Earning Edie (Espinoza Boys #1) (30 page)

“Yeah, I kind of figured when you told me you’d never been kissed. I mean, I’m assuming Jaime didn’t. …”

I trailed off as a sobering thought struck me. Plenty of gay men in the closet slept with their girlfriends or wives. But Edie shook her head, and the churning in my stomach eased.

She frowned. “That’s right. I remember you made some comment like you were doing me a favor.”

She withdrew from me, and I grabbed her hand before she could put much distance between us. It was time to stop letting misunderstandings come between us.

“Hey,” I said softly as she looked down, insecure once more. I tilted her chin with one finger so she’d look me in the eye. “That kiss was amazing, and it meant something to me. I just made that stupid comment because I thought I’d freaked you out, and I was afraid of rejection.”

Edie looked at me with wide eyes. “You? Afraid of rejection?”

“Come on, I have feelings too.”

She smiled. “I know. I’m learning these things. Who knew that boys, even with that hideous cooty disorder, could still have feelings?”

I appreciated her attempt to lighten the moment and give me the benefit of the doubt. But I didn’t want her to doubt me, or this thing between us.

“Edie, I need you to trust me. When I say I love you, I want you to believe me.”

She took a sharp breath, and I realized I’d let the L word slip.

“Shit, and I can’t even do this right,” I said.

Clearing my throat nervously as she watched me like she couldn’t quite figure me out, I took a deep breath.

“I love you, Edie. It’s pretty obvious to most people. I’m pretty sure Tequila knows. And Mama, and Cyn … and, well, Tony too,” I said, my tone rueful.

Edie gave a laugh thick with emotion as my list grew.

“I didn’t say the words because I wanted you to hear it first. But I’ve loved you for so long now I said it in passing like I’d said it a million times before. I guess I have in my mind. I’m sorry for how that came out.”

She shook her head, a smile playing around her lips. “Don’t ever apologize for saying you love me, no matter how you say it.”

She took my hand and squeezed it. “I love you too. I was just afraid, and it was hard for me to believe you cared … but that’s my problem. It’s my insecurity.”

“Hey, if it’s your problem, it’s my problem, okay? Eeds, if anyone should be terrified here, it’s me.”

She looked even more doubtful at that statement.

“I’m serious,” I said, enthusiastic as I warmed up to my argument. “I’ve had a lot of girlfriends—”

“Great,” she muttered.

“—so, I know this is the real deal. I’ve never felt this way about anyone, ever. But you’re a lot younger than me. You don’t have a lot of dating history, and you’re getting ready to go to college. You think you want me now, but you’ll meet a lot of new people this year. I’ll just end up being one in a long line of guys to fall for you.”

She laughed and shook her head.

“Can we not have me dumping you before we’ve officially begun our relationship, please?”

“Oh, we’ve started our relationship.” Pulling out my phone, I checked the time. “We’re at least a good 5 minutes into it. You, Edie Mason, are my girlfriend.”

She laughed. “Wow, that sounds weird.”

“It sounds good to me.”

“Nick Espinoza is my hot Italian loverrrr,” she said, turning the last word into a sexy purr.

Oh, yeah. I liked the sound of that.

Grinning, I tilted my head down for another kiss. Just as our lips met, a squeal startled us apart.

“Really?”

We both turned to see Mama there, her hands clasped before her heart. I could see Cyn over her shoulder, cringing.

“I tried to stop her,” Cyn said.

Edie turned bright red.

“Oh my gosh,” she mumbled, putting a hand to her cheek. No doubt she was regretting that lover comment now, but I was enjoying the rose flush on her face. I grinned, and when she tried to step free of me, pulled her in tighter against my side.

Mama waved a hand, unconcerned by Cyn’s words. Instead, she charged into the room and yanked Edie into a big hug, breaking my firm hold on Edie’s waist.

“Welcome to the family!”

Edie’s eyes went wide, and I choked on a laugh. “Mama, we’re dating, not married.”

“Shush you,” she said, shaking a finger at me, and turned back to Edie. “Don’t you listen to him. You’re in the family now. I’ve never seen my boy so taken with a girl. You must be something special.”

Edie’s cheeks, already pink, darkened further.

Honestly, I probably should have been embarrassed, too. In the past, I would have flipped out if Mama had treated a girlfriend like a member of the family the day we started dating. Edie was different. I’d already committed to her, in my heart, for the long haul.

“Oh, she is, Mama,” I said, grinning at Edie’s discomfort. “She’s the best.”

“Well, let’s go make cookies,” Mama said, and dragged Edie into the hall.

My mouth dropped open. Cyn looked at me with a smirk.

“Did Mama seriously just bogart my girlfriend?” I asked incredulously.

Cynthia laughed loudly. “Just eat the cookies and tell Edie they’re great.”

I nodded absentmindedly as I followed her down the hall.

“Apply that advice to everything Edie does, and you’ll be good to go.”

“Ha-ha,” I said dryly.

When we reached the kitchen, I watched Edie getting down the flour and fetching other ingredients as Mama called them out. Warmth filled my chest. The burden of my terrible secret had finally lifted. Edie had just been a quiet girl sitting in a stairwell on a night I was desperate for a story.

Little did I know she’d become the story of my life.

###

Sneak Peek:
“Catching Jaime”

Tony Espinoza

The first time I noticed Jaime Harris, I mean
really
noticed him, it was the worst moment of his life.

We stood on the beach of a Kansas lake, a group of high school and college students doing what we do best on a hot summer night: getting shitfaced.

Party-goers gathered along a stretch of the lake, with beers in their hands and a number of trash barrels serving as campfires. Not that we needed them for warmth; it was July, which meant triple-digit heat. Now that the sun had gone down, the wind drifting in over the water was just cool enough to keep me from sweltering in my muscle T and basketball shorts. The barrel fires were used mainly for lighting, both to see by and to ignite burning sticks of cancer. Those weren’t really my thing.

While it was technically a beach, this was Kansas, so there was no sinking of toes into soft sand. We wore shoes, crunching over a mix of rocky soil and mud that led up to the shore of a fairly dirty body of water. It was as close as you got to oceanfront property in the “great” plains. I didn’t mind; I’d rather swim in a pool where I knew what might be slithering by my legs.

In the flickering of the firelight, I saw the precise moment all the blood rushed from Jaime’s face. Oddly enough, it coincided with my idiot brother shouting for everyone and their dog to hear: “You’re gay anyway!”

In Nick’s defense, he was imploding over the love of his life, Edie Mason, who had yet to realize she was the love of his life and came to the party as Jaime’s date. But still. His foot was not so much shoved in his mouth as all the way down this throat and out his ass.

Outing Edie’s so-called boyfriend won him no points. It shot him right past zero and into the negative column.

As soon as Nick’s words hit my ears, I swallowed a gasp, and heard a chorus of shocked inhalations all around me, followed by a torrent of questions and derogatory comments.

The gossip mill was alive and well in Ashe, Kansas. Phones whipped out and fingers flew over keys.

Jaime did a good impersonation of a horrified zombie. He froze, his hand still hovering in the air where he’d been gesturing expressively while telling Nick off a moment ago. He wasn’t so much pale as colorless now.

I might have thought it a trick of the poor lighting if I hadn’t seen him so animated just seconds before. A sandy-haired blond who obviously spent a lot of time outdoors, he’d been a nice golden brown. Lighter than my own caramel complexion, but a long ways from the white glow Edie set off against the landscape.

Edie barged forward, to comfort Jaime or yell at Nick — or both. I wasn’t listening to the particulars. My heart was pounding in my chest, and my eyes were locked on Jaime’s horrified expression. How would it feel to be pronounced gay like that? To have everyone staring, judging you?

A flutter of unease went through me. It would feel pretty damn shitty.

Jaime whirled and shoved his way through the crowd, making for the shoreline. Without knowing why, I decided to follow him.

Jaime Harris

Oh. My. God.

Did that really just happen? The churning in my gut said it did.
Nick Espinoza of all people
.

I
knew
he knew. Edie told me as much. But I still didn’t know how he’d figured it out.

I thought I’d played it cool around him, kept my eyes to myself. Not an easy feat when faced with six feet of broad-shouldered, long-legged gorgeous Latino man. And those vibrant blue eyes … ugh, was I really waxing poetic over the moron that just outed me?!?

No wonder he knew I was gay. He probably noticed the drool. No doubt he saw the same look on women’s faces everywhere he went.

I should be glad he wasn’t the type to beat the crap out of fags.
Fag
. That’s what I was now. I heard the voices in the crowd, even over the roar of blood rushing from my head at Nick’s words.

Jaime’s a faggot?

Homo
.

Cocksucker
.

The words ran on repeat in my head as the sounds of the party fell behind. I could still hear them in my father’s voice, as he’d ranted years ago, the first man to see through me. I imagined them in my mother’s voice. My sister’s. My best friend’s.

I fast-walked toward a more isolated stretch of shore. My speed would have made my Grandma Janis jealous. I put those old ladies’ skills to shame as I rushed right up to the edge of the lake, until I felt the chill water washing over my toes and drenching my flip-flops. I took a deep breath, trying to push down the nausea.

Had Carlos heard
? He’d totally freak. I didn’t even have to wonder about him. Our friendship would be over.

If I knew Carlos, and I did, he’d be arrogant enough to assume I must be hot for him. And all those sleepovers and changes in the locker room throughout the many years we’d been best friends would come to mind.

I hadn’t seen him nearby, though, so maybe…

Who was I kidding? I choked on a sob that tried to escape. Carlos could be 200 miles away and he’d still know by morning. Everyone would.

I suddenly hated smartphones. I cursed the invention of texting and social media. At least with old-fashioned gossip I’d have a day or two before the shit hit the fan. I’d be lucky if my outing didn’t make it onto YouTube.

“Fuck!” I shouted.

“Jaime.”

His voice made me jump, and that made me angrier.

“Nick, I am not in the mood for your bullshit!”

I whirled to face him, determined to melt him with the force of my glare alone.

“Good thing I’m not Nick, then,” he answered, sounding almost amused. I wasn’t in any frame of mind to find anything funny just now, but he surprised me enough to jolt me out of my fury.

Not Nick, no. But gorgeous like him. Like him, but different.

I squinted against the darkness, trying to process what I was seeing without looking too long. Wouldn’t want him to get the wrong idea — or the right one.

His hair was longer than Nick’s, reaching to his shoulders and shining blue-black under the moonlight. His eyes were dark, not blue. I’d thought that blue was amazing on Nick, but there was something really nice about his eyes. They seemed ... sincere.

I realized I was looking at Carlos’ other cousin. Nick’s brother.

I’d last seen him … when? I recalled a couple of birthday parties as kids. But nothing recent. Looking at him, I was pretty sure I’d remember the post-puberty version of this guy. He was gorgeous like Nick, but in very different ways.

All this observation led me to the clever realization, “You’re not Nick.”

A small smile tipped his lips up. “That’s what I said.”

Brilliant, Jaime
. I blamed the shock that still had me trembling.

He stepped toward me, and the thought he might be here to hurt me flitted through my mind. I lurched backward, an involuntary reaction, and the water sloshed up to my calf.

“Whoa!” He held up his hands in a gesture of peace. “I didn’t mean to freak you out. I’m just here to help. If you want.”

I raised my eyebrows. I could think of a few ways he could help me. But I doubt that’s what he meant, and I was alone with a virtual stranger by the water — even worse, this stranger was related to Nick — so I resisted the urge to look him up and down. Mostly.

It was impossible not to notice the way his hair fell in waves, framing his face as if presenting a great work of art, or the way he filled out his T-shirt, telling me there was solid muscle under there. But I’d been practicing not noticing guys for a long time, so I didn’t ogle him. Of course, if my not noticing was so effective, Nick Espinoza would never have been able to out me.

“Okay.” I stepped out of the water, grimacing at the squelching in my shoes, and found the nearest spot to sit down. After the emotional roller coaster tonight, I just felt tired. I settled on a bit of driftwood, and kicked off my wet shoes.

“I’ll take the bait,” I said, glancing over at him. “How are you going to help me?”

His smile widened. It did nothing but improve on his looks. Jesus, save me from straight boys.

“I’m Tony, by the way,” he said. I knew that, but I must have looked blank, because he elaborated. “Carlos is my cousin.”

God knew what he might think, me being so tight with his cousin. He might be imagining we experimented together, that we were secretly boyfriends, or worse, that I was some sort of pervy peeping Tom.

“Listen. Seriously. Carlos is my friend, that’s all. I never thought of him that way,” I rattled off quickly, my nerves running my mouth ahead of my brain. “We grew up together. We might as well have been brothers.”

I shuddered at the thought of anything more between me and Carlos.
Yuck
.

His smile dropped away, and a wrinkle creased his forehead. “Relax, Jaime.”

He crossed over and sat down beside me, close enough our shoulders brushed. That surprised me.

“I told you I wasn’t here to give you grief. I just thought someone should come after you and make sure you were okay.”

Oh. Well, that was nice.

But then I remembered. “Nick’s your brother.”

I wasn’t sure if I meant this as an accusation or a confirmation I was actually clear-headed enough to figure it out without him explaining.

“Sorry. You can’t pick your family, right?”

I glanced at him from the corner of my eye, and thought about all of Edie’s family trouble. Thought about my own father, who’d pegged me as gay years ago and hated me for it. It wouldn’t be fair to hold his brother against him, so I nodded.

“Thanks for checking on me. I guess. I’m not suicidal or anything.”

“That was a hell of a way to come out of the closet. I just want you to know that, whatever happens, you’ll still have friends.”

“Who? You? I don’t even know you. Most of my friends are the ones back there calling me a faggot.”

I couldn’t hide the bitter edge to my words, didn’t try.

Tony leaned in a little closer to me. I tried not to think about his breath whispering across my skin as he spoke.

“Look at it this way. You’ll know who your real friends are now, and you won’t have to make some awkward announcement—”

I snorted. “Yeah, because Nick doing it for me wasn’t embarrassing or anything.”

“Yeah, but now you’ve got the whole pity thing going. Poor Jaime. I can’t believe that asshole outed him like that.”

His eyes twinkled, a small, encouraging smile tilted his lips up at the corner. He was trying to cheer me up, and as horrible as I felt right now, it was working a little.

If only I could meet a non-straight version of a guy like this. No one in this hick part of Kansas was gay but me. I was alone, and I hadn’t even gotten my act together enough to go to school out of state.