Effortless (6 page)

Exhaling in relief when I was through Kellan’s admirers, I made
my way to the back room, where the employees kept their stuff.
Jenny and Kate were coming out of it as I approached. Kate, a tall,
graceful girl with the world’s bounciest, most perfectly put
together ponytail, beamed at me. I’d seen her work a double shift
two nights in a row, and her hair had still looked liked she’d just
done it five minutes ago. I don’t know what she used on it, but she
should look into endorsing the product.

“Hey, Kiera. I hear the show rocked yesterday!” A long, auburn
strand curled around her neck as she spoke, a neck so slim and
elegant, it was practically begging to be draped in diamonds.

I nodded eagerly as I worked past them in the doorframe. “It
was. They were incredible!” I sighed, thinking how perfect Kellan
looked on stage. They say some people are just born to be on one,
and Kellan was one of those people. Idly, I wondered what that
meant for us…long term.

Jenny tilted her head at me curiously, her red Pete’s shirt
emphasizing every curve that the men here swooned over. She was the
sweetest person, though, and completely loyal to Evan. “You okay,
Kiera?” she asked.

I shook my head. “Yeah, just nervous about school starting up.”
And Kellan becoming a bone fide, across-the-globe rock star. It was
weird to both want a future for someone, and desperately not want
it at the same time. I wished him all the success in the world, but
only if I didn’t have to share him. Man, one more thing I needed to
work on. Good thing college is all about self discovery.

Jenny smiled and patted my arm. “Don’t worry. You’re super
smart. You’ll do great.”

I nodded, feeling silly again for even worrying about school.
Jenny was right. Kellan was right. I knew the grounds. I knew a lot
of people there. I knew a lot of the professors. And I had a
scholarship that practically paid for the whole thing. I had
nothing to worry about. Nothing to fear but fear, right?

Kate nodded with Jenny, her light brown, almost topaz eyes
wistful. “Yeah, you’re so much smarter than me. I gave up after one
semester.” I frowned sympathetically, but then she swished her head
to look down the hall. “Hey, is Kellan here? I want to ask him
about the show.”

Shifting to a smile as I pictured Kellan leaning back in his
chair, people watching while he waited for me to bring him his
“usual,” I nodded. “Yeah, he’s here.”

I couldn’t keep the dorky grin from my face and they both
giggled at me before shuffling off together. What? My boyfriend was
a super-hot musician with fabulous hair, a rock-hard body, and my
name tattooed over his chest. Who wouldn’t grin about that?

I shoved my stuff in a locker and hastily threw my hair up in a
ponytail that was nowhere near as perfect as Kate’s. Sunday nights
weren’t too terribly busy, since the band didn’t play, but there
was still a lot of moving around and not having my hair flopping
all over my face was a good thing.

When I stepped back out to the main part of the bar, I saw that
my D-bag boyfriend wasn’t alone anymore. Leaning back in his chair,
a foot casually propped on a knee, he was chatting amicably with
Sam, the bouncer here.

Sam was a big guy, burly and muscular. He finished off the
intimidating scowl he kept on his face by completely shaving his
head. It just made him seem all the more menacing. He’d been
friends with Denny when Denny had gone to high school here for a
year. He’d taken Denny in, after we’d broken up, when Denny just
couldn’t live with Kellan anymore. Understandable, given the
circumstances. From what I heard, Sam and Denny still talked
occasionally.

Kellan had also gone to school with Sam and Denny. It was how
they all knew each other. Even though Kellan was a couple of years
younger than them, he’d formed tight bonds with Sam and my ex. And
Kellan still talked to Denny too. A fact that never ceased to amaze
me.

But now the pair was going over more pleasant topics than last
year’s drama. Kellan had a huge smile on his face as he spoke to
Sam, occasionally flicking his hands in the air, gesturing. Sam
listened with a small grin on his usually imposing features. I
figured Kellan was talking about the show.

Shaking my head, I went about getting Kellan the beer he’d
wanted. I just couldn’t get over the fact that my boyfriend had
played a major venue. Even if his band didn’t go anywhere else,
that would be something that he could tell his grandkids about. I
smiled even wider as I approached Rita. Kellan with kids…even the
thought gave me goose bumps.

A couple of hours into my shift, the rest of the band strolled
in. Kellan was at the front of the bar when they burst through it.
He’d finally been cornered down by Kate, who wanted to know
everything about yesterday. I heard Kellan try and play it off like
it was nothing, but Kate wouldn’t let it go and asked him question
after question, most of them along the lines of—“Weren’t you
nervous? Didn’t you feel like peeing your pants?” Kellan always
laughed at her and told her no, but I don’t think she bought his
answer.

After being hounded by her for a while, Kellan almost looked
relived when he twisted around to acknowledge his band mates
strolling in. Once they were all four together, the bar broke into
applause and ear-splitting whistles.

I joined in with the merriment; I was just as proud of them as
the other patrons. Evan smiled as he looked around, his warm eyes
grateful and appreciative. Matt seemed horribly embarrassed. His
face flushed with color and he quickly looked back at the door,
like he wanted to run through it. Kellan chuckled and shook his
head as he put his hand up in acknowledgment. They all seemed a
little thrown by the attention.

Except Griffin, of course. He was throwing kisses with his hands
in-between deep, dramatic bows. If Kellan hadn’t clapped him on the
back to make him stop it, I think he would have started in on an
Oscar-worthy speech once all the noise died down.

Still shaking his head, Kellan said a polite thank you to the
crowd once it was quiet enough to hear him. Matt immediately darted
to their table, thankful to disappear. Laughing at the guitarist,
Evan walked over to Jenny, lifting her into a mammoth embrace.
Kellan shoved Griffin forward, but not before the bassist loudly
exclaimed, “My Johnson is gladly accepting all forms of praise…if
anyone wants to congratulate me privately.”

I rolled my eyes and looked away as Kellan smacked him across
the back of the head. Seriously, my sister must have a screw loose
to date that man. If what they were doing could even be considered
dating.

A few minutes after the guys were seated, Pete, the middle-aged,
weary owner of the bar came out to congratulate them. With a thin
smile on his lips, he shook hands with each band member. While Pete
looked far from unhappy, he didn’t seem thrilled either. Kellan had
told me once that Pete had no talent in finding bands to put on his
stage. It was the main reason the D-bags played here so much. Pete
and his business partner, Sal, had made a deal with Kellan and the
guys, not too long after the boys moved up here. The two men agreed
to let the boys have the exclusive rights to the stage every
weekend, if they wanted. It gave the boys a home base to play from,
and a safe spot to store their instruments. And for Pete and Sal,
it allowed them to stop searching for gigs that would bring in the
customers. It was a win-win; the band brought in a lot of
customers.

With a slight frown on Pete’s brow as he shook Kellan’s hand, I
figured he was starting to believe that his act might outgrow
him…and then he’d have to start looking for talent again.

Once Pete left the guys to their drinking, clapping Evan on the
back as he left, the bar subdued back to normalcy. Most of the
people started engaging in their own conversations, only a few
going up to congratulate the boys personally. Thankfully, none of
those few were women congratulating Griffin in the way that he
wanted.

A few female fans did eye Kellan, but nothing more than the
I-want-you eyes I was used to him getting. None of them seemed
quite brave enough, or drunk enough, to approach his table, though,
and I was just fine with that.

Throughout the course of the evening, the D-bags eventually left
their bar. Matt left by himself an hour or two after arriving, a
shy smile on his face as he said that he had plans with Rachel.
Griffin rolled his eyes as his cousin left, gesturing obscenely
with his hand in the air over his naughty parts. Thankfully, he
left about an hour later, some blonde bimbo on his arm. She gave
him sultry, seductive eyes as they left, and I was pretty sure
she’d give him the praise he’d wanted earlier. I shook my head and
ignored the sight of Griffin leaving with another woman. It
happened all the time. I’d asked Anna about it once, but she’d only
shrugged and said she didn’t care. He was free to do whatever he
wanted. Her too.

Evan stayed until closing, escorting Jenny out when she was done
with her duties. Kellan stayed, too. Feet kicked up on a chair, he
watched me with a deliciously provocative smile while I wiped off
some tables nearby. And Rita watched him just as provocatively.

Yep, everything was back to normal.

Refusing to sleep in my bed again, Kellan drove us to his place
instead. A small, peaceful smile was on his lips as he pulled onto
his street. I wasn’t sure if that was because he was coming home
after a couple of days, or if he just enjoyed having me come home
with him. I supposed it was a little of both.

His tiny, white two-story house was dark as he shut the car off.
When we’d all lived there, Kellan, Denny and me, the house had
seemed warm and alive with activity. Now that it was just Kellan,
the house seemed a little quiet. As Kellan cracked his door, I
thought maybe that was the real reason for his smile. Kellan
preferred a bustling house. I’d gleaned that out of him when I’d
asked him if he’d rent out his room again.

With a slight frown, he’d told me, “I’ve thought about it. But I
don’t know…it feels like yours, and I don’t want to give it to
someone else.” Those words had warmed me considerably, but when I’d
asked him if he needed the rent money, he’d only shrugged and said,
“No, renting out the room was never about money.” Sighing, he’d
added, “I just don’t like being there alone.”

God, sometimes he just broke my heart.

Stepping into the entryway, my eyes drifted around the familiar
space. It was sort of a double-edged sword for me. I loved being
here with Kellan. I loved the memories of cuddling with him on the
couch and making love to him in his room, but…Denny was here,
too.

His ghost seemed to linger in the spaces he’d been. Leaning
against the kitchen counter drinking a mug of tea. Lying back on
the couch, watching sports on TV. Showering in the bathroom,
sometimes with me. And our room, the first room we’d ever shared as
a couple, was the room that Kellan refused to rent out again. The
ghosts were heaviest in there. So heavy, that I refused to go in
there. I couldn’t even look at the door. As it was closed when
Kellan and I walked into his bedroom, I thought that Kellan
probably didn’t go in there either. Like I said, double-edged
sword.

Propping his guitar case in the corner of his room, finally
having taken it out of his car from playing at Bumbershoot, Kellan
watched me as I sat on his bed. With soft eyes, his vision flicked
to the closed door across the very short hall upstairs. “You
alright?”

Throwing on my brightest smile, I leaned back on my elbows.
Kellan’s face brightened considerably. “Of course, I’m fine.” That
was mainly true. I was fine. I’d let Denny go and I’d slowly begun
to forgive myself for cheating on him. But being here was difficult
for me sometimes and Kellan knew it. I think that was the real
reason he didn’t pressure me more to move in with him. I just
wasn’t ready to deal with the ghosts every day.

Sitting down beside me, he laid a palm on my thigh; it ignited
me instantly. “I’m glad you’re here,” he whispered.

Sitting up, I laced my arms around his neck. “I had no choice.
You wouldn’t let me drive your car, remember?”

He chuckled and leaned in to kiss me. Lightly laughing myself, I
threaded my fingers back through his shaggy hair and laid back on
his pillows, bringing him with me.

He was instantly engaged, hands running over my body, his own
body sneaking into position alongside mine.  As I thought of
all of the women who’d wanted him this weekend, women who he’d only
briefly flirted with, or politely acknowledged, or in some cases
completely ignored, my heart swelled. He didn’t want them. He
wanted me. He loved me. And God, how I loved him, too.

Kellan’s room was still dark when my eyes peeled open. Moonlight
filtered in through his window, highlighting the objects that he’d
collected over his life. There wasn’t much—some paperbacks on his
bookshelf, a few CDs scattered along the top of it, the Ramones
poster I’d picked up for him last summer while out shopping with
Jenny. Besides some pocket change and a couple of well-used
notebooks, the only thing on his dresser was a bottle of some sort
of hair product. Kellan said that a woman from high school had
turned him on to the stuff and he’d been using it ever since to
“manage the mess.” I was fairly certain from the slight smile on
his face when he’d said it, that he literally meant the words
“woman” and “turned on.” His high school years scared me a little
bit.

Other than our clothes strewn about the floor from last night,
the only other things of note in his room were his guitars. His
main guitar, the one still tucked away in its black carrying case,
was leaning against the wall beside an older, clearly worn one.
Since Kellan never used that one while playing, I figured he kept
it for sentimental reasons. Plain and seemingly inexpensive, he’d
told me it was the first guitar he’d ever had, and the only
possession he’d taken to L.A. with him when he’d run away. It was
quite possibly the only thing from Kellan’s childhood that was a
happy memory for him. And, since his parents had literally tossed
everything of his when they’d moved to this house he’d inherited,
it was also the only memento of his youth. His childhood scared me
a little bit too, just for a completely different reason.

As I fingered the smaller, silver guitar around my neck, the
symbolic keepsake of him that he’d given to me when we’d been
breaking off our affair, a keepsake that never left my body, I
twisted my head to look at what had awoken me.

The sheets tangled and twisted around his body, his bare chest
silver in the faded light pouring through his window, Kellan moved
restlessly beside me. His brow furrowed, his face distraught, he
was shaking his head and murmuring something I couldn’t make out. I
twisted around to touch his cheek, but he flinched away from me
like I’d hurt him.

“Kellan,” I whispered, “you’re dreaming…wake up.”

His hand fisted the sheets near his hip. His breath picked up as
he shook his head again and whimpered. Carefully adjusting my body
to a comforting position beside him, I leaned over and soothingly
hushed him. Draping my arm over his chest, I could feel how rapidly
his heart was racing. Tears pricked my eyes as I wondered what he
was dreaming about. With Kellan, it could be any number of horrible
things.

Leaning my head against him, I kissed his shoulder. “Wake up,
baby, it’s just a dream.”

He started saying, “No,” then, “Please.” His face cringed away
from me. His legs drew up to reflexively curl into a ball. Kissing
his shoulder again, I lightly shook him. “Kellan, wake up.”

Taking quick, shallow inhales, his body trembled under my
fingers. Just as I considered turning on his lamp to wake him up,
he gasped and his eyes flew open. Immediately propping himself up
onto his elbows, he shied away from my embrace. Looking around with
wide eyes, he seemed lost, like he didn’t know where he was. With
his breath still quick and his body still quivering, he swallowed
over and over.

I reached out and cupped his cheek, forcing his gaze to mine.
His confused eyes narrowed. “Kiera?”

I nodded, scooting closer to him. “Yeah, it’s me. You’re okay.
It was just a dream, Kellan.”

His rigid posture slumped back and he closed his eyes and hung
his head. “Just a dream,” he muttered. My heart cracked a little
watching his face. Kellan’s bad dreams weren’t really just dreams.
They were more like memories. I wasn’t sure which bad memory Kellan
had been reliving, but I knew it had terrified him.

Inhaling slowly, he took a couple of deep breaths. When he was
calmer, he peeked back up at me. Running a trembling hand across
his mouth, he shook his head. “I’m sorry if I woke you up.”

Swallowing the emotion in my throat, I flung my arms around him
and crushed my bare body to his. His arms loosely came around me
and I could still feel his heart surging as adrenaline coursed
through him. “It’s okay.” Kissing his cheek, I gave him a few
moments to collect himself. When he settled back down to the
pillows, his fingers rubbing the bridge of his nose like he had a
headache, I propped myself up on his chest. “You want to talk about
it?”

Bringing my hands up to his temples, I pressed my thumbs into
the soft spots, taking over his headache reducing massage. He
closed his eyes and relaxed into my touch. “I was back at home and
my dad…” he stopped and swallowed, “it was nothing…just a
dream.”

I bit my lip to stop my sigh. His past was just something he
didn’t like to talk about. In fact, I was pretty sure I was the
only human on earth that he’d ever confessed his history to. While
Evan was aware that he’d been beaten badly, since Kellan had
drunkenly spilled the beans once, and Denny knew about the abuse,
having witnessed it himself, Kellan had never told them that his
father wasn’t his father. No one else knew that his mother had had
an affair on her husband and gotten pregnant by another man. Then
that horrible woman had claimed that she’d been raped. Because of
the lie, or maybe because of the truth, the man who’d raised Kellan
had been brutal with him…and his mother had done nothing to stop
it.

I hated them both.

“Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?” I whispered,
kissing his jaw.

He stirred, inhaling deep. Opening his eyes, he gently pushed me
off of him and rolled me to my side. Pressing his body into mine,
his no longer shaking, he cupped my cheek and tilted my head up.
Attaching his warm lips to my neck, he murmured, “Yes, I’m done
with talking.”

My heart picked up its pace as his hand left my cheek to run
down my side. I knew he was diverting his mind with my body. I knew
it, yet I couldn’t seem to stop him from doing it. He pushed me to
my back, leaning over me as his lips worked their way down my
throat. My fingers automatically locked into that marvelous hair as
every section of skin that he touched on me suddenly burned.

My breath was embarrassingly fast as his hand rubbed a circle
into my hip. He was purposely avoiding every spot I most wanted him
to touch and it was driving me crazy, shutting my mind off. I
shoved his head down a smidge when he kissed along the top of my
breast and he chuckled before conceding. All thought of his earlier
grief was gone from both of us as his mouth closed around a nipple,
his tongue drawing a circle around the peak. Aching, I cried out
and rocked my hips towards him.

A deep sound of satisfaction rising up his throat, he seemed
just as pleased being the one giving the pleasure as I was
receiving it. As his teeth lightly dragged across my tender flesh,
his finger, equally as light, ran right between my legs. I was
already ready for him; I think I was in a constant state of
semi-arousal just being near him. I arched my back and ran my hands
over my face and through my hair.

“Oh God,” I muttered as his finger down below matched the motion
of his tongue up above. The two hot spots were making every
coherent part of my body melt away. I probably couldn’t have even
come up with my own name if someone had been around to ask.

Chuckling again, he peeked up at me with a devilish smile. “No,
just me,” he whispered. The part of me that could still get
embarrassed wanted to smack him, but then he switched to the other
breast and my head dropped back, my eyes closing.

“Oh God…yes.”

Groaning a bit himself, he left my breast and slid his tongue up
my throat. His finger also changed position, sliding inside where I
wanted him to be. Working his way up to my ear, he sucked in a
quick, erotic breath. “I love it when you say that,” he whispered
huskily.

I groaned and found his mouth, not even caring anymore that I
hadn’t brushed my teeth in a while. He didn’t either, kissing me
back just as fiercely as I kissed him. His finger gently moving
into me was joined by another; I moaned, clutching his hair. His
thumb joined the action, swirling around the sensitive part on the
outside; I cried out again, my hands switching to his shoulders,
forcibly trying to move him on top of me.

He resisted, chuckling and groaning almost simultaneously. “I
love how much you want me,” he muttered, his mouth moving to my
jaw.

My body moving in perfect rhythm with his hand, I squirmed and
whimpered. I hated how easily he could reduce me to a begging,
quivering mass of hormones…and I loved it too. “Yes, I want
you…now…please.”

I could feel him grinning as he placed kisses along my skin. He
did love it when I asked for it. Pressing his body into mine, I
could feel how much he wanted me, too. I whimpered as he pulled his
hand away from me, but then he settled himself between my legs, the
hard length of him resting tantalizingly close, and my complaint
shifted to a moan. Then he did…nothing, nothing but continue to
kiss me.

It was torture. Pure, blissful torture. Having him so close sent
my body into overdrive. I was practically clawing at his back,
squirming underneath him, doing anything I could to move him into
position. I couldn’t, though. He held himself against me, but
perfectly out of reach. It drove me crazy.

And my reaction drove him crazy. His breath was fast, his lips
frantic. He groaned as his fingers explored my body. He moaned my
name as he dropped his head to rest in the crook of my neck. Barely
able to stand it another second, my hand trailed down his chest,
his abdomen, the deep V that led straight to what I wanted, what I
needed. My hand wrapped around him, hard, ready, pulsing under my
fingers. A slight wetness coated my thumb as I swirled over the tip
of him and he clutched the sheets again, but in a good way this
time.

“God, I need you,” he breathed in my ear. I started to feel like
he meant more than just for a physical release, but he adjusted his
hips and plunged right into me, and I wondered nothing more about
it.

My hand fell away as he sunk in deep. We both made equally
passionate groans of relief. Then we started moving together.
In-between fast breaths and soft moans of pleasure, our lips
searched the other’s. He quickly brought me right to the brink, my
cries more frantic with each thrust. Then, right as I was about to
go over, he stilled his hips, not moving at all. It was an aching
torture that made me dig into his backside, trying to get him to
keep going.

With a strained voice he whispered, “Just wait, Kiera.” I didn’t
think I could. I felt like I was going to explode. I wanted to
whimper, I wanted to cry. Then he moved again.

Holy hell, the fire that surged through my body…I never knew
anything could feel that good.

He did it two more times, stopping, then starting; I even begged
him to do it on the last time. Then he didn’t stop anymore. Then I
didn’t think he could, even if I asked him to. With his head buried
in my shoulder again, he groaned so erotically, I instantly
clenched around him, finally having the release that he’d kept from
me for so long. It was…glorious.

He cried out as I squeezed around him and I felt him releasing
into me. After a few final thrusts, he stopped moving, breathing
heavily as he laid on my chest. I was a little surprised to feel
that we were both slightly damp from the exertion. You wouldn’t
think sex could actually be a workout, but if done right…

Feeling lightheaded, I closed my eyes, wrapping my arms around
his head. When our breaths had stabilized and our bodies cooled to
normal, I looked down at him still resting on top of me. He hadn’t
moved at all. He was still…a part of me.

Hoping he hadn’t fallen back asleep like that, I poked his
shoulder. “Are you going to…move?”

He grunted then stretched, still not pulling out. “No, I’m
good.”

I giggled as I threaded my fingers back through his hair. “You
can’t stay there, you know.” I felt myself flushing horribly and
was instantly glad the room was still dark.

He peeked up at me, the moonlight glinting off his mischievous
eyes. “I’m just saving us time.” He grinned crookedly as he moved
his hips a little. He was still sort of semi-aroused and the
movement sent a shiver though my body. My eyes fluttered before
refocusing on his smugly attractive face. He raised an eyebrow.
“You know, for when you’re ready for round two.”

Rolling my eyes, even though a part of me was considering it, I
shoved his shoulders off me. He laughed genuinely, finally removing
himself and slinking to my side. “I was just being practical,” he
murmured, nestling into my body and kissing my shoulder.

His eyes closed as peace washed over his face. Sighing, I kissed
his forehead, making his smile widen. Curling into him, I thought
of his face before that little romp. What he’d done to block out
the memory had been pretty spectacular, but now that it was over, I
was thinking about it again. I hoped he wasn’t thinking about it
anymore. I didn’t really want to bring it up, but I did want to
make sure that he was okay.

“Are you alright?” I asked, running my hands up his chest.