East End Angel (40 page)

Pearl’s eyes stung. He hadn’t asked her to go with them to Mrs Nesbitt’s tomorrow.

‘Jim, don’t go out tonight,’ she pleaded. ‘Let’s spend Christmas Eve together.’

He reached for his stick and took Cynthia to her bedroom. Tears slipped down her cheeks. He hadn’t forgiven her after all. Now she was to spend Christmas alone.

Later that evening, she filled Cynthia’s stocking, but without Jim, it was so lonely. She had dreamed of him being with her on his first Christmas home and what they would do. But now she knew he couldn’t forgive her. Gazing sadly into the fire, she thought of her hopes for 1945. But none of them could come true if Jim couldn’t forgive and forget.

Tuesday 8 May 1945

Pearl pushed her way through the crowd in Hemsley’s towards the wireless set that was the focus of attention. VE day had arrived and the long line of tables outside were decorated with bunting, Union Jacks and red, white and blue rosettes. The announcement everyone had been waiting for was imminent. Millions of wireless receivers were tuned to the Home Service.

Pearl found a place by the counter where the wireless stood and lifted Cynthia on the top of the big sack of potatoes. All was silent as Fitz made another attempt to tune the set.

Gwen waved her hand and pulled him away. ‘Leave it now, Fitzy, Winnie is about to speak.’

Pearl leaned forward, as did everyone else, to listen to the commentator’s voice as he introduced the momentous occasion.

‘This is London. The Prime Minister, Right Honourable Winston Churchill.’

Pearl held her breath, as this was followed by the most famous voice of the war years. A voice full of courage and strength, a voice that had urged Britain on to victory through its darkest hours. ‘Hostilities will end officially,’ declared the Prime Minister, ‘at one minute after midnight tonight.’

There was a volley of cheers inside and outside the shop. Pearl found herself being hugged and kissed as caps and hats decorated with red, white and blue were thrown into the air.

‘Quiet,’ hissed Gwen as she disentangled herself from Fitz’s embrace. ‘He ain’t finished yet.’

‘We may,’ the leader continued, ‘allow ourselves a brief period of rejoicing.’

‘Brief?’ a man yelled. ‘You’ve got to be kidding, old son. It’s been five years of blue murder and we ain’t gonna stop celebrating till the cows come home.’

‘Too right,’ agreed a woman next to him, ‘come on, we’re missing the fun.’

Pearl stood back as everyone hurried out to the parties that were just beginning to get into their stride. They had been going on since yesterday when crowds had filled the city centre, waiting for the official proclamation of peace in Europe. The houses were strung with flags and bunting, and women wore Union Jack aprons. The men sported waistcoats and caps in patriotic colours. Since early that morning Pearl had been helping to prepare the tables in the street for the children. Now the plates of jam tarts, cakes, Spam sandwiches, bread and butter, buns, and bowls of jellies and blancmanges were being uncovered for the youngsters, who for so long had been deprived of such luxuries.

A little girl with dark brown hair and dressed in a red, white and blue striped tunic came running in. Dillys lived across the road and was friends with Cynthia. Now that the nights were lighter, Pearl allowed Cynthia to play in the street, provided she was accompanied by seven-year-old Dillys and her older brother, Robbie.

Cynthia slid down from the sack and ran to meet Dillys. ‘I’ll be out soon,’ Pearl called after them as they ran to the festive tables placed end to end along the length of Pride Place. Each child had been given a flag to wave and most children were already singing the national anthem as loud as they could before eating.

‘Well, that’s it then,’ said Gwen, turning off the wireless, which was being drowned out by the noise outside. ‘Peace is official.’

‘It’s hard to believe we ain’t at war.’

‘Yes, but thousands of our boys are still on active duty,’ Fitz pointed out.

‘I wonder what peace is like for the German people,’ Pearl hesitated. ‘They’re like us, bombed out from their homes and hungry. The women have to feed their kids somehow. Many of them are widows too, their men lost in action. It wasn’t them who caused all the trouble; it was Hitler and his Nazis.’

‘And good riddance to him,’ said Gwen fiercely. ‘Though it would have been better for the world if he hadn’t hid like a coward under the Chancellery in Berlin and blown his brains out. We could have brought him to book and he knew it.’

‘He had too much to answer for,’ agreed Fitz. ‘Suicide was the easy way out. All those concentration camps, for instance. The Nazis trying to destroy a whole race – by God, he would have had had no escape from that.’

Pearl wound a stray lock of silky blonde into the pins that kept her hair in place. She didn’t want to talk about the atrocities reported in the papers. Or the starving and deprived and war-torn nations that had suffered in the six years of conflict, which was still going on in the Far East. Like everyone, she wanted to celebrate, to forget all the unhappiness, even if it was only for a few days.

‘Think we should go out to the kids now.’ Pearl straightened the belt on her one good frock, a utility dress of dark blue decorated on the skirt with tiny Union Jacks that had been given away free for VE day. The warmer, more thundery weather had caused most people to leave off their coats. Pearl had dressed Cynthia in the plum-coloured dress that Hope had made for Em’s wedding. It was too small now, but she’d turned down the hem and pinned red, blue and white rosettes to the bodice.

‘Your Jim coming to the party?’ Gwen asked as she lifted the tray of sliced carrots and apples on sticks.

‘Depends on what Percy wants done.’ She tried not to let Gwen see how upset she was that Jim was absent again. She knew that if he wasn’t at the yard, he’d be at the Nelson.

‘Well, at least it’s work, ducks.’ Gwen narrowed her eyes at her husband. ‘And talking of work, I’ll leave you to get the storeroom sorted, Fitzy. Don’t want it smelling like a dosshouse.’

‘It’s all right for some,’ he grumbled with a wink at Pearl. ‘Leave all the hard graft to the old man and go off and enjoy yourself.’

‘Too bloody right I will,’ chuckled Gwen as they left the shop. ‘With a couple of days partying ahead of us and no trade, the veg will go rotten and stink.’ She laughed, nudging Pearl’s arm as they mingled with the noisy crowd. ‘Remember when Jim’s mum first saw this place and wanted to know if the smell would drift upstairs to your place?’

Pearl managed to smile, but she felt sad that Jim had never asked her to go with him and Cynthia to Vale Road. Not that they stayed long, and Cynthia always came back subdued. But she had always hoped they could visit as a family.

Pearl knew that Gwen must have noticed that Jim stayed away from home. Once he had been eager to talk, now he did his best to avoid them. Fitz had seen him when he was worse for wear and Pearl had always made light of it. But now she was running out of excuses.

As the day wore on, news came in of thousands of revellers outside Buckingham Palace. They were all waiting excitedly to cheer the King and Queen. The feeling of freedom was everywhere. No more V2s, and the men and boys were coming home. The requisitioned factories, like Mr Brewer’s, could now return to their former trades. But what would happen to the women who had filled the men’s shoes, Pearl wondered. They had worked as hard and as long as men, and had defended the country with their lives.

As Pearl watched all the merrymaking, she thought about Jim. If only they could be as they were. VE day could be one of the happiest of their lives. Instead, she was coping alone once again. Like many other women she had learned to be independent. She had always paid the rent and kept the wolf from the door. When Cynthia went to school she could find a job. She wouldn’t be needed at home if there were no more babies to care for.

Pearl sighed. Jim hadn’t made love to her in weeks. Even when he had, he’d turned away afterwards and left her feeling more lonely than ever. It had brought back all the old memories of Ricky and her feelings of shame.

Pearl scooped one more spoonful of jelly onto Cynthia’s plate. Britain was victorious, just as Churchill had assured the people they would be. The bombing was over, the Home Guard had been disbanded and the French President, De Gaulle, and Stalin had agreed a treaty of alliance. But in the hearts and homes of many East Enders after all the excitement was over, it was back to the day-today running of their lives. The food at this party would be a distant memory. Rationing was still in place and showed no sign of ending. As Cynthia ate all she could, along with the other children, Pearl wondered if Ruby was happy. She hadn’t had a letter since January, when Ruby had said that the doctor had told her the baby was fine. Had they celebrated VE day?

Pearl found out sooner than expected. The letter from Abingley came three days later. A letter that made Pearl’s heart sink as she read it. Ruby had been taken into hospital. Amy suggested that Pearl came down as soon as possible as the situation was critical. Syd would meet her at the depot, where they could take a bus straight to the hospital. Jim was also welcome, but Amy said they understood it might be difficult to take time off work.

It was as Jim was finishing his breakfast that Pearl joined him at the table. Cynthia was playing with her toys and the May sunshine was spilling through the window. The Morrison was covered by a red and white cloth from VE day.

‘Jim, this came this morning.’ She placed the letter in front of him.

‘Who’s it from?’

‘Mum.’

He looked at her, his hand shaking slightly as he held the spoon. She was worried about him. He had lost weight and never regained it. The dark shadows had never left his eyes. Though his hair had grown longer, it had lost its rich colour. He was wearing overalls for his work at the yard, and though she tried her best to clean and sew them, they were old and frayed. Even when he had worked as an engineer, he’d managed to look half decent. But he had let himself go and she wanted to put her arms round him and tell him she loved him. But she knew he wouldn’t welcome that.

He picked up the letter, the frown on his forehead deepening as he read the first few lines.

‘Jim, Ruby might lose this baby,’ she said quietly.

He was silent as he put the letter down. ‘I’m sorry to hear that, but there’s nothing we can do. She’s in hospital and they’ll take care of her.’

‘But we’re family, Jim. I’m her sister.’

‘You’re also my wife and I can tell you this: I will never be family to him.’

Pearl sat down wearily. ‘Jim, how can you hold such a grudge?’

He turned on her angrily. ‘Listen, Pearl, haven’t you learned your lesson yet? I’m not holding a grudge against Ruby, as daft as she may be for marrying like she did. And I’m sorry she’s got herself in trouble with the kid. But I won’t have you anywhere near that bastard. So you can put going down there, as your mum said, right out of your mind.’

Pearl took the letter and folded it. Her heart was thumping as she came to a decision. ‘Jim, she’s my sister. I have to see her.’

She jumped as he banged his spoon on the table. ‘No you don’t, Pearl. She has your mum and dad and him. For God’s sake, isn’t that enough?’

‘You don’t understand,’ she insisted. Why wouldn’t he listen to her?

In silence he rose to his feet. ‘As a matter of fact, I do understand, Pearl. It’s you that don’t. I asked you once if he’d ever touched you and I never had a reply. I’ve waited and hoped that I’d get the truth, because not knowing has done me head in. Don’t you see how I’ve needed you to tell me, to be up front about the one thing that’s driven us apart? But no, you carry on as normal – as
if we
was normal. And as soon as your family crooks a finger, that’s it, you’re off to be with them – and him. How do you think that makes me feel?’

Pearl shook her head. ‘I’m sorry . . .’

‘No, it’s not enough to say sorry. It’s either him or me. I want to know that my wife is my wife.’

‘I am your wife, Jim.’

‘Then prove it.’

Pearl fought back the tears. ‘Jim, please . . .’ she whispered, reaching out in desperation. ‘Ricky meant nothing to me. I swear to you that whatever happened in the past—’

Before she could finish a loud sound filled the kitchen. It came from Jim, as his eyes seemed to bulge from their dark sockets. ‘This is the last time you’ll ever make a fool of Jim Nesbitt,’ he rasped. ‘If you go, you won’t find me here when you get back.’

She ran after him as he snatched open the back door and went down the stairs.

The sobs caught in her throat. She hadn’t meant it to come out like that.

‘Mummy?’ Cynthia stood behind her.

Pearl hugged her close.

‘Mummy cryin’?’

‘No, love, I’m blowing me nose.’ She took her hanky from her sleeve. ‘See, Mummy’s all right now.’

They went back in and Pearl sat Cynthia at the table. Would Jim carry out his threat to leave if she went? But her mum had said the situation was critical. What if the baby’s life was in danger, or worse, Ruby’s? Her mind was in turmoil. If only she knew what to do.