going to eat my breakfast, I continue down the freeway again. By now the sun is in full blaze, the sunrise simply spectacular. 

I pull into the parking lot of a nearby shopping mall and park as far away from the stores as I can, close to the service road that appears to circle around. Since it is Sunday, there are very few cars here, but I know later in the morning, the lot will fill quickly with employees and shoppers.

I sit here thinking of Jennifer.
Why am I drawn to this girl? Why did I just suddenly leave without telling her goodbye?
While I’m not ashamed of what we did, I simply couldn’t stand to see her pretty face and not know the full reason behind our hook up.

By now, my breakfast is cold, and I’ve lost my appetite. I toss the bag down to the floor, disgusted with myself. 

I’m suddenly jolted awake from the sound of car doors being slammed. Realizing I must have dozed off, I wipe my eyes and take a sip of my watered down Coke. I drive my car up closer to the mall and decide to spend the evening browsing the stores. After all, I have nowhere else to be and no plans until I go back to my new job in the morning. 

By the time I am done walking in and out of the stores, I can see through the solar sun panels of the roof that the sun is starting to set. I hate that I missed a gorgeous afternoon that I could have spent with Jennifer. I wonder what she ended up doing today.
Did she think about me?
I don’t have a cell phone, so she has no way to contact me. I obviously have no permanent residence, so she has no idea where to find me even if she wanted to. I hope my sudden disappearance didn’t hurt her too much.