Eternal Spring A Young Adult Short Story Collection (30 page)

Charlie grins and his eyes light up. “And what magazine did
you envision in my hand?”

I find myself blushing. We’re flirting. It almost feels like
old times.

Charlie leans back on the sofa and, quick like a kayak,
slides his arm around my shoulder. He hauls me closer. “Jen, I get that this
has been hard. If I’d known—”

“You’d what?” I cut in, trying hard to maintain that
concrete barrier I’d built up around my heart.

“I would have stayed,” he says softly, like he knows he’d
regret it.

“Of course you would have. It wouldn’t have been right for
you, though.”

He jumps up from the sofa. “What’s fair for you and Danny? I
should have been here.”

I get up and force myself to close the space between us.
“We’re okay.”

“Jesus, how can you say that, Jen? Don’t even try to pretend
this is how you envisioned your life. You quit school.”

“Only temporarily,” I remind him, jumping up with nervous
energy.

“You moved out of your home to live with your sister.”

“This is a lot better than living with Dad.” Why am I
defending myself? I plunk back down on the sofa and steal another glance at the
stroller. No little movements. Damn. Charlie sits beside me but his arms are
resting on his legs and he looks like he’s thinking of something to say. It’s
making me nervous.

“I’m…we’re going to be okay, Charlie.”

It’s then I realize he’s silently crying. My arms
automatically wrap around his wide back. He doesn’t shake me off. I hear him
mumble, “I’m such a fuck-up. This is all my fault.”

I move and kneel before him, forcing him to look at me. I capture
his face in my hand. I need him to realize I’m not the same person I had been.
Having Danny changed me. Maybe this isn’t how I thought my life would play out,
and maybe coping is okay for now, but I certainly don’t need a knight in
shining armor—or in my case, Charlie in his army fatigues—saving
me. No way. Maybe at one time I wished for that, but this Jennifer grew up.
Someone else counts on me now, and I won’t let him down.

“Charlie, it’s both our faults. We were young. We let our
passion for each other rule our heads, and voilà. Do I regret Danny coming into
my life? Not for one second.”

“How can you say that when he must remind you of me so
much?”

I smile, hoping he’ll understand that’s exactly what makes
Danny so special to me. Looking at Charlie, I know he needs to hear those
words. “Charlie, you don’t get it. When I look at Danny it’s you I see. I
search you out in his eyes. I love running my fingers over his pudgy nose,
hoping it’ll look like yours.”

Charlie groans.

“I could never hate how Danny looks because to me, he looks
like you. Gorgeous.”

The next thing I know, Charlie’s hands grasp my face and his
lips are on mine. I expect for a second for it to be a punishing, almost brutal
kiss, but that’s the thing with Charlie. He defies expectations. Like before,
his lips are soft, gentle and so coaxing that it’s me who ends up demanding
more. I’m not sure how long we declare our love with our lips, but it’s only
when the door opens that I realize in the span of an afternoon my barrier has
crumbled.

I didn’t want to leave, but Jen’s sister, as nice as she is
for taking Jen and Danny in to live with her, made it clear by eight o’clock it
was time for me to head home. She’s right, of course. I was putting it off
because there’s this part of me that feels if I leave, Jen might run. That’s
ridiculous, I know. Where the heck would she go? She’s put on a brave face, but
if she thinks I’m leaving her for good she’s about to discover I’m harder than
a bed bug to get rid of.

“It’s movie night, Charlie, and I’ve got all your favorite
snacks,” says Mom the minute I open the door to our apartment. It hits me then.
I’ve got to tell her.

“Mom, can I speak with you?”

Her face turns gray and she clutches her heart. “What’s up?”

When you grow up in the North End of Halifax you get used to
living with tragedy and shock, so she has every right to get worried, but I
don’t want her getting too worked up. We move to the sofa in the living room
and I can tell by the look on her face she’s thinking the worst.

“You remember Jennifer from the paddling club?”

Mom shakes her head. Shit, that’s right. Jen never came
over. Mom only met Shannon when Eje got the crap beaten out of him. “Was she
the girl you were always mooning over?” she asks, trying hard not to smile.

I nod. “Yeah, guess I was mooning over her. We were sort of
going out…”

“And?”

I gulp, knowing I’m stalling. I’m worried Mom’s going to
freak on me, and that’s never good. “Promise me you won’t freak?”

“Charlie Daniel Johnston, you had best not be in trouble.
Not after all I’ve done to—”

“It’s not like that. I’m a dad.”

My mom doesn’t say anything for a full minute. I rush in
with everything I’ve learned in the last hours being with Jennifer.

“You are telling me this here girl didn’t tell you because
she didn’t want you to say no to the army?”

“Yeah, that’s basically what I can gather.”

My mom gets up from the sofa. “Charlie, this girl loves you
and let me say it right now, I love her. She was trying to protect you. And now
you, my son, are going to do the right thing.”

“And what’s that?” I know, but I want her to say it. I’m
fighting not to grin when Mom gets in my face.

“Boy, you’d best not be messing with me. No son of mine is
going to walk away from his child.”

I grin. “Absolutely not. I think that’s what Jen expects.
Hell no. I want to see my son grow up.”

“Oh my God, I’m a grandmother and I don’t even know his
name.”

“Daniel. And more than that, he was born on your birthday.”

I swear to God, my mom got down on her knees and started thanking
God for Danny. That, more than anything, brought more damn tears to my eyes.

My mother’s eyes turn misty. “She knew that was your dad’s
name, right?”

I nod.

Mom gets up off her knees and takes my face in her hands to
stare at me. “Well, Charlie, you might have your father’s name as your middle
name but you are not like him. I raised you better.”

“Yes you did. Would you like to come with me tomorrow to see
your grandson?”

Mom nods, but big fat tears are running down her cheeks. “I
can’t believe she took it upon herself not to tell you.”

“It hasn’t been easy for her.”

Mom laughs but not in a funny way. “Charlie, you don’t have
to tell me that.”

I ring the door to Jennifer’s apartment. I’ve got a dozen
red roses and a ring in my pocket. The ring belongs to my grandmother who
passed away a decade ago. Mom gave it to me last night in case I thought of
some important words to ask Jennifer. Those were her words, not mine. I tried
to play like I had no idea what she was talking about, but she grinned and walked
away, not falling for my game.

“Oh, come in,” says Jen when she opens the door. I notice
panic flare to life when she realizes I’ve brought my mother along.

“Jen, this is my mom, Sherry.”

“Nice to meet you, Sherry,” says Jen, taking the roses.
“Thanks, Charlie. You shouldn’t have.”

“Oh, yes he should have,” adds my mom.

They shake hands but then my mom pulls Jen in close for a
bear hug. I expect Jen to stiffen but she surprises me by returning the hug.
They’re both grinning when they release each other, and both have tears in
their eyes.
This
I so don’t need. I’m sick of crying.

Quickly, like she knows how I feel about more tears, Mom
comes right out and asks if she can see the baby. The smile lighting up Jen’s
face is better than any firework display.

“He’s such a good baby. He only wakes up usually once in the
night for a feeding and then goes right back to sleep. And he likes to take a
two-hour nap in the afternoon, which gives me time to work on my studies.”

Mom doesn’t say anything. Her mind, like mine, is waiting to
see Danny. Jen moves us to the living room, and there he is. Today he’s in
something Jen calls a bouncy chair, watching the moving planets with a huge
grin on his chubby face.

Mom immediately gushes on about how handsome he is. This we all
agree on. Without asking, Jen unstraps Danny and hands him to my mom. My mom’s
face has this raptured look on it, and I know how she feels. Overwhelmed,
excited and nervous.

Then, like a pro, Mom sits down with Danny in the rocking
chair I didn’t even notice yesterday and settles in to rock him. I’ll be lucky
if I get to hold him today.

Jen offers to make us coffee. I follow her into the kitchen.

“Your mom’s handling this okay?”

“Yeah, she is. Sort of surprised me. Thought for sure she’d
beat the shit out of me.”

Jen turns her head to see if I’m lying. I am. For all Mom’s
hollering, she’s never once laid a hand on me. I don’t tell Jen that’s because
my father thought laying a hand on my mom was cool. All Jen knows is that he
left us a long time ago. For that I’m glad. I don’t need his influence in my
life.

Jen smiles and turns the coffee machine on.

“Where’s your sister?”

“She wanted to give us privacy. Don’t worry, she’ll be back.
She was sort of nervous about leaving me here to face the cavalry on my own.”

“Did she expect us to storm in and take him or something?”
The minute I say it, I know the truth. Jen thought that. I take Jen in my arms.
For a second her body stiffens, but then as I simply hug her, letting her adjust
to my hands on her, she slowly loosens up. “Jen, I’d never do that to you. You
understand, don’t you?”

“Not really,” she says. “This is all good…you knowing and
your mom being okay with it, but what does it mean?”

“It means a lot. I want you in my life, Jen. I want to be in
Danny’s life.”

Her eyes widen, like that’s the last thing she expected. She
attempts to back out of my hold. I tighten my grip. No way
am
I about to let her leave me.

“Charlie, you don’t know what you’re saying. I know this is
a huge shock to your system, but you don’t mean it.”

The ring in my pocket feels like it’s digging in my leg. If
I reach in to retrieve it, Jen will back out of my hold. Looking her in the
eyes, I say what I rehearsed last night. “Look, I know I’m far from your idea
of a perfect guy, but I’ve got potential. I have one more month to finish up
this course. Then I’m going to be stationed here…in Halifax. That placement
should last five years. After that, I’ll probably be stationed somewhere else.
That will give you time to finish up your studies. I have to do one overseas
eight-month stint within those years, but Jen, I guess what I’m saying is, I
want to be with you.”

She’s about to open her mouth to say something. I rush in
with a kiss to silence her. I’m hoping the fact that she kissed me back is a
good sign. Once we’re done, she’s leaning more of her body into mine. I rush in
with the rest of what I need to say. Reaching into my pocket, I dig out the
ring.

I hold it up for her to see. Tears immediately gather in her
eyes. Shit, that wasn’t the reaction I’d been hoping for.

“Charlie, you can’t be serious.”

I get down on one knee. I’m hoping she won’t think it’s a
stupid, lame move. I’ve never been more serious in my life. “Jen, you are my
life. There wasn’t one day while I was away that I wasn’t thinking of you. I
think I fell in love with you the first time I saw you and yes, that might be
lame, but you get me. You’re the only one who totally gets me.”

“Charlie, what you’re asking is a lifelong commitment.”

“Damn straight it is. Will you have me? I promise to never
leave you or cheat on you.”

Jen starts to laugh. “I’m fairly certain that’s not a
standard proposal.”

“It is where I come from. I’m dead serious. I want to be in
your life. I want to be in Danny’s life. Please, will you consider what I’m
asking?”

Her eyes dart to the coffee machine. Our drink is ready. My
heart feels like it’s running a 5-a.m. marathon, the type I hated in boot camp.

“Charlie, I think you should get up off your knee and get
real. You’re just feeling guilty. I understand.”

Okay, drastic measures are called for. I get up from the
floor and slip the ring on her finger. She’s speechless but holds out her hand
to admire the diamond. “It was my grandmother’s.”

“Oh my God, Charlie. You can’t be serious. It’s beautiful. I
should take it off.”

“No. I want you to keep it on your finger so you can think
about what I’m asking. I’m not going to rush you, Jen. This has to be your
choice. But you know how stubborn I can be.” I smile then swoop in for another
kiss. This time I take my time and wait until she once again leans into my body
before I lower my hands to her bottom. I haul her in tight, needing her to
understand I’d do anything to keep her with me.

We release each other only when Mom asks if the coffee’s
ready. Jen blushes. I whisper not to worry about it.

She’s about to take off the ring, not wanting Mom to see it,
but I urge her to keep it on. I tell her I told Mom I was going to propose and
her face turns even more flushed. She looks sexy and adorable.

“Charlie, I’m not sure about this.”

“I know, Jen. I know. Like I just said. I’m not rushing you.
I want you to promise me you’ll think about it. And I’m not planning to leave
you and Danny, so you’re going to have to get used to us being around a lot.”

“You say that now, but you’re young and you could change
your mind.”

“And you’re young. Christ, we’re both young. But sometimes
things are meant to be. You were meant to be with me. I don’t think of Danny as
a mistake. I think of him as our miracle.”

Her eyes once again get misty. I know mine are and I’m
hoping she won’t hold that against me. This time Jen is the one to initiate the
hug. “Thank you, Charlie.”