Dream Wedding: Dream Bride | Dream Groom (28 page)

Ryan felt vindicated. So he’d been right about Cassie’s feelings of uncertainty. Unfortunately, he didn’t have an answer to her dilemma.

“I tell myself there’s more to life than passion,” she continued. “Do I have the right to want more? Who am I to think I deserve it all?”

Ryan stood up and crossed to stand behind her. Their gazes met in the reflection of the window. “Everyone deserves it all,” he said. She more than most, although he wasn’t about to speak the last part aloud.

She turned to face him. “I want to believe you. Sometimes I feel so guilty for not being more grateful to have Joel in my life.”

“You like and respect him. That’s what we’re supposed to do with friends. But you don’t have to pretend to love him if that’s not what you feel. You don’t have to marry him if you’re not sure.”

They were standing too close, he thought suddenly. He could inhale her sweetness and feel the heat from her body. She wore a sweater over jeans, but somehow the simple clothes had become provocative, calling to him, making him want to touch her. Dear God, what was he thinking? This was all wrong.

He told himself to back off. Cassie wasn’t interested in him that way. She saw him as an old man…or at the very least an
older
man. She worked for him. He had no right to want her, to want to take her in his arms and kiss her.

Cassie raised her chin slightly. “I’m not sure,” she whispered.

He’d waited long enough. Whatever control he’d had disappeared. There was only the night, the woman standing so close to him, and his need. Telling himself it was wrong didn’t help. Telling himself she deserved better than he could ever offer was completely true, but it didn’t give him the strength to turn away.

“Cassie, I can’t—”

His sentence ended in a strangled sound. Cassie stared at Ryan. He was obviously trying to tell her something, although she couldn’t figure out what. She wasn’t even sure it mattered. After all, fire filled his magical green eyes. A fire that burned so hot, she felt herself going up in flames.

She told herself she should be afraid, that Ryan wasn’t like Joel and that she had somehow become tangled in a situation she had neither the experience nor the skills to handle. But she didn’t care. This was Ryan and she trusted him as much as she’d ever trusted anyone. Besides, she couldn’t move even if she wanted to. Something had happened to her will. Her legs were too heavy to carry her away. She couldn’t think, she couldn’t move, she could only wait helpless for something to happen…something wonderful.

He placed his hand on her shoulder. “You should head up to bed.”

She nodded. “I should.” But she wasn’t going to. Not until…well, she couldn’t say until what, but she wasn’t leaving anytime soon.

“I mean it, Cassie. If you stand here any longer I’m going to have to—” He broke off and swore under his breath.

“You’re going to have to what?”

He placed his free hand on her waist and drew her closer. So close that her thighs brushed against his. Instantly heat poured through her. Her legs went from heavy to melting. Her breasts ached and swelled and pushed against her bra. She raised her hands and rested them on his upper arms. She could feel the tension in him, the rock-hard strength of his muscles.

“Ryan,” she breathed. Dear Lord, if she didn’t know better, she might think the man was going to kiss her. Right here in his office, in front of a window, on Halloween. It was magic. It was perfect.
He
was perfect, trying to warn her away and all. Even now she could see the conflict in his eyes as he attempted to talk himself out of the moment.

It surprised her that there was even a question. After all, she wasn’t like Chloe. Men had never found her irresistible. But she loved the fact that Ryan, of all men, seemed to think her so. His breathing was harsh, his body tense, his eyes questioning.

She thought about raising herself on tiptoe, just to take enough of the initiative so that he didn’t have to feel badly about what he was doing. But she didn’t want to. This was her fantasy, after all, and in all the books she’d ever read, the guy was the one who kissed first.

So she waited…and waited…until it seemed as if he was never going to do it.

Finally, when she was sure he was going to come to his senses and realize who she was and know that he could never really want her that way, he lowered his head to hers.

“Tell me to stop if you don’t want this.”

Those were his last words. She vaguely heard him utter them and had a split second in which to think that was
so
not going to happen. Then his mouth touched her lips and she couldn’t think at all.

For a heartbeat there was nothing. Just the sensation of his skin against hers. Then it hit. The heat, the need, the hunger, the incredible desire to be closer, to have their mouths forever joined.

He kept the contact light, which drove her crazy. His hands didn’t move. He continued to touch her shoulder and her waist, while a voice in her head screamed for him to put his hands everywhere. Tremors started at her neck and worked their way through her body. Her nipples tightened and ached, while between her legs damp heat made her fear she really was melting from the inside out.

His head tilted slightly so their lips could press together more firmly. She clung to him, afraid he would pull back. Her hands moved from his upper arms to his shoulders, then wrapped around his neck. She couldn’t get close enough. She needed more. Desperately.

“Cassie.” His voice was low, thick and strangled.

She uttered two words she’d never before in her life said to a man.

“Don’t stop.”

He groaned, parted his lips and plunged his tongue inside her mouth.

She welcomed his assault, meeting him with one of her own. They touched and stroked, exploring each other, finding pleasure and heat and madness. She worried a little about her enthusiasm until she realized he was holding on to her just as tightly and that the hand on her waist had dropped to her rear and pulled her hard against him.

Speaking of hard…he was. She could feel the ridge of his need pressing against her belly. She’d never felt Joel’s arousal before. Of course they’d never stood this close or kissed with such passion.

He broke the kiss, but only to press his lips against her cheeks, her jaw, then down her throat. Her breathing came in gasps. She didn’t know how much longer she was going to be able to remain standing.

“Ryan,” she whispered.

“I know,” he answered. “I feel it, too.”

So this was passion, she thought through a fog of desire as he reclaimed her mouth. This was the sensation that sparked the books and songs and poems. It all made sense now. For the past several years she’d thought everyone was lying to her and that this sort of thing didn’t really exist. But it did.

Unfortunately, she didn’t have any right to be experiencing it with this particular man.

She broke the kiss, turned on her heel and ran from the room.

CHAPTER NINE

R
YAN
LEANED
AGAINST
the windowsill and closed his eyes. He could still feel the heat of Cassie’s body pressed against his and taste her sweetness on his tongue. A tremor ripped through him. It didn’t matter that he was fifteen different kinds of bastard, the wanting inside of him was the most powerful force he’d ever experienced.

The sound of her footsteps died away. There was a moment of silence, followed by a door closing on the second floor. She’d run from him. He hated that she’d done that, but he couldn’t blame her. What the hell had he been thinking?

He crossed over to his desk and sank into the leather chair. His breathing still came in gasps and his arousal ached. He had a bad feeling he was going to spend the next several hours in a lot of pain. Still, none of that mattered. The real problem was that he hadn’t been thinking. He’d been feeling and reacting.

The questions of right and wrong, of what was proper and decent hadn’t occurred to him. One minute they’d been talking and the next she’d been so damn close that he couldn’t help himself.

He’d lost control. He, Ryan Lawford, who always played the mating game by the rules, had lost control with a young woman who didn’t understand there was a game in progress. He’d been blindsided by a virtual innocent. Joel had been the only man in her life, so she should have been the one in over her head. Instead
he’d
been the one to plunge headlong into passion.

Guilt crept through him, seeping into the cells of his body, replacing the wanting with something cold and ugly.

He’d had no right to touch her. She worked for him. He swore again and wondered what had gone wrong. He’d never once flirted with an employee, let alone dated or kissed one. He’d always been able to separate business from pleasure. To be honest, in the past he’d never been tempted to cross the line. The fact that he’d only done it once didn’t make him feel any better. What he’d done was wrong. Cassie not only worked for him, she worked for him
in his house.
She was completely vulnerable and at his mercy by virtue of her living under the same roof. He owed her respect. He owed her a work environment in which she felt safe. He owed her the right to get through her day without worrying that she was going to be groped at every turn.

But that wasn’t his only sin. There was also the issue of her involvement with Joel. Cassie was practically engaged to the younger man. He, Ryan, had no business trying to seduce her. If she’d been unattached it still would have been wrong, but this made it unforgivable.

What had happened? Why her? She wasn’t his type. He ignored the voice inside that whispered he didn’t have a type. She was too young, too inexperienced, too different from the women who regularly drifted through his world.

He leaned back in his chair. It didn’t matter, he realized. Right type or not, engaged or not, working for him or not, he wanted her. Something had happened between them. Not just tonight, although the kiss had been glorious, but before. He’d noticed her. He’d seen that she was a bright, funny, pretty, charming woman and he’d wanted her. Now he didn’t know how to change his feelings so that he didn’t get excited every time he saw her or thought about her.

The realization confused him. Something was happening to him—he was changing. He was no longer the man he’d been when he’d first arrived in Bradley to clear up his brother’s estate. Some of the changes had come about because of Sasha. He was growing to care about the little girl. But some of the changes were about Cassie’s influence on him.

What was happening to him and how could he make it stop? He’d done so well for so long by ignoring his feelings. He didn’t want to have to deal with them now. Unfortunately, he wasn’t being given a choice.

His world had just gotten very complicated.

He reminded himself that he didn’t want a commitment. Unfortunately, Cassie was the kind of woman men married, not the kind they had an affair with. There was also the issue of her engagement, not to mention her employment with him. He didn’t have a choice in the matter. He was going to have to apologize and promise that it would never happen again. That wouldn’t make it right, but it was the best he could do. Actually it was the best he was
willing
to do. After all, he could offer to terminate her so that she could get back to her regular life.

But the thought of Cassie leaving was physically painful, and it wasn’t all about having to deal with Sasha on his own. He knew instinctively that it would be difficult for him to go through his day without seeing Cassie. He didn’t even want to think about what that meant.

So instead he would apologize to Cassie in the morning and promise that she would always be safe from him. He would hide his wanting; he would stop thinking about her as much. He would attempt to go back to the man he had been before, even though he had a bad feeling it was going to be a nearly impossible task. He’d seen the light and he doubted he would willingly return to the darkness.

* * *

T
HE
FIRST
FINGERS
of dawn crept around the closed drapes. Cassie pulled her knees more tightly to her chest and watched as the room slowly brightened. She’d been awake for much of the night, thinking about
the kiss.

It was such a simple act, she thought. A type of contact millions of people had every day. Family members kissed hello or goodbye, old friends often greeted each other with a kiss. She’d kissed her sister, her parents, her aunt and, of course, Joel. But nothing had prepared her for the impact of Ryan’s kiss. She was still surprised there weren’t scorch marks on her hands and face from the heat of their contact. She’d relived the kiss a hundred times in the long night and each time the memory had made her shiver with longing.

Her body had come alive in his arms. She’d finally understood why lovers risked death to be together. She’d read once that when a woman truly bonds with a man that just the idea of being with a different man could physically make her sick to her stomach. Cassie had always thought that was a lot of nonsense, but now she wasn’t so sure. She didn’t know exactly what steps were necessary to bond a woman to a man. She suspected they first had to make love, to establish a biological as well as an emotional connection. But she understood the part about not wanting to be with anyone else. Just the thought of another man’s kiss made her flinch.

The world had become a confusing place. On the one hand, Ryan’s kiss had explained so much to her. She felt as if she’d finally seen through a previously closed door. She had shared a common human experience.

Cassie dropped her head to her knees and sighed. But on the other hand, what she’d done was wrong. There were no words to pretty up the truth. She had a commitment to Joel and she’d violated his trust in her. Maybe she’d been a little annoyed because he hadn’t been concerned about her living in Ryan’s house, but that didn’t give her the right to create a situation in which he would be concerned. She owed him her loyalty.

Ryan was just a crush, she reminded herself once again. As such, she owed him nothing. He might be a flesh and blood man, but their worlds were so different, he might as well be a movie star. She had as much in common with him as she did with someone famous. Except…

She raised her head and squeezed her eyes tightly closed. Except somewhere along the way, he’d become real to her. He wasn’t just the object of her affection. He was a normal person with moods and opinions. She’d talked with him and laughed with him. She’d watched him change from a distant stranger into a warm, caring man who was coming to love his niece. She’d seen that he cared about different things, that he was honorable and hardworking. She was still smitten with him, but she also liked and respected him.

Now he’d taught her about wanting. He’d held her close and kissed her until everything had changed. Her body had come alive for him. Even this morning when she should be feeling guilty and horrible and figuring out a way to set things right, memories of their kiss intruded. If she thought about it for too long, she found herself getting warm. Her breasts would begin to ache, and that secret place between her legs would tingle and dampen. She didn’t know exactly what was happening to her, but she knew she liked it.

However she wasn’t a fool. Here, in Bradley, with only his two-year-old niece for company, Ryan might think that she was great fun to be around. But she wouldn’t fit into his real world. She wasn’t the right kind of woman. He was older and more sophisticated, while she was just a preschool teacher. Maybe if she’d always wanted to be more they might have had a chance, but she didn’t. She loved living in Bradley. She’d only ever wanted to work with children. She didn’t care about wearing the right clothes or driving the right kind of car. Her idea of heaven would be a family—roots of her own.

Cassie opened her eyes and stared around at the lovely guest room. The large dresser seemed to waver in the morning light. Then she realized there were tears in her eyes. At one time she’d thought she would find everything she’d ever wanted with Joel. They’d been in love once and they’d made plans for a future. But something had happened along the way. She couldn’t point to an exact date or incident, but they were different people now. The kiss between Ryan and her had been wrong, but it had forced her to face something she suspected she’d been avoiding for a long time. She had to end things with Joel.

The thought should have terrified her, but it didn’t. She held her breath, waiting for the rush of disappointment or sadness, but there wasn’t much of anything. Maybe a little relief, which startled her. Should she have broken things off with Joel years ago? There was no way to get that answer, she realized, and no point in second-guessing herself. She would just have to go forward now and do the right thing.

She brushed her cheek with the back of her hand and smiled. Wouldn’t it be lovely if she told Ryan what she was going to do and he was so happy he swept her up in his arms and told her he’d loved her from the first moment he’d met her? It was about as likely as winning the lottery, and she rarely bought a ticket. Unfortunately, Ryan wouldn’t think anything about her breaking up with Joel. Or if he did, he would most likely be worried that she would expect something from him.

Cassie’s smile faded. She didn’t want that. She didn’t want Ryan to think she was going to pursue him. She would have to play it very cool. As if the kiss was no big deal. Maybe he would think this sort of thing happened to her every day.

That was going to be her goal, to keep it casual. Ryan must never know how very much his kiss had rocked her world.

* * *

R
YAN
HURRIED
THROUGH
his shower, then shaved and dressed quickly. His hair was still damp when he left his bedroom and headed for the stairs. He wanted to catch Cassie before she got Sasha up.

But when he stepped into the kitchen, the toddler was already sitting in her high chair with a cup of juice in front of her. She beamed when she saw him. “Unk Ryan. Me pincess.”

He gave her a quick smile, taking in the fact that she was dressed in her Halloween costume. “So you are. And a very beautiful princess at that.”

His gaze swept the room. Everything looked completely normal. Cassie stood at the stove preparing his niece’s hot cereal. Sunlight reflected off the linoleum floor. The smell of bacon and coffee filled the room. It was as if nothing had happened. For a second he thought maybe he’d imagined the whole incident. Then Cassie turned toward him.

“I tried to convince her to wear something else, but she can be quite stubborn, as you know.” Her smile was just right, her eyes bright, her expression welcoming. There might have been a hint of weariness in the shadows under her eyes, but he wasn’t sure. Still it wasn’t Cassie’s reaction—or lack of reaction—that convinced him last night had been very real. Instead, it was his own.

Desire slammed into him with the subtlety of a truck traveling at four hundred miles an hour. He half expected to be thrown into the wall and fall to the ground in a broken heap. He wanted her instantly. He wanted to pull her close and kiss her hard. He wanted to bury himself inside of her until they both—“Ryan? Are you all right?”

“What?” He blinked and realized that Cassie was holding out his mug of coffee. He took it from her and tried to fake a smile. “Sure, I’m fine. Thanks.” He raised the mug in salute, then sipped the steaming liquid.

“Have a seat. I thought you might be tired of cold cereal so I’m making pancakes.”

“Great.” Except he wanted her too much to eat.

He took his usual chair at the table. Sasha banged her spoon against her tray. “Me hungry.”

“I’m sure you are.” Cassie crouched in front of the child. “You can tell me you’re hungry and that you want your breakfast, but you’re not allowed to bang on the table.”

Sasha’s delicate brow furrowed as she struggled to understand the information. She raised her spoon to bang it again. Cassie shook her head.

“No. Don’t bang.”

Sasha stared, released her spoon. It clattered to the metal table. Cassie sighed. “I suppose that’s as much of a victory as I’m going to get this morning,” she said as she rose to her feet and returned to the stove. “Your cereal is just about ready, young lady. Give me thirty seconds.”

Ryan sipped his coffee. This scene wasn’t playing out the way he’d pictured it last night and again this morning when he’d awakened before dawn. Somehow he’d thought Cassie would be more upset by what had happened between them. He stared at her. There didn’t seem to be anything wrong. Was she really all right or was she pretending?

She filled a small, plastic bowl with warm cereal and placed it in front of Sasha. “Do you want a piece of bacon?” she asked the girl.

Sasha nodded. “Peas.”

Cassie shot him a grin. “One of these days I’m going to forget she has trouble with her
L
’s and actually hand her a bowl of peas. Imagine how shocked she’ll be.”