Double Heat [Twin Ties: 3] (16 page)

“I get it. No problem,” Evan replied, doing everything in his power to not sound weird, but completely normal and calm. The route they were taking was familiar. Street after street led them closer to home and Evan kept checking the side view mirror but couldn’t be sure none of the cars behind them weren’t Drew.

“I’ve run into exes before. I mean, our town isn’t that big, but he’s one of the last ones I’d ever want to see, and to run into him when I’m with you...” Alek growled, hitting the steering wheel. “God! The shit he was saying? The way he tried to act all familiar when it’s been
years.
...”

They pulled up to their building, finding a spot in the alley behind it.

“Hey,” Evan said in an intentionally pacifying tone of voice, “you seem rattled, so why don’t you go in, relax, try Luka again and I’m gonna run to Jimmy’s real quick. I’ve got my phone if you need me.”

“Ev—”

“Won’t be long!” he called, closing the door to cut off further argument. Jogging to where his car was parked, Evan pulled his key ring out, loaded with his apartment keys and a spare set to the car.

“Evan! Wait!” Alek called, getting out of the truck.

“I’ll be right back, okay?!”

He caught a glimpse of Alek raising and lowering his arms in a gesture of frustrated surrender, but Evan’s heart was still pounding. A cold sweat had broken out over his body, sticking his hair to his forehead despite the chill. If Alek got a better look at him once he’d calmed down a little, he would be able to tell, right away, that something was wrong with Evan. That couldn’t happen. Evan needed to run until he could figure out what to do next.

He jumped into his car, threw it in reverse, then jumped out into the street, taking off quickly and leaving Alek behind.

“Okay. It’s okay.” Evan repeated, over and over, rubbing the round edge of the steering wheel. He hadn’t been this panicked in a long time. The more he thought about what had happened in the store, the worse it got. It wasn’t getting better. He was only just beginning to realize all of the ramifications of running into Drew again. “Fuck,” he breathed, panting a little.

His balls were drawn up, his body tensed as if for a fight.

Turn after turn took him closer to Jimmy’s. When he finally was rolling up the dirt and gravel road leading back to Jimmy’s trailer, Evan let out a choked, shaky sigh. No one was behind him. There were no other cars around.

Shifting into park, Evan let his head fall forward, resting on the wheel.

He didn’t like that Alek knew Drew—that Alek
and
Luka knew Drew. And he really didn’t like that now Drew knew Evan was dating them.

A gust of wind blew, almost rocking the car, whistling around the edges of the windows and doors. The tall grass was tossed around in sunlight which didn’t add much warmth but only shined light on things Evan had tried to bury, five years ago.

The first time Drew showed up had been when Charlie was out for the day. Drew and Charlie had worked together. Drew had been looking for Charlie to see if he wanted to go to the bar, have some drinks and watch the game together. But since Charlie hadn’t been there, Drew had asked if Evan wanted to watch the game and hang out together, instead. Evan didn’t know if Drew had caught him checking him out. Drew wasn’t bad looking, and he was wearing tight jeans that made his cock look huge in his pants. Not that Evan would have ever admitted it, but he
was
looking at it. Especially because when Drew caught him looking he seemed to smile more.

So, they watched the game together, and eased into things. Drew put his hand on Evan’s thigh, then moved the hand higher, bit by bit, until he was palming Evan through his sweatpants. When Evan didn’t complain or move away, Drew slipped his hand inside the pants instead and started to touch.

While Drew touched him, he’d ask Evan how school was going, if he was playing any sports or what he liked to do after school. The normalcy of the conversations, especially since Drew seemed genuinely interested in Evan’s replies, made it impossible not to just let Drew keep doing what he wanted, rubbing around over Evan’s genitals, skin on skin, even if it did feel really weird.

Sitting in the car, Evan blew out a breath. There was just something about Drew that made Evan not know what to do or say in the context of the rest of his life. If it was just the two of them, it was easier to make sense of things, but to see him out in the store, when Alek was there, flooded Evan with more fear than he could process.

Alek couldn’t know about Drew’s history with Evan. Neither could Luka or Brennan. They wouldn’t understand.

It was supposed to be over. Drew had been an attentive, friendly presence in Evan’s life at a time when he’d really needed that. But he was a piece of the past that had to stay there.

The way Drew had looked at Evan, though, even fleetingly, in that store, told Evan that it wasn’t going to stay in the past. Alek might not let it go, and Drew might not either.

Evan fell back into the memory from five years earlier, and all of those nerves kicked up adrenaline and made him jittery.

They way Drew had touched Evan had never happened to him before. He’d thought about it, how it might feel to have another boy touch him down there. But Drew wasn’t a boy. He was a man. A grownup. His hand was rough with calluses from doing manual labor. It was big and he wasn’t shy about what he was doing. That first time, he played with Evan until he was hard. Once he was, Drew slowed down, and started to watch Evan more than the football game on the TV.

Evan had hated the sounds he heard himself making—heavy breathing, little gasps and groans. Drew said, ‘Let’s push these out of the way,’ and tugged the pants and underwear down. Then he’d lightly flick Evan’s dick with his finger, or play with his sac, doing things like he was trying to make Evan uncomfortable, and the whole time, he’d say stuff like, ‘So you like guys, huh? Feels good, doesn’t it? You know what guys like, don’t you? I can show you if you want.’

It had been so weird to have his pants down like that with a grownup and Drew had never stopped touching. He’d change it up. Rub Evan’s stomach, pull on his balls, push his dick around, or just tug on it while they called plays. Drew would be yelling at the referee while lightly jacking Evan. It had been surreal, but Evan got off on it. It had been his only experience with sex and he was incredibly curious, so when Drew asked if he could come back sometime when Charlie wasn’t around, Evan had said sure.

There was a knock on the window.

Evan closed his eyes, turned off the engine and pulled his key out of the ignition. The doors unlocked and Jimmy opened the door.

“What’s wrong?”

“Can I come in?” Evan asked without looking around. He could hear how uneven and strange his voice sounded.

“Of course. Come on.”

Jimmy held the door open and let Evan get out. One step after another took Evan up to the trailer home’s door, then up the stairs and inside. He went to the couch and sat down, his hands tented in front of his mouth, eyes wide as he sat hunched forward.

Jimmy was just quiet, listening. After closing the door, he came to sit beside Evan.

“You, uh...” Evan laughed nervously, and the sound almost turned into a sob, but he caught it, just in time. He cleared his throat. “You remember when I was thirteen... My boyfriend?”

Jimmy was seated like Evan, leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. In response, Jimmy hung his head and took a full second before answering, “Yeah. I do.”

“Fuck. Ahh, fuck.” Evan rubbed his head, just wishing he could hide in the trailer and not have to go back there and face Alek and his questions.

“Evan, talk to me.”

“I saw him,” Evan blurted out, smiling tensely, looking over at Jimmy. “I just saw him. Ran into him at the store, with Alek.”

“Okay, first,” Jimmy started. “I need you to try to calm down, all right? Whatever this is, we’ll figure it out. I promise.”

“Okay. All right.” Evan nodded, tried to shake it off. “It just took me by surprise, you know? I’ve run into guys in public before, but not like that. Not with Alek or someone there to notice.”

“Did the ex say something to you?” There was concern there, and carefully controlled emotion. Evan was glad that even if Jimmy wanted to freak out, he wasn’t letting it happen.

“No. But he talked to Alek. They know each other.”

“I see.”

Evan turned slightly sideways and said urgently, “You’ve gotta promise not to say anything to Alek. Please.”

“Is that why you seem so scared right now?” Jimmy asked, letting his concern show. His brow was furrowed, his eyes pleading, since he knew how much Evan wasn’t going to say. “You’re afraid of Alek finding out?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know.” Evan rocked back and forth a few times. “I was just so lonely. They’re not gonna understand. He was the first one who made me feel like I wasn’t the only one who felt this way. And I know I shouldn’t have done it. I didn’t understand. I was really, really fucking stupid. He was so much older, but I didn’t understand, okay?” He grabbed a throw pillow and hugged it to his stomach. “It wasn’t forced. That’s why it was so awful. I let him. I just let him in when Charlie was out. I went along with it. I am...
so ashamed of myself
. I’ve been with
a lot
of older men, but he was the worst. He was the first.”

“I know. I understand, okay?” Jimmy stood, walked to the kitchenette and the sink. He got a clean glass from the cupboard and filled it with water. Walking the glass over, he handed it to Evan, then sat down again. “You know, if you could please just give me this man’s name, I could—”

“No,” Evan said abruptly. “No way.”

“Okay,” Jimmy relented.

Jimmy had known about Drew for years, had seen Drew’s car at the house a few times and had asked thirteen year old Evan about it. That was the beginning of the end of Evan’s dates with Drew. Eventually, Evan found other men to hook up with, but was careful not to bring them back home with him. He’d screw around in the backseat of cars, or outside of bars, or out in the woods. Anywhere he was less likely to be caught by the one person trying to watch out for him. Evan had been careful to not give Drew’s name, or age, or the connection to Charlie. He needed to spare himself the nightmare of confessing his crimes to the authorities, and to Charlie.

But there was a lot Jimmy did know.

“Now,” Jimmy started, speaking slowly. “You were a virgin when you started seeing Alek, so this man never forced himself on you, correct?”

“No,” Evan said, shaking his head. “It wasn’t like that. Every time he showed up, I’d asked him to be there. He never used his mouth on me or tried to get me to agree to sex. Mostly, he got off on having me take my pants off—just my pants; I left my shirt on—and groping me for a long time. For hours sometimes. I was so nervous. I never stopped being nervous about it. I couldn’t watch the game; I’d just watch him touching me.”

“This man took advantage of you,” Jimmy said, very definitively. Evan didn’t have a response or a reaction. “You told me once that he liked to take pictures of you. That’s one of the reasons you were so scared of your father finding out.”

Evan groaned, gripping the glass of water, keeping his head down.

It was Drew’s third visit when he had first brought the camera. He had a regular camera and another one that took video and had a tripod. They went into Evan’s bedroom, didn’t even pretend to be watching the game. Drew had set up the video camera and left it there, recording. He lay down on the bed on his back, propped up on pillows so the camera could see his face, then had Evan lay down on top of him on his back. He’d grab Evan’s ankles and spread him out. The camera was positioned perfectly for a view of everything Drew wanted it to see.

Drew had taken a lot of photos of Evan. He’d told Evan they made him happy. There was something nice about the soft click the shutter made, and knowing someone was seeing his body and liking what they saw. It was proof that he wasn’t disgusting, or a freak. He was nice-enough-looking that Drew wanted to take pictures of him, just to be able to remember him later. After so long with hardly anyone paying him any attention, the attention Drew gave Evan was powerfully intoxicating. It made him feel special, wanted, and appreciated.

Drew got off on putting on a show. He would play with Evan to get him hard, then fondle Evan’s balls for nearly ten minutes straight, until he couldn’t stay still or take it anymore. Sometimes Evan would jerk off, and Drew liked that. While Evan was jerking off, Drew would show the camera Evan’s hole, really digging his fingers into the muscle and yanking to spread it out, and he’d be talking. Loudly. He wanted to make sure the camera could pick up the audio. He’d tell Evan how if he wanted guys to like him, he’d have to let them play around with him, let them play with his hole.

He remembered the first time Drew had fingered him. Evan had been stroking himself, lying on Drew’s chest, legs in the air, cheeks spread wide by Drew’s hands.

“This is what they’re after, Ev,” Drew told him. “This is what you’ve gotta give ‘em if you wanna get anywhere, or have a boyfriend.”