Don't Turn Back (Coming Home Book 1) (41 page)

“Did you sleep well?” She asks.

“I did. I feel so rested.” I sit down on the edge of the couch. “Where are your parents?”

“They went out for a date tonight. Kind of figured we might need some time alone.”

I lower my head, not sure what I should do. I listen to my stomach growl and think back to the last time I ate. I know the little bit of grits and toast I had last night are long gone by now.

As if Rebecca is a mind reader, she asks, “Are you hungry? We could grab a bite to eat.”

I really don’t feel like going anywhere so I suggest we order pizza. When it arrives, we take it upstairs to her room and eat as though we’ve not had a meal in forever. Rebecca turns on the television to the Lifetime channel and we both curl up in the bed. A movie marathon of a famous actress is playing. By the time the third movie comes on, I close my eyes. Rebecca didn’t even make it through the first movie before she fell sound asleep.

The next morning, I awake to the sun shining brightly through the bedroom window. Rebecca walks into the bedroom from her bathroom, wrapped in a towel. I can’t wait to have my own hot shower. I forget I don’t have any clothes with me and I’m suddenly reminded of my suitcase full of clothes and toiletries I left behind in Brian’s car. I hope I’m able to get them back, since I had packed some really nice things.

“I think I’m ready to go back to my apartment now.” I tell her, not exactly a hundred percent sure, but I feel that saying it to her will reassure me more that it’s finally time to face what lies ahead.

“Jenn, there’s no rush.” She says. “If you would rather I go and get you some things, I will. You can stay here as long as you need.”

“No, really. I think I’m ready.”

“Ok, But I’m coming with you.” I don’t argue with her.

She finishes getting dressed and grabs her makeup bag and work uniform. This whole weekend has been a blur. I’m not really looking forward to going back to work tonight, but I know the sooner I get back to my regular routine, the better I will feel.

I am instantly relieved when we pull up to my apartment and see only my car with the empty space next to it. We walk to the door and I slowly turn the key as though I’m scared of what I might find on the other side.

Rebecca pushes me to the side and walks in first. I follow behind and see the apartment is just as we left it two days ago. Relief washes over me knowing Brian hasn’t been here.

“Go ahead and take a shower.” Rebecca tells me. “I’ll be right here.”

“Thanks.”

I gather some clothes and take the hottest shower I can stand. I glance down at my belly, and take in the slight baby bulge. It’s barely noticeable to anyone else, but I know it’s there. Everyday I’m more and more attached to this new life growing inside me. “Don’t worry baby. We’re going to be just fine.” I say out loud but the sound of the water drowns out my voice.

Rebecca fixes us a light lunch and we sit out on the porch in the swing. I wish I knew the right thing to do, but until I actually talk to Brian, I can only imagine the things I’m going to say or do.

Rebecca glances at her watch and heads back inside to get ready for work. I encourage her to go ahead. I’ll be fine, even though she’s bothered by leaving me here alone. I’m really trying to convince myself of this, and I can’t let her completely give up everything to babysit me. Besides, I don’t think our manager would be happy if our personal lives interfered with our jobs.

She gives me a hug before walking outside. “If you need me for anything, call me. I can be here in no time. Try to get some more rest and I’ll see you later on tonight.”

I realize I missed my classes this morning, and I’m starting to think maybe I should look into getting an extension this term or just withdrawing all together. I know I have a lot going on personally, and I’m not sure I’ll be able to dedicate myself a hundred percent. I can’t afford to let my grades slip and risk losing my scholarship, so I decide to contact my advisor tomorrow and see what options I have.

I gather up some clothes to wash and turn on the washer. I don’t really have much that needs cleaning, so I set it to the smallest load size. I can’t stand to have dirty clothes just lying around. I toss in the jeans from last night, but snatch them out quickly before any water gets on them, suddenly remembering my note. I check the back pocket and find the scratch paper with Todd’s name and phone number. I stare at it a moment, not sure why it should mean anything to me. I want nothing more than to put this awful weekend behind me, but I was very fortunate to have Todd stand up and come to my defense. I don’t want to think about what might have happened if I had picked a different place to walk into. I could have been struggling on my own.

I tuck the note inside my purse, in one of those little side pockets, and then grab the remote, hoping to find something interesting on TV. I need something to fill the emptiness I feel inside. I come across some reruns of
Sex and the City
, my absolute favorite show of all time. I think I’ve seen every episode at least a dozen times, yet I never get tired of watching them. I’m convinced there’s a lesson to be learned from every episode.

Rebecca greets me with a smile as I walk in the door for work later that evening. “You look well rested.”

“I feel better, thank you. But I’m still a little edgy about everything. Until I hear from Brian again, I don’t think I’ll be able to fully rest like I need to.”

“Still nothing from him, huh?” She inquires.

“Nope, not a word.”

“Have you tried calling him?”

“No, I’ve been too scared. Thank goodness he finally gave up on the calls and messages to my phone. I’m not even going to tell you how many times he called. The number would blow your mind. He’s supposed to be at work in the morning, so I’m curious to know if he shows back up in town tonight.”

“If it will make you feel any better, I’ll be glad to hang around tonight with you.”

There’s no way I’m letting my best friend hang around for another eight hours just to be with me. “No, Rebecca. It’s not necessary. I’m going to be fine. If he shows up and tries to start trouble, I know how to call the cops.”

“Ok, but you must promise me you’ll call me for anything. And I mean anything.” She’s so persistent.

“Yes ma’am, I promise.”

“Love you girl. Take care.” Rebecca walks out and I’m left alone.

The night passes way too slowly. I can’t concentrate on any schoolwork, which helps me make up my mind about this term. I simply can’t risk jeopardizing my scholarship.

I find myself looking up every time I catch a glimpse of headlights. I know I’m going to have to face Brian eventually, but please don’t let it be tonight.

I fumble through my purse for a piece of gum, hoping it will help keep my awake. I’ve only got a few more hours to go until the end of my shift. I think about the note hidden in my purse and pull it out to look over the neatly printed name.
Todd Hughes
. I read his number so many times, I feel as though I have it locked in my memory.

I know its lame, but I add his name and number to my phone contacts. I’m not sure why, but I find comfort in doing this, knowing he’s now only a text or phone call away if I need him. I scroll through several other names and numbers, some that I’m not even sure if they’re correct anymore. I know I’m fidgeting, killing time. I click back on Todd’s name again, and the button used to send a text message stares straight at me. I start typing a brief, but friendly message, but then quickly erase it. I do this several more times, never having the guts to finish. I don’t know why I feel drawn to text him, especially since it’s the middle of the night, but he has been on my mind quite a bit since returning home.

Me:
 
Wanted to thank u again for taking me to meet my friend. It was very generous of you, and I’m forever grateful for your kindness.

This time, I don’t erase the message; I hit the send button and immediately put the phone down on the desk as though I’m afraid to touch it. I can’t believe I just sent Todd a message.
What was I thinking?
Oh, how I wish there was a button to push to undo that message.

Not wanting to know if he responds back, mostly because I feel this is probably one of the stupidest things I could have done, I toss the phone back in my purse and close the drawer.

“Is that all you’ve done the whole time we’ve been gone?” I hear my dad’s dreaded voice, and I sit up on the couch. I rub my eyes, not realizing I’ve been asleep for so long.

“Dad, can you just cut me some slack for once?” I ask him, not really caring to hear his response.

“No, son. I can’t.” His voice is stern. “I gave you so many chances. What makes you think you deserve another opportunity just so you can screw up again and hurt your mother and me?”

My mom hears our loud voices and walks into the room. She tries to squash the argument that’s quickly heading out of control. I feel sorry that she has to deal with him all of the time.

“Just fuck you, old man. Fuck you!” I’m screaming, at this point. “I regret ever coming back here. And to think, I really wanted to see you both.”

I pull the keys from my pocket and storm out the front door. My mom tries to run after me, but my dad holds her back. “Let him go. He’s a disgrace to this family.”

I want to turn around and punch him, but his words burn straight to my soul. I hate knowing this man is my father.

I jump in the car and carelessly back out of the driveway, narrowly missing the bumper of my dad’s truck. Part of me wants to pull back in the drive and crash into it, but I don’t want to do any damage to my new car. I turn out of the neighborhood and head in the direction of the interstate.
I’ve spent long enough in this town
. It’s time to head back home and set things right with Jennifer. Hopefully, it’s not too late.

I drive, stopping only for gas and a bathroom break. I don’t even bother with anything to eat. I realize at some point I’m gripping the wheel so tightly that my knuckles are white. I try to relax, playing different scenarios through my mind of how I’m going to handle this with Jennifer, but my anger soon overcomes me again.

I get back in town after ten o’clock; surprisingly, I’m still very much awake. I pull through the apartment complex and notice Jennifer’s car is gone. Well, I know she must have made back in town, but shouldn’t she be home this time of night since it is her night off? I wonder how she got back, and if that guy from the restaurant brought her all the way home. Surely, she wouldn’t let a complete stranger take her anywhere, and I would hope he’s not stupid enough to offer. Then again, there was that male voice I heard on the phone. I finally convince myself she probably gave in and called Rebecca.

I’m not sure what to do or where to go at this point. If I let myself into the apartment and carry on like nothing ever happened, what is going to be her reaction once she returns home? I’m not sure I want to take the chance and risk possibly starting another fight with her. I should know better than to start an argument with my pregnant wife in the first place.