Edge of Love (20 page)

“
All the more reason not
to tell him.”

“
I don’t know what to do.”
She sighed. “I would rather keep it from him, but I’m afraid he’ll
find out some other way and the consequences will be
worse.”

“
How?” I asked. “Sean
won’t say a word.”

She shrugged. “You never
know.”

“
Since Ryan has slept
around so much, I don’t think he’s justified in being upset. And he
won’t leave you either, Janice. He’s too happy.”

“
So you think I should
tell him?”

“
I don’t know,” I said
honestly. “I don’t see why it’s necessary. It’s the same situation
as Sean and I. And it will just make things awkward between Sean
and Ryan. I mean, Sean slept with you. That’s kinda
weird.”

“
Yes, I suppose you’re
right.”

“
It’s up to
you.”

“
I’ll think about
it.”

“
Okay.”

16

“
Let me take you out,”
Cortland said. “You’ve been lying around doing nothing all
day.”

I smiled. “It’s okay.”

He grabbed my jacket from the rack and
placed it on my shoulders. “Come on. I know you’re
hungry.”

“
I’m not.”

“
I know you haven’t eaten
all day.”

I sighed. He knew me so
well.

“
Unless it’s because of
Sean—that you don’t want to spend time with me.” His eyes looked
sad and empty.

“
No,” I said
quickly.

“
He’s okay with you
spending time with me?”

“
He’s upset that I lied to
him, not because I slept with you.”

He was quiet for a moment. “I’m pretty
sure it broke his heart anyway.”

“
Well, yeah.”

“
Are you sure?”

I nodded.

“
Okay.” He opened the door
for me and let me walk out first. We left the building and got
inside his car. He drove to a restaurant down the road he parked
off the street. “Chinese is okay?”

“
Yeah.”

We walked inside and took our seats.
Cortland pulled out my chair and helped me sit down then sat across
from me.

“
What’s Monnique doing
tonight?” I asked.

“
She had to
work.”

I nodded. “Night shift?”

“
Yeah. I hate
it.”

“
Why?”

“
I don’t like knowing she
walks to her car alone at night. Also, I hate sleeping without her.
The only good thing about it is she wakes me up in an enjoyable
way.”

I smiled but it wasn’t genuine. I
missed Sean.

He caught the look. “It’s going to be
okay, Scar.”

I tried to keep the tears from
bubbling under my eyes. “I don’t know.”

“
Yes it will. Sean loves
you. He’ll get past it.”

“
What I did was pretty
unforgivable.”

“
It doesn’t matter. He’ll
forgive you.”

“
Why are you so
sure?”

“
Because if he doesn’t he
loses you. I know that isn’t an option for him.” His words hung in
the air and settled on my heart. I hoped he was right. I couldn’t
live without Sean. I’m pretty sure he felt the same way.

“
I’m still
scared.”

“
He wouldn’t have given
you back that ring if he didn’t want this relationship. And I
understand why he needs the space. That was a lot of information to
take in at once, in addition to the fight you were already having.
It was really bad timing.”

I sighed. “I wished I hadn’t said
anything.”

“
At least you’ll get
passed this and forget about it.”

“
I hope so.”

“
Don’t think like
that.”

The waitress came over and we ordered
our food. When she walked away, Cortland grabbed my hand on the
table and held it. He didn’t say anything but the touch comforted
me.

“
How’s work?” he
asked.

“
It’s okay.”

“
Any good
novels?”

“
They’re all
good.”

He laughed. “At least you love your
job.”

“
It’s nice having Janice
so she can pick up the slack when I’m unable to.”

He nodded. “It’s a good
arrangement.”

The waitress brought our food and we
began to eat our meal. Cortland ate with chopsticks because he was
pretentious like that. I just used a fork.

He wiped his face with a napkin. “I
saw a pigeon eat its own vomit today and I thought of
you.”

I glared at him. “How does that remind
you of me?”

He shrugged. “It sounds like something
you would do.”

I rolled my eyes. “I’m depressed. Are
you really going to tease me?”

He nodded. “You’re exempt for a short
period of time.”

“
I’ll take it.”

“
Have you guys had
sex?”

“
Once. He came over, did
the deed, then left.”

“
Well, that’s
good.”

“
How is that
good?”

“
If he wasn’t committed to
you and didn’t love you, he would just get it somewhere
else.”

“
I guess. Are you afraid
of seeing him?”

He was quiet for a moment. “A
little.”

“
I don’t know what he’ll
say to you.”

“
He’ll probably punch me
then threaten me.”

“
You don’t seem too
worried about it.”

He sighed. “If he forgives me after
he’s done then I don’t care. I want everything to be back to what
it was. I feel horrible for ruining everything.”

“
It isn’t your fault,
Cortland.”

“
Yes it is.”

“
I’m the one that wasn’t
honest.”

“
And I’m the one that
fucked you because I couldn’t control myself. I think I come off
worse—especially to Sean.”

“
If he hasn’t come after
you then I don’t think he will.”

He nodded. “That’s a good
sign.”

When we were done, Cortland paid the
bill. I didn’t bother trying to pay for anything anymore. I had
more money than he did but Cortland still wouldn’t let me even
reach for my purse. It was sweet but also annoying.

Cortland helped me out of my seat then
we left the restaurant. He opened the car door for me before he got
into the driver’s seat then we drove back to the apartment.
Cortland held my hand the entire way, reassuring me that he was
there even in silence. We weren’t usually this affectionate, but he
knew I was extremely depressed. It was nice having him there. I had
two brothers, not one.

Cortland parked the car then walked me
back to Ryan’s apartment. When I rubbed my arms in the elevator, he
knew I was cold so he took off his jacket and gave it to me. We
were almost to my door but I appreciated it anyway. When the doors
opened, we walked down the hallway until we reached my
door.

“
Thanks for taking me to
dinner,” I said.

He wrapped his arms around me then
held me close to him. “You’re welcome, Scar.”

I suddenly felt vulnerable and
depressed. I wished Sean was holding me, not Cortland. I wanted to
go home and be with my fiancé. I hated this. The thoughts elicited
my tears and they dripped down my face.

Cortland squeezed me tighter and let
me cry into his chest. He kissed my forehead and ran his fingers
through my hair, trying to calm me without words.

“
I’m so scared. I fucked
up bad, Cortland.”

“
It’s going to be okay,”
he whispered. “Don’t worry about it.”

“
I can’t. I hurt him so
much. I love him.”

“
He knows that,
Scar.”

I wrapped my arms around his neck and
closed my eyes. “I can’t live without him.”

“
And he can’t live without
you. He still wants to marry you, Scarlet. This is just a fight. It
will pass.”

“
Then why doesn’t he want
me to come home? He doesn’t want me, Cortland.”

“
Yes, he does. Just give
him space.”

I breathed through the
tears.

“
It’s okay.”

I heard the sound of the elevator but
I didn’t look. Neither did Cortland. He was too absorbed in my
despair to care about anything else. I felt like I would fall at
any moment and I needed Cortland to catch me.

He kissed me again. “I love you,
Scar.”

“
I love you
too.”

“
Sorry to
interrupt.”

His voice made my heart stop. I pulled
away to see Sean standing near us. He wasn’t angry like I expected
him to be. He was just heartbroken. He stared at Cortland’s hands
then returned his gaze to me. I knew how this situation
looked—bad.

“
My apologies,” he said as
he turned around. “I was going to ask you to dinner but it looks
like you already went.”

“
Sean!”

He ignored me as he walked
away.

Cortland stepped back and moved away
from me, standing a few feet away. I saw the sadness on his face
and knew he felt terrible for what just happened. Cortland didn’t
love me like Sean did, and now he regretted ever being affectionate
with me.

I walked after him but Sean kept
going. “Sean, please talk to me.”

“
Why don’t you talk to
Cortland?” he said calmly.

“
I was telling him how
much I missed you. I’m heartbroken and he was comforting
me.”

“
And taking you out to
dinner?”

I said nothing.

“
Did he take you out to
dinner?”

“
He was trying to get me
to eat.”

He pressed the button of the elevator
and ignored me. “Good night, Scar.”

“
Sean, there is nothing
between Cortland and I. He was just comforting me as a friend. I
love you, Sean. It’s always been you.”

He sighed. “It—it just reminds me of
what you did. I can’t stand to see him touch you. I—I don’t know.”
He ran his fingers through his hair then avoided my gaze. I knew he
was on the verge of tears. I felt horrible for hurting him. “I
don’t want you to be with someone else.”

“
I’m not. You know
Cortland is just a friend. He loves Monnique. I love
you.”

He hit the button again, impatient.
“Good night, Scar.”

“
Why were you
here?”

He was quiet for a moment. “I miss
you. I—I wanted to take you out to dinner.”

I felt the tears fall down my face.
Sean was going to come back to me and I blew it. “We can still go.
Please.”

He shook his head. “I need my space,
Scarlet.”

I grabbed his face and kissed him. He
didn’t respond to my touch and pulled away. “Go back to the
apartment.”

I started to cry. “Sean, I would never
hurt you on purpose. I don’t want anyone else, just you. I’m sorry
that it looked like something was happening between Cortland and I,
but there wasn’t. I’m miserable without you and he understands
that. He was just trying to make me feel better. That’s it. I
swear.”

“
Well, your word doesn’t
mean much anymore.”

The words stung. “Sean—”

“
Good night.” The doors
finally opened and he walked inside. When I followed him, he pushed
me back. “Please just go.” His eyes were red with unspent tears. I
knew he was barely hanging on by a threat. “Please,” he
begged.

I stepped back and watched the doors
close. The sight of his despair broke my heart. I never wanted to
hurt Sean and now I felt horrible that I had.

17

Sean

I didn’t go home when I left the
apartment. Instead I went to a bar and sat at the bench, downing
glass after glass. I really wish I hadn’t seen Cortland and Scarlet
together. Their affection never bothered me because I thought it
meant nothing, but knowing they slept together changed everything.
Cortland had kissed her, made love to her, seen her naked, made her
come—I couldn’t think about it without wanting to die.

If Scarlet really wanted to be with
him, logically, she would be. She would have committed to him when
we were apart, so I believed that she really did love me and no one
else, but this was just so hard. It changed everything.

I might be overreacting, but I
couldn’t hide my despair. I loved Scarlet so much. As selfish as it
was, I wanted to be the only one that comforted her—other than
Ryan. I didn’t like Cortland taking her out to dinner knowing he
already had sex with her.

“
Hey there.”

I looked over and saw a blonde sit
next to me. She was beautiful and thin, but ordinary. “You wanna
buy me a drink?”