DRAWN (36 page)

          Well, no.

          Why the fuck did he even have to say that?

          “I’ve always thought that being jealous was for losers, but since I got to know you, really got to know you, I hated even the thought of another guy looking at you. Although I didn’t admit it before, I was also jealous as hell of every second you spent in Stanford’s company even if it’s only for work.”

          “How many times do I have to tell you I’ve got way better taste---oww!” Jace groans when my elbow makes a solid connection with his sides.

          “I wanted you to be jealous, too, that’s why I pretended I liked another girl even though she bored me to death.”

          I try not to smile, but I’m not really trying that hard.

          It takes a few seconds before Yuki’s quiet words make the rounds and reach the court, where the cheerleaders are doing stretches. Amelia’s screech of outrage is muuuuusic to my ears. Better than all my favorite Katy Perry songs combined.

          “You were the only one who could make me smile and laugh. I loved teasing you and making you squirm. I know I’m not…”

          The sound of Yuki swallowing audibly makes my heart constrict.

          “I know…I’m messed up, and my family’s messed up, but…if you take a chance on me, I…I promise I’ll do everything to make you s        mile, too.”

          “Yuki, this isn’t funny,” I say.

          Still bowing, he snarls in Japanese, “Do you think this is funny for me either?”

          I choke back an unexpected giggle.

          “
Senpai
.”

          And then I finally get what this is all about. “Yuki, no.”

          “Will you be my girlfriend?”

          I’m not going to cry. I’m not going to cry. I’m not going to---who the fuck am I kidding again? Half of my shirt’s already wet with my tears. This is so embarrassing. I honestly think I’m better off being called sex mad. Anything is better than this stupid crybaby version of me.

          Yuki wants me to be his girlfriend.

          Girlfriend, not toy. Girlfriend, not whore. Girlfriend…me.

          It’s the greatest risk he’s ever made with his heart. I just wish it’s not going to waste. Still crying, I pull him up to his feet. Yuki’s tense, his gaze searching, but I can’t meet his eyes. I tiptoe to kiss his cheek, inhaling his aftershave and wondering when I can be whole enough to be
this
close to Yuki again.

          Yuki stiffens. “
Senpai
,” he says, stricken and ashen-faced.

          I haven’t even said the words yet, but he fucking knows already. I wound my arms around his neck, crying harder as I do.

          “
Please, sen---”

          Hugging him more tightly, I choke against his skin, “I can’t, Yuki. But it means a lot that you asked.”

“
I can’t, Yuki. But it means a lot that you asked.”
Seated with legs tucked under her on the bed, Lace mimics my tone while making a lovesick face. She’s wearing a custom made red basketball jersey, with
Sakuragi
in Japanese characters written at the back.

          Lace snorts. “No, I can’t, my
ass
.”

          “Shut up,” I say without pausing from combing my hair. I’ve been seated in front of the dresser mirror for fifteen now, and I still can’t get the bangs right.

          Christmas and New Year have come and gone, and it’s our last weekend before school starts again. We’re miles away from home, checked in at the same hotel I stayed at with Jace and Shelley when we came to Miami. Today is the last day of
Anime Extra,
one of
the
most popular anime conventions outside Japan. We should be talking excitedly about our cosplay tactics, and not about the last time I saw Yuki.

The photos of us and Jace had been removed that same day. Kelly got wind of it from the local gossip group for moms and she sent a don’t-mess-with-me email naming every student who had to do with the website and threatening legal action. She gave them 24 hours to take the photos down. All they needed was 24 seconds, really.

Sometimes, it really pays to have an IT genius for a mom, never mind if she keeps saying I totally owe her my life these days.

          I call out to Jace, “Are you done yet?” He’s been in there for ages. How many hairstyles is he planning to try before he figures out which goes well with his cosplay outfit?         

          Lace still isn’t done taunting me. “Emotional cowardice,” she says snidely.

          It’s my turn to snort. “I bet you just picked that term up in some kind of coaching psychology article you read in
Sports Illustrated.
”

          She shrugs. “So what if I did? It’s true anyway.”

          “If he really was in love with me, he should have tried harder.”

          Lace looks at me as if I’m crazy. “
Hello?
He personally apologized to Grendel so she won’t blab about what happened in school. He told her everything was
his
fault.”

          “I apologized to her, too,” I mutter. Besides, she nearly got me bald that night. As far I care, we’re even.

          “He got his dad to fix the mess you created in Squeeze so you won’t get suspended.”

          “
What
?”

         
“And then he told us
not
to tell you because he didn’t want you to feel like you owe him or anything.”

          “But you’re telling me now so I do feel like I owe him something!”

          “That is not the point and you know it!”

          Talking about Yuki always makes me feel dead tired. “Lace, why are we even---”

          “I’m not finished!”

She starts pacing the room as she throws one accusation after another. “He bowed to you like you’re fucking Kate Middleton.”

“The Tattler made you look like the school’s Queen of Easy Lays but because he said you’re – and I quote
-
hot, sexy, funny---
”

“Don’t think I didn’t see you rolling your eyes at the ‘sexy’ part!”

Ignoring that, Lace continues, “Your Jap turned you into some kind of Megan-Fox-lite chick instead!”

“He’s not
my
Jap,” I mutter.

“And after everything he’s said, you had to turn him down in front of the
entire
school – and in front of those jackasses from Sacred. There’s a video with full footage of it on YouTube with 10,500 hits! How
harder
do you want him to try? Write your fucking name in blood?”

“You don’t understand,” I say lamely.

“Make me! I’m not stupid!” When I open my mouth to speak, she says quickly with a glare, “And don’t talk about my grades. They don’t count.”

I snap my mouth shut. “It’s complicated.”

“Aha! The classic 21
^st
century cop-out.”

I throw my brush at her, but this is
Lace
so she catches it without even blinking. “Having tantrums now to get your way? How
original
.”

When she gets ready to throw it back at me, I automatically cover my head and duck.
That’s
my reflex.

Lace drops the brush on the bed with a grin. “I wasn’t really going to throw it to you.”

Gah!

“Why are you trying to pick a fight with me?” I demand.

“I’m not. I’m just doing what best friends do and saving you from making your biggest mistake.”

“Now, you’re sounding like you read
Teen Vogue,
too.”

Lace reddens.

I gasp. “You are?”

“Forget about it. That’s not the issue here.”

“But---”

Lace gets her coach’s tone going, which easily overrides my voice. “The point here is to figure out why you found it so hard to forgive Yuki.”

“It’s just not going to work between Yuki and me, okay? Too many things have happened.”

          “It’s called
life.
Deal with it.”

“It’s not that easy!”

“Bull! He made it
easy
for you. He gave you his heart and you crushed it into a million pieces, in front of a million---”

I wince. “I
get
it now.”

“Really?”

“Well, no. I mean, I get that I shouldn’t have…”

“Crushed his heart into a million pieces, in front of a million---”

I scowl. “You’re loving this, aren’t you?”

Lace grins unabashedly. “Yeah.”

“Well, don’t think you’re all that,” I snarl. “Your first attempt to be a love guru was an epic fail. You gave me
Gatorade
instead of a shoulder to cry on.” The memory makes my lips twitch.

This time, Lace does throw the brush at me. “But it works with the guys!”

I duck successfully. “And then you pounded my back like---”

“Do you want my advice or not?”

I shut up.

“The thing is, KC…life isn’t like your
manga.
”

I wait, but when it’s clear she’s not going to say anything anymore, I burst out, “Really? That’s it?”

Lace makes a tsk tsk sound. “
Think
about it. You keep calling him a god, and hell, even I know he looks a lot like those
manga
boys you love to draw. It’s kinda expected that you fell in love with him, but somewhere along the way I think you also started thinking he’s perfect like all those
manga
boys, too.”

“The guys in
shoujo manga
are not perfect---”

“But they never mess up the way immature high school boys do, right?”

I don’t answer. I
think
about it, the way Lace tells me to.

“He messed up. Big time, I know, but he owed up to it. So the ball---”

I roll my eyes. Why am I even surprised Lace has found a way to get basketball into the topic?

Lace ignores that. “---is in your court. Do you still play the game? Or do you just quit because you’re afraid you’re going to lose?”

I’m still thinking about it hard.

“But you need to consider the other possibility, KC. The game’s not over till it’s over, remember? What if you win? What if you get that happily-ever-after with Yuki if you just played the game a little longer, a little harder, maybe a little sneakier, too?”

And I finally get it.

My smile feels a little wobbly, but at least it’s there. “This time, you get an
A
for being a love guru. But…”

Lace groans. “How many hang-ups do you guys have?”

I look down, twisting the hem of my skirt uneasily. “There’s this one thing that keeps worrying me. I know it’s silly, but…”

“Just spill it out.”

“What if I really am just a slut and it’s really his…body…that I love?” It’s a question that’s bugged me night after night when I can’t escape from the memories of Yuki and me together. When it’s just the two of us, almost everything we did had something to do with
sex.

“What if I just like him because he’s hotter than hot, and he knows, umm---” I cough to hide my embarrassment. “---how to make me feel good, but…that’s it?”

          Lace actually tugs her hair like she’s ready to tear it out. It’s probably that or tear mine off. “Are we seriously still not over that?”

          Jace finally comes out of the bathroom, saving me from replying. He grins from the doorway. “Do I look hot or what?”

          Actually, he looks the
exact
same way he did when he got inside the bathroom half an hour ago.

But he still looks good anyway. Both of us are wearing custom made
Vampire Knight
uniforms, and he’s going as
Kaname Kuran,
the
bishounen
king of Pureblood vampires in the
manga
series.

          “Hot,” I say.

          Lace rolls her eyes.

          Jace grins. “You look hot, too.”

          Snorting, Lace throws herself back to the bed, landing on her back with a bounce. “Behold, the mutual admiration society.”

          Ignoring her, I grab my props from the other twin bed in the room. It’s a perfect replica of the
Artemis,
the vampire-killing weapon that the
manga
character I’m cosplaying is famous for. “Check this out, guys.” I show off my fancy sword moves.

          “Very cool,” Jace says.

          “You totally practiced that in front of the mirror, didn’t you?” Lace asks.

          I grin sheepishly. “Yeah.”