Drowning to Breathe (17 page)

And God, this was going to be a war.

I could feel it.

Felt it to the deepest places in my spirit. In that instinctual place born the first time I held my daughter in my arms. A mother’s knowledge. A gut feeling that whispered and warned and told me to prepare.

Part of me had been preparing for years, because I knew Martin would never forget what I knew.

But in the meantime, while I lay in wait, I wouldn’t be shirking or shrinking, and I refused to give into the misery that simmered like a threat in the darkest fragment of me.

For now, I chose to live.

And when this life called me to fight, I would fight.

“I’m just fine, Charlie. Really,” I promised.

“That’s my girl.”

Tamar began filling my drink order when the double doors swung open. Even though there’d been a constant flow of people traipsing in and out tonight, my attention immediately sought out the source. As if there was no other place in the world I could possibly look.

Expectation.

A bond absolute.

A tension only I could feel.

Sebastian stepped through the door, all strength and mystery and damaged beauty. The lamp swinging from the rafters above him amplified it, striking against the bold, powerful lines of his face. Those strange grey eyes made a pass through the room. Hunting. They were quick to lock on me.

Chills skated down my spine. A scatter of butterflies blossomed in my belly, fluttering just under the surface of my skin, lifting my flesh in a rush of goosebumps.

It made no difference how many times he had me.

He always held me.

Captive.

Ensnared and bound.

Without conscious choice, I was moving, as if my feet weren’t even touching the ground. Erasing the space between us.

Sebastian stood there in the rays of muted, hazy light, emanating that almost frightening, masculine glory. An old black T-shirt stretched tight across his solid chest. The mural of intricate ink scrawled down the entirety of his arms, the story written there jumping and twitching with the bristling muscle.

His expression was somehow both cruel and dripping with affection.

Devastating.

And I thought perhaps I’d lost a piece of my mind, a part of my soul, because my mouth watered and my body hummed with need that bordered on unhealthy.

Vivid.

Violent.

Dangerous.

I didn’t even acknowledge the rest of the guys who stepped through the door behind him.

Instead I was pushing up on my toes and wrapping my arms around his neck, and his arms were closing around my waist.

Warmth and relief.

That pretty, pretty mouth came closer and closer until it met with mine.

Heaven.

“Hi,” he mumbled at my lips, his tweaking up at the corners beneath our connection.

God, I loved when I could feel him smile under our kiss.

“Hi,” I answered. Reluctantly, I pulled away. “I thought you guys were practicing tonight?”

Not that I was going to complain.

“We finished early,” Sebastian supplied quickly. Something passed through the savage expression that stuttered my heart with a slick of apprehension.

He forced a tight smile, and I tore my gaze from him, allowing my eyes to travel to the guys.

A rowdy pile of rock star filled up
Charlie’s
doorway.

Almost angtsy.

Anxious.

Wild and unruly and so obviously out of place.

“Hey, guys.”

Lyrik hazarded a hand through the mess of black atop his head, tattooed fingers flashing in the light, dark eyes in a constant blaze as he lifted his chin to me in greeting.

Zee leaned in and dropped a swift kiss to my cheek. “Hey, Shea,” he murmured lightly, casting a quick glance at Sebastian.

Wary.

A short ribbon of dread unfurled in my belly.

Something was up.

Distracting me, Ash was quick to step forward and hook his arm around my neck, flashing me his dimples. “Sitting at home on a gorgeous Tuesday night with all that
Charlie’
s has to offer? Now that just seems ludicrous. The temptation is too great to resist. What man in his right mind would pass up good music, great drinks, and beautiful ladies? So here we are to take advantage. You should be honored by our presence.”

As always, Ash was all too keen to lay it on thick.

The guy was larger than life, more arrogant than anyone I’d ever met, but even I had to admit it was all part of his charm. Without a doubt, he’d left a trail of dropped panties all across the world.

He kissed the top of my head, grinning as he turned us out to survey the landscape of
Charlie’s
. “Tell me you saved our favorite booth for us.”

Ash’s favorite booth?

I glanced to the booth secreted away in the darkest corner of the bar. The place I would forever think of as Sebastian’s.

As ours.

A place Ash, in all his arrogant grandeur, had decided to claim as his own.

The brave, bold side of me wanted to set him straight. Let him in on exactly what had transpired there. The self-conscious side said
no chance in hell
.

I felt the eyes on me, and I glanced over to catch Sebastian’s burning gaze, swimming in mischief and simmering with sex, and my teeth latched onto my bottom lip in an attempt to snuff out my reaction, the embarrassment and heat that instantly smoldered on my cheeks.

Without a doubt, his mind was exactly where mine was, back in that night when he’d broken me.

Marked me.

Tainted me.

I’d thought it was the end, when in reality, we were just beginning.

A couple was snuggled up in our booth, the girl playing coy and the guy looking as if he was getting ready to dive in and devour her.

Apparently it was catching.

I glanced up at Ash who still had his arm locked round my neck. “Ah…no. I’m sorry, but I didn’t think you guys were coming. You’re going to have to make do with a table down front. Do you think you can handle that?”

Ash huffed out the fakest sigh. “Fine. But that means you have to slip us some free drinks.”

He winked.

“Ha. You wish, rich boy. Just for that, I’m going to announce to the bar an entire round is on you.”

“Rich boy?” Horror lashed across his face. “Now that’s just plain cold, Shea.”

A short burst of laughter rang from me.

I had never met a group of guys more mortified by their wealth. It was kind of endearing and sweet, and there was something about it that made me love the lot of them just a little more.

Love.

It was true.

I’d come to think of Sebastian’s unorthodox family as my own. Just as he’d come to fall in love with mine.

With the one.

My child.

Hearing Kallie call him
Daddy
was one of the most terrifying, marvelous things to ever fall from her sweet mouth. Like the first time she said
Momma
. So pure and full of undying trust.

Those simple, simple dreams were making a valiant attempt at becoming my reality.

Kallie kept testing it, tasting how it felt on her tongue, and Sebastian would be blatantly overcome by emotion every time she asserted it.

We were moving fast. As if we were caught in a tunnel of speeding light. Flashing forward. Velocity hurtling us toward the future.

It was exhilarating and wholly unnerving.

Because neither of us knew where we would land. So many unanswered questions remained, but there was no stopping the momentum that had us flying.

Again, I got swept away by the feeling my feet weren’t touching the ground. As if I were suspended just above it, drifting through the most sublime kind of dream.

Around my neck, Ash squeezed his arm a little tighter and leaned forward to look at Sebastian. “Tell your woman here we work hard for our money.”

Amusement played at Sebastian, warm eyes heating me up.

I bumped Ash with my hip. “Oh, I bet you work
hard
, all right.”

Ash feigned a shocked gasp. “Are you speaking in innuendoes, beautiful, innocent Shea? I believe our boy here has corrupted you. And now I am most definitely
hard
.”

He tossed me a playful smirk, one that looked a whole lot smug as he slanted it toward Sebastian.

A threat clouded Sebastian’s striking face, and I sucked in a breath.

God, looking so good should be criminal. I guess maybe it came with the territory.

“Hands off my girl, asshole, or you won’t have the capacity to work
hard
at anything.”

Laughter ricocheted around the room, Ash’s and mine.

Unwinding myself from Ash, I made a move toward Sebastian, grinning wildly, and I let him wind me up instead.

Wound.

Wound.

Wound.

With him, that’s where I remained.

Insides twisted and twined. Restless and edgy.

A strong, deliberate hand skated down my back, firm palm gripping my ass over my cut-off shorts.

Aroused.

Yes.

Let’s not forget I was always, always aroused.

Sebastian nuzzled his nose into my cheek, grazing up and over the seam of my ear. He inhaled, exhaled, his expelled energy spinning through me like a tempest. “Missed you, baby.”

“I missed you, too.”

It didn’t matter that little more than eight hours had passed since I’d last seen him, it was true.

That fact was a little terrifying, too.

I was in deep.

Somewhere bottomless.

Fathomless.

Lyrik bypassed us. He glanced back over his shoulder as he headed for the riot of bodies congregating in the bar. He lifted his voice so we could hear him over the noise. “We gonna drink or stand around like a pack of bitches watching Baz feel up his girl all night?”

He headed deeper into the fray, menacing strength striding through the crowd. He was so tall I could see the tilt of his head as he turned to consume Tamar in his fiery glare.

She basically snarled at him from her post behind the bar.

Tension ricocheted between them. Maybe Tamar had warmed to the idea of Sebastian and me, but it did not apply to the rest of the guys.

Especially Lyrik.

I couldn’t tell what she wanted more—to rip off his face or his clothes. I’d asked her point-blank if something had happened between them, and she’d just grunted a slur about
cocky assholes think they can take whatever they want
and something about how happy it’d make her to
cut off his dick and cram it down his throat
.

Whatever was going on? She was fighting it with teeth bared.

Sebastian didn’t let me go as we followed Lyrik, who apparently knew exactly where he was headed. He was already taking a seat on a stool at one of the high-top tables close to the stage.

“Make yourself at home,” I teased.

I forced myself to untangle my limbs from Sebastian and he slid onto his stool.

You have a job to do
, I reminded myself, because the only thing I wanted to do right then was crawl onto his lap.

One cavalier brow arched, Lyrik all kinds of smug. I swear, these guys were too much, my hands full every single time they walked through the door. “Figured we had an in and all.”

Zee and Ash took the remaining stools.

Ash let out an exaggerated sigh, and he sat back, blue gaze probing the crowd. Calculating. Ready to make a move. It was clear what was on his mind.

As much as I hated it, I couldn’t stop the prick of jealousy that jabbed at my consciousness.

There was no missing the way the women seemed immediately drawn to them. Heads turning. Attention seeking. None immune to the aura that glimmered around the whole of them, a bristle of sex and dangerous beauty and lust.

It was this way night after night, and it became ever more obvious that Sebastian was
wanted
. That he was and would always be the target of many affections. I couldn’t help but wonder how many times he had been in a bar just like this, staging his own move.

Pain needled at my skin. Was it crazy the idea of him with anyone else hurt? But it felt as if I’d been waiting for him my entire life. I’d never been the jealous type, but Sebastian held the power to evoke the most foolish kinds of reactions in me. He made me feel things I’d never felt before. Experience the impossible and suffer the exquisite.

I shoved off the useless thoughts. “So what is everyone drinking tonight?”

Everything about Ash gleamed. “Bring us our usual, darlin’. But make them doubles. We have cause for celebration.”

Sebastian flinched. In my periphery, I caught the glower in his expression. One that warned he was about two seconds away from reaching across the table to rip Ash’s tongue out.

That feeling was back, the sense I was being propelled forward by a rushing tide of joy, while at the same time, was about to be ensnared in an unseen undertow.

Threatened to be washed out to sea.

Sinking.

Sebastian’s voice was soft. Almost afraid to, I slowly turned to look at him.

Grey eyes caressed me softly, almost as soft as his voice. “Just get us our regulars, baby.”

“Okay.”

I walked away, though there was no distance where I couldn’t feel the weight of his stare as I struggled through the bottleneck to get back to the bar. The next band had struck up, and the already ear-splitting noise had escalated to deafening.

Tamar frowned at me as she slid drinks for the five girls I’d all but forgotten toward me. “You look green,” she shouted over the music.

“I’m fine.”

She released a chuckle of disbelief. “Liar.”

Arranging drinks on my tray, I fumbled through an incredulous laugh. “Am I that transparent?”

“Yep.” She gestured with her chin in the direction of the guys’ table. “When it comes to him, you’ve always been. Since the first night he showed up here.”

I lifted a shoulder. “Honestly, it’s nothing. I just got a…weird feeling.” I shook my head. “For so long my only focus had been coming here to earn enough to support my daughter and myself and then going home to her. It’s a little unsettling having my life so
unsettled
.”

She snorted. “Love has a way of
unsettling
you. Just be careful it doesn’t knock you off your feet.”