Eternal Flame (Eternal Flame #1) (10 page)

He shook his head and heavily sighed.  “Everything is just bad timing right now.”

Kristen was quiet for a moment. “I appreciate that,” she sincerely offered. “I’m sorry you’re going through so much. I wish I could help.”

His lips almost twisted into another smile but it disappeared again. “I wish you could too. But you can’t. No one can. Only time I guess.”

There was another long moment of uncomfortable silence.

“I liked the song,” Kristen told him.  “The one you were singing in the studio.”

Roman scowled and looked away, tossing his glass in the sink. “I don’t like it. I can’t relate to it.”

“Based on the words you were just singing it seems like you would.”

“It’s about forever love. I don’t know what that shit is. I’ve never had it.”

Dying to shorten the distance between them, Kristen walked over to Roman and stood beside him. “Me neither. But I’d like to someday.”

She vulnerably looked at him and he looked back at her, not speaking.

“Did you love her?”

His eyes searched hers. “Yes,” he quietly admitted. “I loved her very much.”

Kristen swallowed hard. Jealousy boiled in her veins like lava. “She’s lucky.”

“She didn’t think so.”

“Then she’s a fool.”

“I think I was the fool.” He paused. He turned his back against the island and leaned against it, bracing his hands on either of his body. He looked at her.  “Did you love him? That guy you broke up with?”

“I thought I did. Now I know I didn’t.”

“What changed your mind?”

She silently looked at him, afraid to answer.

“Was it Diego?”

Her eyebrows wrinkled. “Diego?” Why did he keep going back to Diego?

“Did Diego make you change your mind? Or Nick?”

Kristen didn’t answer right away. Calling his bluff, she looked him square in the eye. “No,” she sensuously replied. “You did.”

The air seemed to immediately suck out of the room. Roman’s dark eyes held hers for longer than was polite. Then everything changed. He backed away from her and walked back into the living area to the window, staring down into the city.

Kristen’s heart was in her throat as she walked into the room. “Did I say something wrong?”

He took so long answering she thought he hadn’t heard her. “No,” was his weary reply. “No.”

Tears threatened her eyes. She worried her top lip with her teeth, feeling stupid. “I’m sorry.”

He looked over at her. “Why are you apologizing?”

She shook her head and defensively crossed her arms under her breasts. “I don’t know where that came from. I don’t know why I said it. I don’t want you to think… Never mind.”

He quietly looked at her then glanced down at his watch. “Oh shit. It’s getting late. I guess we better get to the… party…” He said it like it put a bad taste in his mouth. Just like that, the scowl was back.

“You don’t feel like going, do you?”

He paced back and forth in front of the window. The sun was setting and the glow it cast on his face was flawlessly perfect. “No I don’t,” he sullenly replied.

Kristen walked further into the room and anxiously looked at him, exhaling shakily. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to. We can stay here. I wouldn’t mind.”

Please say we can say here. Please. I’m not ready for this moment to end.

Roman shook his head and sucked his teeth. He put his hands in his back pockets and looked over at her, all the sincere emotion he’d given her earlier completely erased. “No. We’d better get out of here. No since in hanging around here. We’ve been here long enough. We’ve wasted enough time. It’s not helping anything anyway.”

Kristen felt like she’d been slapped in the face. The intimate moments. The almost smile. The heartfelt words. It had all gone to hell and been for naught. That quickly, the wall had gone back up.

She felt like a fool. “Well if it’s not and all of this was a waste of your fucking time and mine, I guess we should go then,” she hurtfully said. “Thanks for the tour.”

The look in his eyes changed and she knew he immediately regretted the way he’d come off to her. But she didn’t give a fuck. He was right. It was time to go. She couldn’t wait to get the hell away from him.

Kristen walked to the couch, yanked up her purse, walked to the front door and went out without saying another word or looking back.

How could someone you barely knew hurt you so much in one day?

That was the question Kristen wished someone could answer for her. She took the elevator down to the lobby by herself, walked out the building, over to the parking garage where she waited beside the passenger door for Roman to come out. He finally did, about fifteen minutes later. He walked straight to the driver’s side without looking at her, unlocked the doors with his alarm key and climbed in, once again neglecting to be a gentleman and help her in. Kristen swore under her breath and all but yanked the door open before climbing in herself. Not addressing her, Roman cranked the Hummer, put the machine in drive, and set off for the long drive back to the Deans’ house. It was going to take them almost an hour to get back to Andover and it was an hour too long in Kristen’s opinion. She hoped he didn’t try and talk to her or make awkward conversation because she didn’t have shit to say to him. Her wish was granted.

The ride back to the country was quiet and tense. The sun had gone down and it was completely dark. Quiet. Roman didn’t turn the radio on this time. Kristen sat close to the door with her arms crossed tight and her mouth pushed out. She refused to look at him. She honestly didn’t care if her door accidentally opened and she fell out. Her injuries couldn’t be more painful than the insensitive way Roman had been treating her on and off all day. She couldn’t wait to get back to Diego and put this crazy but beautiful day behind her. Why had he led on her on? Why had he made her believe their “relationship” or whatever the fuck it was had turned a corner and might lead to something?

She cursed in her head and closed her eyes in defeat. She had fooled herself into thinking it might lead to something. A few stolen glances, long stares, and intimate conversation didn’t lead to love. It was probably something he did with most of the attractive women he came in contact with. Besides, he’d all but admitted that he was carrying a torch for someone and it didn’t seem to matter that the person had hurt him. Kristen was fooling herself. This was a day she’d wanted and she’d gotten it. It hadn’t turned out the way she wanted but it was what it was. She had other options. And she was going to take full advantage of them. She had a day and a half left to enjoy her time in Boston and she planned on doing it with Diego and him only.

Oh yeah and Nick. She couldn’t forget about Nick and their date. And possibly Alex. Her plate was full. Fuck Roman.

Kristen stole a glance out the corner of her eye at Roman and felt her heart sink. His eyes were small and weary. He looked worried. Kristen knew he hated going to the party but the fact that he was showed that he cared more about pleasing his family and honoring his commitments more than he wanted to admit. But the stress he had been under was starting to show.  Every worry line etched on his face was highlighted by the street lights as they drove through the city. The apprehension on his face tugged at her heart and stirred all of her emotions back up. He was driving with one hand; biting the skin on the back of his thumb with the other. He had mentally checked out on her again. He probably forgot she was in the car with him.

Kristen longingly stared at him, willing herself to look away from him. But she couldn’t. Something had been building up inside of her for this man all day and as much as she tried to smother it, suffocate it, negate it, and deny it, it kept coming up again. He pissed her off more than anyone she had ever known all her life but it did nothing to squelch the dull ache between her legs, the pounding of her heart, the breathlessness escaping her lips, or the images of the two of them and what they could be dancing around in her mind. She longed to reach out and run her fingers through his hair and tell him everything would be okay but she didn’t dare. She couldn’t take another rebuff from him. It was just going to have to stay in her mind along with all the other fantasies.

“Happy Birthday!”

From the moment the heavy oak door on the Deans’ compound was opened, Kristen and Roman were thrust into an atmosphere of blinding lights, loud music, chaos, and endless cheers. They were immediately inundated with family, friends, well-wishers, reporters, and photographers. Kristen blinked and felt her heart pound at the sudden onslaught of commotion. She and Roman had been quiet the rest of the way to the house, silent on the way up the drive past the endless vehicles that were parked all over the yard, and quiet still as they climbed the steep stone steps to the front door. The air around them had been fraught with tension and quiet insolence; then they were immediately thrust into the crazy madness of showbiz. They were flooded with light and noise and it completely threw them off. Kristen felt like she was the main attraction at a circus.

Suddenly, she felt a hand grab hers tight. She looked up at Roman and saw the terror and fear in his eyes. She could feel his body trembling against hers as they stood in the doorway and immediately felt protective of him and whatever it was he was feeling. He was completely taken off guard just like her. He held her hand tight and wouldn’t let go. She put her free hand against his hand holding hers and gave it a tender, reassuring rub. He didn’t respond at first so she slightly tugged on his arm. He looked down at her, his eyes flooded with anxiety. He looked like he was struggling to breathe; like he was dry-heaving. She held tender eye contact with him, silently reassuring him and letting him know everything was okay. Momentarily, she saw him visibly relax.

In the midst of all the chaos, no one noticed their unease. Everything happened all at once. Everyone surrounded them, demanding their immediate attention.  Idol journalists bombarded them with questions; their pictures were taken; his family and friends were hugging him and talking animatedly to him and introducing themselves to her. Kristen and Roman were mutually on automatic pilot. Politically correct responses were given to the invasive questions. They forced laughter when it was necessary; robotically carried on frivolous conversations about their day together and the contest as a whole. Of course they left out the part where they’d fought like conflicted lovers.

They put their arms around one another and smiled beautifully for pictures for the magazine and whoever else wanted a photo op. Their nerves were settled; they performed almost like a team and it was effortless. At some point, however, they were pulled away from one another and separated. Their hands slowly slipped away from each-other in the barrage and Kristen immediately felt the cold chill of his absence. He looked back at her and she looked back at him; desperation in his eyes; longing in hers. Before long, she had lost sight of him. Just like that, people who had been hovering over her before either followed in the direction Roman had gone or got back to the party festivities. Kristen helplessly looked around her, feeling like an abandoned child in a department store. The lights were now dimmed but bright enough to see everyone clearly and make her way through the wad of bodies present. The house was packed; there wasn’t an empty spot anywhere. She estimated there had to be over two-hundred people in the downstairs area alone. Where was Joy? She needed to find Joy.

Her eyes scanned the crowd for Joy but she didn’t see her. Or Diego. She did, however, see Nick in the back of the room making out with some too skinny, no ass blond. Alex was all but screwing some brunette on the dance floor as she backed her ass up against him. Well, so much for that shit. Two down; one left. Where was he? And why the fuck was the music so loud? She couldn’t even hear herself think with all that noise. Whose bright idea was it to play Guns n Roses? Roman wasn’t even a Guns n Roses fan. Least, she didn’t think he was. Whoever had hired the DJ needed to be slapped.

As if suddenly realizing she was still there, more people began coming up to her and introducing themselves. She didn’t know who they were. She recognized a few of them as family members she’d seen in magazines. She met Roman’s older brothers Phillip and Chris and finally came face to face with the fifth member of Next Level, Will. He was quite handsome in person and very engaging with her but she felt absolutely no attraction to him. Thank God. Not long after Will walked off, she looked up to see Roman’s mother Patricia walking towards her with a bright, friendly smile on her face. Kristen didn’t know why but she suddenly felt the need to break camp and flee. This was the one who had birthed the man she spent many sleepless nights fantasizing about. She felt embarrassed. If only his mother knew the steamy shit that went on in her head about her son.

Patricia walked close to Kristen and leaned in to her so she could hear. “Hi sweetheart,” she greeted in a sophisticated, northern accent.

Kristen smiled shyly. “Hi.”

“I’m Patricia.”

“I’m Kristen.”

Patricia pulled her in for a tight, long hug. “It is so nice to meet you. Welcome to our home. It’s a pleasure to have you here.”

“Thank you.”

Patricia’s eyes swooped over her and she nodded in approval. “You’re a very pretty girl.”

Kristen blushed in spite of herself. “Thank you Ms. Dean.”

“Patricia, please. So, did you enjoy yourself today? Did you have fun?”

“Oh yes, we had a great time,” Kristen convincingly lied. “I really enjoyed your son very much. He’s a great guy.”

“Yes, he is.” She looked around the house for a moment; then leaned in closer to Kristen, speaking into her ear.  “Thank you so much for spending time with my son and keeping him distracted today. I’m sure you’ve heard he’s been going through a lot. But that all seems to be behind him, at least for the moment.”

Kristen shook her head. “I don’t know if I kept him distracted.”

“Oh I think you did. My son hasn’t taken his eyes off of you since the two of you got here. And that’s saying something.” Patricia gestured in the direction of Roman and Kristen turned around to look.

There were an onslaught of people still gathered around him but Roman’s eyes were on her. Penetrating. Intense. And unflinching. But also emotional. Kristen breathlessly gazed back at him, forgetting Patricia was there. She slightly jumped as Patricia touched her arm.

“Thank you,” his mother earnestly said.

“Thank you for what?”

“I don’t know yet. But I feel like I should thank you. I haven’t seen that look in my son’s eyes in almost three years.”

“What look?”

Patricia nodded towards her son again. “
That
look.”

Kristen self-consciously shook it off and glanced down at the floor. “He’s just looking.”

“Trust me sweetie, that’s not just a look. I know my son. And that look isn’t ordinary. I don’t know what you’ve done, but you’ve done something.”

“I’m just a girl that won a contest.”

“You’re a lot more than that Kristen. Trust me.” Patricia leaned in to give her another tight hug, tighter than the one she’d given her the first time. Kristen uneasily hugged her back, perplexed. The matriarch pulled away from her and squeezed her hand. “I’ll be talking to you later.”

With that, she was gone. Kristen stood there dumbly looking after her, completely confused. Had she seen something Kristen hadn’t seen? Cause she hadn’t seen shit.

“Kristen!”

Kristen unexpectedly turned to see Joy running over to her with a cup in her hand, her wild hair swinging, her green eyes dancing with excitement. Kristen sighed with relief and met her halfway, giving her a grateful hug.

“What’s up slut?” she teased her friend.

Joy playfully swatted Kristen on the behind and bumped against her. “Would you stop calling me that? There is nothing slutty about me. So, what’s up? How’d the rest of your day go?

Kristen helplessly sighed. She stole the drink Joy was holding from her hand and took a long sip.  She was relieved it wasn’t liquor. “Confusing.”

“He still being weird?” Kristen made a face and nodded. “I just met him and told him who I was,” Joy continued.  “He was nice and he said it was nice to meet to meet me, but it was like he looked right through me. He couldn’t keep his eyes off of you though.” Joy gave her a knowing wink and leaned in to her.  “What’d you do to him?”

“I didn’t do anything. I told you this day has been hellla weird.”

“I saw Diego earlier but I don’t know where he went. And I saw Nick and Alex over there.”

‘Did you see the girls they were with?”

“Yeah. So much for them liking you huh?”

“I really don’t care Joy. Honestly. It cuts down on drama I don’t need.” She took another sip of Fruit Punch and handed the cup back to Joy.  “So what’s up with you, Damian and Beau?

Joy fanned herself dramatically and grinned wide. “Damian kissed me!” she whispered excitedly.

“What? Uh-uh!”

Joy nodded wildly. “Yes!”

“Tongue or no tongue?”

“All in with the tongue girl.”

Both girls screamed and jumped up and down, hugging each-other.

Kristen pulled away and anxiously looked at Joy. “When?”

“Right after I got off the phone with you. I don’t know he just went in and did it.”

“Was it good?”

“Incredible. I was feeling tingles in places I never even knew existed.”

Kristen was jealous. She wished she could say the same. She was sure her lips would have cobwebs on them by the time this trip was over. And her cherry would sadly still be intact.

“I don’t know what to do now,” Joy helplessly said, looking torn.