Ethan (Alluring Indulgence) (13 page)

His
entire body heated rapidly as he remembered that kiss. It was amazing. Even
better than last night or the first kiss they shared on Christmas Day, and for
the longest time, Beau wasn’t sure anything would ever compare to that.

“Can
you grab a couple of plates out of the cabinet?”

Beau
headed over to the cabinet that Ethan nodded toward and grabbed two plates
before returning to his side.

“One
or two?” Ethan asked, sliding slices of bread out of the plastic wrapper.

“Three,”
Beau said with a smile. He didn’t eat often, but when he did, he ate a lot. At
six-foot-six, two hundred forty pounds, Beau wasn’t a little guy. Considering
he spent at least eight hours a week in the gym, another forty on his feet at
work, he couldn’t skimp on food if he had a say in the matter.

Ethan
handed him six slices of bread and Beau laid them out on a plate while Ethan
did the same with four pieces. For the next few minutes, they built fat
sandwiches, their arms, shoulders, and hands grazing one another every so
often, sending shards of awareness coursing through him.

“Was
it me? Or was that the most immensely satisfying sandwich making of your life?”
Ethan muttered as he grabbed his plate and headed toward the dining table,
causing Beau to laugh as he followed.

“Not
gonna argue,” Beau agreed with an amused smirk, “immensely satisfying.”

The
two of them sat across from one another while they ate. Beau expected it to be
awkward, but surprisingly enough, as soon as they were seated, Ethan opted for
conversation. Maybe not a topic Beau was happy about, but at least he chose to
fill the silence.

“That
comment Ricky made yesterday,” Ethan began, glancing up at Beau. “Has he ever
said something like that around you before?”

Instead
of answering immediately, Beau admired the view off of the back of the house,
the crystal blue waters of the infinity pool that were probably cold enough to
send his balls into hibernation for a year. The trees that encircled the
backside of the house, even when they were dismal from the cold winter
temperatures, offered the same sort of privacy that Zane’s house had.

Finally,
letting his gaze settle on Ethan once more, Beau opted to answer. “No.”

He
didn’t even want to think about what Ricky had said. More importantly, he didn’t
want to think about the fact that he had left Ricky with his legs still intact.
He should’ve pulverized the bastard right then and there. As he ate, he studied
Ethan momentarily and then followed up with a question of his own. “Has he said
that to you before?”

“
To
me? No. Around me? Yes.” Ethan wasn’t paying attention to much more than the
sandwich that was left on his plate. “I’ve heard it numerous times. Mostly when
we’re at Moonshiners. The guy doesn’t possess enough balls to say it to my
face.”

Beau’s
hand instinctively clenched into a fist. He had to put his sandwich down, or he
risked squeezing it into a mushy mess. “He’s a bastard,” Beau retorted.

“There’re
a lot of those in this town,” Ethan confirmed. “You’ll do yourself a favor if
you learn to ignore them. Or better yet, just keep your personal business to
yourself.”

Beau
wasn’t sure he could do that. For one, he didn’t want to hide who he was. He
was at a point in his life when he knew what he wanted. And two, he knew there
would be those who would never accept him, but Beau had spent his life around
people who
did
accept him – why would he want to hide from them now?

“Is
that why you’re hiding?” he asked, the words blowing out of his mouth like a
volcanic eruption that he was unable to stop.

The
glare he received from Ethan told him he should’ve kept his mouth shut. Only
now the words were out, and he really wanted to know.

“I’m
not hiding,” Ethan said, although he didn’t sound convincing.

“No?”

“No.
It’s just nobody’s fucking business.”

Beau
was tempted to argue, but he knew it was pointless. Not to mention, he wasn’t
interested in pissing Ethan off. However, it did seem like that was fairly easy
to do. Getting into a pissing match with the man he wanted to spend more time
with wasn’t going to benefit either of them, so Beau simply nodded his head,
letting the subject drop.

“So,
Dillinger’s let you go because they’re slow?” Ethan asked when the silence
consumed them long minutes later.

At
least the subject had changed, and Ethan didn’t sound like he was ready to
strangle him.

“That’s
what Ralph says. Now I’m starting to wonder.”

Beau
remembered Ricky’s statement from yesterday:

Told
you he was a queer, Ralph.

At
the time, Beau got the impression Ricky had been talking about
him
, not
Ethan.

“Wonder
about what?” Ethan looked up. “It’s not like they know you’re gay.”

Beau
picked his sandwich up, then put it back down. Part of him agreed with Ethan
because he wasn’t sure how anyone would know. Well, no one other than Zane and
V. And now Ethan. And maybe Blake. “How do you figure that?”

“Never
mind.”

“No.
Answer me.”

Ethan
peered up at him, his eyes wide as though he couldn’t believe Beau had the
nerve to talk to him that way.

Well,
the man would have to learn soon enough… Beau wasn’t the submissive type. And
he hoped he was going to get to prove to Ethan just how
un
-submissive he
really was.

♂♂

Whether
it was because of the conversation or because of his nerves from sitting this
close to Beau, but Ethan’s appetite had diminished rapidly. Pushing his plate
and the last untouched sandwich sitting on it away, he leaned back in his chair
and crossed his arms over his chest.

Beau
had insisted that he follow up on his statement. Part of him wished he hadn’t
said a word. The other part wanted to get this out in the open. And he’d be the
first to admit that Beau’s snide remark had rubbed him the wrong way, putting
him on the defensive.

“Fine.
So, tell me this… how is it that you spent the majority of your life not
knowing you were gay?”

Ok,
so that definitely didn’t come out sounding the way he had hoped. Obviously, by
the frown on Beau’s face, he had taken it exactly how it sounded.

“Sorry,”
Ethan began, but Beau instantly cut him off.

“No,
don’t apologize,” Beau said with a hint of frustration in his voice. “I’m
curious how all of a sudden you think you know me.”

Ethan
stared intently at Beau, unsure what to say next. He’d already inserted his
size fourteen boot right into his mouth, and he didn’t trust himself not to do
it again. And Beau was right. Technically, Ethan didn’t know him. However, he
did know Beau’s history.

“I’ve
heard my fair share of stories about you and my brother.”

The
shocked look on Beau’s face had Ethan wondering whether…

“Oh.
My. Fucking. God,” Ethan exclaimed as he shoved back from the table in a rapid
attempt to get to his feet. Catching himself before he nearly stumbled to the
floor, Ethan began backing up as though Beau was actually coming at him. “You
fucked my brother.”

In
true Beau fashion, he didn’t budge from his chair, but he pushed his plate
away. “I haven’t fucked your brother.”

Ethan
didn’t believe him for one second. “No?”

Beau
twisted sideways in his chair to face Ethan more fully. “No, I have
not
fucked your brother.”

Ethan
watched him, noticing the way his eyes shifted away from his face briefly. Beau
might not be lying, but he was hiding something. For the life of him, Ethan
didn’t know what that could possibly be… then it dawned on him. “But
he
fucked
you
.”

Beau
didn’t say a word and the idea of Beau and Zane together suddenly made Ethan
nauseous. Grabbing his plate off of the table, Ethan hurried out of the room.
Tossing the uneaten sandwich in the trash, he headed to the sink, his stomach
suddenly churning. Turning on the water, he rinsed the plate and stared blankly
into the stainless steel bowl, his hands shaking.

He
was fucking shaking.

Why?

Why
the hell did he care who Beau had been with in the past? It wasn’t like they
had anything serious going here.

“It
didn’t happen the way you think it did,” Beau said softly, his voice sounding
much too close.

Before
Ethan could escape, he found himself pressed between the counter’s edge and
Beau’s hulking body. His breath hitched in his chest, and he gripped the edge
of the counter until his knuckles turned white.

“It
doesn’t matter how it happened,” Ethan stated firmly, his voice hard and cold
but lacking the conviction he knew it should have.

“It
does
matter.” Beau set his plate on the counter and then took Ethan by
the shoulders, turning him to face him.

Ethan
forced his eyes closed, unable to look at Beau. Here he was, contemplating
sleeping with this guy. The same guy who’d been with his very
non-gay
brother. He couldn’t even process how it might’ve happened and the more he
thought about it, the worse he felt.

“Look
at me, E.”

Ethan
shook his head, unable to force his eyes open.

When
Beau’s hands came up to cup his neck, his thumbs brushing along his jaw, he was
tempted to cave. To give in to this man’s touch. God, how long had he wanted
Beau? And now he had that opportunity, but he couldn’t even bring himself to
look at him.

“Open
your eyes,” Beau whispered, his voice sounding tortured.

Ethan
opened his eyes, peering directly into Beau’s beautiful brown gaze.

“I
swear to you,” Beau said, his voice soft and deep, “it isn’t what you think.”
Beau paused, his thumbs continuing to brush along the underside of Ethan’s jaw.
“You’re right. I’ve spent the majority of my life not knowing who I was. I
always managed to pretend I was interested in women. And you might find this
hard to believe, but I’ve never had sex with a woman one-on-one. It’s always
been…”

Ethan
searched Beau’s face, listening as his sentence trailed off. It didn’t take
long before he could fill in the blank. “Only when Zane was there.”

Beau
nodded, but he didn’t move away. Ethan could see the pain etched across his
brow, in the gentle creases at the corners of his eyes. Studying him, Ethan let
himself get lost in the warmth of Beau’s hands on his face.

“You
love him?” Ethan asked, unsure he wanted to know the answer to that question.

“Yes,”
Beau answered, quickly adding, “But not in the way you’re thinking.”

For
some strange reason, Ethan believed him. At least Beau hadn’t tried to deny he
had feelings for Zane. He wouldn’t have believed him if he did because Zane and
Beau had been friends for most of their lives.

“I
was confused, and I was definitely fooling myself. Being with Zane helped me to
realize a vital piece of information about myself.”

Ethan
kept his mouth closed, wanting Beau to open up to him, but not necessarily
wanting to hear the details.

“Zane
fulfilled a physical need. One that seemed important at the time. But he didn’t
satisfy the emotional one.”

“And
you think I will?” Ethan asked defensively.

He
didn’t want Beau to make this more than it was. It was one thing to give in to
the attraction, to finally succumb to the chronic ache that drove him batshit
crazy whenever he thought about Beau. But it was entirely different for Beau to
want more from him.

Ethan
wasn’t capable of giving more.

“I
didn’t say that,” Beau answered smoothly, the briefest of smirks on his lips.
“But I will say that this is different. What I feel for you is… different.”

“If
you’re looking for something more, I –”

“Don’t
say it,” Beau stated steadily, his thumb resting against Ethan’s lips,
effectively shutting him up. “Do me a favor, will you?”

Ethan
found himself nodding.

“Don’t
overthink this just yet. We’ve come this far. Let’s just see where it goes.”

Ethan
wasn’t sure why, but he was giving in to Beau’s request. He was right. There
was no reason to overthink this. No need to make it more complicated than it
was. After all, Ethan had spent years immersing himself in meaningless, casual
sex. Ever since Gavin. So, there was certainly no reason why he couldn’t do the
same with Beau.

And
as much as he wanted to live by that mantra, why was it that Ethan already
realized that it wouldn’t be nearly that easy?

♂♂

Beau
loved the feel of Ethan’s skin against his fingertips. The gentle abrasion from
the stubble along his jaw, the smooth texture of his kissable lips. But most of
all, he loved the way Ethan submitted to his touch.

Despite
that ever niggling feeling that he was about to get in way over his head, Beau
was tired of waiting patiently for Ethan to decide what he wanted. Based on the
look on his face right then, Beau knew Ethan wanted this.

Was
Ethan scared of what that might mean? Sure. As was Beau. Didn’t mean they
couldn’t pursue this. And he was being serious when he told Ethan that they
should just see where it went. He wasn’t in a hurry to make this permanent,
although he knew that could change at any given moment.

There
was one thing Beau knew about himself: he loved easily. But he also knew he
didn’t trust easily. Which was why he was fiercely loyal to the few friends he
had. He considered Ethan a friend, one he cared about, but as the minutes
ticked by, Beau found himself falling deeper and deeper for the man. Strange
how there had been limited physical interaction, yet he’d already developed an
attachment to the man.

And
he knew his feelings could quickly surpass infatuation and fall right into that
love category that he generally steered clear of. Especially once they took
this to the next level. There was a strange fluttering vibration filling Beau’s
gut. Like an army of stallions had taken to running full-out, eager to pummel
him from the inside out.

Tilting
Ethan’s head back slightly, his thumbs pressed against the underside of his
jaw, Beau slid his lips over Ethan’s. That all too familiar burst of sensation
attacked his insides double-time, sending a chill racing down his spine and
coursing through him until it reached its final destination in his cock.

The
kiss was gentle, tentative. More an exploration of lips than anything fast and
frantic. Beau couldn’t help but notice how different it felt to kiss Ethan.
Honestly, Beau hadn’t done much kissing in his lifetime. The interactions he’d
been involved in were usually a lot less intimate. At least where he was
concerned.

Although
Beau had kissed Zane, he could clearly see the difference. That had been a
brutal, take-no-prisoners kind of kiss that began and ended with two males
fighting for dominance. Nothing else had registered at the time. But with
Ethan, it wasn’t a competition to see who would win, who would come out on top.
It was a mating of mouths, a simulation of what was to come. And Beau wanted to
kiss Ethan for hours.

“Have
you ever been with a man before? Aside from Zane?” Ethan murmured against his
mouth, his breath coming in rapid bursts as the kiss lingered, their tongues
stroking, searching.

Beau
hesitated only briefly before he answered Ethan. He wasn’t going to start this
off with a lie. “No.” Touching his lips to Ethan’s again, he tilted his head,
taking the kiss deeper. Pressing the entire length of his body against Ethan’s,
Beau soaked up his heat. Pulling back slightly, Beau looked right into Ethan’s
eyes and said, “And when I was with Zane, V was there.”

Beau
wasn’t sure why he was compelled to tack on that little fact, but he needed
Ethan to know. To understand that being with him was completely different than
what he’d done with Zane.

The
flex of Ethan’s muscles against his chest, the hard ridge of their erections
scraping sensually together behind the denim that separated them had Beau
heading into dangerous territory. As much as he wanted to take this slow, it
had been a long time since he’d been with anyone. Almost an entire year. Ever
since Beau came to the realization that he was attracted to men, he hadn’t been
with anyone. Unless his own hand counted.

And
for all of these months, he had been aching for Ethan.

“Forgive
me if I say I like the idea of you practically being a virgin,” Ethan said
roughly, their tongues still dancing against one another.

Beau
knew he was a far cry from a virgin in the literal sense, but when it came to
this experience that rocked him to the depth of his soul, he felt as though
he’d never had sex before with anyone.

Sliding
his hands up to cup Ethan’s head more soundly, Beau pulled his mouth closer
until their lips were grinding against one another, their tongues dueling as
they attempted to get closer.

Ethan
was the first one to pull away this time and Beau stood before him, staring
into his eyes, his chest heaving with an attempt to suck air into his lungs.

“If
this is moving too fast for you,” Ethan began, “just tell me.”

Fast?
Hell, Beau felt like they were running in quicksand, trying to gain traction to
go somewhere but never quite moving. Beau shook his head, unable to find words.
He was anxious to get closer to Ethan. A lot closer.

Before
he knew what was happening, Ethan had linked their fingers together and was
leading him toward an intricate steel staircase. Trying to pretend he wasn’t
incredibly nervous, or overly excited, Beau followed behind him, relishing the
feel of Ethan’s warm hand against his own.

When
they hit the first landing where the staircase turned and went the opposite
direction, Ethan stopped suddenly, shoving Beau against the glass window, his
immense body pressing into him, their mouths once again fused together. Beau
slid his hand behind Ethan’s head, gently cradling him as he let his fingers
slide through the short, silky hair at his nape.

This
man stole his breath.

When
Ethan’s hands reached for his belt buckle, Beau held Ethan’s head, refusing to
break the connection, unsure whether or not he was going to end up in a puddle
on the floor at any moment. As Ethan devoured his mouth, Beau gave back as good
as he got, trying to ignore the overwhelming feeling of Ethan’s hands as he
lowered his zipper.