Dream Wedding: Dream Bride | Dream Groom (29 page)

He couldn’t stand it anymore. He pushed back his chair, rose to his feet and crossed to the stove. She had several strips of bacon frying in a pan. On the counter, the electric griddle heated for pancakes.

“I’ll watch these,” he said, reaching for the pan.

“Thanks.” She stepped to the side and stirred the batter. “You usually want four pancakes. Does that sound right for this morning?”

“Sure. Whatever.” As if he cared about food. He stared at the rapidly crisping meat, then at his niece, who was happily eating, getting as much food on herself as in her mouth.

“Are you all right?” he asked, his voice low enough not to carry across the room.

Cassie poured pancakes onto the griddle, then looked at him. “Of course. Why do you ask?”

“You’re many things, Cassie, but you’re not dumb. You know why I’m asking.”

“Okay.” She turned her attention back to the pan. “I’m fine and I’m not just saying that.”

“Really?” He wanted to believe her. Knowing that she wasn’t suffering any aftereffects would make his whole life easier.

“Of course. You want the truth?” she asked, then continued without waiting for his response. “It was a very lovely kiss. One of the best I’ve had in a long time. But that’s all it was. We didn’t rewrite history or change the course of time. We kissed. I don’t really understand exactly how we got from chatting about our pasts to a passionate embrace, but this kind of thing happens. We’re two adults working in close proximity.”

“This is not common practice in my line of work,” he said, a little surprised she was being so sensible. Somehow he’d expected her to be upset.

“Mine either.” She grinned. “But then as a preschool teacher I would have many less opportunities than you.”

“So you’re really okay with this?”

“Sure.”

She turned the pancakes, then nodded at his pan. The bacon was done. He scooped the pieces out onto a paper towel.

“I’m realistic,” she told him. “Aside from Sasha, you and I have very little in common. We had a moment, now it’s over. No big deal.”

Her attitude annoyed him, even though he knew he should be thrilled that she was so calm about everything.

“We have more than Sasha in common,” he said. “We get along extremely well. We read the same kind of books, watch similar movies. We talk easily.”

“I suppose.” She didn’t sound convinced.

“We’re intelligent.” They were also great together when it came to kissing, but he didn’t think he should point that out to her. While he knew he was more experienced than she, he’d never felt the kind of instant fire before.

“And funny,” she agreed. “But so what?” She put the cooked pancakes onto a plate, then poured four more circles of batter onto the griddle. “Face it, Ryan, we’re from different worlds. A man like you would never be interested in a woman like me.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. Of course I would be interested.”

He’d spoken without thinking. Cassie glanced at him. “I don’t think so.”

He cleared his throat. The conversation had gone a lot better when he’d had it alone in his shower. Somehow she wasn’t getting her lines right. “What I mean is that we have enough in common that differences in our living styles aren’t significant. I’m not making a play for you, I’m just pointing out that your logic is flawed.”

“Thank you for sharing.”

He saw the glint of humor in her eye and knew that she was laughing at him. He didn’t know whether to be offended or join in the joke. In the end, it was easier to ignore either option and plunge ahead.

“My point is,” he said, moving closer and lowering his voice, “that you don’t have to worry that I’m going to attack you. You’re my employee working in my home. You are entitled to my respect and you have it. I promise I will never compromise your position or violate your trust again.”

She flipped the pancakes. “Thanks, Ryan, but it never occurred to me that it would be otherwise. The kiss was a one-time thing. Not to worry.”

Her casual dismissal made him want to shake her. Or kiss her again. Which showed him how far he’d gone over the line.

“You’re safe here,” he said.

“I know.”

He gritted his teeth together. “Great. Just so we understand each other.”

“We do. You can stop belaboring the point.”

Her smile took the sting out of her words, but he couldn’t help feeling that he’d lost complete control of the situation. When and how had that happened? And why wasn’t he happy with everything she was saying? It was exactly what he’d wanted to hear.

But he wasn’t happy. He wanted her to be…what? Afraid? He shook his head. That wasn’t right. Maybe it was that she’d put the situation out of her mind so easily, when he was finding it difficult not to pull her close and do it all again.

“Everything is ready,” she told him. “Go sit down.”

He did as she asked. As she put his breakfast in front of him, she spoke. “I have a couple of things I need to do this afternoon. I’ve checked with Aunt Charity. She can come by and baby-sit Sasha. I hope that’s all right.”

“It’s fine. Take as long as you’d like.”

Sasha claimed Cassie’s attention and Ryan was left feeling as if he’d missed something very important. Everything had gone his way, so why did it all feel so wrong?

CHAPTER TEN

C
ASSIE
SAT
AT
a corner booth in the small fast-food restaurant at the back of the Bradley Discount Store. She resisted the urge to check her watch. After all, she’d looked at it about thirty seconds before, so she wasn’t likely to be surprised by the time.

She glanced around at the plastic furniture and wished she could have met Joel somewhere other than here. From her seat she could see out into the store. There were too many people and not enough privacy, but when she’d called Joel that morning he’d said he couldn’t spare more than a few minutes for her. Her choice had been to come to the store, or put off their conversation. Cassie had agreed to come to him rather than wait another day.

She took a sip of her soda and wondered what on earth she was going to say to him. She’d practiced several different approaches in the car, but each had sounded more stupid than the last. There was no easy way to do this, but it had to be done. She had to tell Joel the truth. She wanted to be as kind and gentle as possible, but she had to get the message across.

She heard footsteps and glanced up. Joel crossed the black and white floor, moving toward the booth. He wore gray slacks and a pale blue shirt, along with a cartoon-print tie. His hair was neat, his face freshly shaved. He held a clipboard in one hand. He looked like what he was—a busy, albeit harried, manager.

“Hi,” he said, sliding onto the plastic bench opposite hers. “Sorry I’m late. There were some problems in housewares.”

“It’s fine. I’ve only been waiting a few minutes.” She paused. Now what? “Joel, I have something to tell you.”

“Okay, sure.”

But as she watched, his gaze strayed to the clipboard resting on the table. Trying not to show her annoyance, she reached out and turned it over so he couldn’t read it anymore. “This is important,” she told him.

“Fine. I’m listening.”

“I…” Her mind went blank. “It’s just…well…” Then the words came in a rush. “You didn’t touch me just now. Not even a kiss on the cheek.”

His mouth tightened as his blue eyes narrowed. “Is that what this is about? Are we going to talk about our feelings again? I’m willing to do that, Cassie, but not now and not here. It’s the middle of my workday. We’re in my store. I’m not going to entertain my employees with a passionate embrace. If that bothers you, I’m sorry.”

She took a sip of her diet soda and tried to smile. “You’re absolutely right. This isn’t the time or place to talk about feelings and I don’t expect a passionate embrace at your place of work. But you didn’t touch me at all. I’m not angry, I’m simply pointing out the obvious. We don’t touch anymore. We haven’t for a long time.”

He sighed heavily, the world-weary sound of a logical male about to be exposed to the irrational thinking of a female. Cassie promised herself no matter what, she wasn’t going to lose her temper.

“Don’t,” she told him. “Don’t say anything, just listen.”

He frowned, then nodded. “If you’d prefer.”

“I would.” She took a deep breath. All right. She had his attention. Now what was she going to do with it?

In the car on the way over she’d discarded a couple dozen ways of telling him the truth. She wasn’t sure of the correct tone, or proper sequence of the words that would explain what was going on with her. Despite the practice, all she could think of was a bald statement of the facts.

“Working for Ryan has become a problem,” she said. “It’s not him, it’s me. I have feelings for him.” She couldn’t bring herself to look at him, so she stared at the hard plastic table. “It’s just a crush. I mean what else could it be? I barely know the man. But it’s there and it doesn’t seem to be going away.”

“Is that it?” Joel asked.

Cassie raised her head and met his steady gaze. “What do you mean, ‘is that it?’ Isn’t that enough? We’ve been together for nine years, I confess to having feelings for another man and that’s all you can ask me?”

“Oh, honey, you’re making too much out of this. Of course you have a crush on Ryan. What young woman in your position wouldn’t? He’s older, he’s successful, he’s sophisticated. I’m sure he can be quite charming. If you hadn’t noticed him I would have worried about you. It doesn’t mean anything.” Joel’s smile was warm and friendly. “Is that what all this is about? Have you been worrying yourself over nothing? That’s so like you, Cass.”

She couldn’t speak. She could only stare. Maybe it was her hearing. Maybe some connection to her brain had malfunctioned and words were getting messed up or turned around.

“You don’t care,” she managed between stiff lips.

“Of course I care. You mean the world to me. But I’m not worried about your crush on Ryan. As soon as he’s out of your life, you’ll forget all about him.”

He was taking this way too calmly, she thought. Maybe he was the one with the broken brain. “There’s more,” she told him.

“I’m listening.”

“We kissed.” She waited, but there was no reaction. “It was just once. I mean it was just one event, but during those few minutes we kissed several times.”

Still no reaction. Joel nodded as if to show he was listening, but there wasn’t any obvious anger or displeasure on his part. For all she knew he was thinking about his problems with the housewares department.

She set her forearms on the table and leaned toward him. “It wasn’t like when you and I kiss, Joel. There was no holding back. I felt…I felt things I’ve never felt before. I wanted him…passionately.”

She paused, then realized she was done. What else was there to say? Except maybe the obvious. “I’m sorry,” she added in a low voice. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“Ah, Cass.”

He glanced at his watch. She blinked. His watch? Like he was late for something more important? “Joel, I’m telling you that I kissed another man and that it turned me on. I wanted to
be
with him. Do you want to say something about this?”

“I’m not surprised,” he told her calmly. “The situation was bound to occur. Frankly, I expected it sooner, but I’m glad it’s finally here. We can deal with it and put it behind us.”

One of them was crazy. “What are you talking about?”

“When we started dating, you were only sixteen,” he said.

“I’m well aware of that.”

“I was seventeen.”

She felt as if she’d been dropped into a conversation already in progress. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“I’ve dated other women, but you never dated other guys.”

He was comparing his few dates in high school to her kiss with Ryan? “Joel, you don’t understand what I’m trying to tell you.”

“Of course I understand.” His smile was kindly. “I’ve been there. When I dated before, I kissed those girls and…well…” He flushed. “We did some things together. My point is I’ve experienced life. I know what’s out there in the world. You haven’t done that. I’m pleased that you had the opportunity to sow your wild oats and get all this out of your system.”

Okay, so they weren’t talking about the same thing at all and Joel didn’t get it. Now what? “This is more than wild oats,” she said. “A lot more.”

“I know you believe it is, but don’t worry. It’s done and now we can get on with our lives.” He reached out and placed his hand over hers. “I love you, Cass. You’re the one that I want to be with. I still trust you. Isn’t that what matters?”

It should, she thought sadly. It should matter a whole bunch, but it didn’t.

She studied his familiar face, the shape of his jaw, the curve of his lower lip. Light brown eyes crinkled slightly at the corners. He was so honorable, she thought. So willing to believe the best of her.

“It’s not that simple,” she said. “I don’t want to go back to what we had. It’s not enough.” She pulled free of his touch, and stared at her fingers. The promise ring glinted in the overhead lights. “I can’t keep this anymore,” she told him and slipped the slender band from her finger.

“What are you doing?” Joel asked, the first hint of concern filling his voice.

“What it looks like. I’m sorry.”

“I see.” Joel picked up the ring. “I hope you’re not making the mistake of thinking he’s going to want you.”

She told herself he hadn’t meant the statement as cruelly as it came out, but she wasn’t sure. “I don’t pretend to know what Ryan wants in life, but I’m reasonably confident it isn’t me. Our kiss was just something that happened. It didn’t mean anything.” At least not to him. Unfortunately for her, it had not only been a wake-up call about her relationship with Joel, it had also embedded itself in her mind. She couldn’t stop thinking about those few moments in his arms.

“I’m not breaking up with you because of Ryan,” she continued. “I’m doing it because of me. I’ve experienced passion. I know what it’s like to want someone so much it hurts.” She drew in a deep breath. “Maybe I’m setting myself up for heartbreak. Maybe I’m reaching for the stars. I don’t know. But what I
am
sure of is that I want to find this again. I want that kind of passion in my life on a permanent basis.”

“It’s that important to you?” Joel asked.

“Yes.”

He picked up the ring and stared at the tiny diamond. “We could do that,” he said without looking at her. “If you wanted to.”

If she hadn’t been so close to tears, his lack of enthusiasm would have made her smile. “I appreciate the offer, but no thanks. It’s been nine years and we’ve never even tried heavy petting. It was too easy not to become lovers.”

She swallowed. “I’m sorry, Joel. You are a wonderful man and I adore you. In some ways I love you. I’ll always have feelings for you, but they’re not the kind of feelings that a woman should have for her husband. I can’t see you anymore.”

He closed his fingers over the ring. “Just like that? It’s been nine years.”

“I know. It’s what I want. If you look deep inside, I think you’ll find it’s what you want, too.”

“All right.” He slipped the ring into his shirt pocket. “If you need time, I’ll give you time. We’ll put the relationship on hold for a few weeks. I’m sure once you’ve had a chance to think about it, you’ll come to your senses.”

She didn’t know whether to scream or cry. Anger, sadness, frustration and pain from the thought of never seeing Joel again all welled up inside of her.

“I don’t want time,” she said. “I want it to be over. I want you to walk away from me without any regrets. I want you to find someone else and experience a little passion of your own. It will change your life forever.”

She slid out of the booth and tried to smile. She had a feeling she failed pretty badly. “Goodbye, Joel. Good luck.”

Then she turned and walked away.

* * *

A
KNOCK
AT
his office door interrupted Ryan. He called “Come in,” without turning away from his computer screen, then remembered that Cassie had left for the afternoon an hour or so before. He glanced up in time to see an attractive fiftysomething woman step inside.

She was about Cassie’s height, with sleek dark hair pulled back into a fancy bun. Tailored clothes emphasized her trim body.

“You must be Cassie’s aunt Charity,” he said, rising to her feet.

“Yes. I just thought I’d poke my head in and say hello.”

She crossed to his desk and handed him a cup of coffee. As she held another mug in her hand, he figured she was expecting an invitation to join him for a few minutes.

“Have a seat,” he said, motioning to the empty chair next to her. Like Cassie’s sister, her aunt wanted to check out the man Cassie worked for. He appreciated that her family was so concerned about her well-being.

“Thank you.”

Charity sat down and set her coffee on the desk. He did the same.

“Is Sasha asleep?”

“Yes. She was a little hyper from playing,” Charity said as she crossed her legs and picked up her mug. “I supposed a game of tag in the backyard wasn’t a clever idea right before her nap, but I wasn’t thinking.” Her easy smile returned. “It comes from not having had children of my own. By the time I moved in with Cassie and Chloe, they were far too old to play games or need naps.”

“You’re their aunt on their father’s side?”

“That’s right. So I don’t have any connection with the town of Bradley.” She took a sip of coffee. “Has Cassie told you that one of her relatives actually founded the town?”

“She mentioned something about it.”

“It’s quite extraordinary for me to imagine having roots that go down that deep. I’ve always been something of a wanderer.” Her well-shaped eyebrows drew together. “Come to think of it, I’ve lived in Bradley longer than anywhere else in my adult life. I came here when the girls were nearly eighteen.” She paused, then gave a small gasp of surprise. “That was more than eight years ago. Time does get away from us all, doesn’t it? Eight years. Who would have thought?”

“There is something pleasant about Bradley,” he said. “I’d planned to be here a month or six weeks at most, but now I find myself considering a longer stay.”

“Really?” Dark brown eyes regarded him thoughtfully. “There’s a lot to like here.”

He wondered if she was still talking about the town or something else. Had Cassie told her aunt about what had happened the previous night? He studied the older woman sitting across from him, but he couldn’t be sure.

Charity set her mug on the desk. “I moved in with the girls as soon as I found out about my brother’s death. Unfortunately, I’d been in remote sections of the Far East, so it took the family lawyer three years to find me. I couldn’t imagine staying in a small town where the neighbors knew one another. Living with two teenage girls was also a shock. I couldn’t wait to leave.” Her expression softened. “But slowly, the town and the girls worked their magic. Cassie and Chloe have both urged me to resume my travels, but I find I miss them less and less with each passing year.”

She smiled. “I stayed at first to make sure the girls got through college. Then there was always some excuse to keep me around. Now I want to stay to see Chloe’s baby born. I’m beginning to suspect I’ve lost the travel bug. Still, I saw a great deal of the world.” She paused, and leaned forward slightly. “Is Bradley anything like where you grew up?”