Endless Days (The Firsts) (6 page)

“I haven’t had sex with anyone in years, Kav.  But…I can’t have it with you.  I can’t be with a vampire.  You’ll swallow me whole.”

He groaned.  “Ah, that is exactly what I want to do.  I want to feed from you and I want to eat you.  In every way possible.  I know you don’t think you want me…”

She mumbled and looked at the ground.

He lowered his head to try to see her face.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?”

Cherise lifted her head.  “I didn’t say I didn’t
want
you.  I said I
shouldn’t
.”

He stood still, his
eyes locked on her.  And although he could move as fast as lightning, he moved toward her painfully slowly.  Her head was still cradled in his large hands and he touched her lips gently with his own.  Oh, how he had lied to the man he sent away just now.  She smelled like heaven and sex and like she was already his.  He kissed her again, no tongue, and waited for her to moan in protest, which she did.  He kissed her once more, lips only, an she grabbed him and forced his lips apart.  He gave her his tongue then, and he was all in…the kiss even deeper and more passionate than he’d intended.  And he knew, even though he couldn’t remember any other woman’s kiss, he’d never known a kiss like this.  He’d never wanted anyone like he wanted this irritating, pain in the ass woman who he needed to enter with more than his thrusting tongue.  His erection was so painful now, he had to reach down and release it from the tight jeans.  He needed her, and oh, fuck yeah, she needed him.

He swept her into his arms and carried her into the little cabin, through it to the small bedroom that was every bit as frilly as the living room.  But her bed was large and thank god, because he was anything but small.  He laid her down on top of
the plush comforter and came down on top of her.  She could feel how much he wanted her, as his body fitted itself between her legs.  But she was so small, he was afraid he’d hurt her.

“Are you okay?” 
he asked.

She didn’t speak, and buried her head in his shoulder.  He rolled off of her and lifted her head.  Tears glistened in her eyes.

“Cherise, have I hurt you?”

She shook her head.  He didn’t understand.

“What’s wrong?”

“I can’t do this.  I can’t be with you.  You’re vampire. 
More than.”

He shook her head.  Didn’t know what she meant.  “So?  Humans have sex with vampires all the time
.”

She pushed herself off the bed.  “But I’m not
just human.  If we do this, I might bond to you.  And then we’ll be bound.  I’ll know you more than you would ever want anyone to know.  I’ll know who you are in your deepest self and who you’ve been.  See, that’s the quickest way for me to unlock your past…if we have sex, I may become linked to you.  But…it’s permanent.  You could move on if you wanted, but I…I’d be stuck.  It’s beyond painful if a relationship doesn’t work out for an empath.  So, Kav, it isn’t simple and it isn’t just sex.  That’s why I wanted to kill my desire for you with James.  He would be just that … just

uncomplicated
sex.  I hoped that the only reason I wanted you was because it had been so long for me.”

“But that’s not the case.”

“I don’t know.  I don’t understand why I want you so much.  Just…please, just go home.  I can’t do this.”

“Will feeding me be…possible?”

She shook her head.  “I don’t know.  I…I can try.  But not tonight, okay?  Can you wait until tomorrow?”

He nodded.  “I still think we can be together…”

She grabbed him and kissed him again, thrust her tongue into his mouth and looked into his eyes.  Her hand found him, where he’d released himself from the tight pants, and held him, her fingers moving along his length.  He felt dizzy, imbalanced, and even though he was lying down, he knew he could not have stood up even if he wanted to.  Images shaped around him, exploded outward, people, things, places he did not recognize.  He felt like he was falling, like he was being assaulted.  Suddenly it stopped and the tilting world stilled again.  Cherise had stepped back, away from him, and was looking at him with sadness in her eyes.

“I was right.  We would bond.  We cannot ever do this.  So, if I feed you, you have to maintain your distance.  You have to promise, Kav.”

He didn’t think he could.  But…

“I’ll try.”

“Alright.  Well, go home and then come back here tomorrow night.”

He didn’t know what else to do, so he got off the bed and turned to her.  “I won’t be able to stop wanting you.”

“As long as we don’t act on it, we can do this.  And…another thing.  Your name…your real name…is David.”

That shocked him.  He thought about it for a moment.  It didn’t seem right.  He had a bad vibe from the name.  “I think I like Kav better.”

“Okay.  Tomorrow, then.”

He left and she threw herself down on the bed.  And cried like she hadn’t since she was a young girl and knew what pain her future would hold.  But she was crying for him now, because in her limited glimpse of his life, she saw moments, seconds, and there was terrible pain and torture in his past.  She knew one reason why he didn’t want to remember.  This was what she would have to find, through other methods, for him to heal.  He would have to know and face his past and it would be hard. 
Painful for both of them.  For her, partially because she would relive those moments of this life with him, and partially because she was coming to care for him.  Above and beyond the physical attraction, she was feeling some bonding already with him as a man.

She rolled over and stared at the pretty reflections on the ceiling
, caused by moonlight passing through a prism wind chime in the window.  This would not go well for her, either.

CHAPTER FOUR

              Margaret hit her up as soon as Cherise came through the door. 

“So…how did it go?”

Having barely recovered from her crying jag just a few hours ago, she didn’t feel like dealing with…well, anything, today.  And this
was
her shop, so she
was
the boss.

“Margaret, it went fine.  Now, I’m exhausted and I will discuss this later, I promise.  For now, though, please handle the front and I’ll get the kitchen.  I have a bad headache and I just want to be invisible for a while, okay?”

With a soft look of sympathy, Margaret nodded and took point at the counter.  She’d realized that Cherise meant she did not feel like their usual chatter and banter, so she left her alone.  Except for calling back orders, she didn’t bother Cherise, and god, was she grateful for it.  The headache hadn’t been a lie…she had a mother of one.   And no medication in the world could help her…it came from the imbalance inside her spirit and mind.  She’d connected with Kav’s spirit last night and a part of it was still within her.  That was also one of the difficult parts for an empath…the connections that were psychically painful were often physical as well.   And because she’d let herself bond with him a little, it was even worse.  Tonight, she would have to tell him what he was.  Open him up to his heritage.   It wouldn’t be easy.

After two hours of cooking, even the low clatter of carefully handled pots and pans had her head aching much worse.  She went to the window between the kitchen and the dining area.

“Margaret,” she called softly, “I wonder if you would call Chelsea and see if she can come in.  I need to go home and close my eyes.  The headache won’t subside like this.”

“Sure, honey.  That must have been
some
date.  I’ll call her right now.”

Cherise nodded and sat down in her wicker chair with her head in her hands. 
A moment later Margaret tapped her on the arm.

“Go home, honey.  Chelse will be here in twenty minutes.  Go home and get well.”

With a deeply drawn breath of relief, Cherise took her bag and headed out.  The brilliant sunshine shot light at her that she could not stand, even with dark sunglasses covering her squinting eyes.  As soon as she reached home, she pulled all the blinds and dropped into her bed.  Her cats joined her and she rolled up next to them and willed herself to sleep.  The headache would go away, but not until she had time tonight to meditate and put things right in her mind.  She would need darkness and solitude to do that, so she hoped she could go unconscious until then.

Kav had nightmares throughout the day…not like before.   These were detailed and had faces in them he knew he should recognize.  
Although he didn’t.  His own face, seen through the eyes of someone else.   Sharp pain, inflicted over, and over and over…   Endless….  endless days of exposure to sunlight…burns to the soul…then healing…to be exposed all over again…to burn and heal…burn and heal…endlessly…   Stabbings, bullet holes…pain, never ending pain.  Starvation, one of the worst things for a vampire.  His soul was dying even though his body couldn’t. 
Stop.
 
Please stop…

Let me die…

She was rolling back and forth.  The cats had to leave.  They both just stood on the floor looking at her, worried.  The dreams…torture…what they did to him…endlessly…   There was no escape…they took his power…   He burned…
oh, god, help him
…he burned from the outside in…hotter than any flame, more painful than if someone lit him up with kerosene and a match.  Ultraviolet and vampires…the most combustible combination on earth.  Pain like no other being could know.  Burned alive…then pulled back before the brink of death…endless…days he could not count…nights when he should be free of pain, but no…  That’s when they came with weapons.   Torture…for years…

Why?

Cherise woke violently, sat up so quickly she worried about whiplash.  It felt like her body was on fire, her face and eyes burning as if someone had torched her.  Her eyes shot around the room, dark now from the absent sun, searching for…what?   The torturers…so real…in her mind…so real.  She scooted off the bed and peeled off her clothes, then went to the shower and turned on cold water, stepped under the shower head and let it cool the heat.  Water…most basic element of all life, of blood, of skin, of bone.  It did what she sought…it brought her out of the dreams and let her mind calm.

But, oh, that poor man, what he had suffered...
how could she ever help someone who had lived through that?  How could anyone survive intact?  Her answer was immediate.   He hadn’t.   That’s why his aura was dim.  His life force was fractured.  He was so damaged.

She planted her hands on the cool tile and leaned in, lifting her face directly under the flow of water to caress her cheeks.  He needed her. 
More than anyone ever.  She could not turn away from him.  It would be inhuman.  
Beyond
inhuman.  And there was the fact that he was so much more than just a vampire.
Could she save him?
  She really didn’t know…

When Kav came to her house, only candles lit
the darkness again.   He checked the door, was it locked?  No, she still left it open…so he entered.  She wasn’t inside.  He continued to the garden to find her there with a huge mug of tea.  She was curled up in a wicker rocking chair with her wet hair cinched up in a messy bun.  So pretty…   He had to stop thinking of how beautiful she was…

“Cherise.  It’s me.  Are you up to feeding me?”

He came over and straddled a footstool in front of her.   Her eyes met his as she took a sip of the tea.

“No.  But I will.  You need to eat, and I’m your only choice.”  She stared at him quietly, her eyes hooked his and they just looked
at each other.  Then she asked, “How are you tonight?”

“Um…”   He looked away, scanned the small yard as if he were
searching for something.   “I really don’t know.  I’ve dreamed since I woke up here a few months ago.  Less so recently.  Until tonight.  And nothing like the content.  Tonight, I slept through a horror film, a nightmare.  Torture, pain, humiliation.  I…”  He stopped and scanned the yard again.  Then he spoke so quietly, she had to lean in to hear him.  “I think it was me.  Uh…I think the man being tortured was me.”

He stared into her soul and it broke her heart.  Cherise unfurled her legs and slid off the chair onto the ground.   Seated on the footstool, he wasn’t far off the ground himself, so, when she knelt in front of him and put her arms around his neck, they were able to get in close.   She put her lips against his cheek and kissed it softly.  He could feel the moisture against his skin and pulled back.  Her eyes were wet.

“It was.  Your past…it is very bad, vampire.”  This time, instead of using the word vampire like an insult, she said it with gentleness.  “I don’t know if I can help you…but I will try with my last breath.  It will be very painful, for both of us, but it must be done if you are ever to heal.  You cannot live this broken life.”

He drew
in her scent deeply, then buried his head against her throat, grazed it with his fangs, then kissed the same spot.  He didn’t know if he had ever been in love, but he thought it might feel very much like this…what he felt when he was with this remarkable woman.   His body reacted immediately to her, his respiration fired up, his heart beat stronger, his cock stiffened.  He didn’t think he just wanted her, he thought he
needed
her.  And he thought that was probably not a good thing for
her.  
He was bad news.  Just the fact that she just told him that she would go through a great deal of pain to help him.  And that she was willing to do so.  He wouldn’t let her, not to help the likes of him.  Kav had wondered if perhaps the reason that he’d forgotten who he was, was that he wasn’t a good man.