e Squared (17 page)

From:
David Crutton

To: Ted Berry, Caroline Zitter

Sent: 12 January 2009, 08.50

Subject: I love the smell of new business in the morning!

 

Let's touch base on my trip to VA. Ten minutes? Ted's office, I guess.

 

From:
Caroline Zitter

To: David Crutton

Sent: 12 January 2009, 08.51

Subject: Out of Office AutoReply

 

I am in Brighton with my twins, attending Tot Tycoons: Leadership Skills for Under-Fives. If you have an urgent request please contact my assistant, Milton Keane, on
[email protected]

 

From:
Dotty Podidra

To: David Crutton

Sent: 12 January 2009, 08.53

Subject:

 

Morning! Didn't expect you in so early. Thought you might nip home first. Did you have a good flight? And do you want coffee?

 

From:
David Crutton

To: Dotty Podidra

Sent: 12 January 2009, 08.54

Subject: Re:

 

Coffee would be superb, thank you. Excellent flight. Landed early so I got in a stint at the gym. Did a series of squats and ab crunches that would make a Royal Marine puke up his immune system. I sense it's going to be an excellent week.

 

From:
David Crutton

To: Donald Gold

Sent: 12 January 2009, 09.00

Subject: new assignment

 

G'day, Don, and what a beautiful day it is too. Don't you find the wind chill truly invigorating?

 

I spent the flight from VA configuring an elite team to handle GIT. I reached the conclusion that you are the ideal pick for senior account director. Should you take this on, you will direct activity across all GIT brands.

 

I trust you will take up this offer. It reflects the confidence that the partners and I have in you.

 

From:
Dotty Podidra

To: Susi Judge-Davis-Gaultier, Milton Keane

Sent: 12 January 2009, 09.03

Subject: bosses are mad

 

DC's in a really good mood and it's scary. He's bouncing around singing “Somewhere Only We Know,” but a sort of 120bpm hienergy version. Think I prefer him when he's Mr. Grouchy!

 

From:
Susi Judge-Davis-Gaultier

To: Dotty Podidra, Milton Keane

Sent: 12 January 2009, 09.04

Subject: Re: bosses are mad

 

TB in foul mood! Sprained his ankle AND dropped his iPhone from 5000 feet. He wants me to write letter of complaint to Apple because it wasn't shock-resistant!

 

From:
Milton Keane

To: Susi Judge-Davis-Gaultier, Dotty Podidra

Sent: 12 January 2009, 09.05

Subject: Re: bosses are mad

 

Who knows what sort of mood CZ is in? Haven't seen her since November! She's probably feeling empowered. And possibly quite enlightened. V excited this morning. Going to see my lawyer at 10.00 re Milton vs UGG. Should I wear my lilac Cerruti tie (with matching hankie) or the psychedelic paisley? I'm veering toward the lilac, but will it make me seem a bit gay?

 

From:
Dotty Podidra

To: Susi Judge-Davis-Gaultier, Milton Keane

Sent: 12 January 2009, 09.07

Subject: Re: bosses are mad

 

Warning! According to her sec, your lawyer is schizoid. Probably too long married to DC! Definitely the calming lilac. The jazzy paisley might send her off on one.

 

From:
Susi Judge-Davis-Gaultier

To: Dotty Podidra, Milton Keane

Sent: 12 January 2009, 09.08

Subject: Re: bosses are mad

 

Definitely not the Cerruti, Milton. The psychedelic paisley clearly says “fashion adventurer” and it's crucial that your lawyer understands you've always been at the cutting edge of design, even when you were eight.

 

From:
Milton Keane

To: Susi Judge-Davis-Gaultier

Sent: 12 January 2009, 09.10

Subject: tie

 

Are you sure, Sooz? I'm in such a dither here.

 

From:
Susi Judge-Davis-Gaultier

To: Milton Keane

Sent: 12 January 2009, 09.12

Subject: Re: tie

 

Absolutely positive. Dotty is perfectly lovely, but (strictly between you and me) who are you going to take style tips from? A girl who wears kitten heels even though her ankles are way too fat, or a Gaultier?

 

From:
Milton Keane

To: Susi Judge-Davis-Gaultier

Sent: 12 January 2009, 09.14

Subject: Re: tie

 

Paisley it is. Lilac's definitely gay. Gotta go. Wish me luck!

 

From:
Liam O'Keefe

To: All Staff

Sent: 12 January 2009, 09.17

Subject: Interns?

 

Any interns free to walk my dog? Thick trousers recommended—he's a biter.

From:
Neil Godley

To: All Staff

Sent: 12 January 2009, 09.26

Subject: Am I going bonkers ...

 

... or did there use to be a copier next to the men's room in the basement? I'm sure it was a Xerox BookMark 55 (with very handy fax option). Can anyone advise? I need to copy 128 time sheets ASAP.

 

From:
Donald Gold

To: David Crutton

Sent: 12 January 2009, 09.34

Subject: Re: new assignment

 

Hi David. I'd be thrilled to work on GIT. Thank you so much for the opportunity. Let me know when you'd like me to make a start. And hopefully it will involve plenty of trips to Virginia. I'm keen to rack up the air miles!

 

From:
Ted Berry

To: Creative Department

Sent: 12 January 2009, 09.39

Subject: Project

 

Our first GIT briefing is at 11.30. It's an exciting project and also a top-secret one. Susi will be round to get your scrawls on the confidentiality agreements.

 

From:
David Crutton

To: Donald Gold

Sent: 12 January 2009, 09.40

Subject: Re: new assignment

 

No time like the here and now. My office in 5 and I'll take you through the first brief. We'll be talking to the Creative Department at 11.30.

 

From:
Ted Berry

To: All Staff

Sent: 12 January 2009, 09.43

Subject: New Face

 

I'm chuffed to bits to announce the arrival of Mr. Fraggles, who will take up the new position of Clown in Residence. Mr. Fraggles has worked in circus and street theater and he is a veteran of countless children's parties. His skills in juggling, mime, conjuring and slapstick (he's a former European Custard Pie Champion) will give the Creative Department a vital and distinctive edge. Please join me in welcoming him to the team.

 

 

Item specifics: nearly new B&W copier with handy fax option. 55 cpm. Worth over £10,000 new. Would suit medium-sized company with need for reliable highspeed copier. Or slightly warped individual with need to paper his/her walls with pictures of arse.