Ella Finds Love Again (19 page)

Dear Journal,

I dared talk to Ronda tonight about Robert. Yes, I know I shouldn’t have, but the words wouldn’t stay inside. And I guess that started it all up. For the rest of the evening I felt like a ship tossed around on wild seas. Even my house seemed to rock along with me. Just a sign, I suppose, of how crazy I’ve become.

I should have been in bed a long time ago, and I feel like it—torn, weary, and heartsick. Yet I’m putting my thoughts on paper in case I need courage later. Just ride out the storm, Ella. Don’t fight it. Sure, Ronda thinks Bishop Miller wouldn’t try anything nasty, and perhaps she’s right.

In the meantime, don’t doubt Aden’s love. It was real. Let no one tell you it wasn’t. Even when your heart remains broken, bruised, bleeding, and crushed. Still believe. You lost love once, and you can live through it again if need be.

Cry your tears at night. Alone, where no one can see you. Be loyal to Ivan and the girls. Be strong, Ella. Be really strong. Because great love seems to come only to betray, but worse than the pain it brings is the dying you’ll feel if you turn away. You can live through it again, Ella. You really can.

She closed the journal, strangely comforted, and slipped it back under the dresses in the drawer. She crawled quickly into bed and fell asleep easily, not awakening until the first touch of dawn was on the horizon. The fire in the stove had gone out hours before, and the basement windows were coated with ice inside and out.

Twenty-two

E
lla dressed as quickly as she could. How in the world had she managed to sleep through the night? She must start the fire at once to get the basement warm before the girls arrived. She pulled on her socks and then slippers. They would do for now. She raced across the concrete floor to the stove and pulled out the ash pan. It needed to be emptied before much of a fire could be made. She changed into her shoes—why hadn’t she put them on right away?—and dashed back for the ash pan. Tossing on her coat, she went out the basement door and into a blast of cold air that struck her in the face.

It was much colder than last night when she’d gone out to look at the stars. Ella tried to push the memories of that time out of her mind. Surely she had said and thought things she shouldn’t have. She had no doubt been carried away with the emotions of the day, and certainly things weren’t quite as bad as she had imagined. Ivan would arrive soon, and with his arrival sanity might return.

“Good morning!” Joe called.

Startled, Ella almost lost her grip on the ash pan. The shifting pan released a small white cloud of ash. “Oh!” Ella said, gripping the handle tighter.

“Sorry,” Joe said. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s okay,” Ella said. “How’s Ronda this morning?”

“She slept fine,” Joe said. “It think it was all the
gut
food.”

“I’m glad,” Ella said, plunging through the snow. Finally having gone far enough, she heaved the contents of the tray across the snow, a billowing cloud of ash drifting in the brisk morning air.

Ella waited, watching the sight. It was beautiful in its own dark way. The cloud turned the white snow a powdery gray and left a long swath behind as it settled across the field. Here and there a bright coal, energized by fresh oxygen, burned red before blinking out.

Ella turned toward the house, only to stop in her tracks at the sight of the sunrise in front of her. She gasped at the beauty. Rays shone over the horizon, bathing the house with soft red light. The house glowed, the windows throwing back the light as if brought alive from the inside. She let the ash pan fall by her side and whispered aloud, “Aden, we built a wonderful house.”

Snow fell into her shoes, the cold stinging fiercely, reminding her to move on. She ran the last few steps, moving past the red glow on the windows and down the stairs. She jerked her shoes off just inside the basement door and then leaned against the wall to dump the snow.

“There, that’s taken care of. Now for the rest of the day…” Ella sighed deeply. This day was already a weariness to her bones. Yet strength would come; it always did. She slid the ash pan back into the oven, shaking it to tighten the airspace. Opening the stove lid she stirred the remaining ash until a few coals glowed. She dropped some kindling in, and the hungry flames rose quickly.

With heavier pieces of wood soon burning, Ella prepared breakfast. Would the girls have already eaten when they arrived? Likely, but one never knew with Ivan. She would make extra oatmeal, eggs, perhaps bacon. She would tackle the task at hand and rest later when the girls had their naps. Above her, she heard Joe enter the front door, but no sound came from the bedroom area. Ronda was apparently not up yet.

Ella thought for a moment and then made a decision. She ran quickly up the basement steps, knocked, and then opened the door at Joe’s “Come in!”

“Is Ronda up yet?” she asked.

He shook his head.

“What if I bring up breakfast?”

“That would be wonderful,” he said, his face lighting up. “I wasn’t sure what to do, as it’s hard enough for a man to pack his own lunch, much less fix a breakfast too.”

Just then the bedroom door swung open. Ronda stood with her hand on the door frame, a slight smile on her face. “How about if we go down, Joe? That would make it easier on Ella.”

“So you heard me,” Ella said. “What about the stairs? Can you manage?”

“They will do me good. Really…,” Ronda squinted at the rays of sunlight through the living room window. “It’s too much that you fix our breakfast. We can at least come down.”

“Then we’d better hurry,” Joe said. “I have to leave for work.”

“I’ll get right to it.” Ella turned to leave.

Once downstairs, Ella put water on to boil for the oatmeal, fetched bacon from the root cellar, and slid the frying pan onto the stove. When the water boiled, she poured in the oatmeal. She had eggs in the pan when Joe appeared, supporting Ronda on his arm.

“You’re lookin’ well,” Ella encouraged her. “Won’t be long, and you’ll be as good as new.”

“With your cookin’ I’ll get better even faster,” Ronda said with a laugh.

Joe pulled out a chair for Ronda and then sat down in a chair next to her.

Ella turned the kerosene lamp higher. She brought the bacon and oatmeal over, and then scooped the sizzling eggs onto a platter and set them on the table.

She sat down, and they bowed their heads. Furtively lifting her head, Ella noted that when Joe prayed silently, his lips moved. The scene was comforting. Ella held her breath and bowed her head again. She wanted the moment to stand still, to remain forever. She wanted this to be her life—surrounded by friends she loved, safe, secure.

Joe raised his head moments later as he said “Amen.”

The spell was broken.

“I’m glad you could come down,” Ella said, passing the eggs to Joe.

“I think we need to thank
you
,” Joe said. “For all that you’re doing for us.”

“I would say so,” Ronda said. “We’ll never be able to repay you.”

“Just get better,” Ella said. “And you’d better take three eggs.”

“Two are enough for now,” Ronda countered, holding up her hand. “If I’m still hungry I’ll take more.”

“It’s so good to see you on your feet and hungry,” Joe said, stroking Ronda’s arm with his free hand.

“It’s Ella’s food that’s the cause,” Ronda said firmly.

“It’s just ordinary food,” Ella said. “It’s eating it with
gut
people that makes it special.”

“I agree with that,” Ronda said.

Joe glanced around for a clock, and then gulped the last of his eggs before quickly splashing milk on his oatmeal.

“I have to be ready for work,” he said, his mouth full.

“I grew up with brothers,” Ella said. “Eat as fast as you want to.”

“Men!” Ronda said. “They are the limit. How can food do them any good if they don’t chew? Joe, it’s not good for you. Slow down before you choke.”

He shook his head as he wolfed down the last bite. Standing up, Joe dashed up the stairs. The two women could hear his quick steps moving out the front door. They soon heard buggy tires squeaking in the snow.

“He’s a dear,” Ronda said. “An absolute, precious dear.”

“
Da Hah
has blessed you with Joe,” Ella said. Then she looked at the clock. “Ivan will be here soon. I’m not rushing you, Ronda, I’m just saying.”

“I’m almost finished. Before I go, tell me you didn’t have any more nightmares about Bishop Miller last night.”

“Of course not,” Ella said, blowing out the kerosene lamp. “What made you ask that?”

“Well, you used to. And the way you’ve been talking, I thought maybe they’ve started up again.”

“That was in the past. This is now.”

“I know you’re suspicious of him, but I don’t think you should be. He’s a
gut
man.”

“Perhaps.”

“You have bad memories, that’s all,” Ronda said. “I always thought you were a little jumpy with him. He would have made a nice husband. Of course, Ivan is okay, and with the girls and all, I can understand.”

“Bishop Miller never courted you. Remember that.”

“Oh, I know,” Ronda said, looking at Ella. “He’s still nice. Not for me, of course, but nice.”

“I guess we’ll see,” Ella said as she rose and started to clear the table.

“I’ll help you,” Ronda said, standing slowly.

“No you won’t,” Ella said, holding out her hand. “Just sit and talk with me. The girls will come soon enough, and I could use some adult chatter until then.”

“Well,” Ronda said, dropping back into the chair, “I expect Mamm will come over later to check on me. Do you want us to come down for a quick visit? Mamm would love to see the quilt in progress.”

“I’d be thrilled,” Ella said. “And what about your wash? Do you need help today?”

“Maybe tomorrow. Mamm might help me today.”

“Holler if you need help.”

“Okay, but it will be so good to be on my feet again. The time when I’m healed can’t come quickly enough.”

“I know.”

Ronda pursed her lips and then said, “Ella, I want a child again. I want it so badly that it scares me. But will this happen twice? The doctor doesn’t think so, and I asked him several times. Always he gave me the same answer, but he might just be saying so.”

“I doubt that. But you don’t need to rush things,” Ella said.

“I know.”

“I really don’t think you have to worry. Things like that have a way of taking care of themselves.”

Outside the snow squeaked again under buggy tires, and Ronda jumped. “That’s probably Ivan. I’d best be going.”

“Let me help you up the stairs. Thanks so much for the chat.”

“And the same to you for the food. I owe you for that.”

Ella stayed close beside Ronda until they got to the top of the stairs.

Ronda opened the door and entered her home.

Ella shut the door behind her and then rushed down the stairs, grabbed her coat, and pulled on her boots.
My, it’s going to be good to see those girls again!
she thought.

Twenty-three

I
van had tied up the horse and was walking toward the house, baby Barbara in his arms. Mary ran ahead of him, her arms outstretched to Ella. Sarah was close behind…until she tripped and sprawled into the snow.

Ella, standing at the door watching, muffled a laugh. “Mary, go help your sister.”

“I’ll help her!” Ivan said, his voice carrying clearly in the still air. “Run on inside, Mary. You’re cold enough already.” He motioned with his hand as he bent over to help Sarah up and brush her off.

Mary needed no encouragement. She continued her dash toward Ella and then jumped into her arms. Her laughter peeled out as Ella caught her, pulling her close for a tight hug.

Ella lifted her gaze to face Ivan. He was close now, Sarah’s hand in his. Ella searched his face. There were dark rings around his eyes, his beard was disheveled, the cheeks were unshaven, and his hat was sitting crookedly.

“It’s
gut
to see you,” Ivan said, his eyes lighting up momentarily.

“Good morning.” Ella brushed the hair away from her eyes. “You look a bit troubled, Ivan. Are you okay?”

He laughed dryly, matching the morning air’s coolness. He didn’t seem to want to talk. Ella shivered but didn’t draw back. She took baby Barbara from his hands as her compassion for Ivan stirred.

“I’ll be goin’ then,” the widower said, turning to go.

“I take it none of you have eaten breakfast,” Ella said. “Ivan, why don’t you come inside? You can eat breakfast with the girls. I have plenty.”

He hesitated. “Perhaps I will,” he finally said with a weak attempt at a smile.

“Then come,” Ella held the door open. “It’s warm inside, at least.”

“I have the cows milked,” he said.

Ella forced herself to laugh. “Yah, I expected so. You wouldn’t come over without the cows milked.”

Behind her Mary bounced all over the living room before running back and grabbing Ella’s arm.

“At least one member of the family is in good spirits,” Ivan said, smiling wider now, seeming to relax.

He looks ready to open up about his troubles,
Ella thought
. But am I ready to hear them? Yah, I have to be,
she decided. It was right that she give him her attention and an open ear if he wanted it. He might not make her heart pound, but he was the man she expected to marry.

“We’re all hungry,” Sarah interrupted. “Daett said we could eat here, and that’s why he drove so fast.”