Earthman Jack vs. The Ghost Planet (25 page)

“Uh, no,” replied Jack.  “But don’t take it personally.  Just
a couple hours ago I didn’t know there was any life outside of my planet.”

The gears in the robot’s head groaned.  “Typical,” he
droned.  “Leave it to the organics to believe they are the center of the
universe.”

“Don’t pay any attention to that bucket o’ bolts, lad,” said
Scallywag.  “He’s just a malfunctioning junkbot with delusions of grandeur.”

“I’ll have you know this ‘bucket o’ bolts’ was responsible
for taking the entire Zerostian fleet hostage, turning their own starfighters
against them, by using a sophisticated algorithm I personally developed,”
sneered Heckubus.

“If memory serves, the Zerostians only have two ships,” said
Scallywag.

“Technically, they are still considered a fleet,” the robot
replied.

“And they don’t have any starfighters.”

“Repair shuttles,” said Heckubus.  “Practically the same
thing.”

“And they’re nomads, so they have absolutely nothing of
value which would warrant holding ‘em hostage for.”

“Foolish nitwit!  I’m an evil genius!  The purpose wasn’t to
extract funds!  It was to show others how evil and dastardly I am, and spread
fear throughout the universe!”

“If that’s the case,” said Scallywag, “why didn’t ya just
destroy the bloody Zerostians? Surely that’s more evil than hijacking a few
repair shuttles for a time, eh?”

Heckubus merely stared at Scallywag with loathing, the gears
in his head whirring angrily.

“I hate you,” the robot said.

“Hey,” said Jack, “If you’re as smart as you say you are,
can you figure out a way to get us out of here?”

 “Why, what a brilliant idea!” Heckubus scoffed.  “How could
I not have thought of that before?  Plan an escape?  So novel.  How have I
managed to survive so long without your keen input?  Yes, let me get right on
that… for the
trillionth
time!”

Jack frowned.  “I like my robots without a side of sarcasm,
thank you very much.”

“Pah!” said Heckubus.  “I’m constantly reminded why I loath
you organics so.  Such dimwitted skullduggery!  I’ll have you know that after
analyzing every factor of our current situation, there is a 97.6% probability
that escape is impossible.”

Jack brightened up.  “Well, what about the other 2.4%?”

“Yes, indeed,” said Heckubus.  “There is a 2.4% probability
that we could escape.  With a 2.4% margin of error, of course.”

“I hate to break it to ya, lad, but the tin-can is right,”
said Scallywag.  “We’ve been up and down this Pit a thousand times.  There are
no doors, no exits, nothing.  For all we know we’re a thousand feet underground
in some backwater prison planet the Deathlords use ta toss away their bloody
garbage.  As much as I’m loathe to admit it, there ain’t no getting out o’ this
one.  We’re all thoroughly, and completely, kittened.”

Jack sighed.  His planet was destroyed, the girl of his
dreams was being held hostage, and he was trapped in a deep dark pit with a
bunch of aliens and robots, with no hope of escape. 
Could things possibly get
any worse?
he wondered.

Suddenly, the sound of blaster fire erupted from the
darkness. 

“To arms!  To arms!” came a voice.

Instantly, some of the military men in the cave jumped to. 
Scallywag perked up, alarmed.  Heckubus groaned.

“If you’ll excuse me,” said the robot quickly scuttling off
into the darkness. 

Scallywag got to his feet.  “Blast it,” he muttered as he
kicked Grohm again.

The Rognok stirred and opened his eyes.  “Battle?” he said.

“Whaddya think, ya git?” grumbled Scallywag as he took out
his pistols.  “Time to do yer thing.”

Grohm snorted and lumbered to his feet, standing a good eight
feet tall.  His massive body was clad in some type of flimsy-looking metal armor,
dented and battle-scarred.  Without another word, the Rognok began lumbering
toward the cave’s entrance.

“Still got that gun I gave ya?” asked Scallywag as he
quickly checked his weapons.

“Yeah,” said Jack weakly.  He was so tired; the last thing
he wanted to do right now was fight.

“Well, what are ya waiting for, lad?” said Scallywag.  “Time
ta use it!”

Scallywag grabbed Jack by his jacket and jerked him to his
feet.  Without another word he was running toward the entrance to the cave, and
Jack followed closely behind, pulling the small plasma pistol from his pocket.

They were almost to the cave entrance when Sergeant Rodham
came running in, followed closely by a few other soldiers.

“Fall back!  Fall back!” the Sergeant yelled.  “There are
too many of them—”

Then, a terrible screech filled the air as a six-legged
creature leapt out from the cave entrance, flying over the Regals as they
retreated and heading straight for Jack.

“Oh, crap!” said Jack, not really having time to react as
the large, praying mantis-like alien bore down on him, black drool seeping from
its large mouth, its eyes cloudy and terrifying.

Suddenly, a large club connected with the alien in mid-air,
right before it reached Jack.  Grohm swung his primitive weapon just like a
baseball bat, sending the alien flying across the cave and splattering it
against the wall like a bug on a windshield.

“Thanks, big guy,” said Jack, looking up at Grohm with
relief.  He was suddenly very glad the Rognok was on his side.

Grohm just looked down at Jack and snorted.

“Form the line!” cried Ganix, suddenly next to Jack.

Instantly, the Regal soldiers all formed up in two lines
behind Grohm.  The front line of men knelt, and the rear line stood behind
them, forming a tight firing squad, just as the noises and cries of the
oncoming wave echoed through the cave entrance.

Jack wasn’t sure where to go and found himself behind the
back line of the Regal soldiers.  Then, he got knocked down when someone pushed
into him.  He looked up into the snarling face of Faruuz.

“Still think this is cool, Earthman?” The alien sneered as he
armed his rifle.  He turned and fired just as the Regals unleashed their first
volley.

Jack looked over to see a rush of aliens flow forth from the
cave’s entrance, taking on the plasma blasts.  Some fell immediately, but for
the most part, they just kept coming. 

They weren’t what Jack had expected.  The attackers ranged
from humanlike to various types of aliens he’d never seen before.  Some had
many arms; some had nothing but legs.  Some had scaly skin, while others had
fur.  Some were purple, blue, brown, and even black.  Some wore strange looking
clothes while others wore nothing at all.  Some looked monstrous while others
looked almost cuddly.  But there were two things they all had in common -- they
all had a disgusting black bile seeping from their mouths, and their eyes all
had a cloudy, far-off look in them, as though the creatures were completely
mindless.

The hoard rushed toward the group, but Grohm stepped up and
swung his massive club, disrupting the zombie charge.  Some of them went flying
at the force of Grohm’s swing, while others leapt right on top of the Rognok,
and a few passed him entirely.

The Regals immediately started picking off the zombies,
first taking aim at the ones coming at them, next firing at the ones knocked to
the side, and finally taking on the ones Grohm was keeping busy.

The Rognok was shrugging off the zombies like they were
bugs.  No matter how much they hit, bit, and clawed at the massive alien, it
didn’t seem to faze him.  He stood his ground and continued to smash the charge
of attackers running at him from the entrance.

Bodies were starting to stack up in front of the firing
squad.  To Jack, it seemed if the soldiers didn’t make a direct headshot, the
attackers just kept coming without slowing down.

“Crikey!  There’s a lot of ‘em!” Jack heard Scallywag shout
above the firing.

“Hold the line!” screamed Ganix. 

Faruuz looked down at Jack, who still hadn’t gotten back to
his feet.  “Don’t jus’ lie there, ya bloody good-for-nuttin piece of—”

Then, a large, hairy, beast-like zombie crashed through the
ranks and barreled into Faruuz.  They both hit the ground hard.  The Beast
Zombie’s massive jaw was about to tear into Faruuz’s neck when the alien got
his arm up in time to save himself.  The Beast sank his teeth into Faruuz’s arm
and the alien screamed in pain as he struggled with his furry attacker.

Jack grabbed his pistol and aimed it at the Beast Zombie,
unleashing a few rounds.  Red-hot plasma blasts tore into the creature, but it
continued to attack Faruuz.

“The head!  Shoot it in tha’ bloody head, ya twit!” Faruuz
yelled.

Jack took aim and let loose a shot that hit the Beast in the
back of the skull.  The Beast Zombie went limp, and Faruuz rolled it off him. 
Jack went to the alien’s side.  His arm was gashed badly where the beast had
bitten it, and green blood was seeping everywhere.

“Ohmigosh!” said Jack.  “Are you okay?”

“Do I bloody look okay?” cried Faruuz, his large black eyes
watery.  “He ate me bleedin’ arm!”

“Rear line, fall back!” Jack heard Ganix call out.  Jack
turned to see more zombies on the way, and it was getting hard to hold the
defenses as the corpses piled up.  The rear line of the firing squad had
regrouped and was moving back to give cover so the front line could retreat
enough to make more room to fight.

Jack got behind Faruuz and started to drag him away from the
fight, with the alien complaining the entire time.

“Ow! OW!  What ya think yer doin’?” cried Faruuz.

“Trying to keep you from getting eaten by another zombie,”
grunted Jack as he pulled the alien aside.  “Now quit your complaining!”

Jack dragged his companion behind a nearby rock and propped
him up there.

“Hold on,” said Jack.  “I’m gonna go get the Doc.”

“And leave me here unprotected?” grunted Faruuz.  “Are ya trying
ta get me killed?”

Jack gritted his teeth and shoved his pistol into Faruuz’s
good hand.  “Don’t tempt me,” said Jack, before he turned to run back to the
front line where Faruuz had dropped his rifle.

It looked like the wave of zombies was starting to thin out,
so Jack didn’t feel so bad about heading toward the back of the camp where Doc
Pyle was stationed.  The doctor was frantically going through his meager
supplies, getting ready for the onslaught of wounded he’d have to treat.

“Doc!  Doc!” said Jack as he ran up.  “Come quick!  Faruuz… he’s
hurt!”

Doc Pyle looked up at Jack with weary blue eyes.  “Who?” he
asked.

“The ugly green alien?  Who’s kind of a jerk?” Jack
clarified.

Pyle nodded in recognition.  “What’s wrong with him?”

“He got bitten on the arm,” said Jack.

The Doc’s face darkened.  “Blast it,” he muttered.  “I’m not
sure if I’ll have enough cloth for bandages…”

As Doctor Pyle turned to check his supplies again, Jack saw
movement out of the corner of his eye.  He turned and looked as one of the sick
Regal soldiers who was lying by the campfire got to his feet.  Jack’s heart
almost stopped when the Regal looked up, his eyes cloudy, black bile seeping
from his mouth.

“You gotta be kidding…” said Jack.

Suddenly, the other sick Regal soldiers stirred, their
sickness seemingly having given way to zombieness.  Jack now found himself
staring down four zombies all on his own.

Ohhhhhhhhhh crap
, was the only thing that went
through his mind before the first zombie attacked.

“Doc, get down!” Jack yelled as he pushed Doc Pyle out of
the way.  Jack raised his rifle and got off a shot at one of the zombies before
another one slammed into him, tackling him to the ground.  Jack used Faruuz’s
rifle to brace against his attacker as the zombie frantically tried to bite Jack’s
neck, black bile seeping from his mouth onto Jack’s face.

Presented with such a dire (and gross) situation, Jack was
forced to fall back to his patented strategy number two to avoid a beat down –
namely, call for help.

“Help!” screamed Jack.  “Someone!!!”

Jack then heard Doc Pyle shrieking.  He looked over to see
two of the new zombies on top of the man, biting and tearing him apart.  Jack
wasn’t able to concentrate that much on the poor doctor’s situation, since the
zombie soldier on top of him was twice his size and quickly baring down on his
neck.

This is it
, Jack thought. 
I’m totally gonna die…
eaten by a zombie!

Faruuz was right.  Jack definitely did not think this was
cool anymore.  Then, suddenly, a blast of red plasma fire streaked through his
attacker’s head.  The zombie went limp, and three more shots rang out, each one
finding its mark as the other zombies hit the ground.

Jack looked up and saw Scallywag standing there.  With a
twirl of his pistols, he holstered his weapons and looked down at Jack.

“Ya okay, lad?” he asked.

Jack crawled out from under the body of his attacker and
looked around.  The sound of shooting had stopped.  The moans of the zombies
had gone away, too.  He looked up at Scallywag hopefully.

“Is it over?” Jack asked.

“Wait for it…” the alien responded.

Just as Jack was beginning to wonder what that meant, the
zombie corpse beside him began to jerk.

Alarmed, Jack crawled away further.  The other dead zombies
begin to spasm, as well.  Suddenly, ghostly figures floated out of the bodies. 
Jack watched with a mixture of fear and amazement as the glowing white forms of
energy twisted and writhed in the air.  They didn’t look like the bodies from which
they had come, but as Jack looked on with wonder, he could see what appeared to
be eyes and also a mouth that was moaning and screaming silently.

Then, the ghostly forms shot off, streaking out of the cave
with alarming speed.  This happened with each dead zombie that lay around on the
ground.  As soon as the ghostly figures were gone, the hard black rock of the
cave floor started to grow around the bodies that were left behind.