Embrace My Reflection

…The door clicked shut and Lucius turned, his breath catching at the sight of Ronnie leaning against the door. Ronnie’s hands were hidden behind him, causing his hips to angle forward in a way that drew Lucius’ attention to the pronounced bulge at Ronnie’s groin hidden under black velvet and whatever underwear he wore.

Lucius rubbed his sweaty palms on his jeans and cleared his throat again. Shit, he sounded like he had TB or something.
“I’m sorry. I should’ve put on some different clothes, but I only have an hour between sets, and sometimes it’s difficult to get dressed on my own. So I usually change right after my first set.” Ronnie straightened and tugged his robe tight around him.
Lucius touched Ronnie’s hair as the slender man walked past him. Ronnie froze as Lucius stroked his fingers over the waves of golden brown.
“It’s as soft as I remembered it to be,” he said, savoring the silkiness of the strands.
Ronnie made a noise, and Lucius realized what he was doing. He jerked away his hand, trying not to notice the few strands caught in his rough skin.
“I’m sorry, Ronnie. I didn’t mean to touch without asking. You always had such beautiful hair.”
God, he was babbling. Why was he so nervous? It wasn’t like he hadn’t faced uncomfortable situations before. He’d served as an MP in the army for eight years before joining the New Orleans Police Department. Yet something about Ronnie threw him off, and it wasn’t just the clothing. It was Ronnie himself, bringing feelings Lucius thought buried to the surface…

Air And Dreams
Allergies
Bastet
Be The Air For You Bitter Creek’s Redemption Duncan’s World
Freaks In Love
Lift Your Voice
Nick Of Time
Nowhere Diner: Finding Love Revealing The Past Shades Of Dreams Soothe The Burn
Voice For The Silent Wolf’s Survival

This book is a work of fiction.
All names, characters, locations, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination, or have been used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, locales, or events is entirely coincidental.

All rights reserved.
No portion of this book may be transmitted or reproduced in any form, or by any means, without permission in writing from the publisher, with the exception of brief excerpts used for the purposes of review.

Copyright © 2011 by T. A. Chase ISBN 978-1-61124-063-4 Cover Art © 2011 Trace Edward Zaber

And thank you, C,
for always understanding why I need to write all the time.

The bright neon sign blinked on and off, bathing Lucius in red for a second before casting him in shadows. He fidgeted, tugging on his cuffs and glancing down the street.

Blinking, he met the amused gaze of the bouncer at the door of Cindi’s Cabaret. At six-four, no one ever called Lucius honey, but the man had about three inches on Lucius and outweighed him by about thirty pounds. Lucius figured that extra weight was all muscle as well.

It didn’t matter how uncomfortable he felt about watching men dressed as women. There were extenuating circumstances forcing him to enter the building. He paid the cover charge and slipped into the crowd. Lucius fought the urge to slap his forehead. God, he sounded like an obnoxious asshole.

He didn’t have any problem accepting the fact he was gay, but going to see a show where men dressed as women freaked him out a little bit. It was his problem to deal with, not anyone else’s, and he wasn’t going to judge the men who did it. Not even if they liked dressing in women’s clothes outside of work.

After finding a seat, he looked at the program sitting on his table. He found the name he was looking for. Ms. Veronica Lake would be performing in the first set. His heart skipped a beat. Christ, one would think he was a kid with his first crush. Yet Ronnie had been his first crush, first everything really, but ten years without any contact should have dulled his reaction to even just the thought of seeing Ronnie again.

I’ll have a whiskey straight up.”
“Okay. Be right back.”
He nodded, and scanned the crowd. It seemed busy for a

weeknight. It was a mixture of tourists, laughing uncomfortably at each other, and regulars who came every week to watch their favorite entertainers. The research Lucius had done before he arrived at Cindi’s told him the cabaret was one of the most popular nightspots in the French Quarter, which was saying a lot. On weekends, it was standing room only, plus a waiting line outside and down around the block.

The crowd parted for a moment and Lucius caught sight of a man sitting at one of the VIP tables. Dressed all in black, big burly bodyguards surrounded the man. Lucius shifted a little more into the shadows enveloping his table. He didn’t want Cameron to see him. Not yet anyway.

“Here you go, sir. Would you like to pay as you go or start a tab?”
“I’ll pay now. And I was wondering if you could do me a favor.” Lucius pulled out cash to pay for the drink. He also set a fifty-dollar bill on the waiter’s tray, along with a yellow paper rose and a note. “Could you deliver this to Ms. Lake for me?”
The waiter looked unsure, and Lucius rushed to reassure him. “I’m not a stalker.”
The young man’s eyebrows went up, drawing a strangled laugh from Lucius.
“I’m sure you probably hear that a lot. I’m an old friend of Ms. Lake’s. We went to high school together. I really need to talk to her…or him. I’m not sure what Ronnie wants to be called nowadays.” Lucius muttered the last part, not caring if the waiter heard him.
Wary brown eyes studied him, and he couldn’t help but be glad the workers at the cabaret took the performers’ safety and privacy seriously. He pushed his coat out of the way and showed the waiter his badge.
“I’m not looking to get Ronnie in trouble. I just would like to talk to him/her, privately if I could.”
The guy nodded. “I’ll give it to Ms. Lake, but I can’t promise she’ll want to talk to you. She’s busy.”
“I know and I’ll wait until she’s free. I’ll be enjoying the show.”
He watched the waiter move away and sighed at how young the kid looked. Maybe it wasn’t that the kid was young. Maybe it was simply that Lucius felt old. Some days were worse than others, and this was one of those days. Going into work this morning, he never in a million years believed he’d end the night watching a drag show.
The lights dimmed even more and Lucius sipped his whiskey as the first act came on. By the time Ronnie came on, Lucius had had two drinks and was enjoying himself. The performers were wonderfully talented, and he understood why Cindi’s had the reputation it did.
When the waiter returned with his second drink, he told Lucius, “Ms. Lake will see you after her set’s finished. Someone will come and get you.”
“Thank you.” He tipped the man another ten.
The waiter shook his head. “I don’t know who you are, man, but I’ve never seen Ronnie’s eyes light up like that. You must’ve been a good friend of hers.”
“She was a better friend to me than I ever was to her.”
The club went dark and the crowd tensed, anticipation weighing down the air.
“Now, gentlemen and ladies, the singer you’ve all been waiting for…Ms. Veronica Lake.”
Lucius straightened, his breath catching in his chest. For the past two years, since he’d returned to New Orleans, he’d wanted to find Ronnie and talk to him, explain why he’d done what he’d done, but he couldn’t find the courage. It seemed wrong that it took Lucius’ job to get him to contact his old friend.
The haunting refrains from “Defying Gravity” echoed through the quiet room as the curtain drew back and Ronnie stepped out onto the stage. Lucius’ cock immediately stood up at attention. Holy shit, the years had been kind to Ronnie, and even though his hair and eye color were different, Lucius recognized his friend.
Long blond hair waved over pale white shoulders, and the right side draped over Ronnie’s face in Veronica Lake’s famous peek-aboo style. Big blue eyes, framed with long, dark lashes, sparkled under the lights. Lush red lips curled into a sultry smile as Ronnie strolled up to the microphone.
The strapless scarlet full-length gown fit Ronnie like a glove, and Lucius reached down to adjust himself, suddenly longing for more room in his pants. A slit graced the left side of the dress, slicing up to the middle of Ronnie’s thigh, and when he moved, it revealed stiletto heels and the lace of thigh-high stockings.
“Something has changed within me.”
Ronnie’s husky voice rang over the speakers, yet it was so quiet in the club that Ronnie didn’t need the mic. Even though Lucius knew it wasn’t possible, it felt like Ronnie sang right to him. His friend wouldn’t be able to see him this far back in the theater in the dark. But for two years in high school, Lucius was the only one Ronnie would sing for, and listening to Ronnie’s pure voice drew Lucius back all those years to when he’d first met Ronnie.

Another new school and another day of being sized up as the new kid. Lucius hated it with every atom in him, but his father wouldn’t listen when he’d begged to stay with his grandmother in Texas. He hadn’t wanted to move his junior year in high school. Unfortunately, his father went where the money was, and that meant going to Louisiana and working on the oil rigs in the Gulf. That meant his third school since entering the eighth grade. Lucky for Lucius, he liked school and managed to do well enough to keep his grades up in each school. Keeping friends was the hardest part.

Lucius glanced up from the paper in his hand with his locker number to find his gaze land on the cutest ass he’d seen in forever. The person it belonged to was slender and wore his light brown hair in waves to his shoulders. Lucius stared at the boy in front of him. He knew the person was male because Lucius had never been attracted to girls, not even when he first realized there were two different sexes. He admitted to himself when he was fifteen that he was gay, just never mentioned it to anyone else. He wasn’t about to give his dad another reason to hit him, and his mother would’ve dragged him to church for an exorcism or something.

As he watched, two big kids strutted down the hallway, and one deliberately ran into the brunette. Books and papers went flying, and the other students moved out of the way, not wanting to get involved. Lucius had seen bullies in all the schools he’d gone to, and while he’d always chosen to stay out of it, something wouldn’t let him do that this time.

Rushing forward, Lucius elbowed one of the big guys, driving it deep into the kid’s gut. He knelt to help the brunette pick up his things.

The one he’d hit was doubled over, groaning slightly. The other guy glared at Lucius.
“Oh, sorry. Didn’t see you there.” He grinned as he lied.
“Pay attention next time, and why are you helping the fag here? He’s the one who likes to be on his knees.”
The boy crouched next to Lucius winced, but didn’t say anything. Lucius growled low under his breath and started to surge to his feet. A hand resting on his arm stopped him. He met golden hazel eyes peeking at him through bangs.
“Don’t. It’s not important.”
Lucius wasn’t sure about that, but he honored the kid’s request. After getting all the books and papers into a pile, he straightened, making sure to step on one of the bullies’ feet. He got shoved back into the boy, but he was ready for it, so he gripped the kid and they both found their balance without dropping anything else.
“Maybe you’re a fag as well. Maybe that’s why you’re not upset about being on your knees.”
He sighed and rolled his eyes. “Call me what you want, but I’ll be calling you an ignorant redneck jackass each time you do.”
The students surrounding them snickered, and Lucius saw the flush on the bullies’ faces.
“I’m not ignorant,” one of them mumbled.
“But you are a redneck jackass? Oh, good, I want to make sure I get my name calling right. Hate to call someone something they might not be.” Lucius eyed the other kids. “I have to get to my home room. Morning entertainment is over.”
“For now, but I’ve got my eye on you, new kid.”
“Now who’s the fag? You gonna check out my ass while you’re keeping an eye on me?” Lucius rolled his eyes and turned away to face the boy. “Hi, I’m Lucius Montagne.”
“Ronnie Lake.” The soft voice was musical and beautiful, just like the kid.
“Would you know where I could find room three-forty-two? I think I’ve wandered around this entire fucking school looking for it.” He held out the paper with his homeroom number on it.
Ignoring the bullies seemed to work for the moment. Everyone wandered off toward their rooms, leaving Lucius and Ronnie in the hall together. Ronnie nodded and gestured in the direction they’d been going.
“I’m in the same home room. We could walk together.”
Ronnie ducked his head like he expected Lucius to refuse the offer. Hell, no, Lucius might not be out to the world, but he was more than willing to admit he was extremely attracted to Ronnie. Thank God he wore baggy jeans to school because his cock had taken a severe interest in the slender boy.
“Great.”
He fought the urge to offer his arm for Ronnie to take or to grab the kid’s books away from him to carry. Just because Ronnie seemed effeminate didn’t mean he wanted Lucius to treat him like a girl.
They’d spent the day together after finding out that their schedule coincided and Lucius’ outlook on the Podunk little town his father had dragged him to changed at the instant friendship he created with Ronnie.
After school, Lucius started to walk back to the house his father rented. It was about five miles away, and the threatening rainstorm broke as he left school. Ronnie had raced off after the last bell rang, and Lucius didn’t get to ask him if he’d have lunch with him the next day. Hunching in his light jacket, Lucius trudged down the side of the road, trying to decide what to do about his attraction to Ronnie.
A horn startled him, and he paused as a blue truck pulled up beside him. The window rolled down and he saw Ronnie peer out at him.
“You want a ride home?”
Never one to look a gift horse in the mouth, Lucius nodded. Ronnie opened the door and slid over, letting Lucius climb in. A reed-thin woman sat behind the steering wheel, a cigarette dangling between her fingers.
“Mom, this is Lucius. He’s new in school.”
“Ma’am.” Lucius was raised to be polite.
Ronnie’s mom grunted at him, but didn’t say anything. She took a drag on her cigarette and blew the smoke out her window. “Where do you live?”
Lucius gave directions, and Ronnie nodded.
“That’s two houses down from us. Maybe we could give you a ride to and from school. If you want?” Ronnie offered, without even glancing at his mother.
“I’d like that. I could probably get some gas money from my dad, so you wouldn’t have to pay for it all.”
“We can work something out.” Ronnie didn’t dismiss Lucius’ offer outright.
That day was the beginning of the closest friendship Lucius had ever had with anyone; even his army buddies didn’t know him as well as Ronnie did. It was a friendship he still regretted letting go.