Dream Wedding: Dream Bride | Dream Groom (32 page)

Sasha hugged her back. The child whispered something and they giggled together.

Ryan felt as if he was eavesdropping on something very private, yet he couldn’t turn away. At least he didn’t have to worry about the person taking care of his niece. Every time he’d come into a room unexpectedly, all he’d found was warm affection and plenty of attention. Cassie treated Sasha with the same loving concern she would give her own child.

Now, as the two females talked, he wished there was some way to find out what Cassie was thinking. For the past two weeks, she’d acted as if everything was fine with her. As far as he could tell, she hadn’t heard from Joel. Did that bother her? Was she really all right, or was she hiding the truth from him? No matter how bright her smile, he couldn’t shake the feeling of guilt inside of him. He’d been the one to kiss her, and that had, directly or indirectly, caused her to break it off with Joel. Therefore it was his fault. Therefore he had to fix the problem.

The question was how?

Maybe he could—“Unk Ryan!” Sasha spotted him and came running toward the porch. “Come pay me.”

He chuckled. “I’m translating that as ‘come play with me’ rather than ‘you owe me money.’”

“Have you borrowed any money from her recently?” Cassie asked, her voice teasing.

“No, I think our debts are cleared.” He picked up Sasha and swung her around. “What do you say, little one? Do I owe you vast sums of money?”

“More!” Sasha cried out as she moved through the air. “More!”

He tossed her in the air and caught her. Sasha squealed with delight, while he marveled at her ability to trust. Finally he set her on the ground. “I need a break,” he said.

“Cassie,” Sasha said, pointing at her nanny.

Cassie shook her head. “Thank you, no. I don’t want to be thrown into the air and I doubt your uncle wants to be the one to catch me. I would hurt his back.”

Sasha frowned.

Cassie crouched in front of her. “I’m too big, sweetie. He can lift you, but he can’t lift me.”

“Then cull,” she said with a sly little grin and rushed toward Cassie.

“What is she talking about?” Ryan asked as Cassie backed away from his niece.

She laughed, then ducked around the swing pole and moved to her left. “You’re not going to get me,” she cried over her shoulder, walking just fast enough to keep Sasha an arm’s length away. “Tickling. She’s trying to get me so she can tickle me.”

Cassie made a tempting target. Worn jeans hugged her thighs and rounded hips. She wore a red sweatshirt that concealed her generous breasts, but he knew they were there. An intriguing thought occurred to him.

“Sasha, you want help?” he asked.

Sasha stopped and stared at him. Then she grinned and nodded. “Get Cassie.”

She ran as fast as her short legs would carry her. He circled around from the opposite side. Cassie laughed.

“This isn’t fair. Two against one.” She eyed Ryan as he got closer. “Wait. Maybe we should gang up on Sasha. Wouldn’t that be fun?”

“Sure, but not as much fun as this,” he said as he lunged for her.

She screamed and ducked, then had to leap back to keep from tripping over Sasha. Down she went onto the soft grass. Sasha jumped on top of her and began tickling. Ryan joined the fray.

He knelt on the ground and pulled his niece toward him. As he did so, he tickled her sides. Sasha giggled and laughed, trying to squirm away.

“Thank you,” Cassie said as she rose into a sitting position. Her hair was mussed, her eyes dancing with amusement. “I thought I was—”

He leaned Sasha against his thigh and kept tickling her with one hand, while with his free hand, he reached out for Cassie. She broke off in midsentence and tried to scramble away. But she was laughing too much and couldn’t get to her feet. She pushed at his hand.

“Ryan, stop. You can’t do this. It’s not part of my job description.”

Then, without warning, Sasha turned on him. Her tiny hands found that one sensitive place on his ribs. Instantly he released both her and Cassie. “No, you don’t,” he said, physically holding her out of harm’s way.

But it was too late. Cassie had seen his moment of vulnerability. She lunged toward him and attacked. Then the three of them were laughing and tickling and rolling in a heap.

He pushed hands away, tried to pin them both down, but while Cassie and Sasha weren’t that strong, they were definitely squirmy. He was also afraid of hurting them, so he couldn’t use his strength against them.

“Truce,” he called after a couple of minutes. “Enough.”

“’Nuff,” Sasha agreed and collapsed against him.

“Agreed.” Cassie took a deep breath and relaxed. Her head was on his shoulder, her body pressed against his.

In that moment, he wanted her more than he’d ever wanted any woman in his life. But that wasn’t what scared him. What made him break out into a cold sweat was the realization that this was exactly what he needed. Days like this. With sunshine and laughter, Sasha and Cassie. He needed them to be a family.

Fear came on the heels of desire. Fear and the sense that he was in over his head. As much as he might want to be like everyone else, he knew he didn’t have the skills. He could work hard, he could build a company from nothing with only a dream and determination. He could learn that which could be taught, but he didn’t know how to be a husband or a father. He’d never seen it done. He allowed himself to get close to Sasha because he had Cassie there to keep him from making any big mistakes. But who would protect her from him if they got involved?

Besides, Cassie wouldn’t want a man like him. She would want someone more like herself—open and loving. Someone who believed in family and happily-ever-after. He believed in keeping an emotional distance and working eighty-hour weeks. He had nothing to offer her.

There was only one solution. He had to fix her problem. Somehow, some way, he was going to get her and Joel back together.

* * *

“H
ERE
’
S
J
OHN
when he left for college,” Ryan said, pointing to a photograph of a serious young man who looked like a shorter and broader version of his brother. “I guess I was about eight or nine. I didn’t want him to go. He promised that we’d still do things together, but I knew it was going to be different.”

“Was it?” Cassie asked.

He nodded. “He came home for holidays, the first couple of years, then he was too busy.”

The evening was chilly, but Ryan had lit a fire in the fireplace. The welcoming scent of wood smoke filled the living room. Cassie picked up her wine and took a sip. Despite the quiet of the dark house around them and the late hour, not to mention the flickering flames, she refused to acknowledge this was the least bit romantic. Ryan had asked for her help in sorting through old pictures. He’d wanted to put a few up for Sasha to see. That was all. She was a hardworking employee helping her boss. The fire, the wine, the night…well, they were just set decorations. As real and as meaningful as a movie backdrop.

At least that was what she kept telling herself, even as her body quivered and her mouth went dry.

They were sitting next to each other on the sofa. Several photo albums were stacked around them. Ryan reached for a pale fabric-covered one and set it on the coffee table. “This is their wedding album,” he said.

Helen had been a slight woman, with mahogany-colored hair and big, dark eyes. The first picture showed her and John standing together, their arms wrapped around each other. They were obviously in love. Cassie fought against the envy that swelled inside of her. She wanted that for herself—true love and someone to share it with.

“They look so happy,” Ryan said. He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees while he studied the photo. “I still can’t believe I thought my brother was crazy to cut back his hours. As I look through these pictures, I know he did exactly the right thing. I just wish I’d been able to tell him at the time.”

“He knew,” Cassie said. She turned several pages. In every one the couple gazed at each other, their love a tangible part of their beings. “It shows everywhere.”

There was a picture of a very pregnant Helen at a summer barbecue. John stood behind her, his hands splayed across her belly.

“He loved her,” Ryan said. “She meant everything to him, and him to her. I see it all so clearly now. I admire him for being able to turn his back on how he was raised. It’s not easy to give up old habits and fears. My mother always told us that if we stopped working, we would lose it all. Yet, he did it anyway.”

“His love was stronger than his fear,” Cassie said. “But you’re right, it is tough to give up old beliefs.”

She held her glass of wine in both hands. She understood because she was wrestling with her own demons. She’d nearly forgotten about them in the past few years, but since her breakup with Joel, they’d started visiting her again.

They came in the night and whispered that if she wanted too much, if she tried to get what she really wanted, she would just lose it. Better to take a little less. Then she wouldn’t be at risk. She’d come to realize that those fears had been the basis of her relationship with Joel. Chloe had been right—she
had
settled. Wanting Joel wasn’t the same as wanting it all. Losing him wouldn’t break her heart. So he’d been safe to love. Now she was thinking about going after her heart’s desire, the price of which could destroy her.

What if she really fell in love? What if she gave all of herself, then lost it? She’d already been abandoned twice, first by her birth parents, then when her adopted parents had died. She didn’t want to risk that happening again.

“What are you thinking?” Ryan asked.

She glanced at him and saw that he was watching her. “That no matter how scary it is, we still have to go after our dreams.”

“What are you scared of?”

She shrugged. “Mostly of not belonging. That’s what Joel was for me. An easy way to fit in. Now I’m feeling strong enough to go out and find a way to fit in on my own. Bradley will always be my hometown, but I’m not sure that staying here is such a good idea. I’m not going to magically finds roots. I have to go out and grow them. That might mean trying a different way of life. I need to figure out what’s really important to me and then go after it.”

The words sounded brave. She hoped she had the strength of character to do it, despite the demons that whispered she would only fail.

“I admire you,” he said. “You’re the most honest person I know.”

She thought about her secret passion for Ryan. “Please don’t make me out to be incredibly virtuous. I’m not at all.” She wanted to say more, but he was sitting too close. She could feel his leg lightly pressing against hers. Maybe it was the wine or the fire, but she was suddenly warm.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he said.

She made the mistake of looking at him and found herself getting lost in his green eyes. A man shouldn’t be so beautiful, she thought to herself as all the air rushed out of her lungs. It wasn’t fair. How was she supposed to keep her head about her when he looked so incredibly perfect? And why didn’t he just take her in his arms and kiss her? Couldn’t he feel the tension between them? Didn’t he know that she wanted to be with him? The image of them together, touching and tasting, holding and doing all those things she knew about in theory, if not in practice, haunted her.

Their gazes locked. The temperature in the room cranked up yet another notch until she found it difficult to breathe. The night closed in around them, making her feel isolated, but deliciously safe with Ryan. Only Ryan.

He leaned forward. He was going to kiss her. She knew it…believed it…anticipated it. He reached his hand toward her, long fingers that would stroke her skin and leave her….

“It’s late. You need to be in bed. Good night, Cassie.”

His words combined with his brisk tone to make her feel as if she’d been doused by ice water. She blinked twice, certain she hadn’t heard him correctly. He was sending her to bed? Alone?

“Um, sure,” she said. She set her wine on the coffee table and awkwardly rose to her feet. She felt like a child being sent away so the grown-ups could enjoy their evening.

“Good night,” she murmured as she made her way to the stairs.

Despite her wishes to the contrary, Ryan didn’t know she was alive. At least not as a woman. He knew she existed as Sasha’s nanny, and no matter how she tried to convince herself otherwise, that wasn’t enough for her. She wanted more. Unfortunately, she didn’t have a clue as to how to get more.

When she reached her bedroom, she closed the door behind her, then leaned against the cool wood. Letting go of Joel had been incredibly easy. Despite the fact that she’d known Ryan less than two months she had a bad feeling that letting go of him was going to take at least a lifetime.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

R
YAN
LOOKED
OUT
the front window for the third time in as many minutes. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this nervous. Telling himself he was doing the right thing for the right reason wasn’t helping. If only he’d had more time to talk to Joel. But their conversation had been rushed and he’d only had a chance to issue the invitation.

Actually, “issue” wasn’t a strong enough word. Joel had practically required a summons to agree to show up for dinner tonight. No doubt the young man was still suffering, Ryan reminded himself. It wasn’t every day that a man had to get over someone as terrific as Cassie. And if Ryan had his way, by the end of the evening, Cassie and Joel would once again be back together.

He dropped the curtain in place and checked his watch. Joel wasn’t due for about ten more minutes. This was going to be great, he told himself. Sure, Cassie acted as if everything was fine, but what choice did she have? She couldn’t really admit that she’d made a huge mistake. Still, Ryan didn’t doubt that she had. She and Joel had been together for years. They obviously belonged together. Even if Cassie insisted otherwise. If he hadn’t lost control of himself and kissed her, then none of this would have happened. She wouldn’t have gotten it into her head that Joel was the wrong man for her. It was his fault they’d broken up and he was going to see they got back together.

But the thought of her with another man, even Joel, annoyed him. Images of them together ripped through his brain, making him want to do some ripping of his own. Like maybe taking Joel apart, limb by limb. He drew in a deep breath and reminded himself of his higher purpose in all this. While he might want Cassie, he couldn’t have her. He was emotionally incapable of providing her with all that she needed and deserved. However, Joel could give her that. So they belonged together.

He walked into the kitchen to check on Cassie. Before he got there, he reminded himself he had to act casual about the whole thing. While she knew that he’d invited Joel to dinner, she didn’t know that he planned to disappear right after the meal, leaving the two lovebirds to work things out.

Cassie looked up from the pot she was stirring. “I hope you like spaghetti,” she said. “Charity dropped off some sauce when she was here a couple of weeks ago, and I defrosted it for tonight’s meal. It’s the famous Wright family recipe.”

“I’m looking forward to it.”

He studied Cassie’s face, but as usual, she looked calm and incredibly attractive. Her soft pink sweater hugged her torso, outlining her breasts and making his skin twitch. He wanted to touch her. He wanted to hold her and be with her and…

Stop it! he ordered himself. This wasn’t about him. He had to remember what was important.

“It was very nice of you to invite Joel for dinner,” Cassie said. “I’d been worried that he wasn’t getting out much since we broke up. Joel isn’t the most social guy on the planet. Work was always his whole life.”

“He seemed a little subdued,” Ryan said. “I could tell he hadn’t been sleeping much.”

At least that part of it was true. Joel had looked exhausted, although he’d been plenty cheerful.

“You never did say what you were doing over at Bradley Discount,” Cassie said, setting down her spoon and facing him. “Had you been there before?”

“I was checking out toys for Sasha. Christmas is less than two months away.” It was a pitiful excuse, but the best he could come up with under the circumstances. No way was he going to tell her he’d gone to the store expressly to see Joel and had spent nearly an hour tracking the man down. Nor was he going to mention Joel’s reluctance to join them for dinner.

Ryan grimaced as he remembered how he’d even taken the time to assure the younger man that there was nothing between Cassie and himself. Despite the fact that he wanted her to the exclusion of all other women.

“You were Christmas shopping? By yourself? In November?” Cassie asked the questions in a tone of disbelief usually reserved for questioning murder suspects.

“I can if I want to,” he said, then practically sighed in relief when the doorbell rang. “I’ll get that.”

He made it halfway down the hall, paused, and returned to the kitchen. “Maybe you should get it.”

Cassie stared at him. “What on earth is wrong with you?”

“Nothing.”

The doorbell rang again.

“One of us had better get it,” she muttered and headed out of the kitchen.

Ryan trailed after her. He didn’t want to intrude on their greeting, but he also wanted to witness the event. If things looked like they were heating up instantly, he would hide out in his office and quietly drink himself into oblivion.

Cassie pulled open the door. “Hi, Joel.”

“Cassie!” He swept her into a big bear hug.

Ryan had to resist the urge to jerk her out of the other man’s embrace, all the while reminding himself that this had been
his
idea. Still, he hadn’t thought it would hurt so much to watch her in Joel’s arms. He turned away.

“Wow, you’re so different,” Cassie said. “What happened?”

Joel laughed. “Do you like it?”

Ryan glanced back and saw Cassie staring at Joel as if she’d never seen him before. “You’re in contacts,” she said and touched his face. “Your hair is styled and you’re wearing new clothes.”

“It’s the new me.”

A new look? Great, Ryan thought, trying to muster a little enthusiasm. Obviously Joel was trying to make a good impression. It seemed like everything was going to work out fine. He was thrilled. Really.

He cleared his throat and stepped forward. “Joel, thanks for joining us for dinner. Come on in.”

There was the usual flurry and confusion of getting settled and taking drink orders. Cassie excused herself to check on Sasha, who had been put in bed a half hour before.

While she was gone, Ryan searched for something to say to Joel. “How’s business?”

“Great. I’ve been talking to some people and they think I’ve got a real chance at making it to president of Bradley Discount.” He leaned forward and lowered his voice to a confidential whisper. “I’ve been thinking about making a switch. There are a lot more opportunities with the big chains. I might give that a try. It would mean moving, of course, but that’s not a problem anymore. Cassie never wanted to leave Bradley, but I think I would like to see the world. Maybe even move to the Bay area.”

Ryan stared at the younger man. He
did
look different. The new hairstyle swept back from his face, giving him a “young executive” look. His clothes were expensive, as was his obviously new watch. Something had happened to Joel in the couple of weeks he’d been single. Something Ryan didn’t like at all.

He was torn between defending Cassie’s desire to stay close to home and pointing out that a move to the Bay area was hardly seeing the world. Before he could decide, Cassie returned and took her seat on the sofa.

Unfortunately, when they first came into the living room, Joel had taken one of the wing chairs, leaving Ryan and Cassie the sofa. Still, Joel was across from her and eye contact was very powerful. At least it was when Cassie looked at him.

She took a sip of her white wine. “I can’t get over the changes. You look terrific, Joel.”

“Thanks.” He half raised his hand, then put it back in his lap. “I’ve worn glasses for so long that it’s difficult to get used to being without them, but I like the contacts.” He cleared his throat. “So how are you doing?”

“I’m fine.”

She gave him one of her best smiles, the one that always made Ryan want to rush her into his bed. Joel didn’t seem affected. The ungrateful twit.

“I’ve been keeping busy with Sasha. She’s a handful, but such a sweet girl.”

Cassie continued talking about her job, and then filled Joel in on news about her family. The other man pretended to listen, but Ryan could tell his attention was elsewhere. Then it hit him. Joel had asked about Cassie’s life to be polite, but he wasn’t interested in the answer. What he wanted instead was to talk about
his
life.

Ryan took a hefty swallow of beer and wished he’d chosen something stronger, like Scotch. He had a bad feeling about what was about to happen. He opened his mouth, but couldn’t think of anything to say. It was like watching two trains on the same track. They were going to collide and all he could do was helplessly stand by.

“So what’s new with you?” she finally asked, then smiled. “Aside from the great new look.”

He scooted forward in his chair. “A lot. I have to tell you, Cass, when you first broke up with me, I thought you were crazy. All your talk about wanting more, about passion. I figured it was some female thing and you’d get over it in a couple of days.”

He shrugged. “The thing was, I couldn’t stop thinking about everything you’d told me. It started to make sense, sort of, and then I got this feeling you weren’t going to change your mind. I began to realize you’d meant what you said.”

“I did,” she said. “I’m glad you see that. I think we’re both happier this way.”

Ryan had to grind his teeth to keep from speaking out. This was
not
how he’d planned their conversation. They were supposed to be talking about how much they missed each other. Maybe he was the problem. If he left the room, at least they would have privacy. But he couldn’t think of a smooth way to make that happen, so he hunched down in the corner of the sofa and pretended not to be there.

“I am happier,” Joel said, sounding sheepish and proud at the same time. “I got real confused about everything, so I asked Alice to dinner. She’s the assistant manager of the Bradley Discount pet department. Redhead, about so tall.” He held up his hand, indicating a tiny woman.

A knot formed in Ryan’s stomach. The trains were only a few feet apart now. The impact was going to be felt for miles.

“I told her everything you’d said and then asked for her opinion. I figured with her being female and all, she’d have a better idea than I did as to what was going on.”

“What happened?” Cassie asked.

Ryan closed his eyes. He didn’t want to know.

“Well, it was the strangest thing. Partway through the meal, she told me that I should forget all about you. It seems that she’s had a thing for me for about two years. She told me she was in love with me. You can imagine how shocked I was.”

Not nearly as shocked as me,
Ryan thought grimly. He wanted to groan out loud. He wanted to rant and rave and throw things and beat the hell out of Joel for giving up on Cassie in the first place.

He risked a glance at Cassie. She was nodding intently, as if the story was interesting but didn’t have anything to do with her personally. “What did you say?”

“Nothing. I listened. Then she invited me back to her place.”

Ryan thought about throwing Joel out, but it was too late. What had gone wrong? Why weren’t they getting back together? He knew what the other man was going to say next. The trains impacted and the room shook. He seemed to be the only one who noticed.

“I spent the night. Actually, I spent two days there.” Joel grinned like a kid who’d hit his first home run. “I even called in sick, which, as you know, I’ve never done before.”

“That’s true. You always prided yourself on your perfect attendance.” Cassie’s voice was calm. Ryan wanted to crawl under a rock.

“It’s just like you said,” Joel told her. “With Alice, I feel the passion. It’s amazing. We talk about everything. There’s so much to say and never enough time. We can’t seem to get out of bed.” He looked at her and grinned. “Cass, I owe you for this. I’ve never been happier. Alice is exactly who I belong with. You were right. I should have known. You always were the smart one in the relationship.”

“Joel, I’m happy for you.”

Ryan thought he was going to be sick.

“Is it serious?” she asked.

“Yeah. We’re, uh, sort of living together.”

“Already?” Ryan asked before he could stop himself. “Do you think that’s wise?”

“Sure. We’re getting married. I bought her a beautiful engagement ring. Nearly two carats in diamonds. It’s—” Joel paused and, for the first time, seemed uncomfortable. “Sorry, Cassie. That wasn’t nice, was it? I didn’t mean to imply—”

She cut him off with a wave of her hand. “It’s fine. You gave me the promise ring when we were both kids. Now you’re a man. Of course you would do things differently.”

Ryan had forgotten about the diamond-lint ring. The little piece of animal refuse had cheated Cassie out of a decent engagement ring, too.

“Anyway,” Joel plunged on as if determined to tell his story, regardless of whom he hurt, “we’re heading over to Las Vegas at the end of the month. This close to the holidays we had a hard time getting four days off together, but I pulled a few strings. We’ll be married then. We know we want to be together forever, and don’t see the point of waiting.”

He made the last statement with a note of defiance in his voice, as if he expected someone to tell him that he was acting impetuously. Ryan was more than ready to do it, but he was too stunned by everything that had happened. The evening wasn’t supposed to play out this way. Joel was supposed to have taken one look at Cassie and begged her to come back. They would have talked, she would have agreed, end of problem.

“I’m very happy for both of you,” Cassie said. She rose to her feet, walked around the coffee table, then bent over and kissed Joel’s cheek. “I mean that completely.”

“Are you sure?” Joel asked, his weasel eyes searching her face. “I wouldn’t have told you if I thought you still cared.”

Yeah, right, Ryan thought bitterly. He couldn’t wait to gloat. No doubt he figured Cassie would be destroyed by the information, kicking herself for letting him get away. Well, that wasn’t going to happen. Somehow he, Ryan, would figure out a way to make it right. Although his track record at fixing things was currently pretty crummy.

“I’m completely sure,” Cassie told him. “Joel, we had nine lovely years together. I’ll always remember them fondly. I hope you will, too. But at the end we both knew it was time to move on. I’m so pleased that you’ve found your heart’s desire.”