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“Mm, hmm,” she answered languidly.

“Tenfold?”

“Yep …” she answered confidently.

Kane rolled her to her back before the fire, “Then
I should get started right away.”

Chapter 26

Kane stirred a cup of coffee at the counter after carefully having added two packets of sugar before handing it to Susanna who was at the table. 

“I’m becoming nocturnal,” she smiled as she took the cup, “with a little help from caffeine.”

Kane sat across from her, “It’s not a good way to live
. You will start to miss the daylight.”

“We can turn on
all the lights in here and pretend.”

“Not the same,” Kane chided.

“I’ll get use to it,” she took a sip of her coffee and eyed him over the rim.

Kane shook his head, “This is madness.”

“What did you think was going to happen?  That I was going to come here and fall in love with you and then just leave and go back to my life in Atlanta?”

Kane reclined in his chair and stretched his long legs before him, “I didn’t think that far ahead
. And I certainly didn’t expect what happened to us … to happen at all.”

“So you had no plan for after you revealed yourself and told me that I was the only one able to see you?”

“Not really, no.”

Susanna laughed, “Men.”

“You could have been married with children or engaged or you could have come in and not given a thought in the world about me and my predicament.  There were a million possibilities of what could have happened, this outcome was just one of them,” Kane tried to reason with her.

“You didn’t know I wasn’t married?”

“I didn’t.  Emma told me she found you and that she had a way of getting you here. That’s all I knew.  I didn’t even know for sure when you were coming,” Kane crossed his feet at the ankles.

“So how did you know it was me when I got here?”

Kane smiled easily, “I just knew.”

“How?” she pushed.

Kane grinned at her, “I could just feel it.  As soon as I saw you I knew, even twenty years after seeing you at this window,” he pointed beside him, “I knew it was you.”

Susanna smiled at him, “
What if I hadn’t come?  What if the magazine sent someone else.”

“Then I would have waited,” Kane’s eyes were
reserved, “a handful of years means nothing to me Susanna.”

“And now?”

“A second means a lifetime if it’s away from you,” his copper eyes glowed in the dim light of the kitchen.

Susanna sat contemplating the moment in silence, “Maybe Emma can help me find a job here. I’m sure there is something I can do around this small town,” she stared down into her coffee, “I’ll have to buy a boat or rent one or something.  I certainly can’t expect Bill to bring me back and forth every day.”

“So you’re going to quit your job and move away from your family to live in this place,” Kane waived his arm around the room, “forever.”

“Yes,” Susanna was unyielding, “My definition of forever includes you. It doesn’t matter where I am.  And I’ll somehow get use to being away from you all day and knowing that you’re not … here.”

“And what of your family?”
Kane pressed.

“I’ll tell them I love it up here and that I want to stay.  They’ll understand, and they can certainly come to visit
. They love it up here … in the summertime.”

“And my identity will remain a secret?”

“I’ll tell them you travel … a lot,” she shrugged.

Kane reclined his head and looked towards the ceiling, his fingers lightly tapped the dining room table, “That sounds completely believable.”

“They won’t be here all the time, it’s not like they are going to move here,” she was defiant.

Kane’s jaw went stiff, his gaze still diverted.

Irritated, Susanna asked, “What do you suggest?”

Kane took a deep breath before speaking slowly, “Maybe you should go back to Atlanta and think about what you want before making such a life altering decision.”

“What?” she cried out in disbelief, pushing away from the table.

“I want you to be certain of what you want,” Kane pleaded with her, leaning forward and reaching for her hand.

“I’m certain, I’ve never been
more
certain in my entire life,” her voice was raised and she angrily pulled her hand away from him.

Kane openly winced at her reaction and stared
at the empty table, “Please don’t be angry with me.”

“Why are you pushing me away?” Susanna stood and began to pace in the small room, “Do you not want me here?” there were tears stinging her eyes.

Quickly pushing away from the table, Kane went to her, his hands reaching out to cup her face and tilt her head towards him, “Don’t ever think that. There is nothing further from the truth,” he kissed her forehead and drew her into his chest, “My love for you is overwhelming at times and the need to protect you is as strong if not stronger than it was for Liam and Rayna.  But I can’t help but wonder if I need to protect you from yourself.”

Susanna shook her head back and forth, her face still buried in his chest, “I can handle myself.  I know what I want.”

Kane chose his words carefully, “My life is repetitive and motionless. There will never be anything different.  I want you here more than anything in the world but I can’t help but feel it’s a little selfish of me to ask it of you.”

“You didn’t ask
. You didn’t have to,” Susanna pulled away from him, her eyes puffy with tears, “It’s after one, we’ve only got a few hours until you go again. Let’s not use them doing this … okay?”

Kane nodded, “Okay.”

They sat before the fire for the next few hours and shared more stories of their life and the things and places they loved.  With Susanna guiding the conversation, there was no talk of the future or even the next day. The only thing she couldn’t control was her eyes darting to check the clock on the wall as it felt like the minutes were ticking by too quickly.  Kane noticed this and offered to take it down.

“No,” she answered with a set jaw, “I’m going to have to get use to this
. I might as well start today.”

The time passed too quickly and before they knew it was nearing 6
:00 a.m.  Kane checked the window and could see the hazy rays of dawn rising above the water.

“It’s almost
time,” his smile was both halfhearted and comforting.

Susanna nodded, “I know.”

“Will you be okay today?”

“Yes,” she was determined not to cry.

“Will you eat and get some rest?” he came to sit on the floor in front of her before the fire.

“I promise.”

Kane grinned and leaned in to kiss her gently, “You should rest and eat and save your strength.  I’m still quite … thirsty from my years of abstinence.”

Susanna smiled and a light chill swept over her, “Poor thing,” she whispered.

“Do you want me to go somewhere else?” he asked hesitantly.

“No, it would be equally as bad.  I don’t think it could get much worse than it did yesterday morning,” she answered honestly.

“In more ways than one,” he grinned in response.

As they sat face to face on the blankets,
Kane held up his hand as the first rays of sun began to shine in the small room.  Susanna held hers up to his, pressing into his palm until it felt as if they were one.  She fought to still her heart and quiet her rioting mind and just concentrate on Kane’s smiling face in front of her. 

“Just breathe,” he whispered.

Susanna nodded, summoning her strength.

“Know that I love you with every ounce of my soul, no matter where I am,” his voice was soothing and gentle.

“I love you, too,” Susanna answered, her eyes locked with his.

She could see him starting to fade before she felt him.  She used every ounce of emotional strength she could muster in order to remain still and smile at him.  The warmth of his hand was abruptly gone and yet still she sat, unmoving, staring into his copper eyes that were fading away.

“Soon,” he whispered, his voice distant.

“Soon,” she avowed in return.

And then he was gone. 

Chapter 27

Susanna looked at her lonely hand in the sunlight that only minutes before was pressed against his.  She took a deep shaky breath and closed her eyes as
silent tears slid down her cheeks. 

“It will get better,” she whispered to herself, “it will get easier.”
  She sat alone on the floor for the next hour as the sun climbed in the sky over the island.  Once she felt she had the strength to move she placed more logs on the fire as Kane had showed her and watched the fire spread and warmed the room.  Feeling determined to make the most of her day and to do something productive she set up her laptop at the kitchen table and went to wash her face and put on fresh clothes.  She couldn’t remember the last time she had spent two entire days in her pajamas and the thought of doing it again didn’t appeal to her.  She made a quick breakfast and dressed warmly so she could go out and tend to the sheep and take a quick walk around the island.  The loneliness she felt at Kane’s absence was acute but not overwhelming as it had been the previous day.  She tried not to think of the pain he was experiencing while he was away from her but instead focused on how elated she would be when he returned.  This was her life now, she knew it, she was okay with it, and that gave her the determination to carry on.  She was on the far end of the island when she felt her phone vibrating in her pocket.  Reaching for it she recognized Emma’s number and answered.

“Hi Emma,” she was proud of herself for sounding so normal.

“Hello Susanna.  Better today?”

“Some.  He came back last night
. He’s gone again today but I’m okay with it, it’s just something I’m going to have to get use to.”

Emma was silent on the other end for several seconds before asking, “You’re not giving up are you?”

“Giving up?  No, but until things change this is the way it will be,” Susanna answered with resolve.

“It’s
Saturday Susanna, you are supposed to return to Atlanta tomorrow.”  Emma trailed off.

“I’m not leaving.  I know I haven’t talked to you about it or what my plans are but it’s something we need to discuss.  I’m not going anywhere
. I plan to be here every night of my life, somehow … someway.”

“You can stay as long as you want
. You know that, and I hope Kane does as well,” Emma replied, “but I have to admit this is not how I saw this situation working out.”

“Me either
. But we might not have an alternative,” Susanna stopped to sit on a rock that overlooked the water, “He’s against this by the way.  He told me he doesn’t want me to live like that.”

“That doesn’t surprise me,” Emma said.

“I didn’t give him a choice,” Susanna tossed a small rock out into the water.

“That doesn’t surprise me either.”

“I’m going to call the magazine today.  They already gave me an extension to stay a few extra days.  I’m going to tell them I need more time. It’s the only thing I can think of to do for the moment before I start making bigger changes.  I’ll have to find a job here and quit my job in Atlanta … tell my parents and my friends, you know … all that stuff.”

“We have time for all that
. I’ll tell Bill the magazine wants you to spend another week up here, he won’t question it a bit,” Emma answered, her voice very motherly and soothing.

“Thank you, really … for everything.”

“You’re welcome dear. But I’m not through yet.  I’m still trying to figure all this out.”

Susanna smiled, “You let me know what you come up with.”

“Actually, I did call to tell you something.  The last day, every hour or so I have been meditating and seeking spiritual guidance for your situation.  At the end of my meditation I lay all my cards out and pick one. Just one card out of the entire deck.  I’ve done this many times with mixed results but I’ve never had this happen before.”

“What?” Susanna asked.

“Every time I chose a card, the same card comes up.  I shuffled and even pulled out another set of cards that I haven’t used in years and yet every time I pull the same card. It’s actually quite peculiar.”

“Which card
is it?”

“The Four of Swords.”

Susanna rolled her eyes in frustration because the name of the card meant nothing to her, “What does it mean?”

“It can have so many meanings, as they all can
, but generally speaking it’s a card representing retreat and re-energizing … a form of rest and recovery after a challenge.”

Susanna chewed her lip once again in nervousness, “What else?”

“There’s the tomb of a man in the card.  The tomb is lying in the basement of a church. He is intended to represent the death of someone of noble birth or that of someone with heroic accomplishments.  There are swords hanging on the wall above him.”

“Sounds accurate,” Susanna said.

“In a past reading it represents an idyllic childhood or a time of healing in your past that is complete.”

“What do you think about it?” Susanna was at a loss because she didn’t understand the meaning to the cards at all.

“I’m not sure.  I’m still meditating on it,” Emma answered. 

Susanna silently watched the birds soaring in the distance,
“When it’s time, we do need to have a talk about the future of this place and what I can do … I’m not willing to leave him or live in another place.”

“I know dear
. I know.”

“But we can do it another time.”

“You just rest today and try to stay at peace with your surroundings.  It wouldn’t hurt for you to do some meditation yourself.”

“I wouldn’t know where to start,” Susanna laughed.

“Just find a quite spot and sit in silence. You’ll be amazed at what it can do for you.”

Susanna went back inside and sat at her computer and attempted to put together a few ideas for her article.

She ate a quick lunch and as she did she thought back to her phone conversation with Emma about meditating.  She immediately conjured up pictures of people sitting cross-legged on the floor with the
ir hands resting on their knees, their fingers touching, as they lifted their head toward the ceiling.  It all seemed silly, actually, and she wondered if she could manage to sit like that for more than a few seconds, much less an hour. 

“What the hell, I’ve got nothing else to do,” she thought as she sat before the fire and assumed what she thought was the right position.  She closed her eyes and almost immediately a billion thoughts rushed through her head. 
How did people do this?  How am I supposed to clear my mind? 
She forced everything from her subconscious and focused on the sound of the fire and the repetitive sound of the ticking clock in the corner.  It took her a few minutes but she did feel herself start to relax and feel a bit sleepy.  She thought back to her conversation with Kane about the day he died when he goes back.  She remembered all the details, the keeper’s pipe and knife, the family portraits, the letters and how Kane’s aunt was calling to him from beyond the grave.  She couldn’t help but think the answer was right there in front of them somehow.  She sat silently, attempting to rest her mind and breathe in the spirit of the lighthouse.  It was her only connection to him.  Maybe, just maybe, if she tried hard enough he could feel her somehow on the other side.