Ethan (Alluring Indulgence) (2 page)

Forcing
his attention to the here and now, Ethan stared down his body at Blake who was
now kneeling in front of him, his hands fumbling with Ethan’s belt buckle. He
wondered how much Blake had to drink tonight. Like usual, he was sure the
answer was too much, but he wasn’t Blake’s keeper, so it actually wasn’t any of
his business. And Blake wasn’t going to be driving himself anywhere, so it
wasn’t like Ethan should really care.

Taking
a deep breath, Ethan dropped his head back against the wall, waiting for the
rush he would get from the warmth of Blake’s mouth on his dick, the feel of his
lips around his shaft, the phenomenal suction that would send him off the cliff
and into temporary bliss.

“Mmmm,”
Blake moaned when he got Ethan’s cock free from his jeans. Ethan didn’t look
down, just slid one hand into Blake’s silky, dark hair and held him there. He
wasn’t in a hurry, and he knew the release would come eventually, and it would
be just that. A release. Hollow and temporary.

For
the life of him, Ethan couldn’t get the image of Beau out of his mind. He
imagined it was Beau’s blond hair he had latched onto, Beau’s exquisite mouth
that would lave his cock until he couldn’t breathe from the need to possess
him.

When
Blake’s mouth enveloped his hard length, his hand gripping the base of his
shaft as he teased with his tongue at first, Ethan squeezed his eyes shut.

Fuck,
it felt… He wanted to say it felt good, but for some reason, it just felt…
wrong.

What
would Beau’s mouth feel like?

Gripping
Blake’s hair tightly, Ethan fought the discerning notion. He wasn’t going
there. Not tonight. Not ever.

“Suck
me, Blake,” Ethan instructed, more to remind himself of whom he was with than
anything else. “Fucking suck me harder.”

No
matter how hard he tried to concentrate or how incredible Blake’s mouth felt on
him, Ethan couldn’t erase the mental images of Beau. And wouldn’t he fucking
know it, his release was building, more aggressive in its intensity than anything
Blake had ever pulled out of him. All because he envisioned Beau, the handsome,
muscular blond on his knees, sucking him deep into his mouth.

The
sound of a door opening and shutting had Ethan tilting his head to the side.
Through hooded eyes he saw Beau, his arms crossed over his chest, his back
ramrod straight as he stood some fifty feet away watching him. Like the last
time, Ethan didn’t look away, but he did grasp Blake’s hair tighter.

He
couldn’t...
Fuck
. He couldn’t do this again. It wasn’t like the last
time when Beau had inadvertently stumbled upon them. Something in his chest
hitched, an odd fluttering sensation that took him completely by surprise. His
reaction to Beau wasn’t normal.

He
didn’t want him. Didn’t need him. And maybe if he repeated it enough, it would
be true.

But
no matter how much he fought his reaction to Beau, Ethan didn’t want Beau to
watch this. He didn’t want to hurt Beau, even if he needed to keep him at a
distance. But he needed Beau to understand.

Ethan
needed to remember there was a line drawn in the proverbial sand, one he wasn’t
willing to negotiate with Beau.

Blake’s
enthusiasm increased, the way he sucked Ethan’s dick fervently into his mouth,
drawing him deeper and deeper made his skin tingle.

With
his eyes still locked with Beau’s, Ethan noticed the embanked fury etched on
his attractive face, even from across the room. When his expression turned to
one of disdain, Ethan suddenly felt like a royal fuck up.

All
it would take was one word and he could have Beau. He knew he could. He could
have Beau in a million different ways. But Ethan knew tomorrow would be the
same as today, and although Ethan had committed to living in the illusion he
had built around himself, a man like Beau would never survive like that. He was
the kind of guy who shouldn’t be hidden from the world. He should be treasured,
loved… something Ethan wasn’t capable of.

Not
anymore anyway.

Ethan
forced his gaze from Beau and looked down at Blake for the first time since
Beau walked in the room. To his horror, Blake was also looking over at Beau, a
grin tilting the very corners of his lips while he continued to swallow Ethan’s
cock.

Ethan
growled, an overwhelming possessiveness gripping him by the balls. Latching
onto Blake’s hair rigidly, Ethan ground out the only word that formed in his
mind. “Stop!”

Pulling
away from Blake, Ethan fumbled to shove his dick back into his jeans, his hands
trembling as he did, his lungs burning from the effort to suck in air.

He
did not want Blake even looking at Beau.

Mine.

Fuck.
Shit. Damn.

No,
dammit, he wasn’t. Beau was
not
his.

Never
would be.

Ethan
swallowed hard, then turned to look at Beau. Before he knew what he was doing,
he was storming across the room toward him, his hands balled into fists at his
sides.

“This
doesn’t change a fucking thing,” Ethan bit out through clenched teeth.

Beau
stared back at him, his original derisive expression morphing into what
appeared to be determination. And that only pissed Ethan off more. He didn’t
want Beau reading something into this when it meant nothing.

For
a moment, he thought Beau was going to touch him, to pull him close and, in a
bout of lunacy, Ethan could envision falling into Beau’s arms, grabbing onto
him for all he was worth. That’s when Ethan realized he was losing his mind. He
wanted
Beau to touch him. To pull him up against his hard body, to kiss
him the way he had on Christmas, his touch so tender, so warm that Ethan had
temporarily forgotten how to breathe.

Before
he could reprimand himself for even considering something that was an absolute
impossibility, Beau spoke. “It changes everything, E.
Everything
.”

Sonuvabitch. 

Damn
it all to fucking hell. Ethan knew right then and there that Beau was right.
Things
had
changed. He’d never been possessive of anyone, never wanted
to protect someone else, but seeing Blake goading Beau had awakened something
primitive within him.

Something
he didn’t even know how to handle.

Turning,
Ethan headed toward the door, wanting to forget about Blake
and
Beau,
but before he could reach the security that came from getting as far away from
Beau as possible, he stopped in his tracks.

With
a backward glance, Ethan took a deep breath and then told the biggest lie of
his adult life. “Nothing’s changed, Beau. I don’t want this,” he paused,
swallowed. “And I don’t want you.”

♂♂

February

“Son
of a –” Ethan bit off the last word, the sound of his wrench hitting the
corrugated metal wall satisfying what was left of his curse.

“Whoa,”
Zane’s voice echoed through the large, open space and Ethan turned to face his
younger brother. “Someone piss in your Wheaties this morning?”

“Fuck
off,” Ethan growled, keeping his voice low enough for Zane not to hear him, but
it gave him the satisfaction of saying the words.

“I
heard that,” Zane said with a grin. “You got any coffee in this place?”

“You
don’t drink coffee,” Ethan retorted as he went to pick up the wrench he’d
launched across the room.

“No,
but you could use a cup,” Zane declared. “Or ten.”

Zane
muttered the last two words, but Ethan heard them loud and clear. He clamped
his jaw shut to keep from saying anything. His mood was bad enough, he didn’t
need to let Zane get to him right now. And truth be told, he really could use
some coffee.

And
maybe a personality transplant.

“Where’s
Blake?” Zane asked as Ethan followed him into the small office that Ethan
occupied from time to time. Zane previously used the office as well when he had
worked for Walker Demolition. Since he had moved on to run one of the clubs at
Alluring Indulgence Resort, Ethan was the only one who spent any time in there
and even that was limited.

“He
quit this morning.” One of the main reasons Ethan had resorted to throwing
tools so early in the day.

“What
the fuck, man?”

Ethan
looked up at Zane, pausing in his pursuit of coffee. As he slid the pot out
from the coffee maker, he rolled his eyes. “Sorry, didn’t realize you needed a
translator.”

“Shut
it. Why’d he quit?” Zane asked, dropping into the chair and leaning far enough
back that it looked like he would tip over backward at any second. Maybe he
would and then Ethan could laugh for the first time that day.

 “He’s
moving on,” Ethan answered, trying to be politically correct. He’d rather say “
Because
he’s an asshole”
but that would sound personal
.

“What
are you going to do now?”

Ethan
finished pouring his coffee and carried it over to the desk cluttered with
papers and parts. Lowering himself into his chair, he lifted his ball cap and
scratched his head before dropping it back in place. “I’m gonna work. What the
hell did you think I was going to do?”

“You
know what I mean. You can lay off being a dick. I’m not here to give you a hard
time.”

“Why
the hell
are
you here then?” It wasn’t like any of his brothers stopped
by just to shoot the shit. Granted, Ethan saw them several times a week, but
that was usually at his parents’ house or at Moonshiners.

“Oh,
yeah, that.” Zane smirked. “Zoey’s in labor.”

“What
the hell!” Ethan bolted up out of his chair, knocking over his coffee cup in
the process. “Son of a fucking bitch.”

“Chill,
bro. You need to calm the fuck down, you know that?”

Ethan
was too busy grabbing napkins and throwing them at the spill to respond.
Probably a good thing for Zane too because Ethan wasn’t in the mood to put up
with his cocky ass attitude. It was only eight thirty in the morning and he’d
been working for three hours already. He was tired and yes, he was in a foul
fucking mood.

Once
he mopped up the mess, he grabbed his keys and his wallet from the desk drawer,
took his Stetson off the hat rack on the wall and tossed his ball cap on the
desk. “What the hell are you waiting for? Are they at the hospital?”

“Yup,”
Zane grinned as he got to his feet slowly, obviously testing Ethan’s patience.

“You
coming?” Ethan asked, not bothering to look back at his younger brother. If he
weren’t so damn tired, he’d put Zane in a headlock and take him to the ground
like he’d done more times than he could count when they were kids. They were
pretty well matched in height and weight now, but Ethan was confident he could
do it. The idea put a smile on his face for the first time that day.

“Meet
you there,” Zane hollered over his shoulder as he raced to his Jeep. “Don’t
worry, we’ll be there when your slow ass gets there.”

Ethan
would’ve responded with a “fuck off” but Zane was jumping in his Jeep and
peeling out of the gravel lot before he had the chance.

As
soon as he was behind the wheel, Ethan grabbed his cell phone and hit Zane’s
number. When his brother picked up, he said, “What hospital are they at,
jackass?”

He
was answered by a rumbling chuckle. “St. David’s in Round Rock. Need me to wait
for you?”

“I’ll
see you there,” he snarled and hung up the phone. And yes, Ethan had to give
Zane credit, he did have another smile on his face. Brief, but visible.

Twenty
minutes later, Ethan’s mood had darkened once again. That’s what happened when
he was left with too much time to think.

With
a forced smile on his face, he strolled into the Labor and Delivery waiting
room, searching for a family member. Any family member. He spotted Travis, Gage
and Kylie first. They were sitting on a couch on the far side of the room
against a wall of windows, looking like the loving, attentive threesome that
Ethan knew them to be. Odd how they appeared to be cast with halo’s from the
sun shining in behind them.

You’re
losing it, Walker.

Trying
to ignore the irritating voice in his head, Ethan headed in their direction. As
he made his way over, he caught a glimpse of Zane standing in a corner beside
V, who was sitting in a chair talking to Beau Bennett.

After
a quick head nod as acknowledgement, he made a point not to look their way
again. With the smirk on Zane’s face, Ethan knew his little brother was still
trying to piss him off. That’s what Zane did. It irritated the shit out of him.
Still, every time Ethan thought about the pain in the ass he knew his brother
aimed to be, Ethan was still glad to have Zane back to his old ornery self.
After the attack that Zane endured a year ago, Ethan had promised himself – and
God – that he would be as tolerant as possible as long as Zane would pull
through.

“Hey,”
Ethan greeted Travis quietly as he approached. “How is she?”

“All
is good,” Kylie assured him with a grin. “A nurse came out a few minutes ago.
She said it shouldn’t be long.”

“Where’s
Mom and Dad?” Ethan asked Kylie since she seemed to be the only one in a chatty
mood.

This
time Travis was the one to answer with a swift tilt of his chin toward the
other side of the room. Looking back over his shoulder, Ethan saw his parents
sitting side by side in an alcove, his father’s arm around his mother’s slender
shoulders. They were huddled close together laughing as they flipped through
what appeared to be a photo album. Probably Kaleb’s if he had to guess.

Ethan
scanned the room looking for the twins and Sawyer, but he didn’t see any of
them. As he was turning back to face Travis, he couldn’t resist the urge to
look at Beau. They made eye contact, and there was that damned rush of
adrenaline that lit Ethan up from the inside.

He
tried not to notice how imposing Beau looked, just sitting innocently in a
chair talking to V, muscles relaxed. Or how good he looked with that black
Stetson tipped low on his head, blond hair peeking out from behind his ears,
angular jaw and slightly crooked nose making his face as beautiful as it was
rugged.

Promptly
turning away, he ordered his brain to focus on the reason he was here. It damn
sure wasn’t to ogle Beau. Ever since New Year’s Eve at the resort, he had
managed to successfully put distance between them, seeing Beau only when
absolutely unavoidable. And after all that hard work to stay away, he would
definitely not be going there again.

He
was there for more important things. Like the new baby that Zoey and Kaleb were
about to have.

Holy
fuck, he was going to be an uncle.

Oddly,
the idea of becoming an uncle was the equivalent of being told he’d just been
elected president. He felt bigger all of a sudden, like he could take on the
world, and he had no idea why.

Ethan
knew his brother Kaleb was excited as well, if not a little overprotective. Ok,
so Kaleb was a
lot
overprotective, but still, Ethan somehow felt like he
understood him.

A
baby. The most precious gift they could’ve been given.

There
was no way to rationalize what he was feeling or even why, but Ethan was
anxious to become an uncle. Maybe because he knew he would never have children
of his own, and at twenty-eight, he had actually come to accept that fate.
After all, he had to commit to a relationship before he would commit to a
family. Since that wasn’t about to happen, Ethan would settle for spoiling some
nieces and nephews if his brothers were willing.

It
was just too bad he would never be able to find what some of his brothers
seemed to be finding these days. It wasn’t that it wasn’t possible, Ethan just
didn’t see it happening anytime soon or in the future. As tempting as the idea
had become in recent months, he knew it was just out of his grasp. The reward
not quite worth the risk.

Speaking
of risk…

His
mind drifted to the argument he’d had with Blake earlier that morning. As soon
as Blake showed up at the shop – late, of course – Ethan had been irritated
with him. Specifically, the ill-timed ultimatum that Blake had offered him. As
it would seem, Blake wasn’t in agreement with Ethan’s way of thinking. At all.

Yes,
Ethan was gay. Blake hadn’t been telling him anything he didn’t already know
when he felt the need to rant at Ethan first thing in the morning. He accepted
who he was. Had accepted it since he was young and confused, knowing full well
he was different from his brothers, but not able to control his feelings.

Had
it not been for the small town that he lived in, and the hell he’d already
lived through, Ethan might’ve actually been able to live his life openly as a
proud gay man. But in the rural town of Coyote Ridge, he didn’t have that
luxury. Hell, he had never even come out and told his parents, although he knew
they weren’t oblivious to what was going on around them. Ethan didn’t doubt for
a second that they would support him whole-heartedly if he ever had the desire
to open up to them, but he wasn’t willing to put them through it.

Living
in a small town, his parents were a vital part of the community, and he had
already experienced hell on Earth, the least of which were the hateful, bigoted
comments he endured on nearly a weekly basis. As long as he had a say in the
matter, he was not putting his family through it too.

People
weren’t as open minded as they claimed to be. Fortunately, – or
un
fortunately,
depending on how you looked at it – he’d learned his lesson early on. Knew
exactly the sort of mistakes he wouldn’t make again. And, dumbass that he was,
he had thought Blake understood that. Had actually believed they were on the
same page.

Wrong.

Shit,
they weren’t even in the same book.

“Walker
family?” A sweet, yet authoritative voice called from behind him and there was
a rustle of activity as most of the occupants in the waiting area all shuffled
toward the nurse standing in the doorway with a huge smile on her face.

“The
doctor is still in with baby and mom, but dad asked me to come out and tell you
that everything is fine.”

His
mother’s sob of joy had everyone turning to look at her. Instinct kicked in,
and Ethan immediately moved to her side, putting his arm around her at the same
time his dad did.

“When
can we go in and see them?” Curtis asked gruffly, his booming voice the
equivalent of yelling in a canyon, which meant everyone probably heard him for
miles.

“Just
as soon as we get them all settled. But, I suggest you go down to the nursery
first. In a few minutes, we’ll take the baby in and get him all cleaned up.”

Him.

They
had been told the baby was a boy, but hearing the nurse confirm sent a rush of
excitement through Ethan. He had a nephew.

Another
delighted sob-
slash
-chuckle from his mother and the group laughed,
turning to congratulate each other as though they actually had something to do
with the blessed event. Ethan grinned like a fool. He couldn’t help himself.
Hearing that the baby was doing well, and they wouldn’t have to wait much
longer to finally meet him, he felt something loosen inside of him. Don’t ask
him why he’d been anxious lately, but he had.

He
joined the chaotic excitement, returning the brotherly embrace from Zane, then
Travis and Gage. But when Ethan came face to face with Beau, he froze. Turning,
Ethan hugged Kylie and then moved out of the group as fast as his legs would
carry him.

“What’d
I miss?” Sawyer’s voice thundered from behind them as the group dispersed.