Don't Turn Back (Coming Home Book 1) (15 page)

Thankfully, the next few days go by quickly, but there’s not a day that passes that I don’t think of Jennifer. With the Thanksgiving holiday coming up next week, the oil lube shop seems extra busy with people getting their cars serviced before heading out on the road to be with friends and family, so I also stay busy cleaning the cars. Clint, the other guy who helps with the washing, and I are able to make some pretty good tips. People always do seem to be more generous during the holidays. I just hope I can somehow manage to find a permanent place to stay. I don’t know how much longer I can continue sleeping in parking lots. Also, I know the weather will be changing soon, getting cooler, and my car won’t be able to keep me warm throughout the night.

Every evening this week, as soon as Jared cut me loose from work, I would ride through the parking lot of the university, looking for Jennifer’s car and hoping to catch a glimpse of her. I am lucky on two of the evenings, and see her in the distance. I don’t know what her class schedule is; I just know she has a couple of daytime and evening classes. Desperately wanting to see her, I park in the next lot over and wait. Luckily for me, the parking lots are well lit, so I’m able to see her very clearly as she leaves one of the buildings. Thankfully, she’s walking alone. Even though I’m not the jealous type, we never discussed whether there was anyone else in her life. With a small bag thrown over her shoulders, she’s wearing a simple outfit of jeans, tennis shoes, and a light hooded sweatshirt, typical college attire. And, if I had to guess, I would say she looks rather sad today with her head hanging low. I never see her look up until she is almost at her car. I’m bothered knowing that I could be the reason for the sullenness that she carries.

The second night I see her, a steady rain is falling. I park a little closer to her car since the rain pounding on the window makes it harder to pick her out once she leaves the building. She has no umbrella and walks quickly to her car while getting soaked. I’d give anything to walk her to the car with an umbrella. But, I chose to stay away. I just don’t know how she would react to seeing me again. Sitting in her car longer than I feel necessary, I start to wonder if everything is okay. Finally, I see her turn on her headlights, and she pulls out of the lot turning in the direction of her apartment. 

I can’t help but wonder if she misses me.

Please don’t think I am stalking her, I just want to catch a glimpse of her, to know she doing okay, to know that maybe I, too, cross her mind.

On Friday evening, since I know she has to work, I stop off at the drugstore, excited about an idea that has suddenly occurred to me.

I look down at my watch and realize if I am going to make this happen tonight, I need to hurry. I pick out the prettiest card I can find and check out. I ask the cashier if she has a pen I can use, then head to my car. I don’t bother returning the pen.

As I turn into the hotel parking lot, I pull up front to the covered walkway where the guests checking in are unloading their vehicles. I walk into the front room, and Rebecca looks up from the counter. I know she recognizes me from the shock that shows all over her face.

Not giving me any time to speak, she blurts out quickly. “If you are looking for Jennifer, she doesn’t come in for another hour. But, if I were you, I would stay away from her.”

I can sense the angry tone coming from her voice. I swear, I honestly don’t blame her for being upset with me.

Not wanting to start an argument, I hand Rebecca the sealed envelope. “Would you please see that she gets this when you see her?” I turn to walk back out.

Her sudden outburst causes me to stop and look back. “Why can’t you give it to her yourself? Or, are you too afraid of what she might say to you?”

“Look, I’m sorry. I know she’s probably wondering what happened and she has every right to be angry. Just please give her the card.”

I walk out the door, back to my car. The parking lot of the hotel is somewhat full, so I pull next door to the parking lot of
Night Moves
and wait. I just really want to see her. I need her to know that I’m sorry.

This has been the longest week of my life. I actually felt like Friday was never going to get here. Not that I have any big weekend plans, but I’ve had trouble sleeping this entire week and need some time to catch up on my rest. Thoughts of Brian still fill my head, as do questions about myself and my behavior with him. Thanksgiving is next week, and knowing my parents are not going to make it in for the holidays, the situation with him makes me feel even sadder. Rebecca invited me to spend the time with her family, but I had politely declined her offer, using the excuse that I needed to prepare for final exams the following week. While my excuse is valid, I really want to spend that time with Brian.

Rebecca and I had lunch together one day at the first part of the week, and I managed to unload everything on her. What had started out as a fun, eventful weekend ended with me feeling sad and lost, uncertain about myself. I continuously asked myself what I did wrong that would cause him to leave that morning without so much as a goodbye. 

“Look, sweetie, some guys are just assholes.” She told me.

“But, Bec, something was there. We had had such a fun afternoon. We clicked. Yes, I probably had a little too much to drink, but Brian was drinking too. We were laughing and carrying on like we had known each other forever.” It was hard for me to talk about without tears filling up my eyes.

“I know it hurts. This was your first time, and he took something special from you. You have now reached a new level with any relationship that you will have, from now on. It doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. Just please don’t keep blaming yourself.” Her words of encouragement were sincere, but it still hurt, none the less.

On Tuesday, I drove by the oil lube before heading home for some much needed rest. I caught a glimpse of Brian off to the side of the building. He and another guy were working hard, wiping down a small compact car. I didn’t have the courage to stop or even honk the horn. A single tear had made its way down my cheek, and rather than cause my flow of tears to erupt, I drove right on by. 

The thought had crossed my mind that maybe Brian had been leading me on. That maybe he could be married or have another girlfriend and he was cheating on her with me. But I let that thought leave my head just as quickly as it had entered, refusing to believe either to be true. Neither of us had felt it important to mention our current relationship status, so I safely assumed since his previous relationship with that girl had been so disastrous, there was no one else.

Still, I continue to ask myself if I had I been that bad? Without a doubt, he had to know once things had gotten pretty intense between us, that I was inexperienced and still a virgin. Luckily for me, it hadn’t been the very painful experience I had always been told and read about, but I had to wonder, was the sex so bad that it drove him to leave me so soon afterwards? 

And, to make matters even worse, we both had been so caught up in the heat of things, neither of us had mentioned using any protection. I have always had regular periods each month, and because of my lack of sexual participation, I have not needed any birth control. Still, even though we both had no way of knowing sex was going to come into play, there was no excuse not to take precaution. Like I needed one more thing to worry about.

I gather up everything I will need for work tonight. Hopefully, my mind will allow me to get some much needed studying done. Classes are winding down this week, and I still need to keep my focus on my exams. I take my grades very seriously, and can’t afford to let them slip at this point by screwing up now. Maybe next week I will be able to take advantage of school being out and get caught up on my sleep.

Pulling into the parking lot at work, I glance around, simply out of habit. I might not know where he is staying now, but at least I do know Brian is still in town because I saw him working earlier. 

Rebecca looks up from the counter as I walk in the door.  “Hey you. How’s it going?”

One look at my face tells her everything. “Same as usual.”

“I’ve got to figure out a way to cheer my girl up. I don’t like seeing you so sad.” She comes around the counter and gives me a hug. 

“It just hurts.” I don’t want to look up so I keep my head down. I don’t need the flow of tears again tonight.

“I know honey. I know. I got most everything done already so you should have an easy night.”

“Gee, thanks.”  I attempt a smile. “Having nothing to keep me occupied only gives my mind more time to think about everything.”

Rebecca gathers her things, and I walk her out to the breezeway. We talk a few minutes more about her family’s plans for Thanksgiving. She asks me again about joining her family next week, but I still decline. Rebecca’s family has always made me feel welcome and like one of their own, but this time, I prefer to be alone. “You know I’m going to keep asking you ‘til you give in.” 

Before turning to head back inside, I take another quick glance across the parking lot. It’s as though I feel his presence. I tell myself I’m just going crazy, so I walk back inside after waving goodbye to Rebecca.

I hear my cell phone ringing and run back behind the counter to grab it from my purse.  “Hello?” I answer when I see Rebecca’s name show on the screen.

“Hey, I forgot to tell you. There’s an envelope for you inside the desk drawer.”

Before I can manage to ask who it’s from, she hangs the phone up. I quickly snatch open the desk drawer and see a pale pink envelope with my name written on the outside. At first I think it’s a friendship card from Rebecca, but my name is printed in handwriting I don’t recognize.
Could it be?

For a brief moment, I’m scared to open it. 

Finally gaining enough courage, I peel open the envelope and pull out a very cute card. On the front is a picture of a young boy bent down on one knee handing a little girl a bouquet of daisies, and the caption above them reads: “I’m sorry. Will you please forgive me?”

Inside is a handwritten message from none other than Brian himself.

I look up, and there, standing in front of me, is Brian. 

At first, I’m angry, because this entire week, I have blamed myself, thinking I had done something wrong. I ball both my fists up towards him, wanting to pound his chest, but he puts both arms around me and pulls me to him. I lay my head on his shoulder and choke back a sob. We stand that way for a few moments before he pushes me away. As he looks at me, tears fill my eyes, and I struggle to keep my balance. I am still so surprised to see him standing here in the hotel in front of me.

“Baby, I’m so sorry.” He holds both my hands in his. “Will you please forgive me?”

“I just don’t know what happened. I thought everything was going so good Saturday….” I’m not able to finish before he pulls me to him again; this time, he places his lips to my forehead.

I could melt into this man’s arms and stay there all night. I can’t get over the impact he has had on me in such a short period of time.