Evanescent (7 page)

Finally, he said again. “Tell me what it’s like for you, Ava.” His velvet voice stirred up the feeling of unsettled and misunderstood emotions within me.

“It’s hard to explain.”

“I don’t see why,” he said plainly, his gaze never leaving mine.

We sat staring at each other, searching each other’s faces.

“Why?” I asked him. He knew I was hiding something.

“Think of why you feel the way you do.” He said it like it was the simplest thing in the universe.

I tried, but all I could think of was every memory that had filled me recently, memories wrought with sadness, horror and loathing – self-loathing; memories I was to blame for.

“Stop that.” He pulled my arm in his grip.

“I…, I.” I wanted to break, as if I was not broken enough. Tears escaped my eyes. I tasted the warm, salty liquid on my lips, as others rolled over my chin and fell to my lap.

“It hurts.” This feeling was like a lonely friend to me.

“I know.” He pulled my head to his and our foreheads touched. “It will be okay. Just remember who you are, okay?”

I wanted to tell him I had no idea who I was, that things were so unclear, that I was being created right before his very eyes. But I knew exactly who I was, and the victim-syndrome was just an escape.

“It’s simple, Ava.” All the while keeping his eyes on the ground below as we entered Poseidon’s atmosphere. I was so stuck in my thoughts, I hardly felt him pull away from me. Maybe I was losing all sense of touch on my skin so completely that not even his warmth was felt anymore. I pressed against the window as I stood, staring out into an ocean of dark beauty. It was hard to admit the truth, but it was harder to let someone else, whom I idolized, know what a basket case I was. The mere fact that I had admitted I had no love for myself, felt severely worse than I thought it ever would. Within me I could not find a reason to be loved. But it was true, and the sooner we moved on from that, the better it would be for everyone. I had a terrible love growing inside of me – and I was willingly walking into its treacherous claws. Would he still want me if he knew I wasn’t what everyone wanted me to be? ‘The White Divine’ – the light was no light at all, but only brought on deceptive darkness and the torturing danger. I didn’t want that for him. He deserved some kind of happiness. I searched for any happy memories, anything, but sorrow followed me, it poisoned my skin and twisted in my gut. It held me on fire for some kind of release from the pain, but for now, I held it tight to my chest like it was the only thing I possessed. I stared at the purple glow of our home planet, letting thoughts swirl around inside my head. Why was it so much easier to be the dark than to walk in the light? I tried once again to still my mind, but thoughts just found their way back. The fury inside would never be dampened until I did… until I did what? I looked down at my dirty feet and blackened legs, at the filthy rag of a dress I was wearing, thought about how mad I actually was at myself for letting all of it happen. I wanted redemption from the unworthiness Enoch had left behind. I wanted revenge for every single damn thing he did to everyone. I would not let him get away with it. My mind twisted, pushed into the shadow of crippled love. Why was is it hard to love with all I had? Was I not meant for it? Was the Council right, and emotions the fall of the human race? Was love but fiction, made by rule breakers? I shook my head, but I was no human at all. Frustrated, I blew my breath out and onto the window, white clouds spreading on the glass before me. As I pulled my finger through the fog created by my breath, a path cleared beneath my touch and in that cleared path, lay the iridescent purple glow of Poseidon; stars so bright, I could almost feel their brilliance. Resting my forehead against the glass, I stared past the space-scape and caught myself staring at my reflection. The disease within my blood was turning me. I wanted retribution so bad, I could taste it. All the signs that shouted not to do it had no effect on me. I would not get it out of my mind, and was hell-bent on misplaced revenge. It sizzled beneath my skin, like an alluring snare.

I sat beside Maya on the steel-framed bed, her head lay in the comfort of my lap. Perhaps if I acted like a human it would remind me of who I was. Staring at the dark, gray, metallic walls, I felt hesitant to leave the craft and disembark back on planet Poseidon. I stroked her glossy, dark hair, over and over again, wishing I could heal her – will her back to life. Her steady, slow pulse vibrated inside of me, causing one solid knot within the pit of my stomach. I wondered if the fact that I could sense and hear vibrations was connected to my loss of physical feeling. Was I robbed of something, or was this just the next step in my evolution? Because finding Troy in that tower was almost like I was born to do it. Maya’s earlier screams played themselves back repeatedly inside my head. What had happened to her, to Arriana on that moon? And why? There was something recognizable in Maya’s face as I looked down, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. I leaned back, resting against the metal wall of the craft, staring at Troy’s shadow as he moved through the archway that separated the cargo area from the cabin. He then made his way past the bed, winked at me, lifted some heavy bags from the floor, threw them onto his shoulder and glided out of the craft. Somehow, I was feeling a loss being back on Poseidon, and I was sure it was just my hesitation in having failed to bring back Arriana. It hadn’t even been that long, but I couldn’t put together a memory of her face. I heard voices coming from the hangar outside; slow monotone vibrations – Troy and someone else. Gently, I lay Maya’s head back on the white pillow, pulled the sheet over her and stood in the doorway of the craft, hovering just above the stairs spilling onto the glossy, gray floor of the hangar. There was a red and silver motorbike parked against the furthest wall. Some crates with the military badge burned into the soft wooden panels, reminding me of something that was just out of reach. Like a forgotten word on the tip of one’s tongue. My eyes rested on Troy, and a warm ache spread through my chest. Could it be that my ability to experience emotions deprived me of my skin’s sensation? Did giving into human sentiments mean I had to sacrifice the feeling of touch? Was I finally becoming totally inhuman? Which one would you give up: your ability to feel the cold, crisp air brush and whisk through your hair; the invigorating dance of raindrops on your skin; the kiss of the sun’s rays piercing dawn? Or, would you give up the ability to feel elation, pleasure, nervousness, love, passion, hurt and anger? Yeah, I wouldn’t like to choose either, so just as well it was not a choice and it – just was, I guess. The minute we landed at the military base, Troy changed inside the hangar from his gravity suit to his usual dark, blue denims and gray sleeveless vest. I watched his muscles move like a wave beneath his golden skin on his shoulders, the tight pull in his arms as he tossed the heavy bag to Greg effortlessly. Just before he turned, I caught a glimpse of his lower back muscles flexing beneath his vest, causing a different kind of flush within me. He turned back to lift another bag and his eyes caught mine watching, wandering over his body. I was sure I was blushing, but that sensation was lost on me, too. His gaze held mine intensely. Instantly, my heart caught fire as our eyes locked, lingered and searched each other; pure hunger. It was something I would never be for him – pure, as I wished I could take back everything I had done. I wanted to be new for him, not the broken girl, emotions all a jumble, mind a manic mess. I wished I could be a little taller, because I had seen his eyes linger on my legs all the time. But if they were a little longer, if my bust was a little larger, my shoulders a bit smaller and my stomach a tad firmer, he wouldn’t be able to keep them from me. He would want me all the time. He would be mine forever. I swallowed, being the first to sever the hypnotic gaze between us. I looked down to my feet and back up again as he bent down for another bag. I could see every single curve, bulge and crevice of his hard-packed abdomen muscles flexing with each lift and throw of the heavy bags. He was truly a magnificent creature, I mused to myself. I was sure a smile had crept over my lips. I still couldn’t believe what I had found in him, in my new life, despite all the situations we were in. Even if I’d always be on the run and always fighting, I was living.

LED lights spilled through the windows into the night, lighting up the edge of the forest. Troy wiped the sweat from his neck and shoulders with a towel. I stared blankly as one bag popped at the seams hitting the ground with a solid poof. It was then I noticed there was no lighting illusion on the moon we had just come from. The sand really was golden. And underneath the brilliant, white glow of the lights, the dazzling colors bounced back. My glare caught each fragment and shade reflecting off each particle, a kaleidoscope dance of amazing colors beaming onto and off the craft’s smooth, mirrored exterior. It was all too unreal, each particle, each dust speck, every fragment of light burst into my vision. I shut my eyes tight at the sudden sting of intense light.

“Are they okay?” I heard Greg ask in an almost whisper.

My eyes opened.

Troy nodded.

“Are
you
okay?” he asked Troy.

“Oh, this?” Troy pointed to his leg. “I’ll be fine.”

“Your body is not healing is it?”

“No, but I can do other things.”

“Like?”

“Not now.” Troy’s tone was clipped.

“Ava.” I heard her voice. I knew that voice….

“Hey.” The redhead beamed as she stuck her head around the corner giving me a shy, goofy smile.

My face emitted a happiness I never knew I had. “Sam.” I remembered her. But the memory of why lagged a moment behind.

She climbed the stairs, but hesitated when she saw me flinch at her proximity.

“Geez, what did they do to you up there?”

I frowned, biting down on my lip.

“Come here and give me a hug, you idiot.”

I nodded into her hair as she wrapped her arms around me. Sam pulled away very quickly, her eyes scrutinizing every inch of me.

“What in Poseidon’s name are you wearing?” She pulled on the tattered, old dress at the hip with a scrunch of her nose.

I shook my head. “I have no idea.” My lips pursed.

“Look, I don’t have long. Robert told me about the trackers and managed to cheat mine for a few moments, apparently cutting them out will alert the Keepers.”

I gave her an incredulous look as a cold chill ran through my bones. “Is it everyone?” I swallowed hard.

“I have no idea.” She glared behind me, giving Maya a once over as she lay silently sleeping in the craft.

“Woah…” she said, her eyes taking in the interior of the craft.

“Magnificent, right?”

She ignored me. “Troy didn’t tell you?” She seemed to revel in those words a bit too much, a slight smile reflecting in her eyes.

I looked back to the boys, still unpacking all the ‘specimens’ brought back from our time on Poseidon’s hidden moon.

“No, not yet.” I exhaled through my nose. What was she on about?

“You need a shower, friend, you look like… ass.”

I looked down at myself. She was right. My eyes reverted to Troy and we exchanged a look. He came swaggering over, removing his gloves and tucking them into the waist of his pants.

Sam crossed her hands over her chest. “Sorry, didn’t know you hadn’t told her.”

Troy shot Sam a blazing glare. “Looks like you beat me to it then.” He snickered.

I sensed tension between the two.

“No time like the present. She needs to know why we can’t be seen together, why she will be spending the rest of her life on Poseidon – in hiding.”

“What?” I shouted, my eyes moving from his to hers.

“Ava. Things have, well, kind of changed…” Troy began, glancing away.

“Changed?” Sam scoffed.

Troy crossed his arms over his chest, biceps flexing, veins straining. “Go ahead, Sam, I can see you want to tell her, because obviously what she has already been through means nothing to you.”

Sam took my hand, blatantly disregarding his cynicism. “Friend, you’re a fugitive.”

Her sense of touch was lost to me. I knew then that Troy was the only one I could feel. So, pretty much everything after that sifted through me, hardly touching sides.

“So dramatic.” Greg sniggered beside Sam.

“Can someone please just give me a straight answer!” I huffed back.

Everyone just looked at me.

“You choose now to hold back?” I glared at Sam.

Looking at Troy, I said, “We were not supposed to make it back, were we? That’s why you were concerned about cutting the tracker out, why we were hiding in that dust cloud.” I said on a gasp. “It is out… isn’t it? The tracker is gone, Enoch…” I almost shrieked, I couldn’t think straight.

I felt a blow to my gut. I stood frozen, letting the words filter through, letting them settle in my already heated mind. My eyes went back to Maya lying in the cargo area of the ship.

“Well, not only do my personal scanners not work on you or your sister over there, but this hangar is rigged to scan everything that comes close to this area. We didn’t pick anything up but the same disturbances as before.” Troy’s face was shadowed and his brows pulled together, lost in thought.

“So, Enoch has done something to scramble the signals, because I have no scars.” I lifted my hand, and narrowed my eyes on the finger that held the tracker I’d previously noticed before in the library that night. I tried to see through my skin, the way my eyes had mysteriously and magically zoomed in on the light fragments just moments ago.

“How would we be able to tell now, if your body seems to be healing?” Troy queried softly.

I wondered about that, too.

“Or,” Greg said, “he reprogrammed them so only he has the frequency, because our scanners are obviously not as advanced as we had first thought.”

“But, Isis should have been. Her scanners come from the best technology there is on this sector of the universe,” Troy interjected.

“That’s it!” Greg’s eyes widened. “Perhaps our technology is so advanced it doesn’t recognize primitive telecommunications at all.” He grinned.

Troy was nodding.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked in a soft whisper.

“I wanted to,” he assured me, while my eyes searched the surface of the concrete floor.

“What now, what are we going to do?” I started to feel the rush of panic gathering inside me.

“It’s not that bad,” Sam tried to reason with me by further adding, “You hated staying in the city anyway. You can stay with Anaya, or something.” She rubbed a hand over my upper arm. It was strange knowing, seeing her touch me, and not be able to feel it.

“Nope, afraid you can’t do that either,” Greg stated.

“The Council has spies in the village,” Troy confirmed, but it was no surprise to him.

“You’re telling me we have no home, nowhere to go?” I started pacing the length of the craft, leaving the others staring at me from the hangar floor as memories shot through my mind. Journals – pages and pages of secrets. Somewhere, there is an answer to who was behind it.

Troy was inside the craft beside me, heat radiating from his body. I could feel him even though he was not touching me.

“You’ll stay with us for now,” Troy said taking my hand in his, stilling my trembling heart. His warmth brought back the pins and needles, which erupted all over my body. As his touch lingered, my skin came flourishing back with sensations. It was confirmed then, only he could instill sensation on my skin. I knew I was going to have fun exploring the whys.

“Even better.” Sam tried, her brilliant grin left me seeing something in her delight. She didn’t like Troy very much, so why was she so eager for me to stay with him, why the sudden change?

“You still don’t get it, Sam!” I moved away from Troy, and took the steps down toward her. “They own us, they have their claws in everything and everyone around us!” I stared up at her. “Including you.”

Sam shook her head. “So?”

“Really, Sam?” I lifted her arm to her face. “You have a tracker embedded under your skin. Why can’t you see the scar? Why have they never told us? Lies mean secrets, secrets mean bad things – always.” If only I followed my own advice. I shook my head. I had been so caught up in my own misery, I never even thought it might have been like this from the beginning.

“Well, maybe it’s a result of the war, because pupils like Sage had gone missing. This is their way of finding us if anything like that should ever happen again. They saved us once.”