Enlightened (3 page)
Wow. That was news to me, and it hit me like a punch to the stomach. ‘This is a little crazy, sweetheart, we’ve been together a long while now. Those women are in my past; they mean nothing to me.’
Sighing, Stella nodded as her fingers absently played over my bare chest, ‘I know, and I also know that this is probably irrational of me, that’s why I never told you before, but I can’t help it, they always spring to my mind.’ Stella’s eyes narrowed as a look of distaste settled on her features. ‘For example, can you honestly tell me that I’m the only person you’ve had sex on this sofa with?’ My loud swallow spoke a thousand words. No, she was not the only woman I’d fucked on this sofa. I winced, in fact I think I’d struggle to count the number on women who’d been below me on this leather … not that I’d share that thought with Stella.
Seeing my wince Stella sighed, ‘You see? I
hate
that thought,’ she grimaced, pushing herself upright as if the sofa was suddenly repellent to her. Standing, she began pulling on my discarded shirt for cover, leaving my arms feeling achingly empty as I sat up. ‘I’m sure I’m not the only woman who’s pleasured you on the kitchen table either? Or against those windows?’ Her voice was rising now, and although I did agree with her that it was a little irrational, it was clear that the thought upset her. ‘It’s too crowded here for me. I know that sounds stupid, Nathan, but that’s the reason, OK? I could never live here full-time and be happy, and I know your apartment is beloved to you so I guess we’re at an impasse.’ She smiled weakly at me. ‘Plus, you don’t have a conservatory,’ she added in a soft attempt at a joke, ‘I’ve always wanted to live in a house with a conservatory.’
Even with her attempt at lightening the mood I found myself sat in stunned silence. Wow. This was a hell of a lot to take in. It certainly explained why Stella was always so keen on having sex in my bedroom though … I’d never thought much beyond the fact that the bed was big and comfortable, but clearly Stella had chosen the location for a whole different reason. Running a hand through my hair I licked my lips, unsure what to say next. Christ, so I’d have to move out if I wanted to live with her? Leave the first building I’d ever designed, the apartment that was hugely symbolic to me as not only the start to my new life, but also a final end to my abusive childhood? I’d designed this apartment when I was still living at home with my parents, long before I’d even qualified as an architect. It had been my way of releasing some of the tension I held inside me, and I’d poured out my frustrations and longings to escape into planning where I would live when I eventually did leave. In that sense, this place had been my refuge over the years, even before it had even become a reality – but on the other hand Stella was fast becoming my rock. Shaking my head to try and clear my thoughts I realised I was going to need to do some serious thinking to sort this problem out.
Turning to the left I raised my head and my gaze locked with Stella’s. I was expecting her to be annoyed at my hesitation, pissed off because my apartment meant so much to me, but to my surprise I saw a sympathetic smile on her face. Reaching her hand across she took mine and lifted it to her lips, kissing the palm. ‘I know what you went through to build this place, Nathan, and I totally understand why it’s so important to you. Let’s not rush things, OK? Maybe given time I’ll feel more at home here.’
Even now, when it should be me making her feel better, Stella was still trying to look out for me. Shaking my head I smiled weakly. Her compassion never failed to amaze me. Drawing in a deep breath I remained silent, not yet sure what to say, so instead I stood up, scooped Stella into my arms, and carried her towards the bedroom, her only real haven within my home.
Gazing down at her as I walked my eyes travelled over her features as she loosely draped an arm around my neck for support and rested her head on my shoulder. My chest tightened in that strange, warm, way again. I cared for her so fucking much it hurt. Well, that was that question answered then … it looked like I’d be visiting some estate agents in the next few weeks.
Pushing through the doorway to Rebecca’s bookshop I made my way inside, rubbing my hands together and glad to be out of the cold day. Just last week I’d been sat on the balcony of my brother’s apartment enjoying the sunshine, but it seemed like the change to October had brought with it near-torrential rain and sudden temperature drops, making it feeling much more like the start of winter.
Weaving between the stacks of books that always seemed chaotic to me, but according to Rebecca were apparently completely ordered, I finally got to the counter and smiled at Louise, Rebecca’s assistant.
‘Hi, Nicholas, all set for this weekend?’ she asked with a knowing grin. Louise was in on my surprise because I’d had to call her last week and check Rebecca’s intended shifts at the shop. Luckily, she was off for the entire weekend so I could carry out my plan without disrupting the other staff member’s shifts.
‘Yes, everything’s ready, is she out back?’ I asked, tilting my head in the direction of the small office at the rear of the shop. As much I liked Louise – she was one of Becky’s closest friends and also one of her bridesmaids-to-be – I wasn’t exactly one for small talk, so I was keen to find Becky and head off.
‘She is, go on through,’ Louise said, turning her attention to a customer who had just entered the shop.
Making my way down the narrow corridor I had to dodge and negotiate several large piles of books and boxes, presumably new stock –
definitely
not in any sort of order – before I came to Rebecca’s cosy office. When I say ‘cosy’, I’m being polite. In actuality her office is about the size of a broom closet, and that’s being decidedly generous.
Poking my head in, I found Rebecca shoving her laptop into its bag before spinning to me with a huge grin on her face. As much as I might think of myself as a tough guy I just couldn’t help the way I reacted to my girl when she looked at me like that, and as was now the norm, I found myself reflecting her grin like a giddy teenager as I felt my heart start to thump a little faster in my chest. ‘All done?’
Shouldering her laptop bag and grabbing a holdall Rebecca nodded. ‘Yep. I packed a weekend bag this morning like you told me to.’ Stepping forwards she wrapped an arm around my neck and pulled my head down for a quick kiss which sent a fire racing from my lips straight to my groin before she leant back and levelled a narrowed glance at me. ‘Are you going to tell me where we’re going now?’ I had no idea if Rebecca felt the same spark between us every time we touched, but for me, even after a year and a half, the thrilling effect hadn’t faded. I hoped it never would.
Getting a grip on my runaway libido I tried to think with my brain and not my trousers as I smiled down at her. ‘Just for a nice weekend away,’ I replied vaguely, with a waggle of my eyebrows as I took the bag from her hand. ‘Come on, let’s head off and beat the rush hour.’
Just over four hours later we arrived at our destination, Langdale Chase, a beautiful and exclusive country house hotel on the shores of Lake Windermere. Rebecca might not have known my exact destination as I drove, but being born and bred in the Lake District she had realised we were heading for Cumbria as soon as I’d turned off the M6 at junction 36, and had been giddy with excitement ever since.
As I slowly negotiated the gravel driveway towards the hotel Rebecca drew in a gasp. ‘Nicholas, this place is beautiful,’ she murmured softly as she gazed out of the window while I parked the car. ‘I used to do a cycle route as a kid that took us past this hotel, but that’s about as close as I’ve ever been to it.’ Swivelling back around to me as I turned off the ignition I saw Rebecca frown, ‘It’s pretty exclusive here, Nicholas. I wish you’d picked somewhere a bit less pricy, that way I might not feel like such a freeloader.’ Watching as she nervously chewed on a fingernail I smiled and reached across to tug her hand from her mouth, pulling it to my own lips and placing a kiss on the tip. Lowering her hand I stroked her knee reassuringly and gave it a squeeze until Rebecca took the hint and met my calm gaze.
‘But this is my treat for you, Rebecca. I don’t want you paying for anything; that would defeat the point of it being
my treat
,’ I explained patiently, knowing that Rebecca was still a little uncomfortable with the amount of money that resided in my bank accounts. She had no reason to be, I knew she wasn’t after me for my money. After all, I’d seen her own bank statements – Becky had plenty of cash coming in from her business, she wasn’t as well-off as me perhaps, but none the less, she was more than comfortable.
‘Hmmm.’ She hummed a noncommittal noise in the back of her throat, but didn’t sound convinced and I found myself sighing heavily and drawing my hand back into my own lap. Rebecca might be a business owner, and a good one at that, but she was
my
girl, mine to look after and mine to treat to a night in a nice hotel if I bloody well wanted to. Not that a casual treat was entirely my motive for this trip, but Rebecca would find that out soon enough. Enough was enough, I might be softening up, but she still needed to know that I could and would take care of her if I damn well wanted. Swinging the car door open I fixed her with a firm look and saw her slightly flinch as she registered it. ‘Rebecca, stop overthinking everything. Just relax and enjoy yourself. For me?’
At my exasperated tone I saw Rebecca’s eyes soften and she eventually smiled ruefully. ‘I’m sorry, Nicholas.’ Blinking several times, she exhaled a deep breath through her nose and then nodded towards the grand building. ‘I didn’t mean to be ungrateful, this place looks amazing. Thank you.’
I had in no way intended for this weekend to start off with tension, so as I rounded the car to Rebecca’s side I calmed myself and rolled off my shoulders before opening her door and flashing my award-winning grin at her. ‘Come on, my beautiful girl. Let’s get inside.’ Glancing down at her again I saw her cheeks were pink and I grinned – I loved the way Rebecca flushed when I complimented her; it seemed to make her entire being glow with happiness. Happiness that
I
had caused, which in turn did stupidly soppy things to my own insides.
Smiling shyly at me Rebecca took my extended hand and allowed me to assist her from the car as if I were a true bred gentleman and not some ex-loser fraud attempting to turn over a new leaf. Letting the warmth from Rebecca’s palm soak into my skin, I absorbed the tingles with a smile, pushed thoughts of my less than salubrious past aside and focused on the present. Quite simply, it was this woman and her gentle ways who had changed me so radically, and I couldn’t be more thankful for that fact.
Taking her hand we began crunching over the gravel towards the impressive building, her thumb caressing the back of my hand and me probably squeezing her digits just a bit too tightly because of my anticipation. This was it, I’d get to tell Rebecca my secret soon. God, I hoped she was pleased. But I suppose only time would tell. Mounting the steps together we entered the beautiful wood panelled entrance hall and I felt Rebecca’s arm lag slightly as she paused to take in the impressive surroundings. After a brief glance around my eyes landed on the reception counter and as we approached I drew in a steadying breath, desperately hoping that the smiling girl there was the one I’d spoken to on the phone just as few hours earlier.
‘Good afternoon, welcome to Langdale Chase.’ She beamed at us both before raising her eyebrows expectantly as her fingers hovered over the keyboard, waiting to check us in.
‘Good afternoon,’ I reluctantly released the warmth of Rebecca’s hand as I reached into my jacket pocket to retrieve my wallet. ‘We have a room booked in the name of Mr Jackson. Nicholas Jackson,’ I added. The girl’s eyes flicked to mine briefly and I saw a spark of recognition there. Quite apparently she was the staff member I’d spoken to earlier, and from the small smile now playing on her lips it was apparent she remembered my request to delay our check-in. Thank goodness for that, part one of my plan was slipping into place.
As if on cue she clicked a few buttons on the computer keyboard and then frowned minutely. ‘I do apologise, Mr Jackson, your room isn’t quite ready yet,’ she said with an apologetic smile. Persuading the hotel to tell us our room wasn’t ready had actually taken quite some doing – apparently a fancy hotel like this didn’t keep its paying guests waiting for their rooms, even if it was for a good reason, but after explaining my intentions the manager had warmly agreed and handed me over to the receptionist so I could explain what I needed her to do.
‘It shouldn’t be too long. Would you would like a drink in the lounge? On us, of course. Or perhaps you’d like to make the most of the lovely afternoon and have a stroll around the house and gardens?’ The small smile and blink of her eyelashes would have looked completely innocent to most people, but seeing as I knew I wanted to take Rebecca around the house I couldn’t help but smile back at the girl conspiratorially. ‘That sounds like an excellent plan,’ I agreed, managing to suppress my smile as I turned to Rebecca and retook a hold of her hand.
‘Which would you rather? Drink, or wander?’ I asked, fairly sure that I knew her well enough by now to guess that Rebecca was inquisitive and liked to explore new places.
‘Let’s walk. My legs could do with a stretch after all that time in the car,’ Rebecca said, smiling at the receptionist and then stretching out her shoulders. Perfect, that was exactly what I’d hoped for.
Nodding, we set off around the extensive property. The grounds were very impressive, and as we walked we passed beautifully tended beds one minute, and then wilder, wooded areas the next, but the most awe-inspiring thing was the lakeside positioning of this beautiful building. Wandering down to the water’s edge we had a great view over Lake Windermere and paused on a small jetty to watch the gentle breeze propel a small sail boat across the surface of the water. Rebecca glanced over her shoulder and then shuffled back a few steps so she was positioned in front of me with her back pressed up against my chest. Smiling to myself at her move I wrapped my arms around her and tugged her backwards even further so that not a scrap of space was between us and leant my head into the side of hers.
Once we had lingered in our own little world for a few minutes we set off again, this time back inside the building where we set about a brief exploration of the house. Wandering through a series of wood-panelled rooms, all a beautiful dark oak that seemed to have mellowed over time to a gorgeous warm caramel colour, we eventually came to a room which I immediately recognised. Smiling to myself I felt my heartbeat accelerate in my chest from anticipation. This was it, the moment was nearly here. This room was a little smaller than others we had passed through, but beautifully decorated, with a stunning staircase wrapping its way around one wall before curving down to the centre of the room. Behind the staircase was a series of huge picture windows, giving masses of light to the space and allowing almost panoramic views over the stunning grounds beyond.
I felt a slight sweat break out on the back of my neck, I felt almost as nervous as the day I’d proposed. ‘This place is like something out of a fairy tale,’ Rebecca murmured softly as her gaze travelled up to the walkway and balconies that ran around the upper half of the room. As if in a daze she dropped my hand and made her way up the first few steps to gaze out of the window down towards the lake.
I simply couldn’t wait any longer – it was as if a bubble had formed inside of me that had suddenly grown to such huge proportions that it was likely to burst at any second, and suddenly I found myself almost tripping as I charged up the stairs behind Rebecca and grabbed her hand. Seeing her look of surprise at my uncoordinated dash, I marginally reined myself in and paused to control my voice before asking the question I could no longer hold back. ‘Shall I book it, then?’ I asked, cocking my head to the side so I could fully absorb her reaction.
Looking at me in confusion Rebecca frowned, ‘I thought we already had a room booked for tonight? The receptionist just said it wasn’t ready yet.’
Allowing a smile to break on my lips I took hold of her other hand so that both were clasped in mine. ‘For our wedding. Would you like to get married here, Rebecca?’ I enquired softly, praying she said yes, because even with my significant bank balance the amount I’d paid as a deposit for this place would definitely be missed.
My pulse was pounding as I waited for her reply, but the reassuring touch of her hands was keeping me grounded. Just. ‘I … I …’ Rebecca tried to speak several times, her eyes darting around the room again until they rested on me and I saw the first flicker of excitement mix with her stunned confusion. ‘What?’ she whispered, her grip on my fingers strengthening significantly.
‘I told a little fib, this isn’t just a weekend away. I wanted to show you this place as a potential wedding venue. What are your thoughts?’ I asked, my heart practically in my mouth by this point.
Blinking at me several times with wide eyes I began to panic at Rebecca’s lack of response until suddenly she took me completely by surprise and hurled herself at me with an excited yelp. And I mean she literally threw her whole body up into my arms so she was clinging to me, legs wrapped around my waist, arms tight about my neck, and her face burrowed into my shoulder. Thank fuck that I was paying attention otherwise we might have both ended up falling down the bloody stairs, but as it was I caught her, adjusted my stance, and cradled her trembling body against mine as I lowered my lips to her hair and spoke near her ear. ‘Is that a yes?’ I asked as I inhaled her beautiful scent, ‘You like it?’
Raising her face from my neck I saw tears welling in Rebecca’s eyes, but just as I was about to go into full panic mode I watched the most stunning smile curve her lips. ‘I love it, Nicholas, it’s amazing.
You’re
amazing.’ Seconds later her lips found mine and as she kissed me senseless I tasted her sweet, soft flavour mixed with the salt of her tears.
As her tongue danced with mine Rebecca’s hands slid up my neck, ran through my hair, and even clawed a little at the nape of neck. By the time she had finished laying that stunning kiss on me I had such an enormous hard-on that I winced as she brushed against me while I lowered her back to her feet. Grinning wickedly she then leaned in and cupped me through my jeans, giving my cock a warm, firm squeeze that very nearly finished me off there and then. ‘Rebecca,’ I warned in a low growl as she continued to rub me, making me swell even more, but she ignored my warning, licking her lips and simply continuing with her teasing touch. Catching her wrist in a firm grip I halted her mischievous hand and gently pulled her to my side whilst I adjusted my groin and then flashed her a rueful smile.