Ethan (Alluring Indulgence) (30 page)

Beau
rested his forehead against the back of Ethan’s head, holding him while Ethan
shook in his arms. He wasn’t crying, but Beau knew the emotion he had bottled
up all these years was trying to escape. He was a pressure cooker, ready to
blow its lid from everything that continued to build.

Ethan’s
hands came up and latched tightly onto Beau’s arms where they rested against
Ethan’s chest. For long minutes they just stood there, the chilly winds
skirting around them, the night sky darkening even more as time moved forward.
Beau was fine with this for now. He knew Ethan was processing everything that
was happening, and he didn’t want to rush him. Despite Ethan’s ability to keep
things locked inside, Beau knew Ethan had begun to open up. It was slow going,
but the forward momentum was there. Beau would just have to ride it out.

“What
do you think people will say when they find out about us?” Ethan asked,
surprising Beau with both the question and the conviction in his voice.

The
topic was one that Beau, quite frankly, never expected to address directly with
Ethan. At least not with Ethan being the one to bring it up. A shimmer of hope
lit up inside of his chest. Did that mean Ethan was willing to give them a
chance? A real shot at a relationship?

“They
will think what they want, E. But I don’t care what
they
think,” Beau
answered honestly. “I only care what
you
think.”

“This
is going to be hard on my family,” Ethan mumbled.

“Why?
It’s not like they don’t know.” Beau asked, trying to hide his defensive
response. He knew Ethan’s family personally. They would rally together and
support Ethan no matter what.

“They
shouldn’t have to deal with the bullshit,” Ethan said softly, surprising Beau
when he didn’t even move.

“Your
family is going to support any decision you make,” Beau said matter-of-factly,
his hopes soaring despite the bleakness of Ethan’s statement. “Don’t
underestimate them, E. You come from a strong, resilient family who cares for
each other.”
I’m actually quite jealous of you
, Beau thought to himself.
He didn’t say the words out loud because there was only so much he could deal
with in one night.

“What
do
your
parents think?” Ethan asked, pulling away and turning to look at
him.

Well,
fuck. It didn’t look like Beau was going to get away from the subject much
longer.

“They
don’t know.”

“You
haven’t told them?”

Surprisingly,
Ethan didn’t sound judgmental, just curious.

Beau
decided to tell him the truth. “I haven’t told my parents a lot of things.”
Glancing out at the darkened tree line behind Ethan’s head, Beau continued,
“Ever since I failed my father, we haven’t had much of a relationship.”

“Failed
him how?”

“Football.
When I shattered my arm, I knew it would never be the same. I knew from the day
I emerged from surgery that I wasn’t going to be able to throw the same way. I
was right.”

“That
wasn’t your fault.”

“But
it was,” Beau said defensively. “I’m the one who got in the truck. I’m the one
who knew how dangerous it was to be out on the roads after the ice storm. I
brought it on myself. And I ruined my football career with one dumbass
decision.”

Therefore,
Beau had officially ruined his relationship with his father.

As
simple and complicated as that.

♂♂

Ethan
stared back at Beau, doing his best to rationalize what he was telling him. Did
Beau really believe that a freak accident that ended his football dreams had
been his fault? Or worse, his father’s apparent reaction was a burden he should
carry on his shoulders?

Ethan
didn’t think so.

“Huh,”
Ethan huffed.

“
Huh
,
what? What does that mean?” Beau asked, taking a step back from Ethan, the
expression on his face one of both concern and confusion.

Going
all in, Ethan said, “Is that what you think when I tell you
my
story?
That I brought it all on myself? I mean, I’m the one who went to the lake.”
Granted, if Ethan thought about it too long, he wouldn’t have the guts to
challenge Beau’s way of thinking, but honestly, Beau’s statement, and his own
comparison to it, had opened his eyes a little more than they were already.

“It’s
not the same thing, and you know it,” Beau said incredulously. “Not by a long
shot.”

“Sounds
like it is to me,” Ethan countered, his voice growing more determined. “I mean,
how is it different? I made the decision to drive to the lake. You made the
decision to hang with your friends…”

Ethan
noticed the moment Beau understood what he was getting at. If he was supposed
to address his internal conflict, it was only fair that Beau address his own.
Not that Beau had pushed him, but ever since Ethan’s conversation with Sawyer,
he’d been thinking.

Really
thinking.

When
he first got home, he had come out onto the back porch as he attempted to
pinpoint when he first decided to take everything and compartmentalize it,
including his own feelings. He had been so closed off for so long, he wasn’t
even sure when or how it had happened.

A
bitter cold gust of wind whipped around them, but Ethan tried not to flinch.
Now that his frustration had subsided, and the shaking had stopped, he was
getting cold. And looking at the man standing just a few feet away, he could
think of a million ways to warm up and every one of them involved Beau.

“How
about we continue this conversation somewhere a little warmer?”

Beau
nodded, still staring at him as though Ethan had lost his mind.

Maybe
he had.

Once
inside, Ethan made his way to the living room. As much as he wanted to detour
to the bedroom, bypass all of the talking and emotional bullshit, he knew this
had to be done. They had to hash some things out.

Tonight
Ethan had been slayed by Sawyer’s revelation. Knowing what Jimmy Reardon was
capable of, yet hiding out all of these years, not owning up to who he was,
Ethan couldn’t help but wonder if Jimmy had inflicted the same damage on
someone else.

Or
hell, it didn’t have to be Jimmy. He thought about Ricky Dillinger. Or what
about Ricky’s brother, Ralph? Was he that way? Did they bully others besides
him? Probably.

Ethan
hated the idea of that.

Dropping
onto the couch, Ethan leaned back into the soft, cushions and propped one leg
up, opening his legs wide.

“Come
here.” Gesturing for Beau to sit in front of him, Ethan held out his arms.

Beau
hesitated only briefly, but then to Ethan’s relief, he moved toward him. Once
he was seated, Ethan shifted until he was comfortable and pulled Beau back
against him, lying nearly flat on the couch. Resting his hands on Beau’s chest,
his forearms over Beau’s shoulders, Ethan leaned forward and kissed the top of
Beau’s head.

“I
remember your dad always being at the football games,” Ethan said a moment
later, wanting to get back to his original subject.

“He
was,” Beau said, his body tensing slightly.

“Relax,”
Ethan insisted, gently massaging his fingertips into the hard planes of Beau’s
chest then slowly moving up to try and ease the tension in his shoulders.

Beau
sucked in a breath and released it with a huff, making Ethan laugh.

“Do
you think he’ll accept the fact that you’re gay?” That had to be the hardest
question of all time.

“No,”
Beau said quickly.

“Do
you plan on telling him?”

“I
don’t plan on hiding it if that’s what you mean,” Beau explained. “The
relationship I have with my parents is strained at best. We don’t talk.”

“They
don’t call to check on you?” Ethan couldn’t imagine a world without his parents
in it. Couldn’t fathom how he could go day after day without hearing from his
mother or his father or both. The same with his brothers.

“No.”

Ethan’s
heart ached for Beau. The man was so tough, so solid, yet he had endured part
of his life with parents who had somehow shut him out along the way.

Ethan
sat there, running his hands up and down Beau’s chest and shoulders, soaking up
his warmth as Beau did the same to Ethan’s calf. This was nice. Perfect,
despite the subject matter.

He
could easily imagine them doing this day in and day out.

An
unusual emotion filled his chest, like his heart was expanding, growing until
it felt as though it would explode right out of his ribcage.

“I
love you.”

Beau’s
comfortable weight shifted slowly, gently, and Ethan was forced to let go of
him as Beau turned himself so that he was kneeling on the couch in front of
Ethan.

“Repeat
that,” Beau demanded.

Ethan
stared into rich, warm brown eyes, the same eyes he’d been dreaming about for
so long. He felt the answering emotion even without Beau saying the words.
Maybe that’s why repeating them seemed so easy. Lifting his hands, he cupped
Beau’s face and smiled. “I love you.”

Beau
growled, that possessive, sexy sound that made Ethan’s insides warm several
degrees.

Before
he knew it, he was flat on his back, Beau directly above him, holding himself
up with one knee and one arm.

“I
love you, too,” Beau answered. “I never thought you’d say the words.”

“I’m
just full of surprises today, aren’t I?” Ethan said snidely.

Beau
pressed his hips down, grinding his steely erection against Ethan’s as he leaned
in and pressed their mouths together. Sweet and tender was how things started,
and truthfully, that’s how Ethan saw this moment going.

Clearly,
that was
not
what Beau had in mind.

♂♂

Beau’s
heart pounded so hard, he thought for a minute he might crack a rib. The
thought made him smile. Ok, so maybe it wasn’t his overexcited heart that had
him smiling. The fact that Ethan had just said “I love you” was likely the
reason.

“Say
it again,” Beau whispered against Ethan’s lips.

“I.
Love. You.”

Beau
plunged his tongue into Ethan’s mouth as though trying to consume the words
right then and there. In all of his life, he’d never known what it felt like to
hear them. Never mind the fact that he’d never said them to anyone until Ethan.

With
as much restraint as he could muster, Beau ripped Ethan’s shirt up his body and
over his head, tossing it somewhere across the room. His lips had a mind of
their own, trailing down his neck, over his collarbone, then over his pecs.
Glancing up briefly, he noticed Ethan was watching him, his blue-gray eyes
practically glowing with the heat that generated between them.

Sliding
over slightly, Beau tongued Ethan’s nipple before taking it between his teeth
and nipping lightly.

“Oh,
God, yes,” Ethan moaned, bucking beneath him and grabbing the back of Beau’s
head. Another nip and then Beau transferred to the other side, applying the
same attention to Ethan’s other nipple before moving lower.

Using
his hands, Beau deftly loosened Ethan’s jeans and pushed them down his hips,
boxers and all. He didn’t hesitate when Ethan’s dick sprang free. Wrapping his
fist around Ethan’s aroused cock, Beau inhaled him into his mouth, sucking hard
at first, his eyes remained locked on Ethan’s face.

Ethan
groaned as he thrust his hips upward, forcing his cock deeper into Beau’s
hungry mouth. He took every inch of him that he could, curling his tongue
around the long, broad shaft. He took his time, relishing the taste, the
texture, every glorious inch of Ethan with his lips and his tongue. Ethan’s wondrous
expression and his sporadic groans spurred him on.

“Don’t
make me come,” Ethan said sternly. “Not yet.”

Beau
understood. He wasn’t ready for Ethan to come yet either. He fully intended to
have Ethan buried deep inside of him when that happened.

“As
much as I want to do this right here, there is not nearly enough room on this
couch,” Ethan said with a rough chuckle, pulling Beau forward when he released
his cock.

Beau
climbed up his body, making sure to hold his weight above him. “What did you
have in mind?”

“I
know this comfortable bed. It happens to be free right now.”

“Mmm,”
Beau groaned against Ethan’s lips as he reached between them and stroked the
velvety soft length of Ethan’s iron hard cock. “I like that idea.”

Ethan
shifted, forcing Beau off of him. Laughing, Beau obliged and stood.

As
though it was a marathon and they were in the final stretch, they made it up
the stairs in record time, neither of them pausing until Beau had Ethan backed
up against the bed. He grinned sheepishly and then offered a gentle shove.
Ethan stumbled down onto his ass, and Beau came right down on top of him.

“Tell
me again.”

“Tell
you what?”

Beau
cocked an eyebrow and smirked.

Ethan
laughed and then grabbed Beau’s face, pulling him forward. “I love you.”

Beau’s
heart smiled, wide and proud. There was a sense of freedom that washed over him
like a monsoon. He would’ve been swept off of his feet had he not been laid out
flat already.

And,
taking a moment to be selfish, Beau said, “Again.” Caressing Ethan’s cheek with
his lips, he continued, “I want to hear you say it a million times.”

Ethan
flipped their positions easily, and he stared down at Beau. That generated
another rumble from Beau’s chest. He loved this side of Ethan. The aggressive,
dominant side who wanted Beau with a passion he couldn’t control. It was hot as
fuck.

He
loved being at Ethan’s mercy, as much as he enjoyed being in control. He wanted
Ethan any way he could get him. There was a desperate yearning that was growing
inside of him. Morphing into something greater than he’d ever experienced and
he needed Ethan right then.

Reaching
for the nightstand, Ethan snagged a condom and the lube while Beau watched.
Just because he wanted to touch him, Beau ran his palms up Ethan’s jean clad
thighs, up, down, up, down. They needed to lose the clothes.

“I
want to feel you,” Beau told him, the guttural rasp reflecting exactly how he
felt on the inside.

“I’m
getting there, baby,” Ethan laughed.

“No,”
Beau said firmly, still gripping Ethan’s thighs. Glancing toward the condom
Ethan held in his hand, Beau added, “Just you.”

Waiting,
watching, Beau noticed the moment his words seemed to register with Ethan.

“No
condom?” Ethan asked.

“No
condom.”

“I’ve
never had sex without a condom, Beau,” Ethan said seriously, but he didn’t
sound like he was arguing, just stating a point.

“Neither
have I.”

“So
this is a first?” Ethan asked, smiling down at him.

“For
both of us.”

The
first of many, Beau thought to himself. Ethan loved him. He wanted to shout it
to the world, making sure everyone heard, everyone knew that Ethan belonged to
him. Not that he would, but he wanted to.

When
Ethan tossed the condom over his shoulder, Beau heard the faint sound of it
landing on the hardwood floor, forgotten. They needed to do the same with their
clothes.

“Naked,”
Beau growled from beneath Ethan, ready to get closer.

“Hmmm,
good idea,” Ethan joked as he climbed off of Beau.

Without
leaving the bed, Beau shed his clothes and watched as Ethan disrobed
completely.

“Now
come here,” Beau motioned Ethan over by crooking his finger. “It’s time you
show me just how much you love me.”