Ever Enough (12 page)

Since I walked into this house and found the two of them, I hadn’t shed a tear. I didn’t know why, I just hadn’t. When the hateful words that came from both West and Julia were flung at me, I still couldn’t cry. But hearing that he had never wanted children with me caused them to prick my eyes. Having a family was something that I had wanted since I was a little girl. We all dream of our future husband, house, and kids. Now the bottom had fallen out of my dreams, and I felt like I had nothing left. I squared my shoulders and stood tall. I wouldn’t show that to West, not now and not ever again! He would never have the satisfaction of seeing another emotion from me. I’d never hated anybody before. I’d strongly disliked some people, but in that moment I truly hated West. Any feelings of love I had for him were gone. It really felt that easy for me.

Taking slow and deliberate steps forward I said, “How’s this for a backbone… you and that bitch can have each other. You are a lying piece of shit that used me only to serve whatever purpose you needed. I won’t allow you to walk all over me West. I’m better than all of this and I’m better than you. I suggest you hire a good divorce attorney, because I have no doubt the judge will see right through you.” I’d never spoken to anyone that way before. I thought it would feel good to stick it to him, but I felt nothing.

Julia came walking through the hall in a skimpy little silk baby doll telling West, “Let her go. She’ll never get anything from us. Come back to bed baby.” She had reached for West’s hand.

Oh I was going to kill her! I started to move forward ready to throw the skinny little bitch to the ground, but she squealed and West pulled her behind him. I stopped my forward motion. I couldn’t do this. It wasn’t who I was, and definitely not who I wanted to be. I needed to leave before it got even uglier.

Turning on my heels I grabbed my suitcase, phone, and purse and made my way out the front door. I could vaguely hear West yelling out the door that I’d never get anything from him—along with other hurtful words about me being worthless—but I couldn’t absorb anything.

Getting in my car I only had one choice of where to go. I called the airport and booked a flight back home to Idaho and called Harper. I was sure an army would have struggled to prevent Harper from flying to Chicago and taking West out, but I think she was able to tell from my tone that I couldn’t handle any more drama and so she let me have that. I gave her my flight information and told her that I would be staying at a hotel until I was ready to fly out so I could get some sleep. She said she’d meet me at the airport and then rung off, but only after I’d promised call her before I left Chicago.

I booked myself in to a hotel right next to the airport and settled in to my room. There was no way I was going to sleep. I threw up as soon as I made it in to my room but managed to drag myself out of the bathroom before collapsing on the bed. Staring up at the ceiling, I tried to make sense of what had just happened. I knew I felt sad about the crumbling of my marriage, but deep down I knew I wasn’t as upset as I should have been. Rather than focusing on West and Julia, my mind kept wandering back to Finn and how I’d left him. I also thought about that baby that I was now thankful I’d never conceived with West. No child should ever come from a broken home. I started to second guess my ability as a potential mother. I questioned how I would ever make someone happy. I couldn’t hold on to Weston, and Finn had left me. Maybe I was destined to be alone. The two men that had held my heart had walked away from me and I wasn’t sure that I could recover from that. I rolled over unsure of how to move forward. I needed my best friend and my family. My heart needed to be around people that loved me unconditionally.

As I started to doze off, I remembered the text messages I’d received at the airport earlier. Grabbing my phone I clicked on them. The first was from a number I didn’t recognize.

Emilyn, pls txt me back and let me know you are okay.

What the heck? Who was this? I clicked on the next one.

Em, its Finn. I just want to know you made it home safely. Pls txt me back.

How did Finn get my number? Of course… Harper would’ve given it to him. I wondered what he’d had to do to get it out of her. I knew he’d probably text me again soon if I didn’t respond, but I didn’t want to talk about what happened. I text him back, hopefully holding him off.

I’m fine. Home safely. Thanks for checking. Tired. Goodnight.

The response was immediate, and I wondered if he’d been waiting on my text.

Wait, can we talk?

Finn, I’m really tired. There’s nothing to talk about. Pls let’s forget what happened.

Fine. You can go to sleep. But this conversation isn’t over Em. We have a lot to talk about. Goodnight sweet dreams. X

As if I didn’t have enough to think about. What did ‘x’ mean? Did he do that at the end of all his texts? And what’s more, Finn wanted to discuss what had happened between us tonight. Or was it last night? It was so early in the morning, I didn’t know. Time had blurred together and I really needed to get some rest. Lying in the hotel bed for over an hour, the early morning light seeped through the heavy curtains before exhaustion finally overtook me.

It’d been two weeks since I had left Chicago—and my cheating husband—behind. Harper met me at the airport like she said she would, and she took me home with her. I didn’t want to go to my parents’ house. I knew that they loved me and I would have been more than welcome to live with them again, but nothing screamed failure to me more than getting a divorce and moving back in with Mom and Dad at twenty-eight. My mother begged me to come and stay with her, but after some convincing—and my Dad talking to her—she understood that I just needed some time and Harper was an excellent support for me. Finn continued to text me and even called a few times. I cleared the calls and sent him short texts back to try to keep him at bay. I still wasn’t ready to hash out what had happened between us, nor did I want to tell him about my failed marriage. But I didn’t know how much longer he was going to let me push him away before demanding answers, or going to Harper.

A week after I’d arrived back home, there’d been a knock on the door and Harper had answered. She called me over because there was a cop asking for me. Apparently my soon-to-be-ex-husband couldn’t wait to be rid of me and had gone ahead and filed divorce papers. I was being served. Once the shock wore off I realized I needed to do something to keep myself busy, and I needed to start putting my life back together. I needed a job and eventually a place of my own. Harper insisted that she loved having me around—I enjoyed being there too—but I didn’t want to overstay my welcome. We may have been best friends but we weren’t college kids anymore. We were older now and had our quirks. I’d been helping her out around the house by cleaning and making dinner for when she got home in the evenings.

A few days after being served, I went out and hired a lawyer that my Dad had suggested. Because West filed in Chicago, we had to abide by Illinois state law. Fortunately the lawyer that I hired had passed his bar in that state so I felt confident in his abilities. Harper thought I should take West for everything that I could. Part of me really did want to take him to the cleaners for lying to me for so many years, but I couldn’t help but feel like maybe I’d deserved what happened to me. I lost myself at some point during my marriage. I didn’t think I’d ever fully given myself to West. After Finn, I’d closed my heart, scared to feel any semblance of real love. I’d known that I would never survive another heart break like that and so I guess that made me selfish; for never fully investing in my marriage. Part of me thought that maybe West was right to leave me. I couldn’t forgive him for stringing me along for eight years, or for cheating on me. He should have let me go before he decided that he wanted to be with Julia. I’d despised that woman from the moment I met her. Oh well, they deserved each other. Julia could have him and his money. I didn’t want anything from him, except to erase him from my life. Fortunately West’s connections meant that the divorce would likely be over and done with fairly quickly.

“Hey, so what are your plans for today?” Harper asked me while fixing herself a cup of coffee.

“I have an interview at the coffee shop in town, and then I’m going to the doctor’s office for some testing.”

“What kind of testing?”

I was sitting at the table in the kitchen and let out a long yawn. “The STD kind of testing. After catching West with Julia, I have no way of knowing if he’s been with anyone else.”

Harper put a lid on her coffee cup, and gave me a sympathetic look. “Well when you get an answer, give me a call. I’m worried about you. Oh and good luck on your interview. I still don’t know why you’re getting a job when you don’t need one. Just suck the bastard dry.” I heard her grab her keys and open the front door. “I’ll be home around six.”

“Bye” I yawned again.

I had a few hours before my interview so I decided to bide my time and take a nice long hot bath. I grabbed my favorite romance novel, ran some steamy hot water, piled all my hair on top of my head and slid in the tub. I pressed play on my iPod and ‘Innocence’ by Avril Lavigne floated out of the speakers. As I allowed my body to relax, my mind drifted to Finn. A few days after I had moved in to Harper’s place, she’d told me that Finn had headed back to LA the day after the reunion. She’d wanted to speak to him about why I’d left so abruptly, but when I’d called her that night and told her about catching West in bed with Julia, she decided to let it go. I’d told her everything about what happened leading up to the kiss, and what I saw when I got to Chicago. She cried right along with me while I poured my emotions out. She’d asked me a few times since then if I’d thought about calling Finn to tell him what happened with West. Honestly I had, but what would I say to him? That I hadn’t completely given myself to my husband because I was still hung up on him? That I’d failed in my marriage and no one wanted me? That I couldn’t stop thinking about that kiss and how it woke up something in me that had been long buried? That I missed him?

No I couldn’t call him. Finn had his own life and I couldn’t just call him and expect him to stop what he was doing to come play the white knight to me. I needed to live on my own and figure out what I wanted out of life.

I wasn’t sure how long I lay in the bath but I must have dozed off. My cell phone buzzed from where I’d left it on the toilet seat and woke me. It was a text from Harper. She was letting me know that she would be about an hour late because she had a showing. Getting out of the tub I went to my room to get dressed. I didn’t want to be overly dressy for the interview since it was just the coffee shop but I didn’t want to appear unprofessional. I chose to wear a loose fitting blue top with three-quarter length sleeves that matched the color of my eyes, and a pair of black dress pants with black flats. Better to appear professional than sloppy was always my Mom’s motto.

Grabbing my brush I worked it through my hair and decided to leave it down. I glanced at the clock I saw it was time to go. I took one last look at myself in the mirror. Ready or not, this was as good as I was going to get.

When I arrived at Beans about ten minutes later, I was instructed by the young girl behind the counter to sit and wait for the manager. I took a seat by the window in a plush red chair and looked around. Some things had changed since I’d last been in there, but for the most part it was still the same. The aroma inside was intoxicating; wonderful, deep roasted coffee. The kind that when you smell it you want to take in a deep breath and say ‘ahhh’ as you exhale. The atmosphere had a calming effect. It made you want to sit in one of the many comfortable couches and chairs and bust out a book or a laptop. Every spot to sit was strategically placed as to allow privacy while chatting it up with friends, reading, or simply relaxing while sipping a latte. Outside there were a couple of metal tables with chairs for those that wanted to enjoy their drink while sitting in the warm sun.

The manager came out from the back and approached me with a warm smile and a handshake. “Hi, you must be Emilyn. I’m Rose, the owner here at Beans. Sorry to keep you waiting, I was placing an order for more supplies.”

Rose looked to be about forty, and had small laughter lines around her mouth. She was small in stature with short black hair, and eyes that looked almost black. She wore a long, colorful, bohemian-type skirt and a white puffy shirt that showcased a beautiful large silver pendant necklace. She was just what I’d pictured the owner to look like. After a few short seconds of looking her over and feeling more at ease, I replied “Yes I am and it’s no problem, I haven’t been waiting long.”