Drowning to Breathe (18 page)

The warning hit me strange, inciting that ominous feeling that had been trying to make itself known for weeks. One I’d shoved down time and again, unwilling to give voice or time because all I wanted was this
time
with him.

The problem was, I didn’t want that
time
to end.

Tamar was on top of it, passing me the guys’ drinks, already knowing what they would order.

I smiled in appreciation. “You’re a rock star.”

“Ha. Not so much, but I’m pretty sure you have a table full of them waiting for you right about now. Get going, woman. You can’t leave them alone for long or they’ll incite some kind of riot. Lord knows Charlie will have a meltdown.”

Light laughter rumbled from me, because it really wasn’t that far from the truth. Trouble followed them everywhere they went.

I balanced my tray with drinks for both tables, careful not to slosh anything as I weaved my way through the throbbing crowd. Everyone had begun to move, energy alive as the upbeat country band roused the already over-eager crowd.

By the time I cleared a mob of guys blocking my path, all five party girls were standing around Baz’s table.

Hanging off the guys.

Smiling and flirting and making something I didn’t even recognize rise inside me.

God.

This wasn’t me.

Not even close.

But I had the overwhelming urge to throw the tray of drinks in the redhead’s face, because she was rubbing up against my man, whispering something in his ear, getting friendly in a way that made me want to rip her arms from her body.

But Sebastian.

Sebastian was just staring across at me, those severe eyes still caressing up and down, like they hadn’t stopped. Something like a smile ticked up at the edge of one side of his pretty, pretty mouth. As if he could read my thoughts like they were written in a book, a play-by-play of the possessiveness that crested in me, wave after wave.

But I felt his promise.

It was always going to be me.

Tamping down my insecurities, I approached, brow arched as I took in the raucous members of Sebastian’s pseudo-family. “Looks like you’ve all suckered in a little company. Guess you’re trying to make my job easy on me tonight. Shall I drop all of these here?”

Ash took an appreciative glance around the table surrounded by too much skin. “Sounds like a damned good plan to me, Beautiful Shea.”

I shouldered in between Lyrik and Baz and set my tray on the table. Maybe I shouldn’t have felt so smug when I jostled the redhead toward Lyrik, but hell, I was only human.

Who could blame me?

I passed shot glasses to the guys, frilly drinks to the girls, all the while gritting my teeth and trying to cling to some kind of maturity, because I was long past playing games. Ironic, considering I was feeling about as petulant as a fifteen-year-old girl who’s daddy told her she wasn’t allowed to go to the prom and the boy she was crushing on had asked someone else.

An arm snaked out, wrapping around my belly, hot hand splaying wide as I was dragged back onto the lap I’d had a fantasy of climbing just minutes before.

My body was awkwardly draped across his, my back to his chest and one of his knees sliding up between my thighs to keep me attached to him. One of my booted feet was planted on the ground and my other leg was pushed up under the table by the force of him.

A shocked sound left me, and his breath was rough at my ear, words hoarse. “Do you know how damned sexy you are when you’re jealous?”

I squeaked.

Caught.

Guilty.

I didn’t even have it in me to be ashamed.

“You think I want that girl?” he continued on like a threat, and a shudder rolled through me with the groan that rumbled in his chest. His voice went lower. Darker. “Only thing I want right now is to drag you down the hallway and into the bathroom, rip these shorts off your fucking insanely long legs, and sink into you from behind. I’d like nothing more than to watch you through the mirror as you shake and tremble.”

His hand wandered farther down, cupping me over my sex.

I whimpered, thanking God the evidence of what he was doing was obstructed by the height of the table and the shadowy darkness surrounding us.

“Watch you come undone,” he rumbled.

My blood pulsed and raced, and a flush sprinted across the surface of my skin. Mouth parted, I tilted my head to the side, so close his stubble rubbed at my cheek.

Intense eyes peered down at me.

Desire.

Want.

Lust.

There was no mistaking it.

No disguising it.

Guess the redhead got the message, too, because I caught just a glimpse of her pout before she turned her attention to Lyrik who already had the birthday girl crawling all over him.

He didn’t seem to mind, and normally I’d roll my eyes because, wow, that really was just ridiculous and cliché. Nothing like a rock star getting greedy and taking two.

But I was too busy trying to control the way I shivered and shook as Sebastian let his fingers go trailing beneath the frayed hem of my cut-off shorts.

Good Lord, he was bold. His brazen confidence all too eager to set me straight on my wayward worries.

“You got that?” He ran his thumb just under the edge of my panties. “Don’t make me prove it.”

Was he serious? I was about five seconds from begging him to.

Struggling for air, I gripped the edge of the table.

I was being every kind of unprofessional. Flustered and hot, I forgot where I was because Sebastian Stone had a way of making me forget everything except for him.

Peeling myself from his lap, I straightened myself. I hoped it wasn’t blatantly obvious how outrageously turned on I was.

Lyrik watched me with outright humor, raking his teeth along his bottom lip to contain his amusement, just as both girls got a little more comfortable. Ash grinned like a fool, Zee with a shake of his head and a slightly embarrassed smile.

Um…obvious. Very, very obvious. Flustered, I tucked a thick lock of hair behind my ear. “Anything else I can get y’all?”

Ash lifted his shot. “Stay…I’m about to toast.”

He looked around the guys, first at Lyrik who raised his chin at the same time as he lifted his shot glass, as if he already knew exactly what they were celebrating. He moved on to Zee who lifted a drink of his own, creases of discomfort appearing at the corners of his eyes. Then he moved to Baz who dug his fingers into my side. As if he were holding on for dear life because he felt it slipping away.

Felt me slipping away.

Ash lifted his shot glass a little higher. “To a future that’s looking bright.”

And I should have found comfort in it, because Ash was pure smiles and uncontained satisfaction.

But I didn’t, because those fingers at my side tightened.

Almost painfully.

Regret.

Regret.

Regret.

It stormed around us.

The group of girls lifted their glasses, having no idea what they were toasting, but eager to play along. “To the future.”

As if any of them would be a part of it.

And the unease in Sebastian left me wondering if I would be, either.

I did my best to focus on work and not pay attention to the way Sebastian watched me throughout the night. It was virtually impossible.

That piercing gaze followed me, seeking and searching me out, the constant flickering and changing emotion almost too much for me to bear.

I wanted to beg him for reassurance, for the night to pass quickly so he could take me and wrap me in his arms, provide encouragement that whatever I was feeling was unwarranted.

The second band was still on stage, working through their final set. A haze of indistinct faces filtered through my sight as I went through the motions, my concentration focused on the single table that stood out in the limelight. Prominent above all others.

When I emerged from the kitchen through the swinging doors and back into the bar, it was again immediate. I executed my own hunt, seeking him out.

Only this time, he was no longer there. The same five girls surrounded the table, Lyrik and Ash more than pleased to entertain them, Zee straddling the sidelines, as if he didn’t want to be a part of their games.

Sebastian’s chair was empty.

Blood pumped heavily through my veins. On edge, I moved through the crowd, taking care of my customers up close to the dance floor in front of the stage, faking smiles and tossing out counterfeit pleasantries.

I delivered appetizers to a table and began to back away.

An erotic shock burned through me with the arm that wrapped around to my front from behind.

Sebastian had surfaced from within the mass, and he was quick to pull me back into the center of the clash of bodies that surged and swayed on the dance floor, an agitated crush that rolled with the beat.

Sebastian’s movements were completely at odds with the frenzy, each action purposed, steady and strong as he slowly turned me in his arms.

“Dance with me,” he whispered so close to my ear I could hear him above the clamor.

And it was so sweet, the constant contradiction to all his hard and brash and scarred. This beautiful, torrid man proceeded to secure me in the strength of his arms. His heart beat hard, a boom, boom, boom supplied by his own unrest.

Completely enfolded in him, I pressed my face into his collarbone. Breathed him in. Desperately, my fingers fisted in his shirt. “Tell me what’s happening.”

The resigned breath he released filtered across the top of my head, stirring my hair. He drew me closer. “They want us back in California on Thursday.”

Sorrow flamed from the pit of my stomach, licking up to touch me everywhere.

I clung to him tighter, my arms bound between us, fists in his shirt, powerful arms hugging and hugging and hugging.

I couldn’t breathe.

Sebastian spoke at the top of my head, the words vibrating my bones, unheard yet understood. “Kenny pled down the assault charges.”

Relief blasted through every cell of my body.

“No jail time,” Sebastian explained. “Community service and a fucking fortune in fines, but that’s it. I have to appear in front of a judge to finalize it all, but the criminal shit is done. Martin can still come after me with the civil suit, but he’s not taking me from you.”

Then why did it still feel like he was?

The overpowering relief I felt in his freedom was a strange sensation. Yes, Martin may still try to exert control over me, but he no longer held that control over Sebastian—the threat of jail time for standing up for his brother. For protecting and preserving. It clashed with the realization that the call on Sebastian’s life was finally calling him away.

Even though I knew it would come to this, it didn’t make Sebastian leaving me any less difficult.

Strobes flashed from above the stage, and a chaotic ring of bodies circled us while Sebastian slowly swayed, moving us at half the pace of the strident beat.

Clearing his throat, he continued, “With the news, our label wants us back on the road immediately after my court appearance. They’re putting together a short tour, mostly western states, getting us out to a few cities to build a buzz, before we’re back in the studio to record the new album. Guys are fuckin’ relieved, baby. This is what we’ve been waiting for.”

He pulled back, hands framing my face. Sadness crawled across his defined features. His jaw clenched as he dealt with the jumble of emotions. Thumbs stroked beneath my eyes, fingers firm as they dug into the back of my neck. “Fuck…just looking at you breaks my goddamned heart. Everything I’m feeling right now is written all over your face.”

He squeezed in emphasis, searching me, slipping inside, under, and all around. Stealing more.

“Is…is moving there…permanent?” I stammered over the question, because this…this is what we’d avoided. We’d evaded talk of the inevitable and instead jumped right on that speeding train.

He gave a quick, uncertain shake of his head. A steely frown tipped down the crooked side of his mouth. “I don’t know.”

Taking my hand trapped between us, he wove our fingers together. He lifted them and gently brushed his lips across my knuckles. The promise was muttered on fierce words. “All I know is that
this
…
this
is what is permanent. The rest of my life…I don’t know. What the hell I’m gonna do with my baby brother…the guys…how long I can keep living this kind of life. The only thing I’m certain about is you. But I also know for now I
can’t
change this, Shea.”

“I told you I would never ask you to give it up. It’s a part of who you are. What makes you wonderful and a piece of what truly makes you happy.”

He dropped his face into the side of my head and nodded, because he knew it, too.

An impossible silence enveloped us in a cocoon of unknowns and apprehension and insecurities.

“What does it mean for us?” I finally managed to ask. His heart pounded beneath the thin fabric of his shirt.

Pulling back, he pinned me with an unflinching stare. “When we finish up touring the west coast, I want you to come to California.”