Duke Herheart Final (23 page)

Duke of Her Dreams – Olivia Ritch

voice in my head. I dream of him and wake up wet, frustrated and agitated or oddly sated and I was desperately relieved to see him although I was seething mad that he dragged me back. His voice makes the hair on my neck stand on end and …oh my gosh. You heard how all that sounded didn’t you?”

“Kathryn, you
are
in love with him.”

“Yes.”

They sat there in silence for several minutes both feeling rather proud of themselves. A sly smile crossed Kathryn’s lips and she began

“feeling” him and a smug smile was on Cassandra’s as she realized her dream of becoming Kathryn’s sister was coming true.

After the silence stretched some more, Cassandra tentatively moved toward Kathryn. “I would like to talk with you about something important to me now.”

“Yes, absolutely. What?”

“You just described all the feelings I am having.”

“Jem?”

“Yes, how did you
know
?” Her shock was palpable.

“I see the way you watch each other, the way he loads your plate just so, holds your chair, lingers. He sometimes wants to touch you and then he grimaces and steps back. I have seen him inhale your hair. He is clearly into you.”

Cassandra’s eyes were shining. “Oh, you think so? I have loved him for all these many months. You know he has been with me for more than a year and he has so gently and faithfully tended me. I want him, Kathryn. I want to be his.”

This was a big deal, Kathryn knew on some level because rich gentry didn’t date servants and having a possessive, protective brother like Michael would be even harder. “Have you spoken with each other?”

“Kathryn, he won’t even look me in the eye. He avoids my eyes on purpose. What am I going to do?”

“Okay, first let me ask you in all honesty. What will Michael say if you date Jem? Will he let you? Truly.”

“If
you
ask him or tell him how important it is. You can help me I know it. Together we can convince him. It’s not like Jem is poor. He’s a footman, a rather well educated, incredibly handsome footman. He speaks French, you know?”

“Impressive. I don’t speak but a little Spanish. But back to me helping you…I might be persona non grata right now.”

“Nonsense. He is so grateful you’re back. He was like a caged tiger, screaming at the servants, pacing, bellowing, not even getting a sentence 137

Duke of Her Dreams – Olivia Ritch

out when he was looking for you. He was really quite hysterical. I think he was hanging on by a thread.”

“So maybe he is a little relieved. Tell me more about your Jem, though.”

“He sings, too. Once I cajoled him into singing for me, convincing him I could only fall asleep with a lullaby. Seeming to be of a fragile mind has some advantages you know.” She gave Kathryn a sly smile.

“He has a beautiful voice. As soon as I said so, he excused himself. He doesn’t think he is worthy of me, I am sure of it.”

“Okay, so we have two males to deal with. Jem needs convincing to allow his feelings out and Michael needs to be convinced to allow you to be with Jem. Do you want to marry him?”

“Marry him? Do you think I could?” she effused, an enchanting smile breaking across her delicate face. “I mean I would love to be held by him. His hands are so safe and strong and I want to…to…”

“Make love?”

“Yes,” she whispered. “I want to make love with Jem.”

“Well, you will start on Jem and I will work on Michael. With the two of us committed, how can we fail?”

Cassandra laughed a little for the first time since giving voice to her feelings for Jem. She had loved him for so long but never had felt like she could even talk to him much less to anyone else about it. Now, she thought that maybe, just maybe she could make her dreams of being his wife, of having children she could love, a house—a small one—of her own, come true.

Kathryn took control. “Here’s what I want you to do. First, get dressed in your sexiest, lowest cut dress. Dismiss your maid and tell her you are done for the evening. Then, ask for your tray in your room. Tell Cook to give you an extra serving of dessert, that you are hungry. After you’ve eaten a little, invite Jem to sit near you and have your second dessert. Keep eye contact with him.”

They continued plotting until the plan to seduce Jem had been fully hashed out.

“You are so bold Kathryn. Can I do it, will this work?”

“I don’t know if it will work, but I know how he looks at you.

You’ve just got to give him the chance to make his move. You do that and I will start on Michael. It’ll give me the chance to change the subject from us. Which I daresay he will be grateful for at least for a while.”

“You know he postponed his investiture for you?”

“I heard. I don’t know exactly what it means but it sounds really 138

Duke of Her Dreams – Olivia Ritch

serious.”

“I think he wants to be married to you or at least betrothed when he takes his oath, somehow that you are agreeing to the duties along with him. Kathryn, I think he really loves you and values you. You have given him so much these weeks.”

“What have I given him? He has everything.”

“No. He has never been happy. Not since he was a child. Our father…well, Michael has never laughed and joked and played like he has since you became part of our lives. And then there’s what you did for me. He thinks you saved me. He’s right.” Cassandra reached out and touched Kathryn’s hand and at that moment, Kathryn knew, she just knew that this was her family and her place. She still had to find Christine and bring her here, some crazy way, but she would stay and be with these people who obviously loved her very much. Even Aunt Agatha liked her a little.

* * * *

It was harder than facing her horrible husband, harder than sitting alone for hours with only her thoughts and harder than thinking of one more day without knowing if he cared for her. Planning was one thing but walking into the room with the express purpose of making a cake of herself, throwing herself at Jem Smythe, was altogether the most difficult thing Cassandra had ever done.

He sensed her before she appeared and when she did, his breath involuntarily sucked in. She had never worn that before and she was eating in.
He would have to watch her eat in that!
Why? Why was he being tortured? The most beautiful, fragile, precious woman in the world, whose black eyes and pale skin and very round breasts, were covered in low-riding, flowing gold silk. Her hair was piled more haphazardly that she ever wore it.
What the hell was she about?

“Jem.”

“Lady Cassandra.” He was very cautious.
She had a light, was it a
light in her eyes? Her cheeks were flushed. Oh, God. There was
something wrong. Was she drunk, no maybe laudanum. What to do?

“Jem?”

“Yes, Lady Cassandra?”
This was bad, very bad. There was
something wrong. Was she firing him and this was the lead up? No, that
wasn’t it, what was it?

“Jem, will you sit with me? You always tower over me.”

“Yes…ma’am?”
Am I allowed to sit? What the hell is she about?

“How long have you been my footman?”

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“Eighteen months, ma’am.

“In all of that time…” she trailed off. She couldn’t ask him out right if he had ogled her, if he wanted her. Could she? “Have I been good to you?”

“Ye…ess…ma…am. You have been good to me.”

“Have I been difficult?”

“No ma’am, you have not been difficult.” He breathed in, but couldn’t seem to bring the air into his lungs. He felt dizzy.

“Jem, what would you like me to be?” She looked at him with those black eyes that he had wanted for so long. She stood straight and tall, draped loosely in gold silk that barely covered her generously rounded white breasts. The mounds were heaving from her deep breathing and his gaze was fixed. He couldn’t stop watching them. They pulsed and then he saw it. He saw them pebble. He raised his eyes to hers and he saw the blush on her cheeks. His gaze dropped to her bosom and her pebbled nipples did him in. What was he supposed to say to her in the face of that? How was he supposed to continue standing? He had lost his physical control. His rod was firm and erect. Soon, she would notice and he would be fired. He wanted to cover himself but that would draw her attention.

But then, dammit, her eyes began traveling down his chest.
Oh God,
oh God. He couldn’t make it stop. Stop, dammit Lady Cassandra stop.

Please don’t fire me. I can’t leave you.

“You are sexually aroused by me.” She said it in modestly clipped tones but she nevertheless ground it out so that he could tell she seemed to be enjoying his distress.

He tried to speak, but nothing came out. He tried to cover himself but failed, as she glanced at his groin.

“Jem, are you aroused by me?” she asked him as she moved closer.

She was moving closer. He kept slipping backward but he could not hold his ballocks and keep from falling over the furniture at the same time. “Jem, do you desire me? It is a simple question.”

“No ma’am…it is not a simple question,” he ground out yet again.

Her joy, her absolute satisfaction at seeing his erection tent his pants was horrifying. He wanted her. He desired…
her
! He had an
erection
because of her.

“Jem?”

“Ye-es...ma’am?” His voice choked.

She took two more steps toward him and he froze. He absolutely froze. And then she cupped him.
She cupped him
. “Oh My God…

Cass...oh my…”

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“Do you want me Jem? Do you, Jem?”

“Please. Please, Lady …Cassandra…if you make me…”

“What Jem?” Her tiny hands stroked back and forth across his flap.

“If you…do this…he will…”

“No, Jem. Michael will not sack you.”

“Whaaat? You are…you are…making me…”

“Jem? Please answer my question. Do you want me? If you do not, this will stop. If you do, I will…”

“Stop, Lady Cassandra. Can you see what will happen? I have watched over you and cared for you for all of these months and if you…you…do this, I will lose you. Please don’t make me lose you.

Please.”

Triumph.
It sang in her heart, her bones, blood thrummed through her vessels. He was as affected as she was. He wanted her. He was hard for her. He didn’t want to lose her. Now all she had to do was show him how much she wanted him. Doing that would be very hard for she had no experience but what Kathryn had taught her. It made her blush all over again to think about what she was going to do but she would for Jem, for them.

Cassandra touched her stomach and looked him in the eye. She licked her bottom lip and moved her hand up a little to just below her breast. Her own arousal surprised her and the sudden lift of her eyes, moved his gaze from her belly to her face. She had him. He was mesmerized.

Her lips just bumped his.

He froze.

Her lips touched him again.

He instinctively pressed his to hers and she started.

He jumped back and her eyes flew wide and then narrowed and glowed.

Her eyes were glowing for him.

Jem was hard and throbbing for Lady Cassandra. He was responsible for her. She was his…his…he couldn’t think.

“Jem?”

“Yes,” he hissed.

“I don’t know what to do.” And she touched his chest, when she did it burned him. He grabbed her hand and held it to him. He couldn’t, wouldn’t push her away. He wanted to prolong the contact but it, this couldn’t happen. He should not let it. She was so fragile and he was so responsible.

“Jem, please.
Please
.”

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“Lady Cassandra, I…”

“Cassandra.”

“Cassandra, I…I am your footman,” he ground out.

He had said it. He was her footman, unworthy of her no matter what she wanted. No one would accept his feelings for her. He watched her face for recognition and when it came, it broke him. He screamed fiercely inside.

“You don’t want to hurt me.”

“No.”

“But yet, you seem to be rejecting me.”

“No. Yes. No! Lady Cassandra?”

“Cassandra.” She stood toe to toe with him now and realized something she never had in her life. She had power. This man was not going to hurt her or manipulate her. He cared for her and she loved him so much she was going to fight for him like he deserved. He didn’t even know how special and important he was. “Jem, you have been so good to me. You have looked over me and supported me through so many dark days. Now, the days are not dark and I don’t need you as a crutch. I need you. As a man. I
want
you.”

His breathing was ragged. He had heard every word she said yet still couldn’t believe she truly wanted him.

He was rock hard and his head ached. Resisting her was killing him.

“Cassandra. Do you know what you just said?”

“Yes. I want you to touch me like you would touch a woman you want, not just a person you are helping down the stairs. I want you to look at me like Kathryn says you do when I don’t notice.”

“Kathryn?”

Cassandra nodded. “She says you look at me.”

“You asked her? Miss Ragland? You talked to her, about me?”

“Yes. She says you look at me with longing. Do you Jem?”

* * * *

Lying to her would never work because his eyes, his hands, his entire body would give him away. But she had talked to the mistress about him and surely the Master was coming right now to flog him, shoot him or just pitch him out on his ear. “I do.”

She pressed her advantage. “I love you, Jem.”

In that moment, Jem felt that his heart stopped. Did it? Surely, the world stopped spinning. Did it? She loved him. “You what?”

“I love you. I have for some time. I told Kathryn earlier and she encouraged me to…to see if you had real feelings for me. I believe…you do.”

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“I do.” His resigned admission felt like victory. It felt sweet and terribly hard fought to get that admission from him but the battle was not won, not yet.