Dusk (Young Adult Paranormal Romance) (9 page)

I
dragged into school that morning, eyelids already drooping from the energy it had taken to get ready.

Sleep had eluded me after the horrible dream about my father. I just kept playing it over and over again in my mind, wondering if it was my dad’s way of telling me he’d be pissed at me for all eternity.

Or if it was a manifestation of my own fears that I’d never be able to move on.

And in the moments when I wasn’t reliving the dream, I’d think about Adrian randomly appearing in my bedroom, twice, and all the questions I had about exactly who and
what
he was.

I’d ask him. Though our relationship was still new, I figured we had enough trust between us that I could tell him what I’d seen, what I suspected, and maybe he wouldn’t run screaming in the opposite direction of the insane girl he’d made the mistake of getting involved with.

Adrian, you’ve magically appeared my bedroom a couple of times, and I’m beginning to think maybe you have some really cool supernatural abilities. Am I right?

Yeah, it wasn’t a conversation I was really looking forward to having. But honestly, I had enough crap to deal with without wondering if these hallucinations meant I was losing my mind.

I’d talk to him after school, when Pre-Cal homework was done.

In the lobby, my mood perked up a bit when I saw the signs Vivian had made for my run for senior class secretary hanging beside the office. The vivid blue and purple colors hung in bright contrast on the industrial white walls.

I’d told Viv the truth about the accident. She’d been glad I wasn’t hurt, but she hadn’t been shocked. She said she was glad I’d had good reason to cut ties with Nikki and Courtney.

In the hallway on the way to homeroom, I ran into Daniel and several other friends who’d served in student government with me.

“So glad you changed your mind and decided to run,” Daniel said. “Even if it’s not for president.”

“You’ll make a great president,” I said. “I’m glad you’re running. I really hope you get elected.”

“Thanks,” Daniel replied. “And it’s cool you’re running unopposed.”

I still wasn’t sure why no one had run against me, but I wasn’t going to complain. I wasn’t like I was in any shape to do heavy campaigning.

Carla Mabry, Andrea Bishop, and Nick Henry joined us, and congratulated me too. All of them were on the ballot for offices as well. Nick was the only one who hadn’t served on student government before, but he was a nice guy and a really good student. He’d be a great student leader.

It felt good to be back in a familiar situation, with familiar friends who’d been with me for the past three years.

Viv walked up and smiled brightly, Brett standing right beside her.

“Thanks for the making the signs, Viv,” I said, leaning over to give her a hug. “And thanks for forgiving me.”

“Always here for you,” she said, hugging me back. “You know that.”

And I did know that. I hadn’t told her about my dad’s infidelity yet. Not because I didn’t trust her, but because it was so humiliating, even though I knew she wouldn’t look at me any differently. It was time to get past my embarrassment and tell her all of it. I wanted her to truly understand what had sent me spiraling out of control over the summer.

In the midst of the discussion, I saw Adrian halfway up the hallway, but the crowd of people between us kept me from being able to get to him. With a wave and a smile, he turned to head to his homeroom.

A tap on my shoulder drew my attention away from Daniel, Viv, and the others. Turning slightly, I found Courtney, without Nikki for once, standing behind me.

“I’m so glad you’ve decided to run for class secretary,” she said. “Aren’t you guys? I mean, she’s just done so much for our school and we should all be so grateful for her service.”

Since her interaction with this particular group of people was so out of character, Daniel and the rest of the gang just looked at her and said nothing, completely unsure how to respond.

“It’s just so brave of you to step back into the spotlight after that nasty little business with your dad.” She raised her voice, making sure she could be heard above the buzz in the hall.

“Courtney, shut up,” I ordered. There was no way she could know what had happened.

“But why? I just want everyone to see how terrific you are.” Sarcasm laced her words, and a crowd started to gather. The audience spurred her on.

“Messy stuff, when your dad leaves your mom for another woman. Especially the mom of one of your classmates. My mom was devastated when he died. They had such plans to be happy together. Just think Zoe, we could’ve been sisters.”

Her words punched me in the gut. I felt their effect as if I’d been hammered with a baseball bat. The lights in the hallway suddenly seemed far too bright, and the figures of the people around me began to swim.

My head pounded, and my knees threatened to give way. Chaos erupted all around me. I was vaguely aware of people saying my name, shouting at Courtney, but my brain had gone into self-preservation mode.

Shut out the bad stuff. Shut out the bad stuff. Don’t think about it now. Save it for later. Just get away. Just get away.

Pushing through a doorway just as the bell rang, I ran up the hall, no particular destination in mind. I found myself in the girls’ bathroom at the end of the senior hallway. I was alone, thank God.

Outside the bathroom door I heard the last few people scuffling to class, hoping their tardiness would be overlooked. I didn’t move. At that moment I could not have cared less about getting to homeroom.

Humiliation crashed over me, the emotion as violent as a tidal wave. My stomach pitched and rolled, and every breath caused my chest to ache. Darting my eyes around the empty restroom I noticed the back corner, between the sink and the window, and decided it was the perfect spot.

I slid my body into the corner and sank, dropping my backpack to the white tiled floor on the way down.

My dad had slept with Courtney’s mom.

Courtney’s mom who was a trashy, bed-hopping pill-popper.

Somehow I’d thought he’d had better taste in women than that.

Of course, when a guy decided to screw around on his wife, good judgment and taste went down the toilet.

My brain snapped into action. Courtney could be lying. She and Nikki were just looking for a way to get back at me. It could all be fabricated.

But how could she have known about the affair? Everyone knew my dad had died, but no one knew about the cheating. I hadn’t told anyone. Not even Viv.

But I had told Adrian.

No, no, no! Adrian would not do this to me. He would not hurt me this way.

It was completely unfair that my dad wasn’t here for me to scream at. Every bit of this was his fault. All the questions, lies, embarrassment. All of it.

God, Dad! You’ve totally ruined everything! I’m so messed up, so scared, so humiliated. You should be here so I could yell and scream and blame you. You should be here to help me with my math. You should be here so I could apologize for being so awful to you the last time we talked. You should be here.

Fog seemed to fill the room, seeping into every available space and pressing into me as if it were alive. The air turned humid and a dank smell filled my nostrils. Through the murkiness, the hazy figure of my dad appeared. Leaned against the doorway, arms crossed over his chest, he watched me with something almost giddy in his eyes.

My heart surged with an odd combination of joy and dread. Something was terribly wrong. How could he look happy while I sat in the floor of the school bathroom and grieved for him and all we’d lost?

I thought of my dream, of the way he hadn’t even looked at me when he told me it was too late. Could it be that the damage could not be undone?

“Daddy.” The whispered word scalded my throat as I said it. In those two syllables lived every fear, every regret, and every hope I possessed. Surely he would take pity on me.

The laughter startled me. Wild and maniacal and unlike any sound I’d ever heard from my father. For a moment my mind couldn’t process it, couldn’t understand it. But then reality hit like a load of bricks crashing over me.

He was laughing at me.

He was amused by my misery.

And I had no one to blame but myself.

His figure faded then, and the last image I saw was of his delight at my self-destruction.

The tears came then, and because I could not hold back any longer, I let them. I cried. And cried. And cried.

*     *     *

Adrian strolled into the girls’ bathroom like it was no big deal, and sat down beside me. I lifted my eyes to his, positive that I looked like a red raccoon. He said nothing. Just reached for me and pulled me into his lap.

As his arms came around me I remembered the conversation I wanted to have with him, but now was not the time. I was devastated and he was here, not saying a word, not trying to fix things, not giving me unwanted advice. Just holding me, letting his warmth seep into me as the last few tears slid down my cheeks.

His ability to comfort me was almost supernatural, and I wondered again about the visions I’d seen of him in my room. Whoever or whatever he was, I needed him.

I’d figure out the rest later.

A
drian walked me to the front office and told the secretary I wasn’t feeling well. Understatement of the year. She promptly called my mom to come and pick me up.

As I took a seat in the waiting area, I realized I hadn’t said the first word to Adrian since he waltzed into the girls’ restroom.

“Thanks,” I whispered, fixing my eyes on the speckled white tiles of the floor.

“Of course.” He sat next to me and leaned close, propping his elbows in his knees. “I’ll bring your assignments over after school and make sure you get caught up on Pre-Cal.”

I nodded. Where was the sense of comfort he usually gave me? Why was my gut still churning inside? Maybe Adrian didn’t have superpowers after all.

I shook my head at my own foolishness. Thinking Adrian had some kind of supernatural ability. Geez.

“It’s okay to feel what you’re feeling,” he said. “Sometimes you’ve got to feel the hurt, go through it, before you can start to heal.”

I looked at him then, turned his words of wisdom over in my head. I wasn’t sure about healing, but I was sure as hell feeling the hurt.

*     *     *

After the initial check of my forehead for fever and the typical questions about nausea, headache, and sore throat – of which nausea was the only thing I admitted to – my mom drove me home. We didn’t talk.

A hundred different emotions ran through me. Anger. Bitterness. Humiliation. Fear. Confusion. And the ever-present grief and guilt. It all bubbled and simmered like a pool of poison ready to erupt.

Just as mom turned into the driveway, I broke the silence.

“Did you know the woman Dad cheated with?”

Mom looked at me, and I pinned her with my gaze, wanting to know I was dead serious. I saw the reluctance in her eyes. She did not want to go there. I also knew the moment she decided to answer me, because her expression changed, like she knew if I was giving her an opening to talk about Dad, she’d better take it.

“I knew her name, but not much else,” she said, pulling the car to a stop in the driveway. “He said she’d moved to town a few years ago and wasn’t connected to anyone here.”

True enough. I remembered when Courtney came to Rison Middle School in the seventh grade.

“What was her name?”

“Zoe, don’t do this,” Mom pleaded. “Don’t dredge up specifics. It won’t change what happened.”

“What was her name, Mom?” I demanded.

She took a deep breath and shook her head. “Mitzi Wayne.”

Bingo.

“That’s Courtney Powell’s mother.”

“Oh God.” Mom’s voice shook. “The different last names. I never put it together.”

“Yeah, well Courtney did. She dropped it on me in the lobby in front of everyone.”

I watched my mom’s heart break all over again, as pain filled her eyes. “Zoe…”

“Don’t say you’re sorry,” I said, opening the car door and grabbing my backpack. “He’s the one who did it. Just don’t expect me to get over it any time soon.”

“I’ll call the office,” she said just before I got out of the car. Desperation laced her voice. “I’ll tell them I can’t come back in today.”

“Go back to the office, Mom.” I stepped out of the car, but turned back to face her. “I don’t want company. And if you stay, I’m not talking to you about this.”

I shut the car door with a quiet click rather than a slam, then marched to the house, went inside, and cried all over again.

*     *     *

I heard the roar of Adrian’s motorcycle pulling into the driveway. Glancing at the clock, I knew he had come straight here from school.

I made my way to the front door and stepped out onto the porch, trying without much success to tamp down on the mountain of self-pity I’d wallowed in all day.

He cut the engine and parked the bike, placing his helmet on the seat and unhooking his book bag from the back where it was secured with the bungee cord.